Don’t Do It: Sex On The First Date

Humble Bee
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]

I completely agree. I ALWAYS tell all my gf’s don’t give up the puani if you actually want to date the guy. It’s like girls are horny as$ animals too! My friend is always whinning about guys not taking her seriously, she literally sees a guy for a week, and the next week the guy won’t answer her calls. It’s cause’ they aleady got what they wanted!!! When a girl sleeps with a guy on the first night, they are sending the message of “i only want to sleep with you” and thats what the guy sees. I have a 3 date rule, go on AT LEAT 3 dates before having sex. I have even spoken to guys who have said its rare to find girls who won’t try to jump on them on the first date. I once went out with this FINE as$ guy, and he told me that he was surprised I hadn’t tried to have sex with him. I was like, why would I dude, i know your hot n’ all.. but i like to talk a lot first. :D kidding. I’m not trying to cast stones either, cause i’m guilty of sleeping with someone and not even knowing them so well, BUT thats the way i wanted it, i only wanted hot sex from him, and thats the message i sent and we both got it.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]

As much as I think it sucks and is sexist in a lot of ways, I agree with you, Amelia. I did this a few years ago, and it wasn’t cause I needed to sleep with the guy that very minute, but we were having fun, it was getting late, and he asked if I wanted to come over. I didn’t realize til later that he wasn’t really serious. He had never moved so fast before and it freaked him out and I was hurt that he didn’t want to see me again, cause in my mind, I was sleeping with him cause I liked him. Ugh.

Anyway, I’m so with you. I don’t have a specific rule but at the moment, I am looking to wait for the right person rather than rush things…even though, um, sometimes it’s very tempting.

Amelia
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]

Exactly. Look, no one denies that it effing sucks when a dude loses interest suddenly. But part of us understanding our natural animal instincts is also learning to manipulate them to our advantage.

theothergyllenhaal
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]

I’m sure I’m not the first person to pitch this theory, but if a guy’s willing to wait for sex, then he’s interested in you as a person. If he’s not, then you’ve just weeded out a creep. Winner either way, no?

In the three truly serious relationships I’ve had, I waited over a month each time before doing the baby dance. The few times I had sex early on, it flamed out within a week or two. Could well have been we weren’t compatible. But eat dessert as a first course and you’re not going to be hungry for dinner, I suppose.

@Rachel Kramer Bussel: Sexist how?

HusbandTribe
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]

It’s not just that the mystery is gone after you sleep with him on the first date - it simply shows him that you are the type who has sex on the first date, which is typically not a good trait if he is shopping for a long-term relationship. I know this is a double standard and I’m sorry, but most men just don’t take women seriously when they have sex on the first date. And from a guy’s perspective, rarely is a couple exclusive immediately after the first date, so he knows that you could sleeping with every guy who asks you out while your are dating.  And few guys want to deal with that. It’s safer to just move on…

Amelia
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]

@theothergyllenhaal I think it’s sexist in a few sense. The first being that there is something not serious or not worthy about a woman who would have sex on the first date. Which is B.S. I also think it’s sexist because women generally don’t lose interest in a guy just because he slept with HER on the first date.

Wonkette!
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

Masculine domination of women sucks, but it’s a fact of life. We don’t have to settle for this sexist behavior or be with men who are like this.  Ugh, a man playing with a woman, teasing her with foreplay, then asking for sex on the first date.  If they have sex, then it’s a “test for a long term relationship and the woman failed, dispicable behavior.  Until the games end, an equal and balanced relationship cannot begin.

Amelia
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

I think perfectly wonderful men lose interest, for whatever reason, in great women if they have sex on the first date. My friend’s husband Edward is a great example. He’s kind, funny, loyal, handsome and totally evolved. But he’s willing to acknowledge that losing interest in someone he sleeps with too soon is almost a given. That doesn’t make him a creep or a bad person, and it doesn’t mean that this is a TEST at all.

