Dear Wendy: “Should I Date Around Before Committing To My Boyfriend?”

moonblossom
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

Go for it! Don’t get old and regret all the woulda/shoulda’s.

joyy
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]

Spot on Wendy.  I am wondering why there isn’t a suggestion that she ‘experiment’ with the current bf though.

theklalou
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]

I’ve had to deal with this same situation.  My now-husband has had a LOT more experience, relationship-wise, than I have, but he was my first “serious” partner.  You just have to ask yourself: which is more important to you, the ability to date around and try other relationships (with the very real possibility that you’ll never be able to go back to the relationship you already have), or the stability of an already-established good relationship (but with the knowledge that you won’t get the chance to try out other people, assuming your relationship is monogamous and you’re faithful)?  And here’s the thing: there will always be “woulda/shouldas”, no matter which option you pick.  You just have to figure out which “woulda/shouldas” are easier for you to live with, and you have to be able to get past the regret so that you can enjoy whichever choice is best for you.

lea322
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:52 am: [report]

@moonblossom: Your advice could be taken to either mean stay or go. No matter what choice you make in life, there’s another choice you didn’t make, and you may always wonder about the “woulda/shoulda’s”.

amandabear
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]

I was in a very similar relationship when I was 24, although we’d been together much longer - 6 years or so. I had a lot of the same doubts about being inexperienced and wanting to see what it was like to be single, and so we broke up. It’s been 2 1/2 years, and while I do think I needed to be single to get to know myself better, I also often think it was a mistake to throw the relationship away.

It’s a tough call, and a personal one. There are no guarantees either way.

C.Munro
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]

No guy ever wants to meet someone he really likes and get into a committed relationship only to have that person say, “I really like you, but before I settle down with you completely, I’d like to go off and schtupp a bunch of other guys for a while.” 

It sounds to me like the writer likes her guy, but isn’t ready for a commitment yet.  I’d bet money that her wandering eye will be the end of their relationship in less than two year’s time.

luke15chick
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]

I think something that could possibly help the author in her decision making is asking herself, how would she feel seeing her boyfriend with another woman?  Because making the decision to date around involves seeing what was once your boyfriend with another woman.  And how would you feel if he develops serious feelings for this other woman?  Answers to these questions will definitely help in the decision making process.

lea322
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]

@c.munro: I agree. Personally, if I’m in a happy, healthy relationship, I don’t find myself asking, “I wonder what else is out there…” I believe it’s perfectly ok (and healthy!) to have doubts about relationships and to explore those doubts, but to say, “It’s perfect! But I want to see what else is out there.” sounds to me like they’re just not ready to commit. That’s fine too, but just don’t string someone else along while you figure that out.

People deserve to be with people who whole-heartedly want to be with them, not people who are wishy-washy about their relationship.

C.Munro
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

People deserve to be with people who whole-heartedly want to be with them, not people who are wishy-washy about their relationship.

Yes!  Or, for that matter, people who want the relationship more than the person they’re in it with.

tabby
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]

My cousin/roommate did this very thing to herself two years ago and now she cries herself to sleep (quite often) that she should have stayed with her boyfriend and given her curiosity the boot. I told her the same thing Wendy told this girl. It is a truth universally acknowledged that “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” This girl needs to accept that she will always wonder what if, no matter which decision she makes and to think about if her bigger regret will be losing this relationship or losing an opportunity to be single in her mid-20s. Because, let’s face it, the divorce rate is so high that it is entirely possible that she could marry this guy and then still wind up single in a few years and thus get to have her cake and eat it too.

bogart4017
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

Ditto C.Munro—and she will be regretting her decision if he is as nice as she says.

DFTCTB's
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]

24 is really young to get married these days.  She isn’t wrong in wanting to get out there and get some strange, if she doesn’t do it now she’ll always regret it.  ESPECIALLY once she starts having kids and they stop having sex.  This is only her first serious relationship anyway, she’s only 24. Believe that it while yes it’s the first serious relationship that it definitely won’t be the last.

AshleyMarie
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]

As a single girl in today’s world, looking for a “cute, sexy, kind, intelligent” guy….I have to wonder why the heck she would want to give hers up and “experiment.”
Cherish what you have. BC you don’t want to realize what you had once it’s too late.

