Dating Website OKCupid Finds Race A Factor In Email Response

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

I saw this a couple days ago. It’s us whities who disapprove of interracial dating/marriage.

bethlynn00
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:57 am: [report]

No I don’t think it’s racist not to response to someone you are not attracted to regardless of race.  Just because you wouldn’t date someone of a different race does not make you racist.  Although I am attracted to some white men, I have never actually seriously dated one and can’t see myself doing so, because I do want to marry a black man, so one the dating sites I rarely reply to white men, although I get the majority of responses to my ads from them.  But I don’t think that makes me racist, I think it means I have a preference. When you are talking about making a life and having children with someone I think it’s ok to be exact in what you are looking for.

Jessalyn
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]

Definitely agree with Cheese. And I wonder if people’s parents’ biases play into who they respond to/consider dating. If someone thinks “Oh yikes, I could never bring this person home to my mom/dad as a significant other, they’d kill me,” are they likely to consider getting to know the person (as a potential S.O.) at all?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]

@bethlynn00: Well even if you don’t want to believe it, there is an undertone of racism still prevalent.

A response can still be a “Thanks but no thanks”.

Treacle
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]

Yes.

Many times, the preference for one racial group or another is founded in deeply-seated, institutionalized, damn-near-invisible racism.

When you’re taught by your culture that certain features are more attractive than other features or that people with a certain skin tone are better educated/less criminal/more “American” (or what have you) than people with a different shade of skin…those teachings crop up again when it comes to dating.

thegr8brownie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]

the basics of Racism is that you imply that one race is either superior or inferior to another. Personal sexual attraction or even compatibility to a specific race does not really imply that one race is better/worse than the other as a whole. It just means that individual is/isn’t attracted to that individual person of that race.
So NO, I don’t think its racist.

delovely
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]

So, if I prefer brunettes over blondes, is that a preference or do I suddenly have a deep, personal bias against light hair?

Calling it racism is ridiculous.

Jessalyn
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:09 am: [report]

@thegr8brownie: Good point that we usually associate racism with superiority/inferiority. But wouldn’t a secondary definition of the basic concept include discrimination, period, whether or not “better” or “worse” is implied? Otherwise, we’re saying the idea of segregation (“separate but equal” - although it certainly didn’t work that way in practice) isn’t racist.

bumbler
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]

It depends on the motivating factors behind your choice.  I love darker hair and dark eyes on a man.  It’s not that I hate blond men, my father is blond and blue eyed, but it’s not what revs my engine.  My husband is hispanic and I am very attracted to his features, it’s just how I’m wired.  I’m lily-white, if it makes a difference, ancestors on the Mayflower and the whole deal. 

If your motivation is that you think men of a certain race or ethnicity are superior to another, if your family wants you to marry a man of the same race, if you feel a cultural obligation to marry in your same race then yes it could be a subconsciously racist decision.

GreenAura
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]

Oh please.  Just because I am not physically attracted to a certain race does not mean I’m racist or even prejudiced.  It’s kind of like a piece of artwork.  You can’t explain your reasoning, you just know what you like. 

Besides, the reason racism exists is because people choose to recognize it.  and Cheese, sorry but I know several minorities that are way more racist than many white people and would never even think of dating a white person, so it goes both ways.  This is just so stupid to me.  When are we going to realize that we are all human?

eurolovex3
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]

i’m not racist, i just have a “type” that most black men don’t fall into… i like rocker types, guys with piercings and tattoos who wear band shirts… and how many black guys do you know who are in bands? haha if you find any, let me know, i would give it a try!

qnzmami718
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]

i am hispanic and prefer to date hispanic men. i am simply not attracted to other men. my best friend since elementary school is white, and i have friends who range from white to black to asian, you name it.. &i dont consider myself racist just because ive only ever dated hispanic guys..

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]

@GreenAura: When we inter-marry enough that we are all gray. Goobacks!

conspicuous
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]

Agreed with thegre8 & delovely. I find this argument totally ridiculous. There is nothing malicious in choosing who to respond to or not. Different people are attracted to different types of people, and IMHO, calling it racist only incites a problem that wasn’t really there in the first place.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:18 am: [report]

This study isn’t about who you eventually shack up with or ‘prefer’ it’s about response rates.

Riley
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]

Response rates, so now if you ignore someone’s online advances you are a racist.  I love the minefields we create for ourselves. 

The walls in my kitchen are white, oops I’m a racist.

amandabear
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]

I don’t know if I’d discount calling it racist altogether, but people have a lot of preferences when it comes choosing mates. I’m friends with people I’d never date and am not attracted to at all, because being attracted to someone is not essential to liking them as a person. It is, however, essential to a successful relationship. You can argue where racial preferences come from, but you could also blame body-type preferences on the media or height preferences on out-dated but still pervasive gender roles. Everyone could stand to be more open, but the relative anonymity of online dating makes people more selective and judgmental to start with, so it’s perhaps not the best forum to draw conclusions from.

Terpgirl31
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]

It’s definitely been proven that people tend to be more comfortable with people who are similar to them—race is one of the most obvious similarities between people.  That’s not racism, that’s natural instinct.

SouthOC
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:40 am: [report]

I’m white (actually more of a pinkish beige), and my wife is Hispanic.  We’re (as Forrest Gump would say) like Peas and Carrots!

With respect to cultural differences, we’re all the same on the inside, created in God’s Image.

As the great 1990’s philosopher Rodney King would say…
“Can’t we all just get along?”

SouthOC
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:49 am: [report]

Racism is learned behavior (and therefore taught by someone -usually parents).

It takes years and lot’s of love and forgiveness to tear down the barriers that divide us.

