Doin’ It With Dr. V: I’m Not A Size Queen
Posted by: Dr. V
Filed in:
sex
11:00AM, Saturday August 22nd 2009
When it comes to orgasms, we all are left wondering what will make the magic happen for us. For ladies, sometimes seeing an impressive instrument is believing. Heck, even I obsessed over “How To Predict The Size Of A Penis.” But does the distance of his dong really matter when it comes to coming?
I’ve found penises are like money. Those who are loaded don’t necessarily know how to spend it. It’s hard to get a trust-fund kid to work for it! And, in my vast experience, I’ve found the men who have got plenty to spare simply rely on their endowment. But any girl can tell you, whether it’s a giant trouser anaconda or a barely visible pants snake in the grass, no man who is lazy in bed will ever get his partner off.
Now, to continue with the cash analogy, a good man who’s born with a disadvantage (in his underpants) will work twice as hard to earn recognition. He doesn’t want to be considered poor. So, ladies, the lesson here is this: If you wanna get more bang for your buck, don’t be a size queen.
I once dated a guy who was convinced he was so big he would only be a bottom because, in the heat of the moment, he was afraid he’d dig right through me. And what? Hit China? As much as we all like to ride ‘em cowgirl, his cocky attitude was lame. I wound up doing all the work. Sure, he was a lot to look at, but give me something else I can feel. If I just wanted a phallus to play with, I would have just bought a dildo and skipped shaving my legs.
On the other hand, I’ve been with a guy who was so small that even getting him naked was a chore. He was the best BF ever, though—so thoughtful, so generous, so sweet. To know him was to love him. He gladly charmed the pants off all my friends, but when it came to his own, they stayed on. The guy was beyond shy. In fact, I never saw it in the light. He was so insecure about his inch worm, even I couldn’t compliment him enough for him to really put it to use. While I always got taken care of in other ways, he was completely put off from sex because he didn’t think he had the right equipment. And it broke my heart. If I wanted to have a blast with his pocket rocket, why couldn’t he?
Clearly, when we first meet a man, we shake his hand, not his penis. What’s underneath the pants is a mystery and if we’re hot for you, we’ll wait to find out. So, if we’re willing to follow you down the path to your zipper, we’re already there and we don’t care. It’s like when I pop my bra open and you don’t mind how padded it is. There’s no complaint because you want me.
The bottom line is, even if you asked women point-blank if we prefer a big banana or a plucky plantain, you’ll find we ladies like as much of a variety as men do. Some bros like curvy pin-up cuties, while others like straight-up model-esque hotties. Gals are the same way with preference! Large doesn’t always mean in charge. Especially if you’re into anal, you can be grateful you’re not packing something that would put you in a predicament.
While women seemingly drool over bulges, it’s just what we have to ogle. Bigger isn’t always better, we know that. Besides, the clit is where it’s at! [Whoa, Dr. Seuss in da house.—Editor] So focus, dudes.
I’ve never met a woman who picked a boyfriend by his penis size. A fling, sure—we’re all a little tacky when we want to be cheap. But by no means is a peen going to make you or break you. Sex is a whole mix of chemistry, natural gifts, and talent. If you build it up, she will come ... over and over again!
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!
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hostgator
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
hot underwear!
dandrean
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
my favorite saying. ‘its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.’
thegr8brownie
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]
Good to hear. I have to assume it’s the same thing as guys and boobs. Bigger is nicer to look at, but everyone has their own tastes, and we know that size does not directly dictate the size of the O.
I wish both guys and girls could get past the whole “do they really care about the size” thing.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
@thegr8brownie: Boobs don’t serve a sexual function though. I see no comparisons.
*sam*
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
@chx8se: they may not serve a sexual function per se, but the confidence issues are surely comparable
moonblossom
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]
1st: I have to disagree….on a fundamental level breasts indicate a woman is physically mature and able to feed offspring. That in turn contributes to her ability to attract a mate…who theoretically is looking for nooky to perpetuate the species. Granted, this is a basic animal theory here and I may have watched too much TLC/Discovery Channel, but I would argue breasts DO have a sexual function. Of course that would be a pre-bedroom sexual function, but a sexual function nonetheless.
2nd: I totally agree with this article. I always think its ridiculous when a guy thinks poking at my kidneys is fun. Use it properly or give it to someone who can
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
I hate big boobs. A’s and B’s for me please.
majicksand
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
Size does matter, which means there is such a thing as too big. There is also too small. Sorry, but it’s the truth. I’m gonna need to feel something.
Ginger
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
@majicksand Amen to being too big. Sexual organs are not one size fits all and a lot of people don’t seem to realize that. What works brilliantly for some people may not work at all for others.
lostrun
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]
When it has come to size, I’ve always used the Goldilocks analogy: She was looking for something not too big or not too small, something just right, and everyone is different. Most guys I know get that analogy.
