Doin’ It With Dr. V: How To Put A Condom On With Your Mouth
Posted by: Dr. V
Filed in:
sex
3:00PM, Friday April 17th 2009
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…
Last week, I got down on my knees and begged! And not for the usual reason—I was just pleading with you, in honor of STD Awareness Month, to always use a condom. It’s saved my ass in more ways than one, that’s for sure! Now, a lot of people think condoms aren’t sexy because it makes the passion take a time out. Well, that is just not true, girl! Putting on a prophylactic can be a smooth move that your man will ask you to do over and over again. That is, if you stick it to him using nothing but your mouth! Here’s how you can slide a condom on him with nothing but a smile.
- The Package: First things first, use an non-lubricated condom. We’ll get wet later, hot stuff! And although your dentist probably wouldn’t recommend using your teeth to tear the package open, it’s pretty hot. Just use your fingers to keep the condom out of your mouth’s reach and carefully take it out of the wrapper. If you break the condom, it’s useless. So, if you think you felt it get caught it in your teeth, start over!
- Just The Tip: With your mouth slightly open, place the condom in front of your teeth and put the tip of your tongue right at the tip of the condom. Hold the base of his banana to keep him excited and to steady yourself. Then open wider to take his head in the condom in your mouth. It’s important that there isn’t an air bubble at the top. So, just like anything else sexy you’re plannin’ on doin’ with your tongue, you gotta apply the right amount of pressure as you go down. This is the trickiest part! Sometimes I ask the dude to get the condom started, and then I finish it off….
- Under Cover: Now, still holding his stick shift, open ‘er up and drive that condom all the way down to the base of his shaft. Beware of your teeth’s sharp curves. If you poke a hole or snag a tooth, you’ve got to do it all over again. Go as far with your mouth as your can—check out “Deep Throat Tips From A Sword Swallower” for some extra skills. But no matter how long you can go, just use your hands to make sure the condom has gone all the way and is ready to ride!
- Lube Job: Before you take him for a spin, turn his schlong into a slip-and-slide by squeezing some lube on! A little lube can go a long way, if you know what I mean.
Hey, putting on a condom is a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. So congratulations! Now that you put safety first, and made it oh so seductive, you deserve a reward. And by reward I mean carefree, hot sex!
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Kate2009
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]
I would just rather put it on with my hands so I know that it’s on properly.
FupDuckTV
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 09:30 pm: [report]
Well, I hope I never have to perform this task, but I have had this done to me on a few occasions. Using your hands is for men and amateur women.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 06:48 pm: [report]
The last thing I need to do is asphyxiate myself with a rubber…
mikeyellenlee
wrote on April 18 2009 @ 08:30 pm: [report]
No thanks, lady.
40yrolddad
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
there was a woman featured in an episode of “Real Sex” (HBO) years ago who taught this technique. it was just part of her class (forget overall scope - may have just been oral but, again, it’s been a few yrs) but I about fell off the sofa laughing, NOT because of WHAT she was doing (actually it looked like it’d be pretty hot) but because she was dressed and spoke fairly professionally (as opposed to “looking the part”). here was a woman in what looked like a business suit, lecturing in an academic tone who suddenly whips out a banana and a condom then proceeds to demonstrate (on camera) - I totally lost it!
we haven’t been in that business for years (I “went to the vet” after our daughter was born) but I knew someone yrs ago (not my wife) whose solution to the “it breaks up the passion” problem was to tuck it inside her panties (or bra) and say: “if you want it bad enough you can get it out w/o using your hands…” - turns an awkward, buzz-killer into part of the foreplay!
retro chic
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
Haha, 40yrolddad, I saw that Real Sex episode too just a few nights ago! Except that was no business suit she was wearing, it was a crocheted sweater and pearls that your nicely coiffed mom hip-in-her-time would wear to church in the Midwest.
She even sanitized the dildoes in her dishwasher like a good mom. You’d think the was selling Avon, not sexual techniques. My takeaway: besides that awesome demo of going down on the wrapper—it’s important to know your true calling—she’s proof of that. Thanks, Kiki!
40yrolddad
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]
THAT’S what it was! wasn’t here class on using vibrator/dildos and the oral/condom thing was just a “BTW, as long as we’re holding these here’s a nifty trick!”? I couldn’t remember exactly what she was wearing (hadn’t seen that episode in a couple yrs) but I knew she was - um… - somewhat “overdressed” for the occasion…
retro chic
wrote on April 19 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
Y’know, 40yrolddad, there may have been two (or more) different shows in the same series by this woman… I’m sure she’s more than just a one-trick pony (sorry). The one I saw was devoted solely to the art of BJ w/ oral wrapping. Hilarious, just as you said, ‘cause of her unexpected appearance and delivery. Congrats on your “snip,” btw.
ChinaCatSunflower
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:06 am: [report]
Just try this ladies lol…I’ve done this before and the shocked/impressed look on the guys face is reason enough to give it a go haha