I lived through all of the turmoil of the 1960’s (oops, I just dated myself).  We’ve come so far since then.  We just need to keep moving forward one step and one relationship at a time.

delovely
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:49 am: [report]

Why don’t they do a useful study? Response rates to normal profile pics v. the “in the mirror, sideways with camera phone” Myspace shot? Something Okcupid members could actually benefit from.

H. Blue
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:49 am: [report]

I agree with delovely as well.  Having a preference doesn’t make you racist.  I’m white, and I prefer black men, does that mean I hate white people?  No.  It just means I generally find black men more attractive.  Does it mean I never find a white man attractive?  No.  Likewise, it doesn’t mean I find ALL black men attractive. 
The fact is that a lot of people choose to date/marry within their race, so maybe they aren’t that open-minded.  But it doesn’t mean it’s malicious, and sure it might have a lot to do with what they were exposed to growing up, or what they feel is expected of them, but that holds true for most of our decision-making processes.
If someone chose to be with someone based on their religious background, would that be wrong too?

Part of my family isn’t crazy about my preference, but it’s not going to change who I choose to be with.  Ultimately, I’m the one who will be spending my life with the person, not them. 

People make their own choices based on their own experiences.

Kate134
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]

To be honest I’m on OkC and my lack of responses to people correlates more with their ability to sound coherent, than to their race.

And big pink elephant in the room, we have an education problem in the US. I don’t respond to white guys who can’t spell (or spell words with numbers) either. As a white girl myself, I have messaged some of the super hot black/asian/arab/hispanic guys (who can spell and spent actual time and thought on their profiles) but never received replies. Would I call them racist? no. I get a lot of messages from 50 yrold guys too and I don’t reply to them either, does that make me ageist?

brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

Sigh.  Racism is so much deeper. 
I would never associate with people who would outright say they thought they are better than another person based on race.  However, the subtleties of attraction may be tied up on what we are taught be society is attractive, desirable, even plain acceptable.  I certainly don’t identify as racist, I abhor racism and I work to learn more about racism and how to stop it, but I probably also have some instinctive responses based on the way I was raised in a society which does give more privileges to white people.  I’m not proud of them, but I’m sure they are there, however deeply embedded.
It hurts to be on the receiving end of that prejudice, and although it hasn’t happened to me much, last month I was dumped because my boyfriend’s parents didn’t approve of him dating a white girl.  Ouch.
Racism.  Preference.  Comfort.  Whatever.  Something is going on here and its important to talk about it.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]

On a more shallow, logistical note, the study does not say much about who was doing the responding.  What if it was black men who were not responding to black women?  Now I’m confused.

_jsw_
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

Of course it’s racism of a sort in that it’s a clear, broad, race-based preference or disinterest. However, it doesn’t mean that the people doing it consider the other non-replied-to people to be inferior, just not right for them. Personally, race isn’t an issue for me, but culture is, so my desire to reply would have much more to do with how much I felt our backgrounds would mesh (not that I want them to be the same, but I’d want them to be compatible). White culture is like the type O-negative of culture. It goes with anything. That might be why white men tend to be replied to more often. I don’t know.

Lexington
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]

Yeah, I think it’s ridiculous that people don’t see a difference between personal preference and racism. While I myself do prefer white guys, there are several underlying reasons for that- I am attracted to people similar to myself- personality wise, facially, culturally. However, as my dad is married to a Singhalese woman, and I am the only member of my family to not actually be dating someone of a different race, I obviously did not learn this from my parents. So because I prefer white guys, does that still make me a racist? No. If I found the right guy, and he was a different color than me, it would make no difference, he’d still be the right guy. And if I was going to go for a guy of a different race, I would probably go for a black guy or Korean/Japanese/Chinese guy rather than, say, an Indian- again, this all plays off what I’m attracted to.

I do think, however, that different cultures play a huge factor in this, which again, is legitimate. It’s difficult enough to combine a family without adding an entirely different way of thinking to the mix.

BedRocka
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]

hahaha Puppets Play!!

Frisky Noetic
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]

Tossing my two pennies on the table:
let me get this right..In terms of response rates, OKC measured match quality to response rate. Ie; if you are a 90% match, you will likely respond to the person you wrote you. If you are a 40% match, you are less likely to respond to the person who wrote you. Makes sense. So if they see that people who appear to be good matches are not writing each other back, then there must be some other phenomenon going on to keep that from happening, so they look at race. huh. Well, obviously if they are setting out to prove that racism is alive and well, then that is exactly what they will find. We *know* that racism exists, OKC. Thanks.
HOWEVER, there are several factors that go into writing someone back whether the match rate is high or not. There are visual preferences, height, weight, education, interests, kid preferences, pet preferences, can the person write/use grammar and so on. While specific race preferences may come into play, and deter someone from writing back, it is more likely the combined effect of ALL the other preferences. Also, that match rate is based on questions and tests. Not everyone takes the same tests or answers the same amount of questions. I might have answered 500 questions, and another person answered 10, and we have 90% match. Yet have nothing in common.
Anyway, lets take a look at my inbox. If out of 40 messages, 34 are from white men, four from black men and two from an Asian man. We all have 80% “match rate”, so any one of them according to OKC is worthy of my interest. According to OKC, if I choose to write back one person out of the lot, and it happens to be a white male, then this is conclusive evidence (or even a relevant correlation) that my response choice is racist in nature? Again, could there possibly be other factors involved? Of course! Even if I had responded back to 50% of each race (17,2,1), wouldn’t that still skew me towards a white man preference or non white exclusion?  From the discussion points here and my experience, it is more about physical attraction than excluding an entire race based on the sense of superiority underlying “racism”. However, racism still guides some, no doubt, but I just doubt the validity of OKCs findings. 
It is human nature to be judgmental! How a person outwardly looks heavily plays into many peoples decision to pursue an online interest. Isn’t that the starting point? There are probably more pertinent and interesting biases going on in the online dating world then race preference.  Gotta say, I only date men; does that mean I am sexist? Oh my!

fallonthecity
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: ditto to everything you said.