PinkRanger
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
The guy I lost my virginity to was HUGE. but….that made it quite a difficult *and uncomfortable* feat! I learned pretty much immediately that I prefered my boys to be smaller, and I still feel the same way!
Pinky
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 05:23 pm: [report]
Girth is more important then length. I think many women would rather have a shorter thicker pal then a longer one. Personally I have also found that guys with big ones are the lousiest lovers because they think they just have to penetrate and stroke a few times and you’ll fly to the moon. Smaller guys sometimes know they have to work a little bit harder and are not so arrogant about their big ole friend. Besides the first 4 inches in the vagina is where all the nerve ending are, and the avergae guy is well equipped to please that area. Just saying.
Titi
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 06:12 am: [report]
I hate to say it, but size does matter. Sorry.
You’re right, Dr. V—we don’t pick boyfriends based on penis size. But we might keep or dump them based on whether on not they are able to satisfy us. Indeed, well-endowed men who don’t know how to use it are pitiful, but at least they can be taught how to use what they’ve got. Much better than not having it to begin with, I think.
kw1223
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 06:57 am: [report]
It takes a long time to cross an ocean in a rowboat. I’m just sayin….
sklut
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 08:23 am: [report]
My man is a grower not a shower and the only dick that matters is a hard one. I personally don’t like larger guys because they tend to be lazy and it drives me crazy. It’s like get off your high horse and get to work King Kong!
Pinky
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]
@Titi, so are you saying that if you feel in love with a guy who you considered too small you would dump him for that reason ? And would you be OK if a guy dumped you because he felt your goods were too loose ?
mikec001
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
Size does matter… but I agree if you get lazy or you think just because you have all the good’s, your partner should be so grateful to have access to your body that you can just lay back and be served…....one favorite t-shirt is “I have the pussy, I make the rules” Of course all men can be led around by any woman but the one good man or one good woman that everyone is looking for,or believe’s is still out there, may not have all the right good’s but has the total package but has to get the foot in the door to show it little by little….Foreplay and giving your woman all the attention and satisfaction first is a woman’s dream guy , but the men that are lazy and have no mental connection give the few good guys a bad name….things are few things in real life that are 100% perfect… I love it when I can have my woman cum and is not afraid to tell you what is working and what is not…but that seperates a good lover if you can read her without her having to tell you…..a good tongue and kissing , caressing, exploring and using your mouth to kiss that pussy and clit like nothing else could taste or feel better..then that one in a ten , when you penetrate and you cum at the same time she is getting off , is just plain good,great,sex…. but just my thoughts….thinking with the other head…Mike
onewriter
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]
Interesting topic….I agree. I prefer smaller rather than larger too, as I hate gagging-it ruins the mood. And I’m not into pain, so if it fits, I’m happy. And yes, Mikec001 good sex is about effort. I’m more than willing to give anything and it makes it way easier if the interest is returned. Factors such as tiredness, sadness, stress, all play a roll in how well things go, but I always give what I think he wants. Well, mostly.
stormygirl
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 04:24 am: [report]
Its not what you’ve got, or what size it is, it’s how you use it.
bogart4017
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:44 pm: [report]
It all differs from woman to woman. I had one girlfriend take a good look and tell me how sorry she felt for me cause i would never get anal sex from looks of the girth and length(she was right for the most part). Others are not put off by size at all as long as you “put in the work” so to speak. In other words i don’t know any woman that likes the jackrabbit method so stop mocking everything you see in porn films.
brandyalexander
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]
I have another perspective. Sex aside, I like guys who are better endowed for a different reason: confidence. My few experience with smaller guys leads me to conclude that they have a little bit of a Napoleon complex and tend to be overly agressive and macho, whereas bigger guys are more mellowed out because they’re not trying to overcompensate. Kind of like how chihuahuas and other little dogs often have huge attitude issues and big dogs like golden retrievers and saint bernards are usually a little more chill.
Pinky
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
@brandyalexander
I personally would not want to be with a man whose ‘confidence’ in himself was wrapped up in the fact he has a large member. I want a man who has confidence in who he is because he is a valuable individual with intellect, character,compassion and focus on the heart rather then the flesh/material things of life.
majicksand
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]
@Pinky: I would absolutely love to agree with you except for one very important detail. We are discussing the ego. Everyone’s ego, male or female, is based, at least in part, on appearance and performance ability. A “geek” may be awkward in social situations, but put him in front of a computer, and he’s Superman. A “jock” is sometimes cocky as hell on the field but painfully self-conscious in the classroom.
We don’t like to admit how conscious we are of our (and everyone else’s) appearance, but it’s reality—and it does affect our interactions with others.
