Does Hooking Up Make Us Lonely?
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
11:45AM, Tuesday June 9th 2009
Yesterday, NPR show “Morning Edition” explored a new a cultural phenomenon you may have heard of called “the hookup.” The hookup, the program explains to anyone living under a rock, is a social trend, born of the sexual revolution of the ‘60s and ‘70s, women’s growing independence, and online social networking. It started among high school and college students but is now popular with recent grads who have entered the workaday world. “Young people from high school on are so preoccupied with friends, getting an education and establishing themselves, they don’t make time for relationships,” so instead of concerning themselves with finding a mate, they’re far more interested in no-strings-attached sex. Naturally, people are having a field day arguing the potential benefits and detriments of hooking up.
On one side of the fence you have someone like Deborah Roffman, who “conducts human sexuality workshops for middle- and high-school-age students and their parents,” and says she sees the hookup as a traditionally male model of relating that girls have embraced in recent years but says she’d much rather see men developing greater capacity for intimacy. “Being able to engage in intimate relationships where men and women bring all of themselves to the relationship is the cornerstone of family,” Roffman says. On the other side of the fence is 25-year-old college graduate, Elizabeth Welsh, who doesn’t think hooking up keeps people from developing the capacity to form bonds and relationships at all: “It is a common and easy mistake,” Welsh says, “to assume that the value of friendship and those relationship building blocks have no place in longer term relationships,” she says, arguing that the absence of a significant other in her life has given her time and energy to invest in building strong friendships instead.
Then you have people like 25-year-old, May Wilkerson, who says that hooking up via the internet and text messaging can be lonely: “What that means is that you have contact with many, many more people, but each of those relationships takes up a little bit less of your life. That fragmentation of the social world creates a lot of loneliness.” Still, she’s quick to defend the lifestyle, saying: “Sex is fun, and a lot of people would argue that it is a physical need. It’s a healthy activity.”
So, what do you think? Does hooking up somehow stunt our capacity to develop intimacy and fall in love? Or is it keeping us occupied and sexually satisfied until we’re ready to pursue an that kind of relationship? [via NPR]
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MoonBabye
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
I feel it depends on what you’re looking for. Something casual = hooking up. Something serious = LTR. I’m sort of in the LTR mode so I’m refraining a bit on the casual end. That and the pickings seem to be slim.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
Everybody is different. The end.
landesign
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
I feel many hook up in hopes of finding that out of this
world perfect relationship. I mean, how do you know unless
you dive in? The internet only makes it tougher cause the
grass always seems greener on the next page.
moriah
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
Absolutely.. “hooking up” has completely ruined men 30 and younger.
sadie
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:33 pm: [report]
Finding the right person to form a real relationship with can be difficult and takes time, that doesn’t mean you should live like a nun or priest in the interim. Men and women have needs. To put it another way, yeah sure you want a healthy, delicious, gourmet meal, but if you’re famished and no where near a nice restaurant that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop at the Taco Bell.
delovely
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]
I say it keeps you occupied and sexually satisfied until you’re ready for a commitment. That being said, it’s way, way better to hook up with a friend (if possible, sometimes that stuff creates more drama) than just random people IF you are a person who craves some level of intimacy. I was perfectly happy being single and noncommital when I had a lovely guyfriend to hook up with. I wasn’t lonely at all!
Squidtermz
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]
Agree with Cheeeeese
joyy
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]
Cheese nailed it. I heard this on NPR when they aired it, and their coverage made it sound like no one under 30 was interested in, capable of, or even aware of what a real relationship was.
The piece was totally one sided, I mean, look at all the young people we all know (ourselves included) whose love lives aren’t entirely comprised of casual sex. I also remember the piece talking a lot about NYC, and not having extensively interviewed/researched other areas.
Many of us are in ltr’s and plenty of young adults are married already (the Frisky has covered that topic HOW many times?). I think we’re just more honest about how things are and more willing to do what we want these days.
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:22 pm: [report]
You only feel lonely after “hooking up” if you actually want to be in a relationship.
MichelleS1017
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 05:45 pm: [report]
i dont necessarily “hook up” with the intention of never seeing the person again. but if there isnt a spark, there isnt a spark. i dont think it actually prevents people from bonding with others.
Ryan
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 07:19 am: [report]
I agree with Jessica completely. Jovy also has a point about the amount of research NPR did for this story. Rural Mississippi is rife with young brides! I honestly don’t have a friend who isn’t in an LTR. I’m everyone’s single friend!