This is not as simple as “make stupid sexist man love me by waiting to have sex with him.” You should be able to sniff out a total a-hole in other ways. We’re talking about great guys worthy of your interest in something more.

theothergyllenhaal
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 03:53 pm: [report]

@Amelia: I can’t agree with the sexist accusation. The fact that a guy loses interest in a woman he sleeps with on the first date doesn’t denote sexism - unless, by chance, he also sleeps with men on the first date, but DOES get serious with them. Otherwise, it’s a personal preference, for whatever reason. A moral judgment on a particular man’s part, yes. Sexism, no. Otherwise, your friend Edward fits your definition of sexism.

Also: “I also think it’s sexist because women generally don’t lose interest in a guy just because he slept with HER on the first date.”

At least New York magazine cooks up a few anecdotes when they try to pitch a baseless theory.

jemrocker
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 06:05 pm: [report]

@ rachel kb - i had a similar experience last year with a shy, polite guy i was seeing…he kissed me at the end of our first date, we were having a nice little makeout sess on the street corner, he said, ‘do you HAVE to go home?’ and i paused and thought, ‘you just said that because you think i expect you to say that and if i said yes it would freak you the hell out!’

so i said no. but felt a little disappointed in him. it didn’t really go anywhere (we actually never slept together).

Chelle
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 08:38 pm: [report]

Most of my friends are guys. What I’ve heard a lot of them say is that if a woman gives it up on a first date, then all SHE wants is sex. To them it’s a sign that’s she’s not looking for a relationship. One friend even said that he feels like he’s been used after a one night stand (he’s very sensitive). It goes both ways too. If a guy initiates sex on a first date with me, I assume he’s not interested in developing a relationship.

ladybug75
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]

I met a guy Nov 9th of 2008 at a football game.  He does not live in the same state as me.  We text, talk on the phone and email daily.  Distance has allowed us to really get to know each other without ever having touched each other.  We are seeing each other for the first time since November 9th on January 9th..two entire months. I would not classify this as a first date as we both consider our daily hour and a half phone conversations a date.  In that case, we’ve had close to 60 dates!  Lucky for us in that time span we’ve given ourselves ample time to figure out what we want. With that said, yes, sleeping with someone too soon is more often than not bad news….

crmsnkatt
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that you shouldn’t sleep together on the first date. I’m sorry to say that I’ve done this more than once & it never led to anything serious. My current boyfriend & I went on 7 dates before we slept together, and I think that it was totally worth it. Our relationship is stronger, and we have a lot more respect for each other than we would’ve if we’d slept together that first night.

A friend of mine, who recently got engaged, told me that her (now) fiance once mentioned that she was the ONLY girl who’d ever turned him down for sex the first night they went out, and it’s because of this that they were still together.

I gotta say… maybe there’s something to the “No Sex on the First Date” rule.

Lyz
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]

I think what is at issue here is respect, not sex on the first date. If you have boundaries like “no sex on the first date” you demand respect. You show that you expect more from yourself and your dates and that, in turn, shows your date du jour that you are a person worth reckoning with. I think that the exceptions to this rule are people who (although they broke this rule) still demanded respect. Sex on the first date is symptomatic of someone who doesn’t respect themselves, but it is not always a one-to-one correlation. Meaning: people who have sex on the first date aren’t always self-loathing losers. It’s just like when studies show that people who graduate from college tend to have kids with higher IQs. But graduating from college doesn’t guarantee that your kid will have a higher IQ. It’s a symptom of someone who cares about education. But you can care about education and not graduate from college.

Setting this rule is a symptom of someone who has self-respect. But just because you instate this rule doesn’t mean you have self-respect. Instead of creating arbitrary rules. It’s more important to be confident. Know your limits and and respect yourself.

Humble Bee
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]

@ Lyz.
I completely concurr, its a matter of standards and respecting yourself.

joyy
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]

I agree with the respect thing.  BEFORE we started dating, my now bf had a little vacation fling with a friend of a friend.  When I started dating my bf a month or so after that, the mutual friend of my bf and the hookup contacted me and gave me this big warning that my (now) bf was totally disrespectful in the sack and refused to wear rubbers so I had to bring my own. 

I was totally confused because this was so unlike how he treated me in every way.  I thanked her for looking out for me (I didn’t know him terribly well at the time), and tucked it in the back of my head.  He *never* treated me with disrespect, was more than happy to comply with a “no” from me when I wasn’t ready, and busted out the latex with no prompting from me. 

