Did You Have More Chores Than Your Brothers?

SCRMOM
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:00 am: [report]

I ask my daughter to help me (before asking my sons) for the same reason I do something myself before asking my husband - it will get done right the first time.  However, I realize that I’m doing a disservice to all three of them by doing this.

joyy
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

My mother liked to leave notes for us on legal pads after she started working again when we were in high school, especially during the summer.  2/3-3/4 of it was filled with things for me to do, the rest with a sentence or two for my brother, which was usually just about the gas money they were giving him or a note for him to drive safely. 

Consequently, I had to teach him how to do laundry on a road trip when he was 21 (our mother had been doing his until then when he came home EVERY weekend).  He also consistently fails to master more basic life skills/street smart things, he whose backup plan for if he couldn’t find a job was doing his doctorate.  I’m convinced their coddling of him is to blame.

Perceptible
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:07 am: [report]

I have 3 sisters so I can’t say. But I do expect equal responsibility from both my son and my daughter. No way am I gonna raise a boy/man who can’t take care of himself or participate in household chores!

Nicaly
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]

oh yeah I always had more on the list to do than my brother. Even today I am asked to do the dishes for everyone after dinner when we’re all in town and my brother just leaves his dirty stuff all over the place for me to be told to pick up.

SouthOC
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]

@SCRMOM:

I do something myself before asking my husband - it will get done right the first time.

Ouch!  I was raised in a family of all boys, so my brothers and I had to do all of the chores.  To this day I can cook and clean with the best of them!  In fact, when my daughters wanted something ironed, they would bring it to me…

It’s a learning the skills thing.  Boys and girls can do anything they’re taught to do.

Conversely, one of my daughters was always fascinated with my home improvement building projects, and can handle power tools like a champ!

hlnbabe
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]

it’s funny, daily chores (dishes after dinner, rooms), my parents assigned everything equally, if anything i got delegate less because i was so much younger. except big chores, my sister and i got them assigned more.

also, my brother never had to babysit me… but my sister sure did.

jh4986
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]

I didn’t notice this so much when I was growing up - me and my brother had an even number of chores.

Now that I’m older I notice my Mother asking me to help with Thanksgiving dinners and clean the house for family, while my brother has never been asked to help set the table or chop vegetables.

None of that really bothers me.  What I found slightly disturbing was that they produce and sell “toy” dishwashers at Target stores.

SCRMOM
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

@SouthOC: I still stand by my original statement as it currently applies in my family , but I agree with you on your comment, “It’s a learning the skills thing.  Boys and girls can do anything they’re taught to do.”  Fortunately, my oldest is only 10 years old, so I still have time to train teach him.

bumbler
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]

I only have a sister, but my husband still has a hard time with some of the basics.  It’s not a willpower thing, he’s great and always ready to lend a hand without me asking but I’ve narrowly averted disaster by catching him trying to put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.  We also have a bright white spot on otherwise tan carpet where he used a bleach-based kitchen cleaner on a spot.  He grew up with his grandmother in the house and she saw it as her duty to do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry to help out.  Neither he nor his sister learned the basics.  I want to make sure my (future) children of either gender at least know the basics of how to take care of themselves and their things.

A.J.R.
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]

Chores were pretty evenly split up between me, my brother and my sister but there seemed to be kind of a division of labor.  My sister did seem to maybe do more of the household/domestic chores than we did (I was never taught how to iron and mom had her helping in the kitchen early on) while my brother and I did more of the yardwork (I never saw her mow the yard or haul the branches).  But since my sister helped our mom cook, my brother and I were expected to do the dishes every night.  My mom comes from Iowa farm people, so if you expected to eat her food and live in her house, you were expected to WORK.

SouthOC
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]

I think most parents go for the option that requires less of their attention. (i.e., if I ask my son to do _______, it will take so much of my time make sure it’s done right that I might as well do it myself).

My mom was like a &^%$ing Marine Drill Sargent.  She would follow after us with a white glove to make sure we did it right.  It was more work for her in the beginning, but eventually we learned what it took to pass inspection, and we would get’er done the first time.

Meg
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]

Yeah I was the oldest with a bunch of younger brothers. Guess who did all the chores? Yep. Me. They would halfway attempt to clean their own rooms, and my mom would always end up doing everything for them or dumping it on me.

There were a lot of inequalities between me and my brothers. I was always in trouble for having a bad attitude, when I did all the work and managed to get straight A’s and my brothers just did as they pleased and were never given the same impossibly high standards to meet.

My parents still think that they always knew what was ‘best’ for me. My years in therapy prove otherwise.

