10 Lies Women Have Been Told About Sex

10 Lies You’ve Been Told About Sex

Posted by: Simcha Whitehill Filed in: sex
11:30AM, Tuesday May 5th 2009

The studs over at Spike did a hilarious round up of “The Top Ten Lies You’ve Been Told About Sex.” From “Green M&Ms Make You Horny” to “Black Dudes Have Gigantic Dongs,” they’re breaking down myths and making us bust out laughing. Men sure have been told some serious clunkers! But we women have had the wool pulled over our eyes, too. Here are some humdingers ladies have had to listen to ...

Sex is only something you share with someone you love. Try tellin’ that to my last stunt man. Sometimes you need to bring a guy in for the action scenes.
Your hot pocket smells like it’s fish flavored, so you gotta douche! It might not smell like lilies and rainbows but douching makes women more prone to bacterial infections. It’s the douche that will make you stanky.
Guys should be gentle with girls. Yeah, baby? I like it raw!
All the cool kids are doing it! After I did it, I still wasn’t cool.
Good sex lasts all night long. I can have hot sex in 10 minutes. Shoot, even a study proved we need just three to 13 minutes of nookie. Drawing sex out can be like getting stuck watching a four hour movie—you wish they’d cut out some bits and speed things up.
Women don’t need sex as much as men. Oh, I have needs! And if I don’t have a dude to do the job for me, I gotta do it myself. Plus, men and women both have their sexual peaks, they just don’t necessarily even out all the time.
Guys should always make the first move. Just ask The Frisky’s own Amelia and Catherine. In these modern times, we ladies have to be as aggressive as men have ever been. There’s no sitting back and saying, “Come and get it!”
Men think about sex more than women. Maybe everything doesn’t make us pop a girl boner, but I’m as pervy as the construction workers who whistle at me. Now that it’s spring, eye candy makes me want to get it good and plenty.
Guys only like skinny chicks. Every girl is hot, and I mean every. The first girl at my college to get a boyfriend had duck feet and a moustache, and her boyfriend followed her around like a puppy. But you don’t have to take my word for it, ask our Mind Of Man, John Devore.
All men want to have a threesome. Sure, they might fantasize about it, but in reality they may fear you’ll switch teams right before their very eyes. Rather than lose you to another woman, a lot of guys would rather dream a little dream.

comments

robertsmithshairspray
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

Well, that was uh.. self indulgent. A little more than we needed to know about you.

brandyalexander
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

Aw, I didn’t think it was self-indulgent, I thought it was wonderful. Yup, and totally true across the board for this girl, too!

misspixie
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]

I don’t think it’s self indulgent either. If talking about sex and how we feel about it is self indulgent then I am tooootally guilty (and feel no remorse!)

mikeyellenlee
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

@robert the article wasn’t about her…read the headline again.

HitOrMissJudy
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

robertsmithshairspray, Robert Smith would be appalled to know that his grooming product was such an uptight, persnickety jerk. Simcha is dead on.

robertsmithshairspray
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]

Ouch, well, I’ve been put in my place, hitormissjudy(!) Fair enough to the other three of you for your opinions though, that’s just how I found it though. Would Robert Smith be appalled at someone for voicing their opinions, albeit a little brash? Doubtful, doubtful indeed. Is persnickety even a word?

snap
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]

“girl boner”?

is talking like men and and applying male slang to our bodies the way we validate female sexuality?

dangerousdebbie
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 06:05 pm: [report]

i agree with you um no. my sexuality is both valid and awesome without defining it in terms of male anatomy or slang.
and on a side note, who would want their bajengo to smell like lilies or rainbows? i’m happy with my fragrance, thanks.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 07:50 pm: [report]

@um no, and dangerousdebbie: They are one in the same. We both have corpus cavernosum (cave-like body) which fill with blood and become engorged during arousal. You just have a ‘girl boner’, or ‘boner’ or whatever due to the homologous nature of both the clitoris and penis.

mikeyellenlee
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]

It is a girl boner. The penis is an overdeveloped clitoris.

snap
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:02 pm: [report]

LOL cheeese, i think you missed the boat on this. i was not implying that women do not have a similar sexual response. i was talking about the male-centric slang. women certainly experience arousal in the same way that men do, and certainly experience a similar erection, but a “boner” has a very specific meaning in society: an erect penis. hence the author’s distinction between “boner” and “girl boner.” the term is distinctively masculine, not only in the organ it refers to (a penis, not a clitoris), but in its place in androcentric slang.

MissChaotic
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]

Um no, can we call it a bloomer then? After all, our lady parts do resemble some flowers…

anatomization
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 03:00 am: [report]

The penis is not a malformed clitoris. Infact the vagina tents and expands as the blood vessels expand and the clitoris, or atleast the nerve endings of the clitoris go inward causing the g-spot and every other spot. The penis and vagina are homologous, merely reversed from each other in form and function.

Tamara
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]

Three ways are overrated, I like marathon sex and I have the sex drive of well, I just have a high sex drive. I love the whole “Girl Boner”, that’s worth a chuckle. What’s not worth a chuckle is the fact that I was attempting to have a conversation with my brother while reading this.

hereshestands
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 12:24 am: [report]

I have needs too. Definitely.

theattack
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 01:32 am: [report]

@ anatomization:
Biologically, the penis actually IS an overdeveloped clitoris. Not overdeveloped as in malformed. The penis and the clitoris are derived from the same parts originally, just as the inner labia and scrotum are derived from the same parts, and testes and ovaries are also. The penis isn’t a malformed clitoris, and the clitoris isn’t a malformed or underdeveloped penis. They just came from the same part originally during gestation.

I really like this post. Especially the one about smell, and the one about sex drive.
Penises also have interesting smells, though no one ever talks about that. What’s with the double standard? But really I think vagina smells great, and so does penis, as long as they’re both clean.

jojo32
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

This article gave me lady-wood. That’s right.

Perceptible
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]

Whatever it is you feel, just feel good about it. I love marathon sex for one, and for two, I just can’t wrap my brain around sex without love. To me it’s like a swimming pool without any water in it. You can still go in, but it’s just no fun.

hawaiianpeach
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]

Simcha! I am loving the tone of this article!!!!!!!!!