Dealbreaker: The Overly Dirty Talker
Posted by: Natalie Krinsky
Filed in:
sex
10:30AM, Monday December 29th 2008
Dirty talk is an acquired taste. Like oysters, or caviar. Sure, maybe at first bite, dirty talk can seem a little awkward, even unsavory to some. But like a kalamata olive, it grows on you. And soon enough you’re ordering Greek salads like it’s your job and dirty talking like you never owned a copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette. I am not criticizing such behavior. Something about glass houses and stones and throwing them. I dirty talk. I like it. I do it all the time. I want to hear it. There. I said it. As cleanly as I know how.
But recently, I’ve come across an urban phenomenon. Let’s call him Dirty Harry. Like Clint Eastwood in “Dirty Harry,” hw has little regard for rules. So little, in fact, that he breaks out the dirty talk early. And voraciously. With abandon. On the first date. At the total wrong time.
As every mother is prone to saying, there is a time and place for everything. Dirty talk is no exception.
Recently, I went on a date with a Dirty Harry. Actually, more accurately, it was a set-up. Which it makes the whole thing more egregious, because homeboy had backers. He came with promises, like “with ten percent more gentleman!” and “now with a fresh lemony scent!”
But as I’ve learned in my years as a single person, many of my couple friends have no idea what they’re talking about.
Harry seemed thoroughly mediocre at first—personality-wise—but everything else-wise—his face, his eyes, his body, his hands—were hot. We meandered through a nice dinner, jumping through all the first-date hoops. You know, sharing all the stories you usually share on a first date that you think are amusing and present you in the best light. We drove back to Harry’s house, and after an awkward pause, Harry asked if I’d like to go inside.
Though I wasn’t enthralled by his personality, I was enthralled by his green eyes and chiseled jaw line (show me a straight woman who can turn down a chiseled jaw). I agreed to come inside for “a drink,” which, in first date talk, loosely translates into rolling around on top of each other for a couple of hours. I didn’t want sex, but I did want a good make-out to tide me through the holiday season. The economy isn’t the only thing that has taken a nosedive lately. My sex life is in dire need of a bailout, as well.
Harry led me through his house, pointing out important monuments, like the bedroom and the bed.
Harry slid me onto said bed and make out we did. I commended myself on what a good idea this was. I wanted to make out with him in a seventeen-year-old kind of way, until the scruff on his face left a bit of a rash on my chin. I was in it for some good wholesome fun. You know, a little heavy petting on a Tuesday.
Suddenly, Harry pulled back and looked me in the eye. And then he said: “Let me taste that pussy juice.”
Even though I’m a screenwriter, even I cannot conjure dialogue that amusing. I looked at him as if he was speaking Mandarin. “Excuse me?”
He repeated himself. As if I didn’t hear him the first time. Did I look like a Jamba Juice? Am I an Elixir? I’ve got a wide array of tantalizing things on my menu, Harry, but “Pussy Juice” is not one of them.
After a few uncomfortable and awkward moments I got out of there—unjuiced.
I shared the story with my girlfriends, only to discover they, too, had encountered the Dirty Harry type. One friend of mine was set up with a Dirty Harry who broke out the big guns while they were still completely clothed—and in a taxi. Dirty talk, my friends, is not for public consumption.
Dirty talk, you see, is not inherently bad, nor is it inherently good. It is circumstantial. You need to be in the mood for it. Like watching a Holocaust movie or eating Thai food.
So, to the Dirty Harrys out there: Keep honing your craft, but use it wisely—and sparingly—at least in the beginning. But no matter what you do, please, never, ever use the phrase “Pussy Juice.”
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Reagan
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 11:06 am: [report]
Hahahahaha….I can not stop laughing right now!
BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 11:34 am: [report]
I have no problem with men watching porn (in moderation), until they start picking up habits like this. How disgusting… and sort of offensive! It’s definitely not okay to talk to a woman this way, unless, maybe, she’s into it to. But I think I speak for most women when I say that we’re not. Porn is not real life, dudes!
Jennie G.
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
This may, in fact, be one of the funniest things ever. On the first date????? Are you out of your mind????? Maybe something like…“I’d like to taste you” would be just dirty enough for a first date. So Explicit!
Arty
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:51 pm: [report]
Sounds like it was maybe less that he was talking dirty and more that the words he said were so completely unappealing! Eww. May no man ever say “pussy juice” to me, ever.
Rachel Kramer Bussel
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
I happen to love dirty talk BUT you do need to know the person a little and get a feel for what they’re into, cause one person’s sexy phrase is another’s dealbreaker. And I’m with you - “pussy juice” is not a phrase to toss around, casually or otherwise in most circumstances.