CrimsonCurls
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]

I’d have to say if she is feeling this way, she’s not truly, deeply, unconditionally in love. Perhaps she’s just not ready for the 100% commited, mature relationship. However it sounds like her boyfriend is. Then by all means she needs to tell him and go about her life and do the “experimenting” that is so appealing to her.

Because if this guy was her “One”, then she wouldn’t feel this way, she wouldn’t WANT anyone else or bear to see him with anyone else. Just like the way her boyfriend feels about her. But she doesnt seem interested in finding the one right now.

Love is an unconditional commitment to an inperfect person, but when you really love someone, they fulfill all those things inside you, so that you dont care about what’s out there in the singles world. This is how it is for me with my fiance. I am 22 and he is my first everything. When I met him, I didnt want anything serious or was looking for anyone at all. I was happy being me and living my life. We were just friends who talked all the time. After a year and a half, I was irrevocably in love with him, as he was with me. He fulfills the things I need fulfilled, and I don’t care about anything else out there that I “may be missing”, because to me I have everything.

ChoJinn
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

Totally agree with the author; who ever thought that would happen?  While the advice won’t get you anywhere, the situation lends itself to that.  The reader is damned if she does, and (maybe) damned if she doesn’t.  If any gf told me, in the midst of an otherwise great relationship, that she wanted to bang other guys because she was curious before settling down (essentially the case here), she would be romantically out of my life forever.  Even if she keeps her reasons to herself, the guy will know them or suspect worse.  That being said, the divorce rate is fundamentally caused by men and women not getting their inner sluts out before walking down the aisle, so for that reason perhaps she is being prudent.  Tough call.

lea322
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]

@ChoJinn: Divorce rates are the way they are because people aren’t “getting their inner sluts out before walking down the aisle”? I think it’s more likely because people don’t realize that relationships take hard work and that a commitment has less to do with feelings than it does with a choice.

CrimsonCurls
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]

Also if she tells him and then he breaks up with her, then she’ll wonder how her life would be if she was still with him, and on and on… “What Ifs” are not always meant to be taken so seriously, and she’s got to better decipher between these whims and ideas. I personally cannot undertsand this whole concept of “dating around” just for the heck of it. To me, when I date I am looking for someone that has the potential to be my mate for life. Not just accumilate people.

C.Munro
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]

The reader is damned if she does, and (maybe) damned if she doesn’t.

I agree with this.  I think either way, she’s going to regret it.  If she sticks around much longer, she’ll most likely become distant in the relationship as a result of her diminishing sexual desire for him.  If she leaves, she’ll most likely end up dating a string of losers and pricks and find herself pining for the guy she dumped. 

I don’t, however, think the divorce rates have all that much with people not getting their inner freakshow on earlier in life.  I think it’s more the result of people believing in stuff like “the one.”  Such as: 

if this guy was her “One”, then she wouldn’t feel this way, she wouldn’t WANT anyone else ....

It seems to me that many people have this unrealistic expectation that once they find “the one,” being in a relationship will no longer require any work.  That it just becomes happily ever after, and the reason all those past relationships didn’t work out is that I wasn’t with “the one.” 

There is no “one.”  Just a range of better and worse fits, all of which require some degree of effort to maintain.

QTKT
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]

I felt the same way when I was younger. I was in love with my guy and we had discussed marriage. But at the same time, he was my first major relationship (and the only person I had had sex with), and I wondered what it would be like to date other people. In the end, the relationship ended due to other reasons.

Several years and relationships later, I am engaged and couldn’t imagine having married my first love. I may sometimes see some cute guy and be attracted to him. But I do not have any doubts. I think that’s the difference. I can wonder/be attracted to others, but I do not have any doubts about my fiance and our future together.

Elyse
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]

C.Munro is right on the money. Why aren’t you writing a column? Haha

CrimsonCurls
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]

It seems to me that many people have this unrealistic expectation that once they find “the one,” being in a relationship will no longer require any work.  That it just becomes happily ever after, and the reason all those past relationships didn’t work out is that I wasn’t with “the one.” 

