Doin’ It With Dr. V: How To Fake Make-Up Sex
Posted by: Dr. V
Filed in:
sex
11:00AM, Sunday September 20th 2009
This week I got a letter from a lady who’s got the rack but is missing some spice. She wrote:
I have been with my boyfriend for about seven months and it’s been going really well. However he keeps mentioning how much he likes/misses having “make-up sex,” and I just don’t know what to do. We just have never fought … in fact, I’m not much of a fighter and have never had “make-up sex” in my life. If something upsets me, sex is really the last thing I want to do with that person. It’s clearly something he really enjoys, and as nice as it is that we don’t have epic fights, I feel we are missing out on something. I have talked it through with him and he says that he doesn’t care, that it’s nice not to be arguing. But I can tell that it’s something he really misses from previous relationships. I have even tried picking fights, when I haven’t been annoyed at all, to try and get it going! (That’s hasn’t worked.) Please give me some suggestions!
Make-up sex is so steamy. It’s the hot sunshine after the storm. The juxtaposition of extremely polarized emotions—I give it to you and then you give it to me—running wild makes sex even sexier. This is why you shouldn’t fight, whine, yell, or cry any other way but in person. You don’t wanna waste a second of raw potential. The brain is the biggest erogenous zone and, as with make-up sex, communication can be the most effective aphrodisiac.
The upside here is you and your man have no beef. Congratulations! I’m sure, as time goes on, that you’ll be able to find something to rile you up for real make-up sex. No rush, right? Until then, it sounds like he just wants some more sexytime drama, lil’ mama. So, how can you spice things up without winding up in Splitsville? Here are some ways you can fake it until you make (up) it ...
You’ve been playing with his body, now it’s time to toy with his mind. I’ve got some suggestions, but really just use your imagination! He’s been very forthcoming with what he thinks he wants, but now it’s time to get creative. If it’s passion he craves, give it to him in spades. Express yourself in the sack. Don’t be afraid to get rowdy when it counts, when things are really bumpin’. If he wants a confrontation, give it to him—naked!
Role Play: I watch “Gossip Girl” (now you know Dr. V’s guilty pleasure!), but for those of you who don’t, hot on/off couple Blair and Chuck are always scheming. They take their games to the bedroom too. On the season 3 premiere, they decided to get into costumes and act out a fantasy. You could tell Chuck loved playing a butler being pushed around by his bitchy mistress. Bot! So, what’s your fantasy scenario? Treat your bedroom like a stage and give him a show.
Tease Him: Do a striptease for him. Get up close, but don’t let him touch you. When he puts his hands on you, tsk-tsk him and throw his hands off. Men love bitches, no? Then keep teasing him and stripping until he’s hot and bothered. Once you’re naked and he wants it so bad he could eat you alive, blindfold him and let him go to town.
Hide And Seek: Make him hunt you down. Surprise him by leaving items of clothes, one at a time, and let him follow the trail to find you somewhere ... with nothing left on.
Relocate: Get out of bed and do it somewhere dangerous and exciting. How about your car during a lunch break, the bathroom at a club, on the roof, or in the office stairwell. (Uh, now you know why The Frisky has me working from home.) If you’re not into the threat of getting arrested or fired, take him on a surprise trip to a burlesque show.
Toy With Him: Take him shopping for something special at a sex shop. Let him pick something out. I’ve yet to meet a guy that doesn’t enjoy the added sensation a c**k ring gives. It seems risque, but really it requires no skill. Set it and forget it! (Well, don’t leave it on too long.) It’s the kiddie pool of kink.
And hey, if he gets mad at you for suggesting any of this (though we can’t imagine why), at least then you’ll get a chance at real make-up sex, right?
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
sklut
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 07:19 pm: [report]
I just had make up sex! It was amazzzing. Unfortunatey it was real, but that’s ok cause I set my man straight. I teased him so bad he couldn’t stand it. It was hot.
draymond
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 09:37 pm: [report]
I am wondering if maybe she is afraid to have an argument. It comes from a feeling that arguments are signs of problems rather than an occasionally ordinary part of being emotionally involved with a person. The feeling can be particularly strong if as a child their parents divorced (and perhaps the only signal of problems a child would see would be an occasional argument). It can be a particularly deep fear if arguments between the parents led to domestic violence. So some younger couples wind up in an illusion that ‘we are just so perfect for each other, we agree on everything!’
There are some basic rules for arguing constuctively in a relationship: Stay respectfull, no name-calling, no bringing up other dead horses, no generalizations.
So you want to have some fun with it? Play strip debate. Let’s say you disagree whether to watch the football game or a chick flick. Each time one makes a point that the other thinks is valid, the other one has to take off a piece of clothing. Pieces of clothing are also lost breaking the rules of arguing fair. The first person completely naked has lost the argument. But the debate can’t end until both sides are completely naked, so it usually ends up in a mad dash of agreeing with what each other has to say.