I do think that sometimes it’s okay for public consumption, if it’s whispered and naughty and hot, but again, you really have to know the person and vice versa.
eden
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:24 pm: [report]
@ beegirl: Do you *really* think that type of talk is offensive?
I wouldn’t respond all that warmly to that hot little utterance mentioned here at all, but I would find it acceptable and non-offensive… however, I would want to be at the stage where the juice in question had been tasted before getting into that sort of talk.
BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:31 pm: [report]
@eden: Well it depends exactly what he’s saying, but yes, I do find a lot of porno-esque hardcore dirty talk offensive. I’m alright with fairly tame dirty talk, but I just don’t respond to the blunt, abrasive stuff. “Pussy juice” isn’t exactly offensive, but waaaaaay too vulgar for my taste. Definitely a total turn-off.
eden
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:40 pm: [report]
@ beegirl: Well, thats what I meant, really… vulgar-offensive or offensive-to-women offensive. Just out of interest, though!
“Pussy juice,” agreed, is a bloody horrible term!
BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:46 pm: [report]
@eden: Yeah, there’s definitely a difference. “Pussy juice” = vulgar offensive. “You dirty #&@$%/slut/whore” = offensive-to-women offensive. I don’t enjoy either, but the latter is even more unacceptable.
EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:53 pm: [report]
I love the way people throw absolutes around this site like they speak for all women. I have been referred to and referred to myself as a “slut” or a “whore” with my guy ... in the heat of passion or whatever. I don’t find it offensive to me personally or to women at large. If I did, I wouldn’t say it. OTOH, the “c” word is always a turnoff for me ... but I’d never tell another woman that if she used it with her lover, she was being offensive to all women.
BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:56 pm: [report]
@EB: I was not speaking for all women, I was speaking for myself.
jannatu
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 06:25 pm: [report]
hahaha, this whole post reminds me of my first encounter with the phrase “pussy juice”, which happened to be a few weeks ago. though my reaction was far more shock (“did you actually just say that?”/amusement than offended or angry. and to be fair, he was drunk and otherwise has never said anything remotely offensive/could be considered dirty talk. he hasn’t said it again, but i’m sure if he does i’ll just laugh then too. oh dear…
MissChaotic
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
Wow, this sounds familiar. Wow.
Some men are nuts. Enough said.
eden
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 02:02 am: [report]
@ beegirl: I love being called a slut or a whore, personally, and I agree with EB- I don’t see how being called something in the bedroom by my loving, awesome fiancé is degrading to women. (But then, I guess, he knows thats what I *want* to be called, and I wouldn’t want to indulge in that kind of talk with someone who was a chauvinistic wanker outside the bedroom.)
Anyway, I think with dirty talk, people will never agree, and I think thats cool.
Diana Vilibert
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 02:26 am: [report]
Hahaha, ok, when did men get together and decide that the phrase “pussy juice” was hot? I heard a version of this myself, except I hadn’t even hooked up with the guy, and he was telling me of his love of “the juices” in general. Sigh.
Humble Bee
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 11:57 am: [report]
I feel soo left out, my bf can’t even say dick. haha. He tamely points down there and nods, and I told him if he wanted it he had to ask, but he just couldnt say it. I love dirty talk, but I feel like I can’t say it even when in the moment, :( I once told him, you could pull my hair when we’re in bed, and he asked me. “What do you mean, why would I want to pull your hair?, thats not nice” I have to admit, i was VERY frustrated with his lack of sex knowledge, i mean, Jesus, watch some movies for crying out loud. Dont blame me people, i’m sexually frustrated here.
DidSheReallyGoThere
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:31 pm: [report]
Y’all see my Online Moniker, right? So it’s safe to assume I’ve played a lot of roles behind closed doors. This article DEFINATELY bespeaks a deal-breaker! With the right guy, I may make the hard-core rapper Little Kim blush! With the wrong guy, I’m figuring out how to lose him if he even asks for a KISS outta context!
There was a fella who worked across from the building I was employed. After staring the ashes outta the cigarette I was smoking, he finally got the nerve to exchange numbers. During our FIRST (FIRST) conversation over the phone, we innocently planned for a pizza/beer date at a local spot where we’d meet up. Before discussing our favorite toppings, he asked me, “I wanna know the last time you got your goodies licked, cuz your lips are so sexy I came on myself just talking to you earlier today”. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
I’m a mother of two, and ‘daddy dear’ will attest to the fact that I AM NOT SHY IN BED!
THIS Reject blew it before he ever GOT to ‘blow it’ because his approach was about as subtle as a rhinoceros blowing her nose!