Finding “the one” you want to be with for the rest of your life is “unrealistic”? Because that is all you could have gotten from my statement without assuming. I never said when you find the one, the relationship then requires no work. I didnt mention anything of the sort, I believe youassumed that is what I meant, simply by my using the words “the one”. There is no relationship that doesnt require work, patience, compromise, forgiveness, letting things slide off of you, struggles and victories. This is even more intense and important when it comes to couples and marriage. If you weren’t with your “one”, you wouldn’t bother with any of that work, however. There wouldnt be something inside you telling you the work is worth it. Because when you do find him/her, the work is definately worth it.

Divorce is high these days because people think other people are so disposable now. So replaceable. Throw it out and get another one. As soon as things get complicated, or the other person gets complicated, they want to leave. No one wants to put in work with one person, people want everything easy and personal satisfaction first. To me, people who “get their sluts out” are perhaps more prone to think this way and probably divorce. To them, people are just a number, an experience, instead of an actual person with all their frailties and complexities.

C.Munro
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]

Finding “the one” you want to be with for the rest of your life is “unrealistic”?

Not as a general rule, no.  At least, not when reworded to say, “Finding someone you want to be with ...” instead of, “Finding the one ...”. 

But the idea that there wouldn’t be doubts, second thoughts, the occasional attraction to somebody else once you’ve found “the one” is entirely unrealistic, which is why I quoted that particular part of your post. 

I didn’t mean to imply that you personally think relationships aren’t work, but I was using your comment as a springboard for making my own point that several people do believe just that.

bethlynn00
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]

Didn’t anyone ever tell this girl “curiosity killed the cat”.  It really just sounds like this girl wants to screw a bunch of guys then go back to her boyfriend and that is f**cked up in so many ways.  If she wants to sleep around do it, but then don;t be surprised if your “perfect” boyfriend is not going to stick around and marry you, no one would do that!

I would say she is definitely not ready to get married, so save your time with going thru a horrible divorce and move on.  If he was so great or for you, you would know and not feel like you have to be “REALLY ready to settle down”.  Save him and you the heartache and move on.

CrimsonCurls
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]

I just figured when I said “the one”, that it was obvious that it meant “someone you want to be with for the rest of your life”. I did not mean it in the fantasy, Disney sort of way people think of love.

I also dont think there wouldn’t be doubts, or that you could never be attracted to anyone else. But, with me, being physically attracted to someone else does not mean I want that person, in a sexual way etc. I can think someone is attractive without it spilling over into a sexual way. Perhaps that’s just me. But I never was that way even when I was single, physical attraction is only one part of the equation for me to find someone sexually appealing.

But the girl in the article wasnt just talking about being attracted to others, doubts etc. She was talking about actually acting on it. Actually wanting to physically be with other guys. That is not something I can understand. Also its not something her boyfriend can understand either.

CrimsonCurls
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

Sorry, I forgot to quote C. Munro in my last comment!

Oreo
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]

I agree completely with bethlynn00 and Crimson Curls.

This comes off more as sexually greedy than anything else.  If you can’t “find yourself” in a happy relationship, you’re not going to “find yourself” playing the field.  Being secure in who you are and what you want is not accomplished by sleeping around until you have a eureka moment.  Perhaps I’m being old fashioned, but the time to date around and “find yourself” is high school and college.  By 24, you’re an adult and it’s time to accept the roles of adult life.

Will it ruin the relationship.  Yes.  Absolutely.  No one wants to wait around like a cuckold while their significant other engages in romantic and/or sexual relationships with other people.  No one deserves that kind of treatment.  Either you want to be in the relationship, or you want to end it permanently and date around.  What you’re proposing is pretty cruel.

Divorce is high these days because people think other people are so disposable now. So replaceable. Throw it out and get another one. As soon as things get complicated, or the other person gets complicated, they want to leave. No one wants to put in work with one person, people want everything easy and personal satisfaction first.

