Dealbreaker: Mr. Too Big
Posted by: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Filed in:
sex
11:30AM, Monday January 5th 2009
Recently, I described a mutual friend to my friend T. as “the guy with the big c**k.” Then I felt a little guilty, like I was giving away a huge (zing!) secret; she was surprised at this description, having never thought about him in a sexual way, whereas I meant it as both a compliment and simply what I remember best about our time as f**k buddies. It also made me remember another guy with a unique but still vexing sexual problem: the too-big dick. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing as too much when it comes to penis size. Bigger is not necessarily better, and while I’ve been with one or two guys who bordered on overly large, this one should win some sort of booby prize.
It was a few years ago now, so I don’t recall every detail, but what I remember is that the first time we did it, he was on top of me, and then he was inside me, and he was huge. Bigger than anyone I’d ever been with. “And I’m only halfway in,” he said proudly. Clearly, he knew just how unusual his package was. “Really?” I asked. I quickly got my answer, when he proceeded to thrust deeper into me and I winced. It wasn’t painful exactly, but it wasn’t comfortable, and it certainly wasn’t sexy. I tried to shift to make myself more at ease, but missionary position just wasn’t working.
Another old flame with an extra-large schlong thought it would be a good idea to spring anal sex on me, like, “Surprise, I’m back there!” I would have done anything for him, and was in a particularly experimental and kinky phase then, but even so, he was too big to fit there. “No, we have to stop,” I told him almost immediately. (I’m sure with some lube and warm up we might’ve gotten a little further, but he should’ve known better than to just go for it.)
What amuses me is that men seem so hung up, so to speak, about the size of their dicks, even though, spam and weight-bearing exercises promises be damned, there’s really nothing they can do about it. In general, it seems like men who are overly endowed make for the more arrogant lovers. On the other hand, I once had a lover who I still think has what I’d term the perfect penis. It was big, but not too big, and he was able to keep getting hard again and again, to the point that I was late to a job because I couldn’t stop touching it. But what I liked best about him was that he was seemingly unaware of his manhood’s excellence. It wasn’t false modesty, but a genuine fascination with my fascination, and that made him all the cuter.
I’m not a size queen, though, and would never reject a guy simply based on his penis size, large or small. I’d rather be with someone on either extreme who I was truly in love with and passionate about than someone who simply has a perfect dick but nothing between their ears.
So if there’s any concluding lesson here, it would be to let guys know that their attitude and approach to their penises—and, by extension, their lovemaking—are way more important than a number on a ruler. Even the guys who are what most girls would consider “too big” can get the action they want if they let the girl get on top and run the show. Don’t be too much of a showman or assume that you’ve got it made because you’re packing.
And to those on the smaller end of the spectrum, try positions like doggie-style, and get good at using your hands, tongue, and, best of all, your brain. It truly is the size of that organ that is what will make me swoon. You’d be amazed at what talking dirty can do to “pump you up,” literally and figuratively. I can walk away from a big dick far more easily than a big brain.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
Humble Bee
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
My current bf seems to think he has a big penis, but really what’s it worth if he can only bust a nut once and not to mention after 10 minutes?! My ex spolied me, we would have sex for up to 5 hours, no joke and his penis was average. So that corny saying is true, its the not size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean
Oh and i can totally relate about the dick infatuation, i once slept with a guy with a perfect penis, yes, perfect. It was so porn star like, it was big, he shaved, his testies were nice; cause we all know that they are just plain ugly in general, and he also had noo idea how nice his penis was, considering he was a virgin. Muahahaha. He was so shy about it, it made it all the more fun to jump on him.
suzanneportnoy
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
Sorry, Rachel but I gotta disagree with you on this one. I’ve been with big cocks and average cocks and super small ones and the big guys do it for me every time. I’ve had guys so big they just wanted me to sit on their face and watch their hard cock as they were licking me out. And while it’s nice #&@$% someone you love, I can’t imagine ultimately falling in love with a guy who didn’t have a big one. Being with Mr. Average just doesn’t seem to push any of my buttons. There’s nothing like the feeling of being full or stretched on entry or even that slightly uncomfortable feeling when you know he has reached the very tip. Thankfully not all women have a big cock fetish otherwise I wouldn’t be having so much fun!
Humble Bee
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]
@Suzanne
wow. thats was VERY descriptive.
I guess its like how some men love big t*ts, Suzanne just loves the big c0ck. haha.
