Eight Ways To Get Out Of Paying On A Date
Posted by: Robyn Moreno
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Wednesday June 24th 2009
In these tough economic times, even the rules of who should pay for a date are uncertain. While we pretty much universally agree that dudes should foot the bill for the first excursion out, you can’t always know if your date’s going to agree, especially if he’s lost his job or is watching his budget. And if it’s date number two or more, you really can’t count on a freebie. Blasted!
But ladies, before you resign yourselves to a life of watching back-to-back episodes of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” know that a packed calendar of fun—and free—dates can be had. You just have to be clever. Here are eight ways to get out of paying for a date.
- Suggest a restaurant that doesn’t take American Express or Discover cards, and then wouldn’t you know, you only have your Amex or Discover on you, oops! Catch you next time, love!
- After dinner, excuse yourself to go the bathroom, and let the waiter know your date wants the check. Take your time primping and washing your hands, so by the time you get back all should be taken care of. (This is an oldie-but-goodie that has a pretty high success rate.)
- Make a huge deal when he opens the door for you or pulls out your seat about how chivalry is dead these days and you love a man who knows how to treat a lady. Be sure and emphasize “treat.” Essentially, shame him into paying for it.
- While not necessarily the classiest maneuver, make comments throughout the date about how broke you are. Like, “Wow, it’s so nice to be not be eating popcorn again for dinner.” Or, “Thanks, I made this skirt out of coffee filters. Hey, at least being poor is making me resourceful!” He’ll probably not only pay for your dinner, but he might lend you some Benjamins—score!
- Make a friendly bet that you know you’ll win, like the scene in “The Color of Money” when Paul Newman bets Tom Cruises that he can pick up the girl at the bar (who he already knows, obviously). Try betting the country of origin of your waitress (when you’ve already befriended her on a “bathroom trip”) or wager you know what exact varietals (grapes) are in your wine. You’ll have to show up a bit early to flirt with the sommelier, but not only will you get free dinner, you’ll get some wine knowledge as well!
- While the old “forgot my wallet” is a classic, the mastery of this trick depends on your acting skills. These days a simple fumbling around for your wallet won’t due. No, you have to look in your purse, check all your pockets, put on a good “panic face”, confused as well as thoroughly embarrassed—you might want to slyly pinch your cheeks to produce some color. He’s either going to feel sorry for you: 1) Because he really thinks you forgot/lost your wallet, or 2) Because you’re obviously such a bad actress. Either way you’re good.
- If all else fails and the date is going badly anyway, you could just bail by:
- Being wildly offended by something he says or does like flirting with the waitress or eating meat—murderer!
- Feign a contact lens attack, which starts with rapid blinking, then progresses to eye rubbing, and culminating with cupping the assigned eye in a panic! You’re blind! Gotta go!
- And if the date’s a total dud, when the check comes look him squarely in the eye, smile, and promise to get the next one. Not that there’ll be one.
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DTellez
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:08 am: [report]
Thanks! Now that I know the secrets, I’ll know what to look out for!
msloat
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:13 am: [report]
Likewise, nice to see the secrets reveled!
BayAreaBeauty
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:32 am: [report]
I would feel completely ashamed using any of this advice.
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:32 am: [report]
I don’t agree guys should foot the bill for the first date. It’s really nice when a guy does pay, and I sort of expect him to ask, but I also think the girl should offer to split it. I always do, just because I’d feel awkward about not offering to pay for what I ate or drank.
powplz
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:36 am: [report]
‘get out of paying for a date’? vom-tastic! Can’t wait to see a men’s rag article on the same, to be met with fire I’m sure. There are plenty of ways to have a “fun and free” date without being a classless ho.
kw1223
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
I put it out there right up front that I split the check on the first date. There has only been ONE time when someone actually took me up on that. All of the others insisted on paying and even went so far as to make a huge deal of snatching the bill before I could even see it. :0)
sadie
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
“While not necessarily the classiest maneuver…” Um, none of this is “classy.” There is another word for a situation where men pay money for your attention you know. Would I expect a guy to pick up a check on a date, absolutely not. I always offer to go dutch or even pick up the check myself or take turns buying rounds. If the guy insists otherwise, I make sure I pick up the bill next time. I don’t really like what’s implied by the assumption that dates should be paid for by men.
slip
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]
Absolutely skanky advice. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Slip
Raugiel
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]
All these tactics seem extra scummy.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]
This advice would set the female lib movement back 2 decades.
EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]
I agree, these do seem a bit transparent even if done with an extra cute smile. Anyone who has any experience with the opposite sex or social situations will be able to tell what is going on. scummy…..agreed
MissChaotic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
Um, I think this site is meant to be comical in sorts. Like if you don’t like the advice, you don’t have to take it. Seriously get over it!
But yeah, I think a guy should pay for the date if the guy asked you out. Yea, its polite to offer, but if a guy can’t afford it, he shouldn’t be suggesting it. And if you’re a girl, if you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t plan on going unless you know for sure he’s paying for the date. Common sense and etiquette.
Anyways, the point of the guy paying is to show that he will take care of his woman. Prevalent back in the day, now it’s not as much of an issue because women are working. Some women still go by these rules because that’s how they were brought up.
EastCoastMale
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]
I don’t think a guy paying for a date shows that he will take care of his woman. I know some women that definitely abuse this setup…..
HarlemGirl
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
I had a guy use the old “I forgot my wallet” on me! And I made sure to slander him to everyone that we knew mutually…
powplz
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]
@harlemgirl - it’s only slander when it’s not true.
writergirl
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]
Like KW1223 said, I’ve never come across a guy not willing to pay for the first date, and in fact all the guys I know and have dates insisted upon it.
