Dealbreaker: The Carbon Copy
Posted by: Joey Simon
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Monday June 8th 2009
Everyone knows that there are lots of fish in the sea. Some fish travel in schools and enjoy the security of being identical to their underwater neighbors. I always preferred the beta fish, however; colorful and unique, the beta fish swims alone and exudes individuality. Just like the beta fish that attacks any gilled creature that resembles his reflection, Carbon Copy and I were doomed from the start. The pond simply was not big enough for the both of us.
When I first saw him in the bookstore on an ordinary Monday afternoon, I wrote the lad off as a flirtatious stranger. At first I believed to be experiencing my first case of déjà vu. The man appeared eerily familiar yet I could not place him. After three hours of perusing the travel books together he casually mentioned that he was an INFJ (a personality type from the Myers-Brigg Type Indicator). I looked at him in disbelief. Not only was he knowledgeable about psychology (my college major) but we shared the rarest personality type in the bunch. It seemed our similarities were more abundant than the novels in the bookstore.
Weeks passed and I discovered we shared southern roots, astrological signs (both fiery Sagittarians), a sarcastic sense of humor, and a love of pink clothing. We also both enjoyed singing randomly in public, reading for hours, dark chocolate, and even Lady Gaga’s eccentricity. Essentially I was now involved with my long lost twin, affectionately dubbed my Carbon Copy.
“Why am I so attracted to you?” he would ask from time to time.
“Because you and I are exactly the same. You really just want to date yourself,” I would tease.
But after a few months the joke no longer seemed funny. My friends agreed that I was lucky to be with a man that could finish my sentences and be so attuned to my likes and dislikes. Sure, at first things seemed perfect with Carbon Copy because I felt an instant intimate bond. But as time passed the relationship became as predictable as my mother’s daily phone call. Suddenly Carbon Copy felt more like a brother or a close girlfriend than someone I wanted to shag. As it turns out, opposites do attract for good reason; mystery is essential for keeping sparks aflame in a relationship. I simply grew tired of Carbon Copy kissing the same way I kissed; touching the same way I touched. I realize that some people crave the predictability and familiarity of vanilla ice cream every night, but I would rather hold out for the occasional mocha chocolate swirl.
Besides, if I went all the way with Carbon Copy, I would only be screwing myself.
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Lola
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
That is exactly how I was with my recent ex. We shared the same sign, similar backgrounds, same family values, and literally mentally in sync with one another.
After 2-3 months I started to realize it was getting boring being with “myself” all of the time. Although we broke up for a completely different reason, I would have probably broken up with him eventually. You can only stand “yourself” for certain amount of time.
Rose
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
I’ve heard it said that if you’re “exactly like” your SO, then one of you is redundant. And one of me is enough for any room.
retro chic
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]
There is only one of me allowed per relationship. I want someone to understand me—not be me. If I need another mirror, I’ll buy one.
Like potlucking with someone in a relationship—you both get to enjoy each other’s tastes, each having brought something different to the table.
And, doesn’t Darwin/science frown on sameness? Don’t we select for variety to push our own evolution forward? Lots more fun, too. Win-win.
canadiancutie
wrote on June 8 2009 @ 10:08 pm: [report]
I’ve always been attracted to guys with my personality ir similar and opposite looks. I think there needs to be some sort of difference there to keep things interesting.
Lo
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
While I agree that it is good not to have your SO be so similar to you, “Darwin/science” doesn’t actually frown on sameness. It is shown that we are attracted to people that are similar to ourselves for several reasons, most linking back to survival and mating. I took an evolutionary psychology class and the research shows surprising findings.
MichelleS1017
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]
of course its okay to be similar. I think couples should share the same values, but it is another thing to be the same person essentially.
mavsqueen2010
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 10:52 pm: [report]
I was seeing a guy who was my carbon copy as well: sarcastic, hilarious, and obsessed with music. At first it was so right, everything about one another was similar and I loved saying “He’s just like me!” and then…it just got so boring and he was just as nonchalant about relationships as I was. He never called, like me, and loved going out with friends, like me. It made me realize that I would NEVER date anyone like me. I’m kind of a douche when it comes to relationships, lol.
Katya T.
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 08:47 am: [report]
Also a Sag, and something I’ve learned about myself is that I also can’t stand constant predictability. It really is a deal breaker. However, for many friends it’s comforting and romantic to be so attuned to their partner.
It takes all types, I guess . . . this might be exactly what some types need.
fifi
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 08:59 pm: [report]
I want someone who shares the same core values, because that’s really more important in the long run, but in more everyday aspects, I prefer the description COMPATIBLE instead of similar. Liking the same kind of music, same sports, same food etc can get so boring. On the other hand, whining about the same things is not constructive either. When I get mad/disappointed/irritated about things, I want somebody who can give me a different perspective about it.
dolcevita256
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
I recently met a guy who could be my “twin” or at least a male version of me. It’s kinda crazy how similar we are, but I haven’t gotten bored because he makes me laugh! I’m also taking the time to appreciate our differences- after all who said twins had to be identical.