I talked to him months later about it after the same meddling friend sent ANOTHER gf of mine an even worse warning about another guy, and when I lined up my bf’s story next to the fling’s story, I was appalled.  He said that the girl had been going down on him nonstop for a week so when he was about to take off for a business trip, he went for sex and got it with little effort.  He doesn’t like not being in a relationship, and his recount of the whole thing was that it was a drunken bad decision on both ends and he regretted it.  But her story pinned it all on him and she never took any responsibility for her own actions (like not saying no and not requesting a condom, stupid!). 

The conclusion I drew is that if you command respect for yourself, you will get it.  If you want to act like a ho (that’s fine, to each her own!), just don’t complain and badmouth guys when they treat you like one.

alliecat
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

This is advice I *need* this week! I’m gearing up for my first date with this really intelligent, good looking guy, and after talking with him on the phone and IMing and texting like teenagers, I have high hopes that this first date will lead to many more…but I know me - if I hadn’t read this article, I probably wouldn’t think twice about sleeping with him (hopefully he’s not reading this now, haha…), but I’m gonna do my absolute best to hold off.

Any tips on how to restrain yourself when the guy is a smoking hottie not only to the eyes, but also to the mind so I don’t go screwing this up?

Humble Bee
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]

@Alliecat
Wear your ganny panties, you’ll be sure not to sleep with him. :D
OR don’t shave, you’ll be reminded of how you cannot let him see you.

Good luck on the date! and most of all have fun

Lessy
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 07:10 pm: [report]

“The conclusion I drew is that if you command respect for yourself, you will get it.  If you want to act like a ho (that’s fine, to each her own!), just don’t complain and badmouth guys when they treat you like one.”

Right, so wanting sex means that you’re a ho? I’m sorry, but I’d not want to date a guy that ditched me if I had sex with him anyway. It signals pretty clearly that the other person and I have different views on sex. If sex, in his mind, is equated to some sort of strange, sexist version of respect (a girl who “gives it up” isn’t worth of respect, or whatever b.s.), why would I want to date him again anyway? Sure, I’d sleep with him, but a relationship is entirely out the window at that point.

Wonderful guys don’t ditch girls if they have sex on the first date. Wonderful guys realize that sex can be JUST sex, and that attraction can lead to having sex. A ‘wonderful’ guy wouldn’t judge me based upon the fact that I like sex, and refuse to be bound by ridiculous, socially-accepted views on the “appropriate” time to have it. Frankly, I’d only want to be in a long-term relationship with a guy who felt the same.

Just because I am more than willing to bone on the first date doesn’t mean I’m either a self-loathing loser or a rare exception.

vanya
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]

“A friend of mine, who recently got engaged, told me that her (now) fiance once mentioned that she was the ONLY girl who’d ever turned him down for sex the first night they went out, and it’s because of this that they were still together.”

But what does that say about him? He’s had sex with every girl he’s taken out on a date?

It’s interesting to me how, in both the post and the comments, it’s the women are taking the fallout for being willing to have sex on the first date, when obviously the men are keen on it, too. 

Why is it that no one views the man differently because he’s offering/initiating sex on the first date? 

From my own experience, I’m 2 for 2.  Of the four “real”/ serious relationships I’ve had - the shortest lasted 2 years, and the longest, my marriage, is 9 years and counting - two of them started with immediate sex, and two of them didn’t.  I’ll keep the mystery going and not say here in which category my husband falls.

I have to agree with Lessy about the ridiculousness of “socially accepted” views on the “appropriate” time to
have sex.  Each individual, and each relationship, is different, and I really can’t say that one “rule” or philosophy can apply to everyone. 

Also, society’s attitude regarding “appropriate” time to have sex fluctuates.  My mother’s era, it was socially accepted only after marriage.  My aunt’s era, it was socially acceptalbe to have sex whenever you felt like it, with whomever you desired.  My era, AIDS brought us back around to the expectation that sex would occur within a monogamous,committed relationship only PLUS an HIV negative certificate and a condom requirement (very few people I recall followed all those rules!), and now the conservative religious movement is championing Purity dances, abstinence-only sex ed in schoosl, and True Love Waits pledge campaigns (which aren’t effective, no surprise there) but that brings us back around to “after marriage, only”... in just under 40 years.