The article was humorous, but as illustrated above, the humor won’t always hit the mark.
raqueleza
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]
I love these! I also like to do “If you get our dinner, I’ll get the movie/ice cream/whatever post-dinner activity.” It’s nothing slick—he undoubtedly knows what’s up. Dinner’s usually more expensive, but you’re still chipping in for the night.
Raugiel
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]
Is this really meant to be a humor article? If so, try harder. If this many people thought it was serious, then as humor it was boring.
MissChaotic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:07 pm: [report]
@EastCoastMale…that’s why I said it was prevalent back in the day, and not so much now.
Riley
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 07:01 am: [report]
Haha, good advice. You ladies use these tips, and I’ll continue to use the sex/dating tips from Maxim.
We’ll all be single forever, plenty of time for these first-date tactics.
bbpickles
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 07:46 am: [report]
@MissChaotic- When a man pays for dinner, it only shows he wants to have sex with you, not that he will take care of you….
Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
Are you out of your mind? Has sanity taken a vacation?
Those ‘tips’ are dreadful.
There is such a thing as being considerate of another person’s wallet.
CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
Actually, there’s been a few articles on studies about how you should never split a bill, it’s better to take turns treating each other or something similar instead of going Dutch. I’ve always been a big fan of the person who asks for the date pays for it, or, as someone mentioned, divide the date into parts and take turns paying for those parts.
That said, my mother always taught me to carry enough money to cover the bill, just in case. Good advice in every situation.
The sad thing is, there are women who employ these sorts of tactics and give us all a bad name. This article wasn’t quite funny enough to be obviously a joke and that’s not helped by the fact that a lot of women ARE that manipulative. If I was on a date with anyone, male or female, who did any of those I’d write that person off as a gold-digger (even though I don’t have the cash to attract those, lol).
Scary to think some women still think it means he can take care of you, but some do! It’s right up there with thinking that the size of the diamond in your engagement ring symbolizes how well a man will care for you in marriage. Foolish!
Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
Another pet peeve: This gal will never own a shiny pebble.
It’s a plain gold band.
It is ghastly that some women do this to men, but in our general defense, I must say that some clods bring it on themselves.
Gingee
B1ll
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
Yeah Craftlass for your first paragraph.
(S)He who inviteth, payeth.
Though I did think the article was meant to be very toungue-in-cheek.
toyen
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
Yeah, this wasn’t hilarious. Call me old fashioned, but I like a guy who pays, or at least asks/makes a move to, on the first couple of dates. Nothing bothers me more than going to one of those dine & drink movie theaters, and he doesn’t bother even reaching for the check as the movie ends and it’s just sitting there (especially if I sprung for the tickets). It’s telling—if he’s a cheap-ass on those first few dates, he’ll be a cheap-ass the rest of your lives together.
LostInStars
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
I feel like whoever asks for the date should pay. If the woman ends up asking the dude out, she pays, dude pays if he asks too.
bellarose
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]
@EastCoastMale I agree that women take advantage of this. I don’t and never have, but a lot of my guy friends are with girls who do use them in this way and let them pay for everything and the girls don’t even have jobs! I couldn’t live like that, but I also can’t always seem to make realtionships work and sometimes it almost seems like if I were to be less independent and let a guy take care of me maybe it would work out better? From a guys perspective would you rather the girl pay, or just pay yourself?
Symian
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
The guy I’m seeing makes more than five times what I make, and he likes to go to nice places. I try to make sure I save enough money to pay should I be expected to, but he’s well aware of the large difference in our incomes. I would never use one of these tactics on him and luckily he would never make me feel like I had to.
I think the person who asked the other person out should be the one to pay for the meal and entertainmet (which is why I ask people to breakfast or lunch usually), but it’s good to be prepared and offer to pay.
FrenchDude
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 06:23 am: [report]
As a guy, I am offended at the tone of the article, a lot more so than by the assumption that the guy should pick up the tab on the first date. But I am very glad and encouraged to see that many women posters do not agree with it. The issue is not that different when I go to lunch with friends. When I go to lunch with make friends, we usually share or alternate. When I go to lunch with female friends (with no ulterior motive), I usually offer to pay, and we usually alternate. I do not believe I have ever shared the cost of a meal with a female friend, now that I think of it. I have not been on enough dates to know what to do there, but I am trying to find out (just divorced after 25 years…)
Gingee
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]
FrenchDude:
That is how my friends do the lunch bit.
I am NEVER going to be one of those old women who sit at the table and argues:
“You had the chicken salad, and I had a glass of water, so you should pay more.”
*shivers*
As for being divorced after 25 years: Wow.
Gingee
spark
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 07:41 am: [report]
the man ABSOLUTELY must pay on the first date. it’s a requirement for me. if he doesn’t pay, he’s not a gentleman. end of story.
FrenchDude
wrote on June 28 2009 @ 06:39 am: [report]
@um no: with that kind of attitude, you are just ABSOLUTELY not my kind of a lady
BlueVibe
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]
Now, wait a minute—if a guy pulled any of these, we’d all be on here griping about what a loser and a cheapskate he was. This article is embarrassing. I’ll pass on the double standard, if you don’t mind.
I appreciate it when a guy pays the first time, but I prefer to trade off. If I suggest something, I pay. If I can’t even afford to buy somebody dinner, I have bigger issues than being perpetually single and need to get my financial life together.