Dry Sex Should Be Called “Why? Sex”
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
sex
9:50AM, Thursday September 24th 2009
A letter in this week’s Time Out New York’s sex column, Get Naked, reminded me that sometimes it’s the simplest things that can boggle a mind. A woman writes to columnist Jamie Bufalino:
I like dry sex with my husband, but it only happens a few times per month. I assume hormones are at work, but is there anything I can do to sustain this? Dehydration? I just feel so much more when everything is dry and not ruined by wetness.
At first, I thought, Oh, she likes dry humping with her husband ... like they’re a couple of teenagers ... that’s kinda cute, I guess ... But I continued reading and realized, Oh she means actual dry sex, like with a dry vagina. Um, ew! I’ve never heard of this, have you? I mean, as far as fetishes or sexual preferences, or whatever, go, it’s decidedly tame, but, still, a dry vagina? Really? I mean, wouldn’t that feel ... horrible? Bufalino isn’t even a woman and he thinks so — his response to the letter writer after the jump.
Although I had heard of “dry sex” as a growing phenomenon in sub-Saharan Africa (where some women do everything from sticking dry leaves in their coochies to manually drying them out with a cloth), I had no idea the practice was happening right here in NYC. I really don’t want to encourage “dry sex,” because it is really a painful way to have sex for women, so I’m not going to say anymore except that if you’re really into it, talk to your doctor about how you can safely cut down on vaginal wetness. I can assure you, dehydrating your body will not be one of her suggestions.
Whoa, women in sub-Saharan Africa stick dry leaves and pieces of cloth up their coochies? I’m going to go drink lots and lots and lots of water now.
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bumbler
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 08:54 am: [report]
Vaginal tearing ahead.
spatula
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]
weird. that’s like, my LEAST favorite thing. and thankfully, not really a problem I have
Agreed, @bumbler..that could be disastrous!
bethlynn00
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]
Yeah, but I think the reason they perform dry sex in Sub-Saharan Africa is because they believe it will prevent the transmission of any fluids, reducing the risk of HIV transmission, I’m not sure if that’s true, but it’s what I’ve heard. Otherwise I’m not sure what it that would be enjoyable about dry sex, unless she just likes pain? How weird
I Go To 11
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
I like my martinis dry, NOT my ladyparts. Owowowow!
SamL
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:18 am: [report]
Strange. Although I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t a group of people asking the most obscure questions on known sites so they can produce a best seller at some later stage….
Hey, it’s been done before!
spatula
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]
hahahaha me too @I Go To 11~~!
snap
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
OUCH!
Jitterbugs232
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]
That is different but whatever floats your boat I guess
amandabear
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
OW. Ow ow ow. That sounds just… totally unpleasant.
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
Ouch! This is such a bad idea due to a possible infection from vaginal tearing.
lawyrgrl
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]
I remember reading about this in a book about epidemic disease in Africa. It is a practice that purportedly the men enjoy and women use desecant powders and caustic liguids like bleach to dehydrate their vaginas. The reason it was included in the book is that the vaginal tearing that goes along with the practice increases the spread of HIV to women. The book did not discuss why (WHY????) the men liked this or the women did it to please them. If anyone can shed some light on it I would be very interested.
PDOG
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]
Well from a guys point of view, it really hurts in that situation, and could could you out of commission for a couple of days if you continue to do it until you are raw, I always have a Bottle of lube on hand
Linked Text
PDOG
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]
Well from a guys point of view, it really hurts in that situation, and could could you out of commission for a couple of days if you continue to do it until you are raw, I always have a Bottle of lube on hand
Lubrication How Are You?
PDOG
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]
ell from a guys point of view, it really hurts in that situation, and could could you out of commission for a couple of days if you continue to do it until you are raw, I always have a Bottle of lube on hand
Personal Lubrication
Queen Frostine
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]
@ lawyrgrl, did you say BLEACH in the vajayjay? OMFG. 0_0
lawyrgrl
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@Queen Frostine I did indeed. I had to read that set of sentences in the book a few times myself to get my head around it! The author was concentrating on the high HIV rate and mentioned “dry sex” basically as a throw away detail regarding ease of transmission. I wish he had realized what a WTF reaction it would get and put a bit more information in there.
seygra20
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
weird!
*sam*
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
[insert “shock and horror” emoticon here]
HOW could that be pleasurable for either party!?!
@lawyrgrl: I want to cry a little bit just THINKING about what bleach would feel like in my lady bits!—unbelievable burning sensation followed shortly thereafter by dry sex & vaginal tearing. OMFG is right!
writergirl
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
Ok, after reading the article and the responses, especially lawyrgrl’s….all the muscles below my waist have clenched very tightly.
lawyrgrl
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]
@writergirl I don’t feel so relaxed myself thinking about this. Maybe I should look at your peaceful avatar and take a few deep breaths?
Chebs
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]
I did the dry sex once with my bf, simply because the lube was in the bedroom, we weren’t, and both of us thought ‘nuts to waiting another a minute, go time is now’. Soooo much regret afterwards, can’t even begin to describe. I ended up sitting on an icepack wrapped in a towel for about an hour. I always track down the lube for sexy time now.
workerbee
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
I’ve just had to have a nice long talk with my vagina and promise to never do this to her. Ever, ever.
bumbler
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 02:18 pm: [report]
@ Chebs Amen. Once made the mistake of going too long with my husband (which is difficult enough considering the man has size 14 shoes, not something I’m used to) I waddled the next day and my God the burning when I had to pee. Never again.