Racism is ingrained in our society.  It’s systematic.

LunaLena
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]

Personally, I’d think it’s racism only if people were writing things in their profiles like “only respond if you are [insert race here]” or “don’t respond if you’re [insert race here]”

LunaLena
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]

Let me add to my previous post that I would consider that racism because you’re actively stating that race >>> the individual.

thierry3
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]

As a black woman on the OK Cupid Site I receive little to no responses, but that has been my experience on Match as well.

And I even tried speed dating—all of the men gravitated to the prettiest blonde in the room and she wasn’t black.  It’s just hard for black women dating because we aren’t the ideal.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:53 pm: [report]

Thierry, just curious, do you think the same is true for black men?

thierry3
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]

Oh basically on Match they say they would only like certain races to contact them. Once I read that they don’t want an African American person I generally respect their preference and don’t contact them.

thierry3
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]

brandyalexander-
no I don’t think the same is true for black men at all.  If I were a black man with my level of education and attractiveness, I think women would be all over me.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:59 pm: [report]

That’s a damned shame, Thierry.  I’m sorry to hear that.  I hope you find someone who values you for your individual beauty and isn’t wrapped up in stupid societal ideals.

thierry3
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]

It is sad, but all you have to do is look at the census data and see that most black women are not getting married.  It’s not by choice, most of my friends are attractive ivy educated, down to earth, nice women that are single. They are dispersed all over the US-ATL, Miami, NYC, LA, SF and Seattle.  I must admit my friends in Seattle date more than the others.

mayorbubbles
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

@ BluenBlonde

I agree with you; just because you find one race particularly attractive, doesn’t mean you hate all others.

Race has zero influence on who i date. It comes down to looks and personality. If you think about it, race has a little bit to do with attraction. Races have a lot of the same facial features. I don’t care what color skin you have, as long as you’re cute, it’s all good.

mayorbubbles
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

oh yeah, grammar and stuff has a lot to do with who i reply to. If someone messaged me and said “hey u lookin sexy how u doin” i would not reply back. If you some messages me and said “Hey, I saw your profile and I noticed you like zombie movies. Me too! My favorite is Dawn of the Dead, what about you?” I would reply back because ONE: They can spell properly. TWO: They actually started a conversation making the work easy for me. THREE: I can’t resist talking about zombies :D

mokti
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

mayor, they didn’t qualify whether it was the original Dawn or the new “speedy zombies” Dawn. Therefore they are ANATHEMA!

Skwisgiirl
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

I can second theirry’s statement: I’ve perused match.com with my mom, and especially for men her age, the race preferences read, more or less, “anything but Black women.” It’s disheartening, but not surprising.

I don’t know, I’ve always known that my beauty is not the ideal, so knowing that some men don’t even want to bother with getting to know me outside of my skin tone isn’t surprising.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]

@Skwisgiirl:  I believe you, and I’m sorry your mom deals with that BS.  I don’t consider myself racist, as stated above, and I despise racism, but I have never dated a black guy.  Why is that?  I don’t know.  I can’t come up with an answer. Maybe because the vast majority of my friends are white?  But I have seen black guys that are attractive to me and I would never eliminate the possibility.  That would be crazy, oh, and racist.  I can’t, however, speak for white guys and their preferences.
This is just one symptom of a far larger problem.  The big question is “what can we do to make things better?”

mayorbubbles
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 04:57 pm: [report]

@mokti

it’s kinda funny you mention that because just as I was posting my comment i knew someone was gonna say something about whether it was the new or old one. But now i learned a new word :D

canadiancutie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:27 pm: [report]

Well I’m biracial and prefer white men, specifically those who have eyebrow piercings and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s racist and I wish more people here would have the balls to admit to their biases.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:30 pm: [report]

Btw, the eyebrow piercing thing is a fairly recent development in terms of my attractions. I was still racist before that.

The fact of the matter is, I have met in person men of all kinds of races who were gorgeous, and who made me sort of nervous to speak to, they were so breathtaking. If I would eliminate those same men online based only on criteria like race, I am being racist. Done deal.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:36 pm: [report]

As for my own experiences with dating racism, well, they’re tempered by a lot of different things like for instance the fact that I live in a liberal city with a high rate of interracial marriage. I have dated a string of white guys who were “prettyboys” and would be considered desirable catches even by the “blonde ideal” girls (not so ideal when they attempt to speak though, I’ve often found). I’ve also been on the receiving end of getting blown off specifically because of race and beauty or anything else. And before you tell me I’m being paranoid, one of these men actually had his friend tell me that was why. Currently, I am dating a very sweet drummer in a band, good-looking but more importantly, respectful and faithful (my little drummer boy). I am the first black girl that he’s dated. I’m also the most successful relationship he’s had to date. Not to sound like a f**king hallmark card of anything but not being racist benefits more than just minorities. Just a thought.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:38 pm: [report]

**and NOT beauty or anything else.

og217
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 01:50 am: [report]