ChoJinn
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 01:57 am: [report]

At this point, any guy who disregards a woman because she hooked up with him right away lacks confidence or is just completely aloof.  A woman should want neither.  And really, nobody “knows” anybody until you get them naked and see what he does with himself, so a woman shouldn’t really be all that invested in a guy before she sleeps with him anyway.  So what is to lose? There are four possible outcomes:

1) sex good / guy likes you = great!
2) sex good / guy indifferent = oh well, not bad!
3) sex bad / guy likes you = dodged a bullet!
4) sex bad / guy indifferent = not missing out anyway!

Using this four-pronged approach, women all over the world should, safely, experiment!  25% chance for possible boyfriend material, and 50% chance for at least a good Tuesday night.

hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

Def give the fellas something to lust for…some women think giving it up asap is empowering. Power is calling the shots and being the decider of when to give out the nooky…

vanya
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 10:02 pm: [report]

“some women think giving it up asap is empowering. Power is calling the shots and being the decider of when to give out the nooky… “

Which includes deciding to have sex on the first date, eh?

Dmun
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

Your friend’s husband lied to you: Mystery is not in the vagina, it’s in the mind.

You are perpetuating a negative stereotype, that the value of a woman decreases with an increase in sexual experience/or speediness of willingness to have sex.

I would go far enough to argue that your friend’s husband is sexist.

There is no mystery to sex, other than how the other person likes it. We’ve had it before and we know what it feels like. And this “mystery” is not unwrapped the first time you do it—you’ll do it more, you’ll do it differently and you’ll learn more about how the other person enjoys themselves.

Personally, I have a three date rule—- if you aren’t putting out by the third date, you’re playing games and I’m not interested. I demand all aspects of a relationship, physical and psychological. If you think being coy is going to get you more men, it’s no better than those who think being indiscriminate will.

People who allow other people to make their choices (i.e., choose to do things because of their underdeveloped sense of self—screwing losers or not screwing winners) aren’t worth the time, either way.

jessyd_2002
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]

It all comes down to:

if ya wanna a relationship, dont do it.
if ya dont wanna a relationship, just do it.

its that simple really.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:32 pm: [report]

I strongly disagree jessy, I dont it is that simple at all. You can definitely have a relationship even if you sleep with someone on the first date, I mean be sure to know your self worth and respect yourself and the other person but so what if both of you want each other and know it. Probably not good to make a habit of sleeping with everyone you encounter on a first date, agreed, but too much is made of the whole thing in my opinion. You can care for someone and call them the very next day even after having sex on the first meet, just as a relationship can develop that will not be based only on sex just because you both enjoyed it right away.  Some people have rules about “I dont have sex till date number 4 or 5”, I would like to know, does it really mean you know someone SO much better than sex is now justified? If it is solely a matter of time spent together, what if I meet someone on a ski trip and hang out constantly for 48 hours, is that equivalent to X amount of dates? I examine the question in this context because sex will only ruin a relationship or connection if you let it, if you care for someone and you both want each other go for it and surprice, the phone will still ring.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 03:35 pm: [report]

excuse my spelling on that last post =)

Blue Ring
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 12:44 am: [report]

This “DON’T! rule” is *exactly* the type of crap that reinforces the “commodity” model of sex - women are the gatekeepers! Men are the slavering peasants who wish to gain access to the gate!  And you can’t be a loose gatekeeper! Ooooh it’s to be gotten/perused and thus rewarded/given away. Exchange sex at a particular time (be it post nuptual, post third date, post whatever) for some “respect” and a couple of dates and you’re a “good girl” or a “respectable girl” and the kind of girl they can take home to Mom.  Even if they *ask* for the sex on the first date and SHOCK you…“give it up” well…you must not be a very good gate keeper (and we all know how “insecure” men are supposed to be about previously trod territory) And who’d want to be with a crappy gatekeeper?