C.Munro
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]

I’m an only child, and I did chores.  These days I’m not exactly a neat-freak, but I do pick up after myself.  Never lived with an SO, but if I did I wouldn’t want her cleaning up after me.  Maybe the chores did me good.

libbylovespink
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]

I didn’t do more than my brother did, but I was always bothered that all my chores were indoors (loading/unloading the dishwasher, helping cook, etc) while he was outside (mowing the lawn, etc).  It just always seemed like more fun!

SCRMOM
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

@SouthOC: Guilty, as charged.

I Go To 11
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]

I don’t have any brothers, but my grandmother told me that when she was growing up, the boys in the family NEVER did chores. In fact, if they made a mess, it was up to the girls to clean it up. She said her mother didn’t believe in boys doing housework. Seems like according to this study, things have only slightly changed since then (she grew up in the ‘50s.)

luke15chick
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]

Ok only had a sister and I’m the youngest but strangely enough I got more cleaning and cooking experience/chores.  Then when my sister went off to college she didn’t know basic cooking and laundry skills and was constantly calling home for help.

Lynn
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]

As far as chores go, I think it was pretty evenly split. If anything my brothers probably did a bit more because I wasn’t really ever asked to do the “manly” things like helping to chop down a tree or level wet concrete.

That’s not to say it was even in other expectations…

lewomack
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Yeah, I got more indoor chores than my brother did, but this is mainly because I’m horribly clumsy and I would’ve gotten sucked up the lawn mower if I mowed the lawn. They were pretty evenly divided I suppose, although I was taught a lot earlier about how to do laundry and iron.

qnzmami718
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

i was an only child & i didnt ever have chores.. ever. just the basic clean my room, which duh everyone should do. i didnt have to do laundry, cook, clean, nada. my mom took care of it all. obviously, it ended up f*ckin me over in the end cuz wen i left home to move into my boyfriends place, i couldnt do sh*t lol. fortunately he was patient with me while i learned to cook (he was a chef so he taught me lol) and do laundry (by messin up a few loads) and to keep a clean house (which was basically obvious) and etc.. now tht ive aquired the skills im good to go, but i feel like 20yrs old was a bit late to be learning to do things i should have learned years ago..

SouthOC
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]

@SCRMOM:  What’s really funny about all of this is now that my wife and I have an empty nest, she does all of the indoor chores, and I do all of the outdoor chores.  Go figure!  (one exception is dishes… I do them 100%).

SCRMOM
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]

@SouthOC: I should clarify that my daughter doesn’t do assigned chores, either.  If I need someone to help me do something simple, I ask her.  But, this isn’t close to 7 hours a week that is mentioned in the article - more like 7 minutes a week.

kr070707
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]

Oh yeah, I definitely had more chores than my older brother. It didn’t bother me so much when he was in high school and wasn’t around a lot, but when we were younger it drove me crazy. I remember one specific instance when on a Sunday night we were all watching a movie when my mom decided it was the perfect time to make me help her weed the garden. Of course my brother didn’t have to do anything and stayed inside. I know this one instance isn’t important but it is indicative of the general pattern.

BlueVibe
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]

My parents were uncommonly egalitarian.  Dad still does more housework than Mom does despite her being technically a “housewife.”  My brother’s chores and mine were about as even as was age-appropriate (I’m older).  He and I would either share or trade off chores.  That included yard work, at which I was better because I wasn’t strong enough to pull-start our ancient mower: I’d have to get him to start it and then I’d mow the entire yard in one shot.  He’d mow some, dawdle some, mow some, dawdle some, etc.

I hear he does a lot of the housework and cooking still, now that he’s married.  And I would never marry a man who had to be horsewhipped to do chores.  If he can wear it, eat off it, or live in it, he’d better help keep it clean.

*sam*
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

I’m the middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. Overall, I’d say that when we were really young, my sister got the most chores—she was pretty much in charge of taking care of us since both my parents worked so much and were never home. However, when we got older, some of the burden was taken off her and put on us. And honestly, my parents did a pretty good job of treating my brother and I equally. We both had about the same number of chores, but his were all outside while I did all of the inside stuff. My parents didn’t implement this rule, I did. For a while, my grandparents lived with us and my grandmother would always make me go outside and help with the yard work. I hated it so much that I ended up begging my mom to allow me to stay inside and do housework than have to go outside and get all gross and sweaty. (To be fair, we did live in FL and the avg temp was around 98 during the summer, plus humidity, so it was effing miserable out there).