My bedroom is not the UN - not everyone can get in.  And why is it racist to discriminate about who gets to be in my bed?  Most people are attracted to people like themselves, and to all people who fit a beauty / wealth / education / social standing ideal, regardless of race.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 06:35 am: [report]

og217: obviously, if you are discriminating based on race, then it is racist.  it isn’t complicated.
mmm, i kinda like the idea of my bedroom as the UN… haha.
canadiancutie: right on, nicely said.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 07:24 am: [report]

Skwisgiirl, have you tried plentyoffish.com? That’s where my mom met her boyfriend and where I met my ex-boyfriend. They don’t have that category.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 07:33 am: [report]

Also, it is free.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 07:43 am: [report]

The strange thing about all of this is how race dynamics get so weird in a city like mine (the most multicultural in the world) and how they inhibit you. I saw an Asian guy online who was absolutely gorgeous and found myself thinking, “Naw, I shouldn’t message him. He’s out of my league.” But then also, “Besides… he probably only dates Asian or white girls.” I’m not really attracted to black men. There are circumstances where I’ve met Sri Lankan/Indian men who were really, really handsome but again I found myself thinking, “I wonder if they like punk rock. Probabaly not. I wonder if we’d have anything in common. I wonder if his dad would have me killed in an honour killing if things ever got serious with his son.” (This actually happened not too long ago). Then there are the Middle Eastern guys who are usually willing to date me but again, they like different music than I do usually and the cultural differences and are too great and I always worry that the relationship has no future because of the religion/parental factor. So part of the reason I stick with white guys is the comfort factor. They’re what I know, they’re usually only into beauty and not so fixated on race, they’re the most likely to listen to rock, and from what I have seen, not being white can actually be a positive thing with them because you’re different, you’re exotic… they can have a white girl anytime they want. So it gets to be, shall we say, less of a prize, than it would be to a black or Asian guy. Now maybe that’s just where I live. I’m not saying it’s going to be like this in Bumf**k, Tennessee. But this is how I came to date white guys primarily.

majicksand
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 06:22 pm: [report]

I never really dated outside my race unless you count the fact that my husband is Native American, and I’m Irish.  I can’t honestly say whether I would have or not had I ever met someone I really clicked with on that level.  I can tell you that my parents would be horrified.  That’s never stopped me from doing anything else, and they’ve been horrified by plenty of the white guys I’ve dated, so I doubt that would have made any difference.  It just never came up.

That said, I can agree that refusing to date outside your race could be considered racist on some level.  I think it’s kind of a passive version though.  I don’t think it qualifies on the same level as active discrimination.  Refusing friendships, hateful comments or actions, denying jobs to qualified people, etc. based on race is much worse as far as I’m concerned.

ChocoBoo
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

@eurolovex3: go to the Brooklyn BRC punk festivals> plenty of black dudes who aren’t afraid to mosh!!

As a black woman who is now married to a white Dutch man, racism on the dating scene is one of the BIGGEST frustrations on Earth. It’s a shame.When someone tried to play match maker for me in the past> most of her white friends assumed I was some sort of “hot black mama” type simply because I’m black. Considering that I’m actually a black geek who usually dresses in casual/rock-n-roll attire, it infuriated me that some people still chose to view me in that light.

It’s a shame that so many stereotypes (from ALL ends of the color spectrum) are still being perpetuated through how we respond to people we don’t even know.

However, I know nothing of this Cupid site… Perhaps it was certain people’s writing styles that turned members on or off..not simply race ?.. just sayin’

MuchoMacho
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]

yeah when i was in the online dating scene it had more to do with the way someone spoke (or typed) than the color of their skin.  ive been with several races, and dont have a preference, am attracted to all types of women.  maybe certain types of people sound more intelligent, or friendly…  i usually didnt have trouble getting responses.  some were into me, some werent.  c’est la vie.

og217
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

So in order to not be a racist we have to date people we are not attracted to?  Just to do it?

brandyalexander
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]

Og217: Of course not.  There are different types of racism, like the blatant racism of a KKK member, and the more subtle racism of not being comfortable around people of a different race.  I’m just saying that if someone makes a blanket statement that they will not date people outside there race, maybe there is some latent racism they are unable to see or comprehend.

PinkRanger
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]

I find it curious that there are subtle notes throughout this post that imply minorities don’t have good grammer, english, or communication skills….....I find that unnerving.

josey_l
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 09:23 pm: [report]

I think if you say you’re attracted to a certain type/race then that is not racist because it is your preference, however if you say I will never date a guy who is ______ then that is definitely racist.

majicksand
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]

@pinkranger: I read the comments to mean that perhaps the particular people in question had poor grammar and that the rejection had nothing to do with race.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]

Racists are usually cowards. I may be racist and working on it, as admitted earlier in the thread, but unlike most of the people here, I am not a coward in admitting it. I would like to see just one moron here admit that they are racist, and that is the reason they would not even give a chance to someone of another race, regardless of physical attractiveness, temperament, “grammatical skills,” etc. Basically, stop looking for excuses and stop being a hypocrite. If you’re racist, own up to it. Why is that so difficult for some people? I guess it’s the same way most people in prison, even those who have killed others, insist that they are still fundamentally good people. Some here don’t want to blatantly say anything about themselves which may reveal that they are not.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]

And actually, when I think about it, I’m not even as racist as I *think* I am. I have dated primarily white men, but I have also dated Middle Eastern men and one Asian guy (back in high school. He broke up with me because I lived too far away. I was willing to do the trip.) My self-admitted racism extends from the fact that I have NOT dated black men, specifically, and would probably date another woman before doing so.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]

Am I a racist if I hate racists?

Or does that make me a hatist?

majicksand
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]

@canadian:  For some people, I think the choice not to date outside their race may be a symptom of greater racism.  For others, the issue may be less dramatic.  Undeniably, there are cultural differences between races, religions, and the like—even those who grow up in the same neighborhood and attend the same schools. 

