Dr. Manhattan’s Big Blue Penis
Posted by: Susannah Breslin
Filed in:
news
10:30AM, Friday March 6th 2009
If you live under a rock, you might not be aware that “Watchmen” opens this weekend. Based on the comic book series of the same name, the superhero flick is set in the Cold War era of the ‘80s, a Doomsday world in which superheroes are more complex than heroic. Billy Crudup stars as Dr. Jon Osterman, a.k.a. Doctor Manhattan, a computer-generated superhero who glows a digital blue after a radioactive accident. (Check out the trailer here.) So, what’s the big deal? Well, Dr. Manhattan is causing a kerfuffle because he spends part of the movie totally naked. Now, movie critics are left figuring out how to describe the Dr.‘s dangle. A few of the best, after the jump.
“Last and hugest is Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), who is buff, buck naked, and blue, like a porn star left overnight in a meat locker.”
“... Flashing a few yards of giant blue wiener ... [Dr. Manhattan’s] interests had turned to physics and Mars despite his giant blue penis.”
“Not so Dr. Manhattan, who came by his glowing blue full-frontal nakedness through an industrial accident that forced the defence department to remove its ‘237 days without a scientist irradiated’ sign. He doesn’t show much emotion but is clearly waiting for someone to look at him askance: ‘What, you never seen a cerulean penis before?’”
“What’s totally distracting about this is that the giant blue guy walks around naked a lot of the time with his impressive blue penis swinging around in front of him. One or two times is OK for a glimpse, but this is in your face a lot, and certainly will make the straight guys uncomfortable and feeling inadequate.”
“Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k / Big blue cock, big blue c**k? / Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k? / Tra la la la la.”
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Perceptible
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]
ROFL > that last one! Now that tune will be stuck in my head all day. Hopefully I won’t accidentally sing along in front of my kids!
Arty
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
I was thinking perhaps it was viagra gone wrong. The little blue pill becomes the big blue penis.
EastCoastMale
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]
ooo goodness. I was all set to see this movie but now, eh. JK, I am secure enough to overlook a wang in my face and enjoy the movie. I would like to know if there are any guys who would not see it that were going to before knowing this fact.
sklut
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 11:40 am: [report]
I REALLY wanted to see this movie but now… eh I might wait till it comes out on DVD. I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday and the few moments I had to spend looking at Jason Segals wang was enough for one week. But I do love me some Billy Crudup, but I don’t know if it’s enough to look past the glowing blue wonderment. As I drink my lovely blue Mountain Dew… *sigh*
WinkyFace
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]
I loved that you used Kerfuffle. I’ve been using that for years.
And someone get a screencap of this blue penis, stat!
Erin G
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
Am I the only one that read the graphic novel?! I was totally prepared for tons of blue c**k! In fact, that movie had more dick shots than I’ve seen in the past month.
Also, interesting to note: this is one of the only movies with a higher penis-to-tittie shot ratio. I am rather impressed. Usually movies have a whole lot of boob in them, kinda objectifying women. But now we got our fair share of, albeit blue, gratuitous penis.
The reaction from the crowd was hilarious, but I wanted to punch the frat guys in the row behind us.
yayiuski
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]
i read the graphic novel so i expected it lol very funny
“Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k / Big blue cock, big blue c**k? / Who’s afraid of the big blue c**k? / Tra la la la la.” rotflmao
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 12:44 pm: [report]
Yay for Watchmen posts. You don’t have to be a geek or a guy to like this novel!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]
Oh and if you ask why, he is obviously alienated by humanity, so why not be naked?
Erin G
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 02:00 pm: [report]
Oh and movie version penis was WAY BIGGER than comic version penis. That made me happy.
grapedrink
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 06:25 pm: [report]
yeah, the graphic novel’s depiction was more michelangelo-esque and modest. scrap dr. manthattan. call him “big blue.”
they changed the ending. i thought that was a pretty critical in regards to the us and soviet partnership. why not give dr. manhattan a huge one?
besides, could any modern moviegoer that hasn’t read the graphic really respect his powers if he had average to small genitals?
ol’ dan must have had the right moves.
laurie got bustier in the end.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 11:08 pm: [report]
Tandoori Chicken would of been nice, but I can see why they stayed away from the novel ending, people would flip out over 9/11 all over again.
Stuey75
wrote on March 7 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]
WOW, there are people out there that would actually NOT go see a movie because there is penis in it? That’s funny cause guys like porn and there is penis in that.
IT’S A PENIS, for f#cks sake, you have one yourself. I saw WM last night and saw alllll kinds of big ass blue swinging penis and never once thought any thought. I have one myself, not blue or glowing but crap dudes….It is JUST a penis.