Exactly.  Modern society tends to mistake selfishness and greed with independence and liberation.  So your relationship and sexual history wouldn’t qualify for Penthouse Letters?  So what!  By your own words, you are happy, but this isn’t enough to satisfy you?  Then again, by your own words, you are “fully committed” when you are anything but.  Someone who is “fully committed” to one person would be disgusted with the thought of doing what you’re contemplating.

ilovetospoon123
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 04:18 pm: [report]

Here’s a question though. Different girl, same situation, except that I am 20 years old. Would you give the same advice?

lea322
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 05:08 pm: [report]

@Oreo: I agree with you that 24 really isn’t all that young. It’s young in the grand scheme of life, yes, but it’s old enough to have a good grasp on who you are and what you want, or at least what direction you want to be headed in. You will NEVER have all the answers, no matter how old you are, and it’s immaturity, not lack of experience, that says a person needs to play the field in order to “find themselves”.

cooldad
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 07:47 pm: [report]

What she doesn’t seem to realize is that the idea of wanting to sleep with others or ‘try out’ other relationships never goes away.  In a long lasting relationship, most people will have a wandering eye, have crushes and want to sleep with someone else, but ultimately the thought of jeopardizing the relationship causes them to not to do it.  That’s my personal experience and I started living my wife at 21.

tubbyhumptydance
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:04 pm: [report]

the wandering eye has ruined more amazing relationships than the plague.

If she wants to leave, he is going to get some strange. And not just a little. Women tend to be pickier about their partners than men. He will bury his head in enough women to find someone who is secure with herself and not too immature to understand fleeting curiosity for what it is.

majicksand
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]

Most people spend their entire lives unsuccessfully trying to find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  If you find it, throwing it away because you haven’t wandered loserville is just asinine.

whatshesays
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:27 pm: [report]

Why so harsh? There’s no need to label her as “sexually greedy” or “just wants to sleep with tons of guys then go back to her boyfriend”. She has had a wonderful relationship so far, cares about him, is confused about how restless she’s feeling and wants to think it through. And she is not going to be unfaithful. For someone in her situation, well- you can say for her that she hasn’t screwed up yet.

But she can’t have it all. She says “I don’t want to have any doubts”, but if she breaks up with him that’s exactly what she is heading for. Even worse is the “Maybe sometime in the future we could…” It has to be a breakup, cut and dry, if that’s the only reason she is ending a great relationship. It will tear him up. It’s time to be unselfish and let him move on too, if that’s what you are going to do yourself. And that’s the part that will suck for her- she’ll be alone, and it sounds like this girl wants to just rebound into a magical single dating paradise. That’s not real life, at least not most of the time.

Call me cynical but when you see so many couples who were “irrevocably in love” for any amount of time from a few months to decades of marriage then change their tune and decide to see other people, it’s hard to be disgusted with her situation or brand her with immaturity. I personally wish her the best and she’s in a difficult situation. I have definitely been in her shoes.

TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]

She has a great relationship with a great guy, and she is afraid of settling?

Although I am happy now and fully committed…

If she really wants to “experiment” with guys other than the one to whom she is happy with and committed to, then she isn’t happy or committed.

If she wants to experiment with other guys, she should go ahead and do it. It’s called breaking up. So, go ahead—break up with your “cute, sexy, kind, intelligent” boyfriend that you are in a “committed, loving, happy relationship” with. Break up with him so he can move on to someone who deserves him, and then go have your fun.

I just don’t understand some people…

TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:40 pm: [report]

@majicksand

Most people spend their entire lives unsuccessfully trying to find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  If you find it, throwing it away because you haven’t wandered loserville is just asinine.

That is just perfect! I wish I’d said that!

loveitlala
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:44 pm: [report]

Whatshesays is right on.  I am wondering if those who are judging so harshly just have not lived enough to experience something similar to the writer or are lucky so far.

whatshesays
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:04 pm: [report]

I think we have the exact same conclusion with a different take on the situation, in that we agree that it’s called breaking up if that’s the side she chooses.

But it’s not out of the ordinary for people to have doubts like these. Even in happy, fulfilling relationships with cute, sexy, kind, intelligent people. And it’s very hard to imagine or understand until it actually happens to you.

joyy
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:24 pm: [report]

@loveitlala - I’m 24, have been with my bf for nearly 4 years, and am kind of similar to the letter writer.  When you don’t have much experience, it’s natural to wonder what ‘different’ from what you have is like.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t happy. 