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 04:27 pm: [report]
But, doesn’t having sex without lubrication increase the risk of HIV transmission? That’s what I thought, considering it’s very true for anal sex…
If so, I can’t believe the columnist actually condoned it.
noodle
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 05:48 pm: [report]
“In parts of Africa, Haiti and Indonesia, the wet, welcoming vagina is a turnoff. Men describe it as tasteless or diseased, and women insert all manner of drying agents to deliver the ‘dry sex’ preferred by their men. ‘All manner’ meaning: shredded newspaper, cotton, rock salt, detergent, bark, dried animal excreta.”
From Mary Roach’s <u>Bonk: the curious coupling of science and sex</u>, an awesome book by an awesome author
majicksand
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]
**Gross out alert**
In my early 20s, I once had marathon sex for so long that I woke up the next day so swollen that I could barely walk. It hurt to breathe. Yes, that swollen… down there. Given my youth and lack of knowledge, I thought I must have contracted some sort of fast acting STD. I was ready to rip my BF’s head off.
After an emergency visit to my gyno, I learned that the problem was ‘sex overdose’. The treatment involved anti-inflammatories, rest, and waiting. In pain.
To make matters worse, my gyno was a crusty old man (great doc, but still), so it was like having my grandpa tell me to ease up on the rough sex. Talk about embarassing!
The moral of this story, ladies, is lube, lube, lube. The alternative can be very unpleasant.
MondimNebel
wrote on September 24 2009 @ 08:32 pm: [report]
Dry is bad, but there is definitely a “too wet.” And if my clit is wet (at all), it hurts to be touched (with fingers - tongue is OK). I have been dry before and I can feel that it’ll hurt later and that it’s a little uncomfortable, it also feels good. But the hurt later isn’t worth it.
ChocoBoo
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 03:05 am: [report]
Let us not forget Chapter 11 verse 5 from the Book of Booty: “And when a couple (boy/girl, girl/girl, boy/boy) prepares for sexytime,wetness shall occur in the form of sticky panties or drooling, and this is GOOD. It is a sign from the Great One that DRY sex is a thing of the DEVIL and shall not be practiced in any house of love.”
Be nice to kitty and kitty will be nice to you
SamL
wrote on September 25 2009 @ 05:56 am: [report]
@ChocoBoo… Way to go!
Optimistic Loser
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 12:43 am: [report]
Am I the only (other) one? I don’t mean that I prefer it “dry”, but too wet feels like nothing. I like a nice in between as yes, dry CAN definitely hurt (though I’ve not experienced the same problems as some of the commentators) but my problem is being unable to find a happy middle ground. If I get into it enough, wet feels good but I easily get too wet and then my mind loses all focus because my nether regions tend to lose a lot of feeling. It’s so slick you can’t keep track of what’s in or out!
However, on the outer regions it feels amazing being sopping wet and getting rubbed and played with - sooo good, that slight burning sensation down my legs, the tingling, intense rush of pleasure…yummy.
condomelite1
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 12:54 pm: [report]
What can be better then a nice, smooth and exciting movement of a lubricated penetration? Unless you just there for a humping-jumping kind of play. I do not understand it….
slestie
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
This article came across after a night of heavy drinking and then some real heavy petting.
I was so dry that I could barely enjoy myself. I tried everything I could think of and finally settled on some eucerin for lack of ANYTHING ELSE.
what a buzzkill.
April84
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
Owwwwwwwwwww…that sounds unpleasant…
I don’t always (or even usually) find it necessary to add commercially prepackaged moisture (drink your water, ladies) but getting really dry on purpose seems to me like it could not end well. I also don’t know what the guys that like it are thinking since that’s got to lead to something like rugburn in a sensitive area for them too.
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
@April84; Lack of hydration is NOT what causes vaginal dryness.
cand86
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:36 pm: [report]
@Optimistic Loser- You definitely aren’t the only one. While ‘bone dry’ is painful, I tend to prefer it on the dry side. Too much natural lubrication just makes it feel too sloppy for me (on the outer regions as well), and I don’t think I produce any more than the average woman . . . I’ll actually wipe up halfway through to get back to my original dryish-ness!
Black Iris
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]
There is a very simple way to have dry sex - do it when you don’t feel like it and don’t allow any foreplay!
Maybe she likes pain.
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
@optimist and cand - 1 of my partners was too wet. in a room with air conditioner running my twig n berries got really cold and lost all feeling after awhile. all things in moderation i guess… although thats been the only time i encountered that ‘problem’...
equnsuocha
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]
I can sometimes over produce so a drier situation than that could be more pleasurable, but I would think fully dry would hurt both parties and unless the man is uncut, severly damage his equipment.
Ick
superstyling
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:58 pm: [report]
whatever rocks someone’s boat. i am amazing at how subjectively judgmental people are on this site, especially of a site that is seemingly is sex-positive! sexual variance of preferences exists and that is normal!
sexual research on desire/arousal actually shows that lubrication is NOT a necessary factor for a women to be turned-on… woman may feel aroused whether she is lubricated or not. lubrication my be different for each woman and and each woman has her own personal preferences, as well as depending on context of the situation and the relationship, etc… etc…