PFG-SCR
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]
@draymond: My husband and I have been married for over 15 years, and we rarely have fights. We definitely have disagreements, but they rarely escalate. I agree with you that healthy competition can result in some of the same intense emotions as fighting. My husband and I do this, and since I like to win, I usually cheat if I’m losing. This adds some intensity, as well.
draymond
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 01:19 am: [report]
@srcmom:My wife and me also have had very few arguments and even more rarely anything that would be considered a fight. I was really trying to think what was behind her boyfriend’s request for makeup sex. I don’t think that is was merely because makeup sex can be hot. There are many forms of hot sex. Makeup sex however is (or can be) the end result of being very passionately engaged with each other’s thoughts and feelings and differences. It is the end result of conflicts addressed and resolved. If her approach to being upset is to withdraw or capitulate: “If something upsets me the last thing I want to do is have sex” then what can be going on here is he is feeling that there is a lack of a breadth of emotional engagement after seven months.
Neus
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 06:04 am: [report]
@draymond: I dont come from divorced parents, in fact my parents had very little to do with raising me, so Im not sure how much effect they would have on my wee issue here. You’re pretty much on the money with saying that I withdraw when something upsets me though, Im trying to work on this.
My boyfriend and I disagree of course; we constantly debate and have to talk things through, just never to the point where we’re yelling at each other with passionate fury. therefore our disagreements dont tend to lead to steamy sex.. they are more likely to lead to a hug and kiss at best!
However, his relationship with his ex wife was really up and down and they were constantly having these huge fights and ‘amazing’ make up sex. Whenever he reminisces about this, I just feel a bit boring in comparison, no matter how many times I jump him in the car!
PFG-SCR
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]
@Neus: Why is he reminiscing about sex with his ex-wife to you?!?! That would really piss me off…but, maybe that is his goal.
@Draymond: Make-up sex can be all that you mentioned above, but it is sometimes all about the drama without truly being “the end result of conflicts addressed and resolved.” If one person in the relationship is “picking fights” (as she mentioned above) in order to get to make-up sex, I think it’s more about the drama.
betty123
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
Ew. For him to even bring up “amazing” sex with his ex is totally F-ed up.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]
Any man who would tell me he “likes make-up sex” to me, isn’t really mature enough for a relationship based on anything beyond how teenagers behave with each other - that whole “I’m-going-to-pull-her-hair-so-she’ll-pay-attention-to-me” bit. Give me a man who has his own life and enjoys sex because he actually enjoys the act of having sex.
The kind of man described in the letter above is “hard work” in my world. How tedious, indeed.
draymond
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:37 pm: [report]
@Neus:It could be he is just, in a very clumy way, saying that it is OK for your to not withdraw because it will work out fine. On the other hand if he really is reminiscing about the ‘amazing’ sex with his ex to you he may well be in a relationship evaluation mode and even worse one where he is seeing his former relationship through a fuzzy lens that only shows the good times.’
So there may be no reason to fake anything at all. Tell him flat out that you are NOT interested in being seen as a substitute for some other woman, particularly his ex-wife and you are NOT interested in recreating the path of some other relationship PARTICULARLY one that clearly did not end up in happily-ever-after territory.
And then you will likely have a fight on your hands, because there are issues worth fighting about in a relationship and this is about at the top of that list.
Then after he’s admitted that bringing up intimate subjects about his ex was crass and that expecting you to immitate some other relationship was thoughless and that your relationship is new and different and will have its own ways and its own paths and he’s asked you to forgive him and you’ve decided to do so…then you can have some makeup sex.
majicksand
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]
I think that when the boyfriend says ‘make-up’ sex, what’s he’s really trying to say is ‘wild, uninhibited’ sex. He’s missing that spark. A non-confrontational relationship is great, but a lack of drama sometimes equals a ‘vanilla’ sex life. Let go of your inhibitions, and get freaky. He’ll get what he’s really after without the stress of arguing that may, ultimately, lead to the end of the relationship.
Pyewacket
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:21 pm: [report]
Make-up sex, or really, sexual encounters with a bit of anger, happen to be one of the fantasies I use to get myself off. For me, it’s not so much the idea of fighting, as being rougher & less tender (the wild & uninhibited thing) and the sexiness of the push-and-pull (a power thing). Maybe you guys could try some role-playing and act out some fantasies and explore those?
You could have a session where you greet him at the door with a whip haha, have him say the alphabet backwards (a pretty hard thing to do perfectly), & each time he makes a mistake, you tie up a limb. Once he’s all tied up, he has to pleasure you as best he can.
And as someone said above, competition is a great way to get the adrenaline going that usually accompanies a fight. There are lots of dirty board games and card games for a decent price.
And hey, if none of these float your boat, you could try things that don’t have any aggressive edge at all, but are still fun, like cockrings and remote-control panties. Maybe he’ll find something new he loves that doesn’t come with the hassle of fighting. They may not have the hostility, but they’re still adventurous. And he’ll appreciate you trying things.
Gingee
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 05:45 am: [report]
Dump him. What the guy wants is New Sex and that he can have only with new people.
With any luck, this fella will soon become a Darwin Award Nominee. He’s looking for danger and maybe danger will find him.
Yuck. Kick him to the curb.
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 20 2009 @ 10:20 pm: [report]
I have been in my current relationship for over 15 years. Of course we have our fights. But we have never had make-up sex. After a fight, the last thing on my mind is sex.
We may cuddle after a fight, but I have never been in the mood for sex.
I wonder if we are doing something wrong. Does anyone else not have make-up sex after a fight?