ChoJinn
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:52 pm: [report]
(insert self-indulgent tripe) Not only does the size of everything matter, I find it fascinating how men obsess over this largely immutable characteristic. I suppose everyone needs something to purposelessly fret over; I mean, what is the alternative? Get on with our lives? Who wants to do that?!?
majicksand
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]
@ChoJinn: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but women obsess just as much if not more than men. We all try to be in denial, but it doesn’t change reality. We are getting on with our lives, and we’re taking our ‘largely immutable’ human nature with us.
ChoJinn
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:56 pm: [report]
@Majicksand: you were my last hope. *tear
workerbee
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]
@Cheese: your comments always make me laugh, but after that small boobs comment you’re my fav! Being in SFLa it’s kinda annoying being looked over for the over inflated fake DD’s but they served their biological purpose and I’m fine with my mosquito bites. As to the size mentioned in the article, I’m split. Large can most definitely be a bit painful. I’ll take the Goldilocks approach and enjoy what’s just right for me.
Jenn27549
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 10:36 pm: [report]
@Pinky: flip it, though, and you get guys with an extreme LACK of confidence b/c they know their member is small. That was my last ex. I told him over and over I didn’t like them large (b/c every large one I had encountered was used incorrectly and was usually painful and/or not satisfying). So, it was the truth. But after years and years it got old. Always with the self-depreciating penis comments. If I even looked at another guy for 2 seconds it was b/c I thought he had “a big cock.” And, honestly, it was a little small to get the job done. It wasn’t attractive to look at b/c it was very small in relation to the rest of his body. We broke up for a multitude of reasons, but his small penis and small penis-complex were significant factors.
I was sooooo incredibly frustrated from that experience that the first time I stuck my hands down my now-husband’s pants I was literally PRAYING for something of substance down there, and I wasn’t disappointed. He knows how to use it, so its not a deadly weapon. The confidence he has b/c of it also helps b/c he’s not always assuming I’m looking for more elsewhere. Did I marry him b/c of his business? Nope. Would our relationship have been what it is without it? Not sure. But his being well-endowed is certainly icing on the cake and I’ll take that over smaller any day of the week.
majicksand
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 07:43 am: [report]
@workerbee: Good for you for being happy with what you have. If it makes you feel any better, I sometimes get tired of hearing about mine and how I should ‘share’. I keep telling girls with small breasts that it’s all about proportion. Mine are DDDs. Yes I meant to type 3 Ds there, and yes, they are real. Frankly, I’d be quite happy to ‘deflate’ down to a single D. Bottom line, I’m tall with naturally ample hips, so I’m proportionate. You are most likely petite or have an ‘athletic’ build. Marilyn Monroe versus Kate Moss—both beautiful but completely different. Either way, yours work for you just like mine work for me. If we switched, we’d both look silly.
workerbee
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
@majicksand: wow, I don’t envy you at all! I’m glad you say you’re proportionate because all I think of is the back pain. I am also proportionate so I guess that’s why I’m so fine with them. I’ve told bigger girls they can share with me, but only if they’ve been complaining about how they’re too big. I would totally look silly with your boobs. Slightly bigger ones than mine though I can handle. It was like a cruel joke to walk around for so long with nice, slightly bigger breastfeeding boobs and then have that all taken away. It’s taken an adjustment, but I’m back to being happy with my slightly smaller than pre-child boobs and I still wouldn’t get implants.
majicksand
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]
@workerbee: Funny you should mention the breast-feeding thing. I’m actually planning to get pregnant one last time next month. (I get one more shot at a girl) I’m truly dreading these things getting any bigger. I carry more body fat than I used to now that I’m 36 and have two kids. Before I had the first one, I was only a D cup and quite happy with it. My younger son screamed every time I tried to leave him in the nursery at the gym, so I never lost all the baby weight. Now I work all the time; I barely have time to drive past the gym! So much for my 25” waist, huh? Now I’m ‘normal’ sized instead of thin, so my large breasts are ginormous. Yeah, so not looking forward to the size increase. In good news, maybe breast-feeding and looking after a new baby will help me lose some of the weight left over from the last one. I’d dearly love to lose about 20 pounds.
jstavixxxen
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]
Unfortunately, I am with a man who is small, the unfortunate part is not his size but his lack of confidence, I get tired of hearing his small penis jokes, I am VERY happy with his size, I have no problems with it but, man oh man, would I like to pimp slap his head every time I hear his jokes.
When we first got married he actually had anxiety thru the roof and would erm, lose his confidence so to speak, it’s gotten better but, after three years and countless affirmations from me, he is no more confident than he was in 2006….grrrrrrrrr!!!
Gingee
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 05:37 am: [report]
*I’ve heard that smacking the forehead with the keyboard has the same result as Botox.*
Size matters.