A.J.R.
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]

In an ironic twist, my wife didn’t know how to do jack!@$ in the way of domestic chores when we started college.  The first load of laundry she ever did was in the dorm laundry room.  She was totally spoiled and always threw a tantrum whenever her mom asked her to do any kind of chores (which was rare because her family always had a maid).  She cops to it and has said that if we ever have kids they will be expected to do plenty of chores.  Thankfully she does fully half of the housework now.

pragmatryst
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]

I’m surprised the percentage of young men saddled with pedestrian domestic responsibility is as high as the article suggests.  Success in the cutthroat business world requires a deep-seated sense of entitlement coupled with a proficiency at delegating menial tasks to others in order to free up time for building a network of social and political relationships to maximize unfair advantage against one’s rivals.  Time spent on household chores only serves to emphasize a worker bee mentality of collective effort and shared responsibility which is counter-productive to the ultimate goal of individual achievement.  Any successful, type-A absentee father worth his salt would make sure that a suitable SAHM or female sibling proxy would protect the young master(s) of the house from exposure to such harmful distractions.

william.paul
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]

Ha, this takes me back…
I’m seven years older than my brother and sister who are fraternal twins, so when I was still in high school there wasn’t much in the way of division of labor.

But things got fun when the two of them got to high school while I was in college (or so I’m told). There was supposed to be a rotation between the two of them on the regular chores, such as alternating nights to clean the kitchen after dinner. My sister was better about finding somewhere else to eat most on her nights, but my brother was better about getting out of it when they were both home.

Steph Pro
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]

I have 3 older brothers.  I am 23, and still expected to help cook the holiday meals, AND clean up after the meals. My brothers, and father, are expected to watch the games, sleep, and go out with friends, really anything except help… My mom says, “It’s because you are a girl, and girls do things like this.”  Ironically, my mother is a huge advocate for independent women. Yet, I find myself in the kitchen every holiday….

Lamia Aster
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]

I have two younger brothers and they did hardly anything! When I was eight years old, my youngest brother was born and that’s when my childhood ended and motherhood began. I fed, bathed, changed, dressed, and cleaned up after him. Then I still had to clean the whole house up! It didn’t matter if I was in the middle of something important and the older brother was playing games. I was the one that had to get up and clean.
He’s 18 now and a lifetime of being coddled has really f*cked him over. If he’s asked to do one simple thing, he either ignores it or screws it up completely (which he does on purpose so he won’t be asked to again) or he’ll give attitude. I’ve told him that he’ll never get a job like that!
My mom has completely spoiled the baby, now eleven, so he’s going the same route as my brother.

dudette
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]

I am the oldest and have 2 younger brothers.  When we all lived at home the division of labor was pretty much even except my youngest brother (7 yrs younger) did less but it probably amounted to the same amount of time because he would take so long.  The only time I do considerably more chores is, as many others already stated, during holiday food prep

sammyisadog
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 04:18 pm: [report]

My (older) brother had NO chores, while cleaning every room in the house - including everyone else’s bedrooms - were my job. ‘Nuff said.

Knitter79
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 04:47 pm: [report]

Chores were split evenly in my family growing up.  We each had a common room to clean as well as our own rooms.  We rotated who had to set the table/clean the table/wash the dishes/dry the dishes (four of us, two boys, two girls).  Shoveling snow, raking leaves, cutting grass went to whoever happened to be home when it needed done.  By high school we all were doing our own laundry and cooking our own meals as our schedules diverged.  Now holiday dinners are usually at extended family or a sibling’s place (parents are divorced, family home sold years ago) and we all pitch in (and try to keep my mom out of the kitchen because our cooking abilities have far surpassed hers).

MissBev
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 09:49 pm: [report]

I was always the one to do chores. My mom made me do it because she knew I would do it right, which really isn’t fair at all. It was easier for her to have me do it instead of trying to teach my younger brother how to do it correctly.

sunrise
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 11:36 pm: [report]

One time when I was a kid and my step-mother was gone, my dad told me I had to do some chores “Because I was the lady of the house that day”. I got mad at him and told him “I shouldn’t have to do anything just ‘cause I’m a girl!”. He laughed, but came back to me later and apologized for saying that, that it wasn’t fair. He still made me do chores though, ‘cause everyone should help out with the housework .

SouthOC
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]

@pragmatryst:  The 50’s called, and they want their chauvinism back.

If you made the mess… clean it up your own damn self!

pragmatryst
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]

@SouthOC: The 50’s called, and they want their chauvinism back.

Why go all the way back to the 50’s?  According to the article chauvinism never left.

@SouthOC: one of my daughters was always fascinated with my home improvement building projects, and can handle power tools like a champ!

Ah yes, the Oreck XL Platinum requires a deft touch.