Annika Harris
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
I once had a bf that was really big, but he didn’t know what to do with it. The first time we had sex I said, “You’re too big to have such a short stroke.” He asked me what did I say and I said, “Nothing!” Needless to say, our relationship didn’t last too long because I found out he was really inexperienced and boring.
Humble Bee
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]
lol Annika.
That happened with my perfect penis guy. His package was perfect, it looked so nice and big, but it was just missionary position over and over, not even doggie! Thats lame, its like apple pie every day, yummy while it lasted but i want something else.
Isabela Laval
wrote on January 5 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]
I once had slept with an Asian guy.
He was small, but I thought I would try.
The sex was a sin,
I couldn’t tell if it was in.
In the morn, I hauled ass and said “Bye bye!”
Wow, I was inspired there! Seriously speaking though, I know for myself, I need some girth to feel fulfilled. I don’t care so much for the length, because too long, and you’re knocking on my cervix’s door. Something on the thicker side is good. Very good.
crmsnkatt
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
I’ve been with both ends of the spectrum: too big & too small. I’d much rather have an average guy, to be perfectly honest. Too small, & you’re left wondering if he’s even IN. Too big, & your cervix hates you and you’re walking funny for a couple days.
Arty
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
“It’s not the length of the wand, it’s the magic in the stick.”
MarriedWhiteMale
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]
As someone who is very well endowed, both in length and girth (it’s been measured by a few women who couldn’t believe the size - and no I am not bragging!) I’ve had experiences where it “just wouldn’t fit” the first few times we tried it. Thankfully it eventually did fit. I’ve always been cognizant of the size, and the potential for both physical and mental damage to my partner. I’ve found that with lots of foreplay and making sure she comes first that has a tendency to “loosen things up”. Would I trade it for a smaller size? Not a chance!
hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 07:58 pm: [report]
I have noticed that a big cock can mean a big ass* And by virtue of big ass is that sometimes they are so full of themselves it makes you not want to be full of them…if you know what I am sayin’ ladies
Isabela Laval
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]
Hawaiianpeach… I know what you mean! I love the comment!
Go-To Girl
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 08:35 am: [report]
The best cock I’ve encountered in my years was definitely not “big” but probably 6” or so with this really, really nice curve. The closest replacement I’ve found is the Tex dildo by Vixen. Brings back memories. Too big? Ugh.
http://www.thisisgotogirl.com
EastCoastMale
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]
As a male I have both questions and comments on both the article the the comments posted by all of the participants here, which are great by the way. I have to ask, if it is not size that matters but rather skill then why does it seem that women who breakup with an ex always have to throw a zinger in there about his endowment? Im not speaking from personal experience but having many female friends and listening to them talk. I dont know if it was because they broke up on bad terms or he was a jerk or what, but size definitely seems to be remembered after the fact lol.
Being a guy I definitely cant share the same point of view obviously but seems that men that tout their penis size are more often than not a little full of themselves in their everyday attitude as well, and not in a good way.
One thing I will say is that magnum condoms are the best thing ever, if you are in a realationship or situation where you need to use one. I had broken several condoms, luckily before the point of no return, with a previous gf and only after did I realize that it was not the motion that was causing the problem it was the sheathing =). I can see how women would exclaim that there is a cutoff point for what feels good and what is just overkill when it comes to a guys endowment.
Lastly, I find it humorous when people say that most penises are just ugly, I get they arent a work of art youd want to stare at all ay (maybe for some people they are) but its not as if a womans nether regions are all picasso works either. =) I think it’s an equal sentiment.
Arty
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
@ECM:
I’d never say that and highly doubt that penis size is a reason for ending a relationship for anyone. My guess is that the relationships in question ended on a bad note and the women wanted to toss in a nasty insult.
Dmun
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]
The unaware guy sounds like myself and my situation was, specifically, the fault of porno, male friends and size queens.
Also, possibly by being black and buying into the myth(?) of the large black penis.
For years, I was very self-conscious about my penis. I always assumed it was either undersized or thoroughly average. I’d seen so many pornos with these monstrous cocks, I just naturally assumed thats what a real man’s penis looked like.
Hell, no one actually looks at another guy’s package in the locker room, so how would I know?
Then a funny thing happened. First, it was sleeping with the girl I’d loss my virginity with, 3 years later, and hearing her say, “You’ve… grown.”