My best friend’s family is Jewish.  I have attended celebrations for just about every Jewish holiday, and while I enjoyed the experience, I know I could never embrace the Jewish faith.  Knowing that, I would be hesitant to date a Jewish man because, ultimately, I know we would not be compatible long-term.  I just wouldn’t see the point in entering a relationship knowing it had no future.

Cultural differences, and one’s ability to accept them, are and should be considered when choosing a mate.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]

majicksand, cultural differences are obviously a strong point in long-term compatibility. I acknowledged with my earlier statement that part of my racism stems from the fact that I am making the ASSUMPTION that myself and someone of a certain race will not be culturally compatible, without taking the time to get to know that person, ask them the questions about their faith, meet their family, etc. If you were to look at me, you may assume, even after making small talk, that we simply would not work long-term because as a black person, the cultural differences would simply be “too great.” Quite frankly, that would be your error. Without scratching more than the surface, you would not be able to tell that I come from a Christian family (Christian or secular depending on the generation) that is Irish-Canadian, Haitian-Canadian, German-Canadian, and Ecuadorian. In making the same assumptions, I may have let men whom I could form a true, lasting bond with pass me by just because I am ASSUMING that their families would not accept me or whatever other assumptions I am making. At the end of the day, that is our loss. A terrible loss, as well.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

Basically, racism is, at the end of the day, drawing conclusions about someone’s background, interests, musical preferences, and whatever else, without actually knowing that person. Taken another step, you are excluding that person in any capacity based on those conclusions or assumptions. I can’t simplify it anymore, nor could that statement have anymore truth to it, fundamentally. If you do so, quite simply, you could potentially be putting yourself or another person at a considerable disadvantage. Now, I know that by stating this, I am unlikely to change anyone’s mind, and that’s fine, but my own relationship stands as proof that what I am saying is true. My boyfriend could’ve easily NOT approached me when I made eyes at him in the rock club where we met that night, because he noticed that my skin is a darker hue. But that would have resulted in a terrible loss, for the both of us. And really, beyond that, I have nothing else to say.

majicksand
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]

@canadian:  I agree.  In this particular case though, we’re talking about first impression via online dating profiles.  If I were to see a picture of a prospective date and not be attracted, regardless of race, I’d move on.  If I were on the market and Vin Diesel sent me a message, I’d respond even though I’ve never dated a black man.  My parents could freak out all they wanted.  Once I established a physical attraction, I’d check the profile.  If Vin Diesel professed his undying love for Merle Haggard and Adam Sandler movies, I’d move on.  If he noted he was a Scientologist, I’d move on.  If he said he was looking to hook up but had no plans to enter into a LTR, I’d move on.  Good looking or not, he’s not my type.  I’d be making that decision without ever having actually spoken to him within a few minutes. 

I understand exactly what you’re saying, and I think you make a valid point.  I just think there are also other factors to be considered.

I’m glad your boyfriend walked across the room.

develange
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 10:17 pm: [report]

I’ve never dated outside my race (I thought race didn’t actually exist…shouldn’t we call it ethnicity?) I grew up in a small-ish town where pretty much everyone was (or at least looked) white. People would always ask me “what are you?” because I had non-straight brown hair, brown eyes and a prominent nose. That was considered “different” in my town.

I live in a city now, but I have yet to date anyone who at least looks like they are of a different ethnicity. I have seen and met plenty of men who weren’t white (at least, I assumed) who I thought were attractive, but nothing ever happened between us.

I do find myself not being attracted to Asian guys (the guys that many people would generalize as “Chinese). I don’t know why. I wouldn’t consider that racist, though. Shallow, maybe.

develange
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 10:23 pm: [report]

@ canadiancutie - I make assumptions about people based on how they look, but I do it with everyone. That’s where things get complicated.

stiffinp
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 06:37 am: [report]

My Psychology textbook says that everyone has prejudices and it is normal. That gives me a little relief since it was part of the times I grew up in. Note that it doesn’t mean it is completely okay because I know I have issues I need to work on. But growing up in rural upstate NY, I don’t always get those opportunities.
That being said, I have made a friend in recent years who is an immigrant from the Caribbean. She had since moved back to NYC, but she remains a very dear friend. I also find myself more attracted to black women now far more than white women. Due to my friend or a natural evolution of myself, I don’t know? I think its all about our personal preferences and who we are attracted to.

Lanai
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 07:05 am: [report]

“I think I want to have white walls and white couches…hmmm I think I will go with an all white theme in this room.” RACIST!!! How DARE you prefer to have something white in YOUR home!!!

It’s been said before and yet I am compelled to reiterate. A preference for having an intimate/extensive relationship with a certain race does not mean you disdain all other races. Now a comparison to appeal to the audience, I am a woman who will only be in a life long relationship with a man. Does that mean I hate people for being gay? No. Does it mean I don’t think women are amazingly beautiful creatures? No. It means I prefer to spend my life with a man. Preferences people! Doesn’t make me a bigot.

BTW Why in the wold do I have to be at work at 6 in the morning?!? This is ludicrous. I’m writing my Congressman.

Shriekback68
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]

I say we all just have sex with each other until the entire world is brown. Problem solved.