Knowing how to use it is is irrlevant if ya need a microscope and tweezers to find it.
Jenn27549
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]
@jstavixxxen: my ex exactly. Couldn’t take it.
onewriter
wrote on August 30 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
@gingee Size DOES matter. I prefer smaller as I like to give oral and do not like gagging when I do it like I want to. Feeling cared for and “getting stuffed” are two different things. If I have a huge desire to “get stuffed” I know where the produce department in my supermarket is. Having a man who fits me is perfect. There’s not that much space you know, and the woman stretches to accommodate any size to a point. I guess I just hope that you never hurt anyone’s feelings when you find them to be average or smaller. Maybe you can prevent that by having your preferred measurements printed on a shirt and if your date doesn’t “measure up” he can bow out of future dates without having to openly get put down for his equipment.
babylaceface
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 01:32 am: [report]
my current boyfriend is very well endowed. the largest i have seen in person, but he is AMAZING! he was a virgin when we got together but man o man can he move! he doesnt realize his size but he sure knows how to use it. the greatest sex ive ever had just keeps getting better and better, but some times the small price to pay is being very sore afterwards. i’ll take it!
Stig
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 04:44 pm: [report]
As a man, I have a few things I’d like to say.
First, penis size matters. It matters a little (sometimes a lot I guess) to women and a lot to men. Some of you girls prefer a penis that is bigger than average, some smaller. Some of you like them smack dab in the middle. Pretty much every guy would like to have a bigger one, even if his woman didn’t.
Second, I think men’s obsession with size goes way beyond dicks. Think about it: men try to make their muscles bigger (or at least wish they were), going to extreme and often unnecessary/unhealthful lengths to do so. They obsess about their height and their weight (sometimes every bit as much as women do, although often more privately out of embarrassment). There are even terms for men who try to compensate for their small stature with attitude or bravado: “Napolean Complex”, “little-man-syndrome”, etc. We even obsess about the size of our paychecks. A man’s penis is just one more part of the equation. Granted, in many men’s eyes it is the most important part, but it is rarely the whole of the problem.
Third, even guys with bigger than average penises worry about their size. I’m a legit 7 inches long with 5.5 in girth, and I’ve gotten plenty of compliments on my size and appearance. However, every time I date a new girl, I can’t help but wonder if she has been with someone bigger, or if she will like what I have to offer. Seriously, I can’t help it. I’ve tried, believe me.
Side note: I’ve talked to friends who have told me that they would want a bigger penis even if it meant their woman could no longer fit it in her vagina. That’s how crazy obsessing over penis size can make a man; pushing him to desire something he couldn’t even enjoy if he had it.
stiffinp
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 04:56 pm: [report]
I heard of a survey a few years ago from Cosmo. They said the average size of a mans penis is 5 1/2”. They also said the average size that women like is 6 3/4”. So I am quite happy where I am. I don’t see how woman can enjoy a guy trying to punch a hole into her uterus anyway.
onewriter
wrote on September 27 2009 @ 05:40 pm: [report]
my thoughts exactly!
VX967
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 08:53 pm: [report]
@majicksand Just to correct. Both Marilyn and Kate have the same proportions!!
majicksand
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 07:14 am: [report]
@VX967: Just to correct… Marilyn was a size 12/14 while Kate is what? a 2? They are both proportionate; they do not have the same proportions.
If you’d like to engage in a war of words, may I suggest Dictionary.com?
geekmother
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
Marilyn Monroe a size 12/14? Urban legend. Some dress of hers was a British 16 from years ago, and she, like many women, bought bigger clothes and had them tailored to fit. Plus, as we know, British sizes are a bit different and have always been. Altering down clothes gives you a custom fit without custom prices. I think the biggest she would have been was a size 8, and that was because of her huge boobs and when she was pregnant. Lots of fatties like to say she was “plus-sized,” but she was not.
majicksand
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
@geekmother: The original conversation was about the difference in proportions and how Marilyn Monroe would look silly with Kate Moss’ breasts and vice versa. Both are beautiful women even though one has/had larger breasts than the other because they are both proportionate. Their actual sizes were never germaine and were only mentioned to illustrate the difference in proportion. In other words—close enough.
geekmother
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 12:03 pm: [report]
No problemo.
venusian
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]
For the past few months I have been sleeping with someone i’d consider “average” but definitely the smallest I’ve ever been with. At first the sex was just OK but now it is SUPER hot! I just got back together with my ex, who happens to be very well endowed and if I had to choose—I’d take the average guy. I shocked myself when I realized that but it is the truth. I am hoping in a few weeks, months that my ex and I will reconnect and the sex will be better than ever…. but it doesn’t change the facts…
I always thought size matters , ALWAYS but i’ve been proven wrong !!