Then came other girlfriends. I assumed for years this was just stuff that girls say, like telling a girlfriend she looks skinny in a certain dress or something. Polite lies.
Finally, I had a girlfriend write about her first experience with me, to friends in a blog, and I realized, where she said “had to shift to adjust” to my size that I wasn’t being bullshitted.
It’s still something I don’t think about. I have a friend who takes pictures of himself with girls and seeing a woman with his huge shlong drapped across her face puts things in perspective, but it’s nice that I no longer feel inadequate.
Arty
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
@Dmun
Your friend does WHAT? Eww. I mean, I like giving oral and all, but “Let me put it on your face and then we’ll take a picture!” would have me dressed and out of there in seconds.
EastCoastMale
wrote on January 9 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]
I agree, that is a bit out there but hey, not gonna knock someone else for their likes.
@miss
Oh I know from your previous posts and your tone here to avoid thinking you would use penis size as a reason for breaking up. I had a good suspicion that those breakups and quips were from women scorned in some way, or at least felt like they were, and wanting to get back at their ex man with a nasty comment. Still, I find it funny that in the moment it is always said that size isnt a factor but you definitely hear it talked about with some frequency when certain groups of women get together. Some, not all mind you, I know all women dont do this when they get together. I always find it odd when the idea is brought up that men compare and measure wangs, talk about their sex life so openly and so on, I personally have never done any of those things with my male friends but I guess some guys do.
maykitten
wrote on January 13 2009 @ 11:27 pm: [report]
I agree with the writer… what’s big if you don’t know what to do with it! I had big for 30 years with my Ex. Always painful and him in a rush lasting 5 minutes. I’ve had one person since my divorce and he is average size, with nice sound thickness and sister, does he know how to use it! He is proud of his brown berry and his techniques because he knows how to please a woman. He takes a lot of time in different positions, and stokes you for as long as you want or can stand it! He is a wonderful lover and knows just what to do to get you over the edge and to want even more! But he does think that bigger is better and that he’s missing out on something. He knows I had a huge one before… and has concerns of how it felt with the ex. I tell him over and over… what good is it if you have a monster - if you can only do it one way and come after 5 or 6 strokes! Look at all that wasted time because it’s over for him after that… and my energizer bunny just keeps on kicking! I’ll take technique any time! P.S. His is pretty darn cute too - not scary looking, if you know what i mean!
WithoutThinking
wrote on January 25 2009 @ 03:51 am: [report]
I find penis size topics epically fascinating, if only because it’s such a hot topic while the language commonly used to discuss it is so very vague.
The biggest thing I think that needs to be pinned down is exactly what it means to be “good at sex.” Can anyone actually articulate the answer, or is it like Justice Stewart talking about hardcore pornography - “I know it when I see it( in this case, feel?)”? The answer matters because, and maybe I’m misrepresenting men here, the largest concern men have when asking about penis size is that they won’t be able to please women.
So, ladies, can you pin down what makes someone good at sex, or is it too nebulous of a concept, too many variables? Suzanne for example weighed in on the “must be hung” side. But how much of that is her simply deciding that big dicks are better - is the act of deciding they’re better what is making them better? She said she likes being filled - what about if a small guy put on an extender? Or used a large vibrator? Basically, is it the physical feeling, the mental stimulation of a big penis, or both and is a large penis required to give her that stimulation?
It seems to me there’s a general contradiction in the way we all talk about sex. In high school, did you ever have that friend who had the idea of her “perfect man” or “hottest girl” nailed down solid, only to find him or her dating someone a week later who had none of those features? Seems to happen a lot with sex as well; the “I have to have X” people just haven’t met the guy without X that still manages to blow them away.
From my own experience, men and women contradict themselves all the time talking about sex. I’ve had multiple women I’ve been involved with tell me at some point (when talking about dick size) “Yeah, being filled like that, being dominated like that, being whatevered like that hurts a bit at first, but it feels great. And it’s a real turn on.” A week, month, sometimes two days later comes the “I had the most amazing sex with so and so (who happens to either be very small or average) last night.” When asked why, you usually hear “He was just good at sex. Really good.” or something else just as general.
So, moral of the story, do people REALLY know what they want before they have it and realize it’s amazing? I’m not so sure. I think what people want is something to feel positive about in their mates, whether it’s his big dick, a caring relationship, or really good oral. I think people in general enjoy each other and try too hard to justify it afterward with things like penis size, oral skills, or a racy situation when all it comes down to is “I like this person. I had fun.”