BobbyCanuck
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]

CanadianCutie, I am East Indian, and I used to love punk rock…when I was your age..so they are out there, although I think I was the first Indian in Edmonton that loved Punk
)

What kind of girls do you like? A lass asked once. That easy I replied…I like the girls that like me

Shriekback68..scientists say that is exaclty what will happen, but it will take till the year 3,000AD before the world is brown..I married white girl

SassyDaisy
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

Firt…Cheese you are funny!! love it… second: ooooh please racist smacks… i’m hispanic and i “prefer” not to date SOME hispanic men..ok Dominicans bc i had bad experiences w/them…my current BF white and loving it…

BTW I am Dominican and much of the male sterotype lives true this day in age…so until God puts in front of me a different kind of Dominican i refuse to date one ever again. I guess that makes me racist to my own culture..w/e.

Squidtermz
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]

@Cheese: Awww yeah! Suck my Jaggon!

NomChompsky
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:59 pm: [report]

@pinkranger
I find it curious that there are subtle notes throughout this post that imply minorities don’t have good grammer, english, or communication skills….....I find that unnerving.

Kinda funny, I thought the same thing. This is gonna be a little long, but I have thoughts on this issue which seem to deviate from the norm.

Of course it’s not racist to have preferences about who you sleep with. That’s not really the issue here; it’s easy to make sarcastic comments about hair colour or wall colour which ignores a very obvious fact:

Whiteness is normalized in our society in a way that other races. Period. The vast majority of sex symbols in this country are white, and if they’re black they usually fall into the apersonal archetype of the “stallion” or “stud”. In my personal experience, which I will admit is not transcendent, most girls who say they “want to sleep with a black guy”, aren’t saying they prefer rich skin tones. They’re saying they want to be ravaged by a faceless, muscular piece of meat that will treat them as poorly as the carousel of stepfathers their mother dragged home. How many asian sex symbols are there? Or Indian? I would bet dollars to donuts those percentages don’t come close to matching up with the percentages of the population.

@majick

That said, I can agree that refusing to date outside your race could be considered racist on some level.

Bingo. It’s not so much the results, but the mindset that goes into it. I would find it extremely troubling, even to use a less volatile example, if a guy didn’t just prefer blondes but would say something like “I would never date a girl with brown hair.”

If you can’t find other races sexually attractive, the odds that there isn’t some latent racism are so small as to be negligible. It almost certainly implies that you’ve been socialized to find certain sorts of features attractive, which opens up an entirely different issue.

The funny thing, is (and this is the last point I’ll make, I swear), is that there actually is a pretty reasonable distribution of “positive” features among races. People (apparently, don’t quote me on this) have a biological disposition towards smooth skin, light eyes, full lips, wide hips, taut breasts and proportionate torso-leg ratios, which is pretty representative of things different races tend toward.

NomChompsky
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]

Quick follow-up:

A lot of this is from personal experience. I find that racism definitely affects my dating life, in the sense that I don’t fit a predominant notion of blackness, but don’t really make an effort to assimilate. I’m a mishmash of a lot of diverse cultural influences, but a lot of people really like people they can easily categorize.

Which is, in a sense, logical: humans are exposed to a huge amount of data and it’s only natural to assimilate it into heuristics, but it often leads to negative complications when it comes to dealing with individuals.

stiffinp
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 07:28 pm: [report]

Ya kno, dis is en e’qal oppo’uniti contry. Us whities en tho majoerity don a’ways use proper inglas i’ther. Hel, are las precident shish-key-bobed are lan’gage e’ry time he ope’ned hiss mouth!

canadiancutie
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]

@ develange, I think most people do make assumptions about others based on the way they look, at least until they talk to them once or a few times. But this is what drives people like me insane, because when I’m walking down the street on a cold Canadian day wearing the Baby Phat coat my aunt got me for Christmas last year for no other reason than it’s warm and it was free, I’m worried about how ostentatious it looks and if a black girl wearing a jacket with bling on it immediately conjures images of Lil’ Kim. Basically, it makes those of us who are prone to being stereotyped feel very self-conscious AT ALL TIMES. I think this is essentially, the very definition of white privilege. I sometimes wish I were a white girl, not because I find them more beautiful or more intelligent or in any way superior as a group to women of any other race, but simply for the fact that I wouldn’t have to second-guess my instinctive reaction when I encounter a person in customer service who is being a total ‘tard… God forbid I show visible anger in public, because then I would be stereotyped as the “angry black girl,” or I wouldn’t have such a viscerally negative reaction to a show like “Glee” or a movie like “Zach and Miri Make a Porno,” for the blatantly negative way it portrays women from my ethnicity, or a million other “wouldn’t have to’s.” Being “race-neutral” means you don’t have to worry how your individual behaviour at any given moment in time reflects on the entire group. That is a huge burden to bear. So it just pisses me off when people admit that these stereotypes do affect them. On the other hand, there’s a strange sort of relief in the admission that it does because it’s like, “People are just going to be ignorant. And there is f**k all I can do about it. So why do I care so much about changing their mind?”

I often wonder how women who get absolutely zero representation (Asian women, dark-skinned Indian women, etc.) in the media are affected. Is it better or worse in terms of the affect on the collective self-esteem than always being the butt of a bad joke, like black women are?

canadiancutie
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 10:56 pm: [report]

Btw, it’s hilarious because now that it’s cold I walk around in that blinged out Baby Phat jacket with my boyfriend, who has a nose ring, earring, eyebrow piercing, and wears tight jeans with a belt with skulls on it and a chain attached. I’m sure the two of us are just hilarious to see together. Of course, if you talk to us, you know that we’re basically male and female versions of each other, but for those who like the box, lol! We play it up. That’s all I’m going to say.

Anniushka
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 12:05 am: [report]

Hmmm. Well, I’ve never dated (pathetic, yeah), so I can’t really speak from that experience, but I certainly have been attracted to guys, so I’ll briefly report my observations on attraction vs. ethnicity.