It’s incredibly easy to “blame” sex on the first date for an immediate breakup.  But if they don’t call you back or it doesn’t work out there are like…1000 other factors at work there - his douchery for thinking you’re “cheap”, maybe the sex sucked, maybe you were not his sort, maybe he’s an idiot and hasn’t worked out what he wants.  Whatever - the sex might be the scapegoat but it surely is not the ultimate mitigating factor.  “Gee she was fun, we had an awesome time, great overlapping interests, awesome emotional connection and…well #&@$% I can’t date her! We screwed the first time we went on a date!  Guess I’ll go out and try to find another awesome girl who adds a lot of happiness to my life.”  I can’t speak from experience but I’m pretty sure THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED

Most relationships end - and not in death after a long happy marriage.  You should be so lucky that a mediocre one ends on date one!

V for Vixen
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]

I have to disagree with this article’s advice, as I feel that sleeping with someone on the first date a) isn’t a crime and b) helps reveal your true feelings about each other.

I’ve almost always slept with men I liked on the first date, and I’ve found that the ones who didn’t call back were the ones I was better off without, as they were clearly only pursuing me for the sex. The ones who didn’t want to sleep with ME on the first date were also not my speed; they were clearly too prudish to get into a serious relationship with.

As for the ones that kept calling (or the ones that *I* kept calling), it was still a matter of “Is this for me or for the sex?” but you can usually figure it out by the types of “dates” you end up on, no? Quick dinner and a shag = sex. Lingering dinner, drinks, movie, conversation, sex = OMG, this is for real!

I would also like to spread this message of hope for first date #&@$%: I slept with my husband on the first date, and since he is awesome, he didn’t immediately jump to absurd conclusions like “This girl is a slut! I can never call her again!” Instead, we commenced a totally excellent relationship, moved in together shortly thereafter and were married within 6 months. True love accepts no #&@$%, people.

HusbandTribe
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]

Even Paris Hilton claims to know that having sex on the first date is not the best idea if you want to be taken seriously. I say she “claims”, because I don’t know if anyone can take her too seriously..

“I’ve only ever done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss,” Hilton recently told Glamour Magazine. “I think it’s important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag — they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive. If you give it up to a guy he won’t respect you. He’ll want you much more if he can’t have you.”

Not exactly a pearl of wisdom. But, if phrased another way, there is some truth to her words. Now shoot me in the head for saying that.

vanya
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

Play hard to get?  Anyone with a credit card can rent or buy Paris Hilton’s sex tape.

I’m just thinking out loud here:

Blue Ring above makes an interesting point commodity model of sex.  I notice in the comments here, and the similar IM post, the verbiage referring to sex is from a female perspective is: “give it up” or “give it away”. 

In Amelia’s post (last week?) about Dennis Prager’s column on why wives should have sex with their husbands even if they aren’t in the mood, it was noted that sex should be something *shared* and that it isn’t something women “give” and men “get” or “take”.  We say women shouldn’t have sex when they’re not in the mood.  But now we also say women shouldn’t have sex when they are in the mood?  So, when do women get to have sex?

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 01:19 pm: [report]

Vanya,
I agree that sex is not something that is to be “taken” or “given” to men and posessed by women. It is a mutual act and if your not in the mood, dont do it, screw that advice of having sex regardless of how you feel. I cringe and feel sorry for men that use the phrase “put out” or “gives up”, those are truly the ones referring to the situation from a base instinct point of view and not in a good way, in my opinion. Seeing women as something to conquer, trick or plead with in order to have sex really shows the emotional maturity and intellect level on the supposed “man” saying those words. Dont get me wrong, sometimes being an animal is good, a few bites and scratches are oh so hot in my opinion, giving or receiving =)

Blue Ring
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]

HusbandTribe - nobody takes Paris Hilton seriously because, frankly, she makes herself out to be an idiot.  And your bashful “can’t believe I’m agreeing with this skank” nonsense isn’t fooling me.  Couldn’t you find an intelligent, sexy, bon vivant woman to quote, or are all those girls out there having sex and having fun without worrying whether or not they look like fake purses?