To any guys out there trying to reconcile their penis size: After thinking about this a lot (I fall in the average range), I’ve decided the only thing that really matters is whether women come back for more. Because, does it really matter how big/small/good/bad/whatever you are if she keeps showing up at your door with a six pack and a smile? There is more than one way to put that smile on her face - worry about that, not your dick size.
stuffulove
wrote on May 4 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]
I have been married three times and each provided a different sexual situation. My first husband was close to my age and sex was good…I always had an orgasm…especially when I was “on top”. But emotionally I needed more and my next marriage provided that with a man who was 28 years older than me. In eight years we only had complete intercourse a few times, but I could always orgasm just by being on top of him and rubbing against his pelvic area and fantasizing that I was his partner in the younger years when he was able to have an erection. My third husband was 20 years older and could have an erection but not a large one, but because we were so happy in every other way, I could have an orgasm quickly with HIM as well. As a result of having spent the last 17 years of my life with older men, I am not stretched out like women who have been with guys with bigger penises. Now I am single again and wondering what will be next? At least I know I can orgasm quickly no matter what size the man’s penis is…but I have to really love and trust him as a person, in order to want to be intimate with him in the first place. Until I find some one I can love and trust, my Pink Peter will have to do. (I actually do get together with my older ex-husband on occasion and it’s still great…we are apart only because of his family resenting his spending their inheritance to enjoy life in his later years). Other than this problem, he makes it “a tough act for a new man to follow”.
alikadrouv
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:45 am: [report]
I just needed to add, that girls usually get scared of the big pennis, and i don’t even know why they talk so much about it, after all. I have a bigger one like 8” n 6.5” girth, but i am very tall and big so it fits my body, but i have problems even starting it with the girls because they are backing up instantly and admitting that they are scared. Its all weird, if you ask me, they fantasize about it but at the bottom line they don’t want it lol
Just a Guy
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]
Most guys think that having a huge member would be the best thing that they could have. I’m not trying to brag on some internet comment box but I just wanted to tell you guys,mine is at 14.5” long, and around 7.7” in Girth (Erect Of Course). I have yet to have an enjoyable sexual experience, you just don’t get the satisfaction of only the tip going in and out because that is all that will fit, and you can’t even stroke that 1.5” - 2” fast enough to climax because the girth is just making your poor partner stretch so badly, and just forget trying to get Oral, So yea, be careful what you guys with for, I have never even reached climax in a sexual experience, so yea it sucks a lot more that you can imagine.
duhh
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 05:16 am: [report]
Just a guy, I know what you mean, back when I was dating in the 80s…....a looooooooooooooooooong time ago….....“dating”..........
If I encountered a guy with a huge penis…..long I mean…....I told him OH HELL NO….....and I meant it.
It’s amazing the size of some guy’s penises…....it’s also sad that they can rarely find someone that wants to take that on…....
What’s worse? I WOULD LAUGH ABOUT IT…......I was early 20 something…......
angel001717
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 08:28 pm: [report]
ive only been with one guy and his dick was absolutely perfect. i’m not sure how big he was because i dont have anything to compare it to, but it was just right for me (but too big if i wasnt already really turned on) and… honestly i stayed with him as long as i did because of his foreplay skills and his dick. and im still tempted every once in awhile to go back to him…
chickbabe
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 10:48 pm: [report]
My guy has the perfect package. We fit so well together! The only issue is that I’m naturally pretty tight so in the first moment of penetration it’s alway slightly painful, but beyond that, it’s just always been amazing. I’m pretty damn lucky aparently, because not only does he have an amazing c*ck, he’s got a great personality, great sense of humour, and he just… treasure’s me. It’s wonderful.
I’m glad to read that most of you don’t care about the size though, ladies. Because to tell the truth, I wouldn’t trade my guy’s size for his personality traits if I had to.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 09:46 am: [report]
ask a man how big his wang is. “bigger than average,” is what you will hear 9 times out of 9. whats funny is roughly half of all men HAVE to be at or below average… and the trojan website says magnums fit 7” and above, and only account for 2% of all condom sales… what does that tell you about all men and their lying habits? lol…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 10:03 am: [report]
You’ve never taking statistics have you?
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
bell curve. flyers at both ends. and i did say “roughly”. get wrapped up in the math and miss the point, genius…