I’m from a very, very white town. There were some Asians in my high school—mostly Filipino—and a handful of Latinos. You’d be able to count the number of African American families in town on one hand, and they were almost exclusively there because my town is a bedroom community for a military base, so many only lived there for a couple of years before they got transferred. I had Asian and Hispanic friends, but all my close friends were white as a sheet. Basically, white is what I’m most accustomed to, followed rather distantly by Asian and Hispanic.

I don’t think I ever had a crush on a non-white guy up through the end of high school. My opinion of Asians was that they weren’t particularly attractive, and I tended to think poorly of Latino men in general because of experiences I’ve had traveling in Latin American countries—my mother being a Spanish teacher, my family has spent months at a stretch in Mexico and Ecuador and I sometimes felt I almost knew Latin American culture better than “my own.” However, I have consistently been made to feel very uncomfortable by many of the men in those countries leering at me, almost certainly because I was white. For instance, I’d be walking past a group of men behind an attractive Latina wearing far more provocative clothes than I, and the men wouldn’t give her a second glance but would totally eye-rape me. It happened over and over again. And it got really old. I hated it to the point of coming home after a bad outing and breaking down in angry, humiliated tears. Not nice. Do not want.

However, I now attend a good university in California that has a significant number of Asian and Hispanic students, to the point of making whites clock in at under 50%. So far I’ve been attracted to one white guy, two Asians, and—most recently—a Latino. I think I’ve simply gotten used to the idea of Asians; I hardly knew any before, so it wasn’t surprising that of the pool of Asians I’d known, not many were attractive. I formed my opinions based on what was in my sphere of experience, and it was an accident of birth that caused my sphere of experience to be so tiny. Once I got to know more, I got to know more to whom I was attracted. Simple.

It doesn’t surprise me that being attracted to a Latino was slower in coming, given my fairly large sphere of bad experiences. But, well, now I’m totally crushing on this guy I’m taking dance lessons from (hee hee!), and I think—at least—that he’s of Mexican heritage, and certainly of Hispanic name and ethnicity. When I started being attracted to him, the thought never crossed my mind (until now, when I’m consciously analyzing my history of crushes by ethnicity) that I would be attracted to him because of or despite the fact that he was Hispanic. He’s just damned attractive, what can I say?

No black guys yet. No Middle Eastern or East Indian guys, either—we didn’t have any of those where I came from, at all. (Well, there was one Iranian family, but all the kids were girls and yeah, I’m sexist that way… *wink*) But as I get to know more of them, who am I do say that I won’t find one or more of them attractive?

...Oops. That was hardly brief. But there you have it. I guess I didn’t contribute much to the dating site conversation; I’ve never been on one and have no plans to. I’m generally not attracted to most people (the reason I’ve never dated? Hmm), especially not people who are essentially strangers to me, so I feel like I’d be rejecting people left and right on dating sites if I were ever so misguided (considering my known tendencies) as to set up an account.

adamjs
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 06:21 am: [report]

@canadiancutie: do you really think that being “race neutral” changes anything? Everyone is discriminated against for all manner of reasons and has moments of feeling self conscious.

If you are born in the wrong town, were born in the wrong part of the right town, have the wrong last name (through birth or marriage), go for the wrong sports team, follow the wrong sport, play the wrong sport, were working for the wrong company, went to the wrong school, went to the wrong university, graduated in the wrong year of the right university, were working on the wrong project, were working on the right project at the wrong time, drive the wrong car, are seen at the wrong restaurant, pass the wrong test, fail the wrong test, drink at the wrong bar, wear the wrong brand of suit, wear the wrong brand of shoes, say the wrong thing to the wrong person, say the right thing to the wrong person—if you do any of these things and more then there is a chance it can affect you negatively if it is seen by the wrong people. 

Prejudice is colour blind.

majicksand
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 07:27 am: [report]

@canadian:  I grew up in a beach town.  As a pale, redheaded Irish girl, I endured my share of negative feedback in a place where everyone has a tan.  I was shunned by all the “in” girls for being too smart.  I actually had a guy break up with me because his friends didn’t think I fit in since I hadn’t dropped out and was (gasp!) on the honor roll.  I could go on and on with stories of personal trauma, but the point is we all have reasons to feel insecure regardless of race.  No one group has cornered the market.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]

adamjs, I have all of those same things to contend with, as well as the knowledge that if I react badly on a given day, some douche will be thinking it’s because I’m black and that’s just how we act. Maybe it shouldn’t matter or affect the way I think and act, but it does. And from what I have heard from other black people, it’s certainly not just me. There was an article written by a black man in the Toronto Star last year where he wrote about seeing policemen chase a young black man on foot on the news and feeling that old familiar “guilt” from the confines of his suburban home, despite not knowing this person being chased. Other black people reading from the confines of their office jobs, no doubt, could not help but laugh because it’s a feeling we know all too well. Not to trivialize your point or anything, but when was the last time you worried that anything stupid you did or even someone else did would reflect badly on your entire ethnic group, making it more likely that the next time someone who looks like you went in for an interview they would be passed over for the job, or the next time a girl who looks like you winks at a guy on an online dating site, he takes one look at her specified ethnicity and moves onto the next email because of the stereotypes implied? I know we all have burdens to bear but I’m just not sure you understand.