Paris could sleep with her dates…NEVER and still not be taken seriously, even if she were STAGGERINGLY intelligent and had an awesome career she might still not be taken seriously if it’s known she likes sex. People don’t date Paris types for their sparkling conversation, intellectual stimulation or any of the sorts of things that normal people presumably date for.  They date them because they’re aesthetically appealing to some and toting one around is a social symbol that says “I am a have, not a have not, respect me.” And people can get away with it because women are MORE THAN WILLING to compare themselves to…Prada bags and be *treated* like a Prada bag.

The difference twixt me and a Prada bag is that I am not a consumer item.  Nobody has to WAIT to buy a Prada bag - real or faux - thus Ms Hilton’s metaphor is weak and…well frankly just shows how damn dumb she makes herself out to be. This is…a commodity model.

Unpleasant men enjoy comparing the process of dating a woman to the elaborate hiring of a hooker - hence the “All women are hoes” maxim.  And please let’s be honest here, unless your dates are…very different from everyone elses you know marginally very little more about a person on a third date than you do on a first.  Do you know anything REAL about them?  Not really, you’re getting a feel for them, that’s the point of dating.  Relationships are risky, sex can be risky, people are scared, they attempt to protect themselves from the potential for pain by assembling a set of rules to play by.  I respect that for individuals, but for chrissakes don’t inflict it on the rest of us as a rule.

In addition to being damaging to women, it also reduces men to sex-on-the-brain idiots with no hearts or souls evident at first - who must be ‘civilized’ or ‘made secure’ by virtuous women (or worse - the all important judges of your worthiness).  Guys have feelings too, a surprising number of them like…want families, kids, a person they can be vulnerable with, stuff “Girls” are supposed to want and get by exchanging sex and maintaining respectability. But it’s not currently socially acceptable to admit a lot of those things at a young age if you’re a guy.  That’s not to say some guy’s aren’t unpleasant #&@$%, but anyone who throws you over on a first date for having sex… isn’t in the position to have a good relationship with you either because there’s little compatibility or because he’s not worked out all his #&@$% yet.

In my experience, guys who genuinely want to wait to sleep with you for whatever reason WILL DO JUST THAT no matter how strong you come on.  If a dude says to me “Hey, you know this is fun and sexy but I’ve never had much luck with relationships that start out with sex, I think I really like you and I’d like to take it slow” That’s honesty, and VERY respectable (and frankly, sexy).  And they’ll treat you accordingly.  Any disingenuous #&@$% that expects you to pass an unspecified test of sexual denial despite all other signs of “ready to screw!” on a first date is a dishonest jerk.

My problem is not with the idea of not having sex on the first date or making a decision for yourself.  It’s the notion that you cannot be taken seriously as someone with “relationship potential” if you decide to have sex on the first date, because you’re “easy” or “not respectable” or whatever.  Where’s the notion of respectability on a MANS part?  It’s not to do with paying for dinner, opening doors or any of that, it’s to do with how well they treat women on an individual basis.  Being a real gentleman, an intelligent date, good hygiene, excellent manners pre and post coital, honesty.  If a guy throws you over because you had consensual first date sex HE isn’t respectable himself because he had a specific idea of what he wanted (IE: to wait) and DID NOT VOCALIZE THAT in any way that gave you half a chance

vanya
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 03:44 pm: [report]

Great post, Blue Ring.

nikki
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]

I think what is at issue here is respect, not sex on the first date. If you have boundaries like “no sex on the first date” you demand respect.If I need sex I will use my dildo cause you really don’t know the person right?

Lessy
wrote on January 11 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]

Why is respect tied to completely arbitrary boundaries with regards to sexual activity?

carolynann
wrote on May 19 2009 @ 06:29 pm: [report]

I agree, let me tell you why.  When a man approaches you he has a plan-period.  More than likely sex is the plan.  Now he has to figure out what he needs to do to get it.  What do you want?  Are you looking for a relationship?  Or a one night stand?  If you are looking for a relationship-you need to wait for sex.  Why?  Giving of your body intimately is a GIFT.  When you start a new job, (most often) you have to wait 90 days for the bennies.  You have to prove yourself worthy of the bennies.  If you get the bennies right off the bat, you don’t have to prove yourself.  The job may become of less value to you if you don’t have to prove yourself.  You want to have sex, have sex and have a ball.  You want a relationship-take your time and let him earn “your bennies”.