You really have to wonder what kind of issues are lurking around with people who are uncomfortable with nudity. I wonder if they change clothes at their house in the dark.
doesitexplode
wrote on March 8 2009 @ 03:32 am: [report]
gah who cares. if they hadn’t have put it in it would have been not only unfaithful to the original, it would have been distracting because it would have been only to keep people from talking about it. he is not human, he does not care. #&@$%’ a, it’s like every single person who has seen this movie is a fourteen year old. OMG PENIS HAHA THAT IS SO FUNNY AND WEIRD PENISES MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE
redheadedrowdy
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 06:13 pm: [report]
My boyfriend made a comment whilst we were watching, and I pointed out that there are *always* boobs in the movies (esp. in his favorite genre, horror), but rarely are there any penises swinging about. He agreed, but we both chuckled at it, ‘cause we’re 25 year olds who act like we’re 12.
Dmun
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]
I like that it was uncircumsized. Way I see it, if you rebuilt your body, atom by atom, giving yourself a perfect physique why WOULDN’T you load up on a big blue cock?
miss dee
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
I think that what a lot of people aren’t getting is that Manhattan’s nudity isn’t sexual. He’s nude because that’s really the most logical state for him to be in most of the time. It’s a natural, nonsexual nudity. I thought it was quite interesting that he was naked and no mention was made of it, it was just normal.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]
@miss dee: He wants to distance himself from all that is human, ie decides to live on mars, forgo clothes etc.
Stuey75
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]
Read the novel. The reason he doesn’t wear clothes is because he can walk on the sun, he can see sub atomic levels and manipulate space and time, he is beyond clothes. Clothes are a restraint and idea of lesser beings with shame.
adenosine
wrote on March 11 2009 @ 08:46 pm: [report]
Too bad they didn’t show Dr. Manhattan’s big, blue dong in the scene where he’s a giant in Vietnam. THAT would be almost too much to swallow!
MarriedWhiteMale
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
It wasn’t that large!
anoldguy
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]
Full disclosure: I haven’t read the graphic novel, and probably won’t, so I can’t speak to how faithful the film is to the book regarding penis size, Michelangelo, etc. I did very much enjoy Susannah Breslin’s musical treatment of the issue, and I also enjoyed the film.
That said, regarding Mr. Crudup’s on-screen genitalia, Susannah, Stuey75 and miss dee seem the most sensible here.
A) It’s not sexual. An ERECT penis would provide plenty of fodder for conversation, but Dr. Manhattan doesn’t display one. As others have noted, he’s not much into the sexual, which is why he has a clone of sorts trying to keep Ms. Akerman happy while his other selves work out some mathematical issues in another room.
B) What clothing do YOU have that would survive a walk on the surface of the sun? The character is beyond clothing. We wear clothes to keep warm and for modesty, neither of which is likely to be a big concern to someone who can rearrange subatomic particles at his whim.
C) I also liked Erin G’s comment. LOTS of films show us women’s breasts (including this one), so it’s kind of refreshing to see a film that provides something approaching equal time in terms of on-screen display.
D) And speaking of display (and leaving aside for the moment the likelihood of an NC-17 or X rating), what would this discussion be like if Ms. Akerman’s labia had been on display a time or two? She’s naked on-screen for about as long as Mr. Crudup’s genitalia are on view. If nothing else, this reinforces the notion that Dr. Manhattan’s penis is little more than a notification that his character is male, with exposed boy parts, as opposed to Ms. Akerman’s character, whose girl parts are (mostly) not visible.
Stuey75
wrote on March 12 2009 @ 06:24 pm: [report]
Bravo anold guy. I mean crap it is just a dern penis. Who caresssss. I was never offended or anything. I have one myself and it never phased me. the only thing I got out of it was my gal commenting the little girls will be scarred for life seeing their 1st penis that was big and glowing blue, lol.
Naneenya
wrote on March 17 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]
So, he’s got a continuous case of blue balls?
Shame.
mavsqueen2010
wrote on March 31 2009 @ 07:54 pm: [report]
yeah i must admit i was surprised by the big blue penis at first. but the more u see it, the more u like it. and wanna bang him
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on March 31 2009 @ 08:06 pm: [report]
@Mavsqueen2010: To quote the immortal Mallrats:
“Brodie: Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry his child?
T.S.:Sure, why not?
Brodie: He’s an alien for Christ sake! His kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom . . . that would kill them.”
Vicarious
wrote on June 4 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]
Just saw this article. A newbie to Frisky.
A little OT, but are there any others who, as little girls seeing the Wizard of Oz for the 2nd or 3rd time, were perverted enough to realize, by logic, that that Wicked Witch had a green pupka and burst into giggles visualizing it?