But wondering about new/different things and actually thinking you can take a break, run around to sow those wild oats, and then pick up where you left off are completely different things.  If she and the bf both really wanted to do this, then maybe that would work. 

Like I said earlier, the post nailed it: “If you aren’t willing to risk losing your boyfriend forever, resist the urge to take a break.”  If she doesn’t want to lose him, she needs to start ‘experimenting’ IN her current relationship to broaden her horizons and keep the ‘what if’ fantasies where they are - fantasies (any happily married ladies out there got a celeb fantasy?  that’s what I thought).

majicksand
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]

@joyy: Dave Navarro

draymond
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 03:07 am: [report]

I just read through the responses here and I can continue to say that I have never heard of anybody who has said this to their boy/girlfriend played around, and then successfully restarted the relationship again.  I am not saying it never has happened, but the odds are really against it.  There is too many thoughts about what happened during the time apart and how you might again get the urge to wander.

So seriously ask yourself…what are you chances of finding somebody whom you love more than this guy?  If you think that the cances are slim, why are you taking that gamble?  You may think that if it doesn’t work out you can just get back together, but it doesn’t work out that way in real life.

Neither though am I advocating staying with a bad relationship or settling or marrying while having major doubts.  What I am saying is that time is more likely to uncover the flaws in a relationship than fooling around with other people.

Twenty Four may be young by today’s standards (althoug old by the standards of just a couple of decades ago) but you have been with this guy for two and a half years and still apparently love him.  That is the more important statistic. You can go out and find somebody and it may be great and fresh for the first week or month or two, but how long will it take to know that it will be good for two and a half years or more?

kevin K
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 06:37 am: [report]

I’d stick with him, If its the first time you are happy and you are compatible why change? Only change and experiment if you think there is someone out there better for you

Kitesurfing South East

hannahsguy
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]

I was that guy.  In a “committed” relationship with a wonderful girl.  We openly told each other we loved each other and she said she could see us spending the rest of our lives together.  At Christmas, a year into our relationship (and it kept getting better every day) she got a phone call from an ex, who lived in Montreal.  She said she wanted to be sure about her feelings for me and said she was going to spend part of the holidays with him.  Yeah, I can tell you for sure it totally ended our relationship.  Even when she came back BEGGING I said “no”.  I miss her all the time…but I’ll never take her back.

jambadreamer07
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]

@Ilovetospoon - I’m in the exact same situation as you are. I’m 20 yrs old, been with my bf for 2.5 years. He’s the one that brought up marriage, and I know for a fact that if we’d met at the end of college instead of the end of high school that we’d be either engaged or about to get engaged. I know this because he told me. I’ve had the same problems with being curious about dating other people, however I guess my situation is different because my boyfriend and I have managed to make it work with me in college in Louisiana, and him in college in San Diego. We don’t get to see each other very often, and my life is a lot like being single. I get hit on A LOT, and the men here seem to be really interested in me, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to tell men who were obviously interested about my boyfriend. Sometimes they straight up walk away, sometimes they pretend to be just interested in hanging out, ask for my number and then never call (can’t say I blame them), and sometimes they try for over an hour to convince me that cheating is good for a relationship… yes that really happened.

My point is that being in a long distance relationship, but essentially having to deal with a lot of the same things that single girls b*tch about, I can honestly say that the amount of douchebaggery that goes on around me makes me even more sure that I want to stay with my awesome boyfriend. I know that there won’t ever be another one who will make me happier, we have the same values, goals, hatred of children, and when we’re together I’m definitely at my happiest. Plus I get to see all of my friends deal with their drama, and they all tell me to hang onto my bf. I think a direct quote from one of them was “if you were ever stupid enough to dump him Claire would hold you down while I repeatedly punched you in the face.”  I may be young, and I definitely don’t have very much dating experience, but I’m smart enough to know that this is the kind of relationship that I feel like I shouldn’t be lucky enough to have until I’m like in my forties. Don’t throw it away just because the grass seems greener. It really isn’t. I’ve had plenty of experiences with weeds trying to infest my lawn.

majicksand
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

@jambadreamer07: “I’ve had plenty of experiences with weeds trying to infest my lawn.”

That’s the best quote I’ve heard all day.  Kudos!

