Dealbreaker: The Twin Bed
Posted by: Jane Crackers
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Monday April 20th 2009
According to my mom, the three hallmarks of adulthood are appreciating jazz, a taste for cantaloupe, and sleeping in a bed that is larger than a twin. Unfortunately, Mom’s wisdom does not apply to dudes here in New York City, specifically in the arty enclave of Brooklyn, in which I dwell. Sure, they have the jazz and melon part down, but what about the boys whose rooms I’ve stumbled into, ready for action, just to discover that—really? We’re working with a twin-sized bed?
I’ll admit it, I’ve dated not one but three guys with twin bed. None of this took place during college or even high school years, which is the only time that having a twin bed is acceptable. I may have an affinity for artistic men who put domestic evolution second to the pursuit of art, music, and/or blogging. I can make some concessions for the cute, artful types. But miniature beds always deflate my girl-boner big time. Immediately, I think parents’ houses, dorm room one-night stands, dirty boyhood.
My last twin-bedded boy was a 32-year-old writer who lived in a railroad-style apartment, an architectural challenge that plagues Brooklynites. For this reason, I shrugged away the fact that his room looked like a space-saving dorm set up more suitable to a 19-year-old than a grown-ass man. Though he’d been sleeping in this twin for two years, he assured me it was a temporary situation, one that came about only after a failed live-in relationship that he was still mentally screwed up over. NB: A twin bed is an indicator of larger problems.
After the first time I went to his house, where we shared beers on his bed and chatted like teenagers, I went back for more. I figured he couldn’t be a player or a jerk, what with his child’s bed and all. Weeks after dinner dates and party-hopping, I found myself excusing the elephant in the bedroom. One night he asked me, “Is it creepy that I have a twin bed?” Deciding that honesty was the best policy, I answered in the affirmative. Him: “Yeah, that’s what my ex-girlfriend said. Must not be too creepy, though, since you are here right now.”
His brazen defense convinced me to stick around. After a few weeks, we did it. One night, I invited him to my bedroom, which included a bed large enough for not one but two adults. It was only then that I could get in the appropriate mood requisite for adult-minded sex. After we banged, I had no expectations that he would stay the night, nor was I ready to extend the invite.
However, when he got comfortable on the other side of the bed with my grown-up flannel sheets and fluffy pillows, I asked if he was staying. “Yeah. Your bed is way nicer than mine.” Then he settled in for some zzz’s. Exactly, dude. That was the first and last time my twin-man slept over. Now, I consider the size of the bed congruent to the size of the man.
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Kiki T
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]
Yes, this is a NEVER for me!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 09:13 am: [report]
I can haz Queen?
Ninaka
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
I don’t think I could handle a man with twin sized bed. Mainly because after having sex I get really hot and I need my space, which always involves me moving far from his body.
Cherubina
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
I met my boyfriend when he had a twin bed in a small studio apartment—he was 30 at the time, I a senior in college. He was very reluctant to show me his place—part of that probably because of the size of his bed—but he’s a pretty sensitive guy, and I noticed that right away, so I played it cool so as not to deflate his ego too much.
Two years and several twin-shared nights later, we’re still together and upgraded to a queen that we’ve been sharing for a year now. And let me tell you: It was all totally worth it.
lalaland
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
Dose my dislike of cantaloupe really knock me off the grown up list!?
retro chic
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]
This… EXISTS? Horrifying. One for the Men’s Arrested Development list. Even a double bed is pushin’ it.
hellosunrise
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
i’ve never actually thought too much into the size of a guys bed because its never been that big of a deal to me. when i first met my boyfriend he had a twin size bed. it was a bit difficult to for both of us to sleep on, i admit. he later on got a queen when he moved. well we’re both quite young and have graduated high school a couple of years ago, so i didn’t expect him to have his own house and a gigantic bed. however, if we were both older, i might’ve expected him to. although it still probably wouldn’t have made that much of a difference since he’s such a great guy
Lisa Marie
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]
I’m big on checking out the type of bed my guy is in. Twin beds are a definite recipe for unpleasantness. The coup de gras is when it’s not only a twin bed, but the mattress is bare. I witnessed the apparition once. After a minute of my horrified staring, the guy said, “if you just hold on one sec, I’ll put the sheet on. It’s here… somewhere.”
I wanted to run, not walk, from the apartment.
lovely_j
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
I am finally seeing my ex-boyfriend in high-school for who he really was: Attending community college and sporting a twin bed. That baby was never going to grow up. After all, he was 21 and dating a 16 year-old. What can I say, I was going through my “older man” phase to rebel from my parents. He was a loser with sports team sheets. I think he’s 31 and working at a Panera Bread at the mall now.
EarthGoddess
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
When I met my husband, he was 29 and out of work and living in his cousin’s spare room on an air mattress. I fell madly in love with him anyway, since I would have slept on a dirt floor to be near him if I had to. Now, we’re happily married and sleep cuddled up every night in our queen bed. So, even an air mattress isn’t a dealbreaker!
chipclip
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]
Uhh… My man’s got a twin (still in college) and I like it. We sleep closer together and it’s cuddly. If a dude is good at sleeping next to someone, a twin bed isn’t a problem at all.
