Do You Suffer From Failed Potential Syndrome?
Posted by: Ami Angelowicz
Filed in:
news
2:40PM, Monday October 26th 2009
I think I am recovering from a disease that I didn’t even know had a name. When I read about Failed Potential Syndrome in the Daily Mail, the symptoms sounded disturbingly familiar. FPS is characterized by peer envy (check), failure to launch (check), and a general feeling that you haven’t quite achieved what you had expected to by a certain age (double check). Well, at least it’s good that I can finally diagnose myself?
See, I was a superstar kid. You know—the one who gets good grades and the leads in all of the community theater plays. The one whose parents may have made her feel a little bit too special. The one who might have been a little bit awkward, but was banking on her smarts and talents to catapult her into all-around adult greatness and mega-success.
A young overachiever. Yeah, that was me. When I got into NYU early decision to study acting, I was sure that I was on the fast track to celeb hood. Oh, I was so wrong. Shortly after graduating with little fanfare, my acting career hit the skids. I could NOT endure another off-off-off-Broadway play, amateur horror film, or humiliating audition. What would I do next? Eat humble pie … for a decade. I went through an ungodly series of career fails. Failed actress turned odd-jobber, turned broke-ass loser, turned grad school dropout, turned frustrated high school teacher, turned Broadway production bitch. With each passing job, I seemed to get less and less successful, more and more broke, and increasingly envious of my peers.
While I was busy wallowing in career angst and feeling crappy about myself, somehow my friend Crystal from elementary school had become a rich, television star and my ex-boyfriend Frank had become a millionaire business owner with two houses. And I was even jealous of the friends who weren’t technically rich. Alan was in a well-known rock band, Jane was married with children, Sarah wrote a freaking book, and Jon had a show at the Whitney!! And here I was. 30. Single. Broke. And doing something I didn’t even remotely like. Humble pie was starting to taste like s**t. So how did I release myself from the talon grip of FPS?
I decided I had to make a big change—I had to actually get off my butt and pursue something I LIKED again. So what if I’d failed in the past? Maybe I was never really meant to be a famous actress. This time I was better prepared to follow my secret passion. I scrapped it all (not that I had much to lose, besides an evil boss and a lousy paycheck), took a risk, and decided I would become a writer. And from that determination and passion grew a slow but blossoming kernel of success that grew into a bigger kernel of success that will hopefully continue to grow much bigger. I’m not hoping for celebrity status this time or even a nice apartment, let alone a mansion—just a feeling of pride. In fact, I feel so good that when Crystal told me that she sold the script for her film, I said, “Congratulations!” and truly meant it.
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Humble Bee
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
Gosh. That was inspiring, I am the low low end right now. Doing everything I hate. Working full time, no school, getting fat. lol. I feel like I should have seriously been something by now, I had all these great plans that all failed within a year. J.K Rowling did her speech for Harvard Grads on how failing is good, and we should all fail. She didn’t start writing until she was an unemployed single mother on welfare. I’m not saying I need to be living in a cardboard box, but this post sure made me want to start doing what I like. Pursuing my dream, sometimes I get this little voice that tells me to stop being dumb and just go for a conventional job getting a lame business degree.. but thats not what I want to do!
amandabear
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 01:59 pm: [report]
At last, a name for my loserdom. I was one of those kids, too, but now I’m 26 and all I’ve got to show for all my early potential is a random crap job and a shoebox apartment in a city I don’t like.
Humble pie, indeed.
joyy
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
@HumbleBee - //I feel like I should have seriously been something by now, I had all these great plans that all failed within a year.//
Aren’t you like, 19 or 20? Stop being so hard on yourself! If those plans didn’t work out, come up with new plans and work on those.
chuckles
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]
Must be something about our high school. I had a similar thing going on until I ditched it all and went to law school.
impoddity
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]
I think those that peaked in high school may have suffered from burnout. I’m a slow but steady achievement. I’m not looking for fame or fortune (once you get either, suddenly everyone wants to be your friend), just doing something that I can look back on in 30, 40 years and say, “Yeah it wasn’t glamours, but I was happy while doing it.”
Jenn27549
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]
Yep…me here, too. Finally getting in a place where I can be satisfied with what I have now, but I sometimes wonder WHAT IF I hadn’t given up on my intended career and moved home after grad school. Own my own business now (still broke at this point thou!), have a great husband and a house I like. But friend A has a nicer house, car and boat—but a crappy husband and a kid by another guy who isn’t involved. Friend B has a nice house, nice car, lots of money and 2 adorable kids, but crappy job and crappy husband. I just keep trying to look at the fact that even those around me who have this or that which I still desire, they are all lacking in other areas. The only life you have is your own, so stop worrying about who has what besides you and make it happen for you!!!
hannahsguy
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 05:50 pm: [report]
Good God, someone’s been reading the story of my life.
mac43084
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]
I’m suffering from it right now in a BIG way! I am 25, live with my parents, work for my dad for minimum wage at his new pizza place and am back at school full time. I already have a bachelor’s degree so I feel like I am so behind the curve getting started all over. Isn’t this what I should have been doing at 18?
I was always the beautiful, smart, mature girl that everyone wanted their daughter to be like… now (while I’m still a good person, it just doesn’t show in my “success”) I’m not so sure anyone wishes for that anymore and that is slightly humiliating.
Glad to know I’m not alone though. This too shall pass!
nickie
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 07:48 pm: [report]
OMG! Thank you for this post. Although, I read The Friskyevery night, this is my first time commenting—I had to register and everything! But, I just got laid-off (budget cuts) even though I took the job in lieu of going to grad school. So, I just feel like I made a huge mistake. On top of that, I quit my old job to take the new one and they won’t re-hire me. So, that makes me feel ten times worse. Like you, I was the star child and now I feel like a failure. Thanks again! This is so inspiring!
mirinda
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 09:45 pm: [report]
I am not in a dead-end job. In fact, I’m doing what I always wanted, which was to be a writer. But I still feel like I failed to live up to all that I could be, or, rather, I FAIL to live up to all that I could be. Perhaps that’s the lesson you talk about: that one day we just have to wake up and be who we want to be… or… or.. accept where we are?
canadiancutie
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 11:04 pm: [report]
Hmmm… well the interesting thing is that I never aspired to be much. My report card was always telling me I had so much potential. I was reading Death of a Salesman and thinking, “That’s ME. I’M a dime a dozen.” And y’know what? I was OK with it then and I’m still OK with it now. I just want to be comfortable, debt-free, in love, and able to afford occasional trips to Jamaica. That’s life, to me. Wealth isn’t.
B Khuu
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:37 am: [report]
OMG… Yes… yes I do have FPS. Now that I know it has a name it’s even more depressing.
Rice
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
One of the best things to do sometimes is simply to be. One’s identity is not their job, house, car, lovers, spouse, kids,etc., but the energy expended living life and being a part of this ole world for the short span of time that we are permitted.
If we think life is miserable and we didn’t amount to much, then that’s what it will be. If we think life is a gift and enjoyable, then it will be.
Don’t listen to the voices of endoctrination emblazened into our brains. Learn to think positively and one will attract positive energy.