KClay
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]

In economics classes, this would be called a trade-off.  When you pick one thing, you automatically lose the opportunity to have the alternative(s).  This girl needs to take off her rose-colored glasses and give her relationship an honest look: It is either as wonderful as she says, and she’d be a fool to throw it away, or it is not as good as she wants it to be, and it is time to move on.

jackofhearts
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]

Most people spend their entire lives unsuccessfully trying to find a happy, fulfilling relationship.  If you find it, throwing it away because you haven’t wandered loserville is just asinine.

Here here! Totally hits the nail on the head, and brilliantly concise!

SouthOC
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]

No one should ever marry before they’re absolutely 100% sure.  It sounds like this person has found the right partner, but isn’t ready to tie the knot.

DancingGeek
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 04:22 pm: [report]

I disagree that divorce rates are high because people think their spouses are “disposable”.

I think it is because people get married either

1)too soon and they don’t truly know what they want/dont want.

2) for the wrong reasons, i.e. they think its the “logical next step”, pregnancy.

Many people have very unrealistic expectations of marriage and that’s a lot of pressure on a relationship.

thespian
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 01:42 am: [report]

shhh. nobody use the word ‘polyamory’, in case she gets ideas that maybe she can be committed to him AND (looks around furtively) date other men.

Now, he’s not poly, or even curious, so that’s obviously not happening in this relationship, but THAT, my dears, is a different issue than the fact that she can be committed and can also want other relationships, which seems to be where her head is at. She’s been honest with him, she offered the same thing, asking if he wanted to experiment, too, but no one dare mention the p-word, no no.

Gingee
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:28 pm: [report]

Yes, absolutely, see other guys. 

Listen to your instinct.  Forget logic, there is no such thing as being bad for wanting what you want.

You already have doubts: For a reasosn.

Gingee

canadiancutie
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:51 pm: [report]

Sure, I think she should. What other way is she going to learn what a gem she *had* than by going to dinner with giant Turds? Hey man, if you need to make the mistake. By all means. By the time another winner comes along you’ll be so exhausted and so grateful you’ll practically kiss his feet.

TheUnusualSuspect
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:28 pm: [report]

@canadiancutie (and many others) Yes, she should definitely ask for permission to date other guys (i.e. dump her Prince Almost-Charming-Enough-But-Not-Quite) so she can get this mistake out of the way when she’s young and has plenty of time for soul-searching and regrets afterwards. I mean, what’s the point in having regrets late in life when you can have them early and thus live with them for much longer? Go ahead—screw things up now. RUN, do not walk to the nearest bar to find some random guy to have fun with!

EastCoastMale
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]

I think the whole idea of this is crazy personally. If you need to “date around” before committing to your partner just to see what else is out there, where does it end? what if you date around, find another guy and switch to him. If things get serious and you consider committing, do you date around yet again to make really really sure? If you think you want to commit to the one you are with, make a rational decision and stick with it. No neon sign is ever going to read “You are 100% right, make this choice”, sometimes you have to go out on a limb.

BlueVibe
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]

Dating around was never my thing, but if she feels she needs to, she should.

However, she also needs to be prepared for the fact that it might be the end of her relationship with her current boyfriend.  If he’s not the dating-around type, they might both be better off finding people with more compatible romance styles.  If he got that upset by the idea, he’s likely not to want her back.  And she may not want him back.

wonderfultonight
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:20 pm: [report]

This relationship is on its way out. She already knows her BF felt “sick to his stomach” at the thought of her with some other guy. How will he feel when he KNOWS she has? This is a one way street - you go down it, you don’t get welcomed back.

She doesn’t want to hurt him…she says, but she will either way. If she sticks around, sooner or later she may even start resenting him since she’ll still feel she’s missing something and HE’s preventing HER from dating around. Better to get out of the relationship now and do whatever she feels will satisfy her curiosity.  She is obviously not happy with herself or with being in a “loving, committed relationship” at this point in her life.

onewriter
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:14 am: [report]

so…she is in a committed relationship, but wants to shop around, which is what we do when we want a committed relationship.  hm..  her boyfriend doesn’t deserve that.  she better wise up.

EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]

Sounds like an indecisive girl who just wants to sleep around a bit before she “settles down”. Gag