Does He Use Pronouns In His Text Messages? That’s A Good Sign
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
relationships
12:30PM, Friday January 23rd 2009
As IMs, text messages, and emails have become the predominant way for guys to ask us out on dates, I think it has gotten easier to figure out whether someone is actually interested in you. It’s true, you can’t hear his tone of voice or see his facial expressions when you read his message on your iPhone, but his language can say a lot. Simply put, if he’s leaving out personal pronouns in his texts, he’s just not that into you.
Over the course of several failed years of dating, I’ve come up with a theory about guys’ messaging language that has been extremely accurate at predicting their actual level of interest over time. Basically, if a man is too lazy to use pronouns, he’s probably not feeling you as much as you think he is. I can’t tell you the number of times someone who seemed to be interested in me would write things like, “the kooks are playing saturday. wanna go?” These seems like a normal message, right? Well, in this message, and in others (try not to judge on one message alone), he never wrote any pronouns (I, you, we). He didn’t say, “Do you want to go?” The you was implied. And, things ended up not working with him, and other who constantly neglected to use pronouns. It’s like when people say “Love you,” instead of “I love you.” It’s almost as though they’re excluding themselves from the sentiment, even though it’s implied.
Text messaging brings out the lazy typer in all of us, so you might think this theory is absurd, but a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that guys and girls both reported higher satisfaction in couples where the woman used “I” a lot in IMs, and were 30 percent more likely to stay in their relationships.
While the study’s researchers think “I”-laden instant messages might show that the women are comfortable talking about themselves with their partners, I think there’s more to it than that. People who take the time to type “I” and “you” seem to care enough about what you think of them to spend the extra five seconds to include a few more letters. In the early stages of dating, whether a guy types pronouns can be an indication of how a guy feels about you as whether he listens to your entire story about how you’re afraid of squirrels, or if he interrupts you along the way. It’s just another way to see what kind of effort he’s making with you.
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Arty
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Interesting. While I’m less concerned with texts, but as far as instant messaging and emails go, I cannot date someone who types “u” instead of “you” and that sort of thing. It makes my eyes hurt!
Betty27
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
The night I met my boyfriend and subsequently gave him my number, I warned, “do NOT text me.” And he didn’t! A phone shows so much more effort. It’s definitely not EASY - he’s nervous, you’re nervous - and yet, if he really wants to ask you out, he’ll do it, and if you really want him to, you’ll answer.
I could be super old-fashioned, though
SamanthaH
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
i think that this is one of those things that is on a person by person basis. a close guy friend uses pronouns with me all the time (“we”, “you”, “i”). pronoun usage plus many other things that he did made me think that he was into me and i told him that i liked him (this is after 2 years of knowing him). he said, in not so many words, that he didn’t feel the same way.
it’s possible that it’s just telling of whether or not the guy is lazy. sometimes it takes a lot of effort to push those extra buttons on the phone. or he could be a penny-pincher; longer texts can be more costly.
elliesabot
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]
yes! very interesting!
i sense a return to more conventional forms of communication happening, as well. like, becoming fb friends is less of a way-in. now, it’s way smoother to delay the fb connection, & call for an initial sign of interest. also, e-mailing instead of fb messenging. letters or postcards…
iiiii like this new current.
elliesabot
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
to samanthah: i do think people use language differently, & no rule can be right on for everyone. people are always going to be confused by other people. at least if we all use personal pronouns, we will have to own up…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]
So….anyone doing anything tonight?
Lynn
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 03:45 pm: [report]
While I can understand people typing goofy to save space in texts (because of the character limits and everything), I still can’t stand to be repeatedly texted by people who do that. And if a guy doesn’t “talk” like he would in “real life” over IM, there is no way. There is no excuse for not using real words and constructing real sentences with a keyboard!
Arty
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]
I occasionally IM a guy whose blog I read, in which he’s very articulate. When he IMs, he uses “lol” all the time. This always makes me think, “Are you really laughing out loud?” Wait, I mean, of course he is. Obviously, I am that hilarious!
Isabela Laval
wrote on January 24 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
Oh, I agree with all of you! The LOL thing… so irritating. The ‘U’ instead of ‘you’, another one. I agree with Lynn, there is no excuse why your regular talking and text talking should be different. It’s the same person, isn’t it? Or maybe not…
DancerNinja
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]
I agree with “LOL”, it’s quicker and less juvie write “ha”. And then there is “u” and “r” and “ur”. I won’t be asked on a date by text, however, I’ve been in phone tag situations where I end up just texting or emailing the dude.
boopsy
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 07:02 pm: [report]
So this article got me so excited only to break my heart! My ex and I were “friends w/ benefits” for a while only he was taking it a bit too far but I was ok w/ that b/c i totally wanted to be w/ him again. Anyways, he was texting almost every day for about 2 1/2 months or so and then we got into a huge fight and now we’re completely done :( my point is after reading this I started going back and looking at his texts, all of which had abundant pronouns in them and thought well that’s a good sign right! ya WRONG!