Dealbreaker: Horrendous Tattoos
Posted by: Alex Williams
Filed in:
relationships
11:00AM, Monday February 2nd 2009
I’ll admit it, I think tattoos are dead sexy. There is no better conversation starter than that little sliver of ink peeking out from under a shirt sleeve or some surprise artwork on a half-naked dude, but like many women I’m less inclined to get all hot and bothered when the ink in question is, say, a thicket of barbed wire or that little dragon from Mariokart.
Truly, tattoos are a mixed bag, and the most heinous of offenders was a dude I recently used for some June-to-August lovin’. Like any good summer fling, he was hot and adventurous, but he also majored in art, worked at the local coffee joint, and fiddled on his guitar in closeted hopes of someday making it big with his band buddies. In retrospect, I don’t know why I tolerated dating a living stereotype, but despite his attempted depth, I managed to keep things light – which meant ignoring a trio of terrible tats across his back and shoulders.
He explained to me one balmy morning in his king-size bed that he had drawn them all himself, which, I thought privately, was a pretty poor testament to his art training. I took note: drawing lessons do not an artist make, especially when he had hard proof of his handiwork in the form of a stunted red phoenix, his zodiac sign in hot green, and what I can best describe as a silvery-metal saw blade. His excuse? “I thought it looked cool”. All the free lattes in the world couldn’t keep our summer fun afloat after that one.
For anyone who’s gone under the needle, the rule is pretty simple: forever really means forever. So unless a guy is in a motorcycle gang, he should probably cover up any flaming skulls or bleeding hearts, and he better have a family tree that points directly to a salient reason for that tribal tattoo. A man should also be sensible enough to know that a few years down the line it will be pretty hard to explain why he gave up prime skin real estate to his scrappy but spotty sports team’s logo.
I’m not saying bad tattoos are always a black mark. Many a man- and woman-is branded with a sign of stupider times. I love all of my tattoos, except some regrettable ink I put on my wrist a few years ago. While it reminds me of the hard times I was going through, and how much I have grown since, if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have done it. My summer lover, however, took every advantage of showing off his hand drawn monstrosities, which told me all I needed to know about what he thought of himself, and how he chose to express it. While I would never want to stamp on the dreams of a budding artist, I was embarrassed by the tokens of his life, and I couldn’t get over the fact that he wasn’t embarrassed, too.
The great thing about most of my bad decisions is that they’re invisible, and if I’m lucky, they (like summer flings) usually go away. A bad decision on the skin, as I’m learning, lasts a lifetime. So before I dive into another tryst with a tattooed stranger, I’ll have to ask, does he still stand behind having his college frat’s letters on his ass, or does he look upon them as a lesson learned the hard way?
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Perceptible
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
I am in no doubt the minority here, but I really, REALLY don’t like tattoos. On anyone. Ever since learning in 10th grade bio that your skin is an organ like your liver or lungs, the idea of a tattoo just creeps me out. I wouldn’t mark up my liver, why would I mark up my skin? Add to that that I’m not the type who feels the need to broadcast my opinions with the world through bumper stickers and decorated t-shirts, I can’t understand the need to do that through a very permanent mark on my body.
LOL, not that I have a problem with sharing my opinion (I’m posting here, obvs). I guess tattoos are just ugly to me. Haven’t seen a good one, or one for a good reason, yet. Why mark up a beautiful body?
Like I said, I know I’m in the minority and the following posts will be all about how cool tattoos are and how could anyone not like them.
Jesse
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
I agree with Perceptible. The thought of putting a tattoo on my skin completely creeps me out. Also, when I’m naked, I want to be naked. I’ve never wanted a tattoo and never will.
Taurwen
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
The dragon from Mario Kart? Yoshi? If I could find a guy with a Yoshi Tattoo I would jump him so fast…
Angieliz
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
lol. I think a Yoshi tattoo would be hilarious. I never thought I’d get a tattoo when I was younger, but now I have two and have plans for at least one more.
Oliveira
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
Oooh, a Yoshi tattoo *adds to basket*
eclipse
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
I love guys with tattoos. Alot of it depends on the guy, and if they work with his overall look - some guys can pull them off, others not-so-much, but either way I don’t mind it.
@ Taurwen- I wouldn’t personally jump anyone with a Yoshi tattoo, but if you would then more power to you!! :D
SeattleMama
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]
Mmmmm… that’s the only thing that could make my guy even sexier then he already is… LOL he’s like the only guy I’ve dated that doesn’t have any ink. He’s not adverse, but like the OP, we both HATE bad tats and would rather wait for the art and artist we really want then just go get one for the helluva it. But yeah, if he got some ink I don’t think he’d ever be able to get me off him… dayum.
Dude
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
Uh, Yoshi’s a dinosaur. Gosh. Get it right.
Yellow
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 07:42 pm: [report]
My big thing is that a guy has to be able to explain why he got the tattoo, and it has to be more than “I thought it was cool” or “I just really like dragons”. I have one tattoo and could talk about it for hours—how it came to be, what exactly it means to me, how it affects my life, why I chose to put it where I did, etc, and while I don’t expect someone to have the super passion about their tatt that I do, they should be able to back it up with at least a few sentences. I think insight is incredibly important when it comes to getting something permanently embedded into your appearance, and anyone that lacks that thought process just isn’t for me. (I also understand that there are mistakes made during teen years, interests that change, etc, but then the guy should at least be able to voice why it was a mistake).
chloe
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 09:52 pm: [report]
i find tattoos pretty sexy on the right guy, and like yellow said, if he has reasons, then i’m all for it. definitely not a deal breaker for me
wild-ting
wrote on February 2 2009 @ 11:38 pm: [report]
I, too, do not like tattoos. There isn’t such a thing as a small, tasteful, attractive tattoo—to me.
joyy
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]
I appreciate good art, but unfortunately I never see *that* much of it in tats. I’ve wanted ink for years, and like Yellow, telling the backstory of how I chose the design/placement and why/how that changed slightly (since the original idea), etc is no short tale. But years later, after being cheap, succumbing to my inner wuss, and procrastinating like a pro, I still want the same thing. Maybe this summer ...
EveryGirlsSecret
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 07:00 pm: [report]
My rule of thumb is this: If he has more good tattoos then bad….he is worth a shot. Only bad ink? re-think.
Kiki T
wrote on February 7 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
Oh lord yes, I don’t like anything ugly or stupid on my men, especially if it’s by choice