We never made it to ‘munching’ pizza OR ‘licking’ goodies, because he came across as a monstrous freak who’d handcuff me to his bed and send me bruised and limping back home after holding me hostage for the whole weekend. Not what I was looking for from a guy who I hadn’t even yet deemed ‘my type’. FELLAS….I know society says it’s okay to be the agressors, but when it comes to discussing a lady’s ‘Victoriaz Secret’, SUBTLE is the name of the game!:p
DidSheReallyGoThere
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
HUMBLE BEE:
I was there years ago. You’d better start purchasing Cosmopolitan and buying ‘sexy scenario’ movies yourself! He’s too sensitive to immediately respond in a positive way to coming home and finding you in a batman mask, cape, cupless bra, and crotchless panties (YET! ;0) .....but would do quite well to come home and finding you cooked an aromatic meal wearing a full-length apron—-by itself! A candlelit massage with oil on his back. Then naked cuddling as you watcha ‘sexy scenario’ movie (MUST be rated R or higher with ‘N’ (nudity) indicated). I’ve never been ‘shoved on the ground’ for all of such effort to be followed up by straddling the waist, kissing from forehead to chest, and sighing “You just make me feel so open!” while reaching for pants zipper. Honey, if you’re doing It, ENJOY It! Or what’s the point? Good Luck.
Humble Bee
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
Thanks for the advice, thats a great idea. I’m a good cook too
I have all these crazy sexy lingerie, and he just thinks i’m weird because i like to buy them. He says, “its just underwear”. :(
He’s not a big sex freak (like me, mwahahaha) because he was a virgin when i met him, and i wasn’t. So I think that has a big part in him being shy. I feel like the big bad wolf when I say dirty things, or tell him to spank me, he does it all softly. haha. I have to tell him, again, again, again, okay damnit just let me do it.
and your right about enjoying it, because really what IS the point if only he enjoys it.
Sometimes after sex, i get all pissed because i’m not satisfied sexually. I think out of 3 years, Iv’e only really climaxed once. Sad isn’t it?
I still love him unconditionally, but i do prefer to watch a little x-rated movie on my own, if ya know what i mean..
eden
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 03:10 pm: [report]
Poor ol’ humblebee. At least he’s yours for the moulding! Just keep persisting - slowly - and make sure he gets what he wants, too, even if its non-sexual.
cbloon
wrote on December 31 2008 @ 07:27 pm: [report]
I had a lover once who could only climax while I was talking dirty. SO not me (I’m generally pretty quiet), but he was fun and so I did it. We’ve both moved on, but now I wonder how much it matters. My current beau is, as one of my friends called him, an officer and a gentleman, and I think such blatant lust would be a turnoff for him. I guess it’s all a matter of figuring out what works….
fallenangel915
wrote on January 1 2009 @ 05:35 am: [report]
While I love to be talked dirty to (and I really don’t find the term “pussy juice” to be offensive, but that’s just me, apparently), I do agree that the first date is not the best time to bring that term into use, LOL…not everyone is comfortable with that kind of talk, and you were well within your senses to get the hell outta there, chiseled jaw notwithstanding!
Scarlet Drawl
wrote on January 2 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
I had a guy that talked dirty to me. He was never too offensive, and he always knew the time and place to say just the right thing. He never went to the PJ reference, but often referred to my…lady business as a peach, and so many euphemisms subsequently sprung up. I’d be a little thrown off at the blatant throwing out of the P word, especially if you’re not even sure you’re going to get some from me. If you’ve been there, we’re comfortable, and we’re dirty together, then I’m not as much opposed. The aforementioned phrase sounds more like a medical problem that a come on.
hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 4 2009 @ 05:18 pm: [report]
You should have plugged your ears and let him devour the elixir…and then once he (assuming he would) want to go further tell him the juice machine is broken and went home!Clearly he had no respect for you. Additionally, just by agreeing to come inside does not equal green light. ‘Dirty Harry’ should be re-named ‘Hopeless Harry’.
jubee
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 08:08 pm: [report]
I’ve had a guy pull out the dirty talk, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRST DATE, in the restaurant, when he nonchalantly told me “I would love to use a dildo on you.”
duhh
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 05:24 am: [report]
There definitely is a right way and a wrong way to doing that….......
Whenever I try to get my significant other to talk dirty, he can’t….......he gets so embarrassed, he just sort of well, it’s all I can do not to ridicule him…...
you have to have a sense of pride in yourself and have your ego in check before you do that and there is a way of saying things that is good and a way of making yourself look like a tard…....
whispering it is nice….......