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]
Twin bed is a definite dealbreaker. Also, a futon. Goes double if the futon is just laying there on the floor. Triple if there’s no bedding or just one ratty old pillow.
Humble Bee
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
Me ex had a futon!
which is worse than a twin bed. That thing was sooo hard, he never had any pillows, and he had Simpson blankets. I hated having sex on his bed, I serioulsy would rather the table or floor than his piece of bed. I repeatedly told him to save money for a good bed, and he constantly spent 300 dollars on shoes and crap to wear every week. His room is flooded with clothing, and a #&@$% bed. I was tired of playing mother with him, buying him pillows, bed sheets, lamps, A/C’s, all because I wanted to be comfortable in his place. PPPPFFFFTTT.. total waste of money, if the guy can’t get the basics for himself. Like Lisa Marie said, run your ass outta there!!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]
@humble bee: I laughed out loud in the office. I’m sooo sorry for you.
joyy
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]
My bf had a futon when we first met. He had it on a real bed frame with real sheets, so it didn’t seem that bad ... at first. He kept saying it was a real futon “mattress” becuase it had springs and everything - but the thing was completely DEAD and the springs just jabbed me in the back.
There were several nights after we moved in together where I just got up and slept on the couch because his bed was killing my back. He eventually realized that the thing was beat and we replaced it with a nice king mattress. Now, a year or so later, we realize it’s a little softer than we should have gone, but it’s still remarkably comfortable - and roomy!
brackishfaun
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
My boyfriend has a twin bed, but since we’re still in college and I have one too i think it’s fine. The problem for me is his inability to keep sheets or blankets on it. There’ll be a sheet that is tucked into one out of four corners and a bedspread that’s on sideways and half on the floor. It’s so annoying. And he thinks its weird when I remake the bed before we go to sleep. Other than that the cuddle aspect of a twin bed is awesome, but can be a serious problem when one of us can’t sleep.
aminata
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 08:16 pm: [report]
Twin beds rock. There’s some good lovin to be found there. and ltrs. in my experience (and with my current guy) it shows that you’re not scared to stick it out through thick and thin. and when they get money to take someone hot on that swank vacation, it’s the twin bed girl they’re tucking into the king sized bed in the hotel by the beach. yes, that happened to me. : )
cjmar
wrote on April 20 2009 @ 09:10 pm: [report]
Wow, I’m going to sound very prissy here: my boyfriend and I struggle with sharing a queen sized bed (we like our space when sleeping, and according to him, I hog the bed). We luhooove taking vacations, partially because we get a hotel room with a KING sized bed!
showbiiiz
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 01:25 am: [report]
Thankfully, I have never experienced meeting someone with a twin sized bed. That would suck horribly, since I wouldn’t want to sleep on a twin bed alone. I dislike sleeping alone, but at the same time I do love having a whole queen to myself.
I think the worst was meeting a guy because his sister thought we should get to know eachother. She failed to tell me he was without a job and sleeping in her spare room on an air mattress. It was a double, but A. It was on the floor, which sucked to get out of when you gotta pee and B. Each time he’d shift movement in his sleep, he would disrupt my sleep.
Needless to say, that didn’t happen too many times…
aminata
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
Oh yeah, I forgot to add, I love the twin bed cuz then my guy has an excuse to be all over me. In each instance I got twin bed love, they usually are! Call it smothering but I love it.
Sara.B
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
I met this really nice guy with nice shoes, clothes, car, and a career. We go to his place after several dates and great phone chats. His house is nice and very well kept, though still a man cave. His bed room was large with three pieces of furniture. A dresser, a nightstand and a huge water bed! It was the late 80’s and I thought I had dodged this particular fad. This thing had the massive lincoln log headboard, side rails and everything.
Well, I tried. How anyone made babies in one of these things is nuts. Climbing out of it took special op skills and one time I got stuck between the mattress and the side board and thought I’d die. After several attempts, I found greater pleasure - and comfort - in other parts of the house, including the day bed in his spare bedroom.
stormygirl
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 08:19 pm: [report]
to humblebee:
I read your post and I laughed so hard, I was in tears! I felt so bad for you! that is so retarded. a guy that can buy 300 dollars worth of clothes, but is too cheap to buy a decent bed?!
bogart4017
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]
ok ladies—-with a few exceptions, meet a guy with a high school diploma and a twin bed run screaming in the other direction right? Good thing i gave mine up as a HS junior and never looked back! Didnt know we were judged on such things.
lawgrl
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 08:55 am: [report]
People, haven’t you all realized that (most) guys just don’t care…most of them are content to have the same bed until someone (read: girlfriend) makes them buy another, more grown-up size bed.
It’s the same reason most of them have that ugly recliner/overstuffed sofa…it’s comfortable and it serves it’s purpose. Mattress size is not an indicator of anything, except the fact that no one’s made him upgrade yet.
Seriously, a big bed is a plus but to say that a twin is a total dealbreaker and you won’t date any guy who doesn’t at least have a queen? That’s ridiculous.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 24 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]
@lawgrl: Exactly! When will it stop? Nice Clothes? A BMW? Indoor Pool? When is it enough?