To tie it back to the original topic, there is a reason that white guys on this website would likely respond to Asian girls AS WELL as white girls, and those reasons go beyond looks. Same thing for why Asian guys tend to be overlooked on dating sites. It’s not just all about looks, or grammar, or any other excuse. People make generalizations. Some people are more affected by these generalizations than others.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]

Racists are usually cowards. I may be racist and working on it

@canadian cutie:  That is the same as what I am trying to say.  I’ve dated non-white guys, depending on your definition of white, of course… one Ecuadorian, and two guys from India, but I’ve never dated a black man.  Why?  I don’t know.  But I have to think that some of it is subtle racism.  Maybe I don’t feel uncomfortable around black guys because of cultural stereotypes?  ?  Not saying I do or don’t, just a thought which I hope I can explain in this space without fear of judgment.  I necessarily inherit certain subtle stereotypes from being a white person raised in a society that blatantly favors white skin.  This is obvious. But not at first.  When you are white, you grow up with white privilege, and you don’t even see it.  It takes a LOT of thought to take yourself outside of that experience and realize all the ways in which you are privileged. I think understanding that we all harbor some forms of racism is the first step in undoing that racism.  How are we going to get anywhere if we all just sit here saying how non-racist we are?!

@ PinkRanger: Yes, I noticed that as well.  This is one of the stereotypes I am talking about in my comment above.  I like how you were the only one to notice it.  And yet how many of the illiterate trolls who post on this site are probably, or definitely, white (WhiteGenXr comes to mind).

@Majicksand:  I am also very pale, with freckles and red hair, and a little bit of a nerd -I guess you could tell that if you read through my comments.  I know everyone gets picked on or snubbed for one reason or another, whether for complexion or weight, or whatever.  The difference is context and history of oppression of black and Asian people in the U.S.  I know the Irish were discriminated at one point, but it would be perfunctory to say that it was on the same level of magnitude as what African Americans have survived.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]

Hmmmm… reading the post you write back again and mine, what it seems to come down to is that in YOUR case, you’re talking about discrimination that affects only yourself. What I’M talking about is worrying about discrimination that affects not only yourself, but is also bigger than yourself. I’m talking about feeling responsible for the discrimination others might experience. You would never have to worry that how badly you look on a given day would have a damaging effect on the lives of other white males. Or that the only white guy on a popular new TV show is a fatas* caricature that makes all other white guys look bad and subsequently become less likely to get a date.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]

@ CanadianCutie: That was a little long-winded, but what I am saying is, I agree

canadiancutie
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:22 am: [report]

Oh, that last comment I wrote was directed at adamjs. Well, brandyalexander, I am certainly not here to judge someone being honest. I admitted that I too have not dated a black guy, and that I haven’t been open to it at all. Part of it is things that have been internalized from my family (my mother and aunt have been none-too-subtle in explaining how white men would treat you better than any black man would and they have previous marriages to support their conclusion), and part of it is personal experience with the way in which they have approached me. Sometimes I think some black guys just don’t understand that disinterest is a sign to keep moving. They just push, push, push. They don’t hear or accept the word “no.” Not to say all black guys are like this but the ones who I have crushed on did not and would not consider me their “type” anyway. I feel like with other ethnicities of men, they’re not quite as sure of themselves when they approach you and that’s attractive to me. Sometimes with black men and the way they approach me, it’s like they think they can’t lose, and that’s a HUGE turnoff to me.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]

@CanadianCutie:  Haha, I thought that was just white, black, asian, and latino guys who just push, push, push.  That’s been my experience, and its always a turnoff. 
Anyway, I’m not saying that I don’t find some black guys attractive (I do), just that I’ve never dated any, and I’m not really sure why that is.  I’m just trying to own up to the fact that as a white girl, there may be some latent, deep-down prejudice that I’m harboring.  I hope not, and if there is, I’m sure not proud of it, but hell, lets dig it up and talk about it a little, right?

majicksand
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]

@brandyalexander:  My being Irish really didn’t have anything to do with it.  I was just trying to give a mental image of how I look.  The point was that discrimination comes in all forms, and we’ve all been affected in some way.  I’ve been insulted for being pale, smart, female, white (oh yes, it happens), lots of things. 

As for racial bias, nobody in this country got it worse than Native Americans.  My husband is Cherokee.  He had direct relatives who walked the “Trail of Tears” and were relegated to reservations.  In some parts of the country they are still discriminated against much worse than anyone of African descent or any other.  They’ve suffered all manor of atrocities and continue to suffer some of them even in an age of civil rights “enlightenment”.

Is the discrimination aimed at me as bad as that aimed at some others?  Probably not.  It doesn’t make it hurt less when it happens, and it doesn’t make it any more justifiable.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]

majicksand, you make a very good point about discrimination against Native Americans. Sometimes the depth of it just absolutely SICKENS me. In Canada, they have it far worse than any other minority, that’s for sure. Here is a link in which these beautiful Native American twins discuss their experiences with discrimination. They can’t even get a role playing what they are. They have to pretend to be Latina to get work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzck-_MROrI

brandyalexander
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]

@Majick:  I just brought up being Irish because that’s what comes to mind with that particular complexion.  I understand, and I’ve also been discriminated against as well.  I was just saying that I don’t think its anywhere near what others go through on a daily basis.  I’m not trying to diminish what you’ve felt, I’m just saying that it’s probably different.
I agree with Canadiancutie that you have a good point about your husband and Native Americans, Native American people were murdered, stolen from, raped, and left with nothing all in the name of Empire.

Freya
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 05:06 pm: [report]

I don’t think it’s racist to find one race more attractive than each other - we all have individual preferences. For example, I’m primarily attracted to white guys (I guess it’s cause I have a ‘type’ which most non-asian minority guys don’t fall into) but if I met a nice guy who I considered attractive, I wouldn’t hesitate to date him.

Racism would be consciously refusing to date someone because of their race - ie, you find your ‘dream guy’, except he’s the ‘wrong’ race (but still attractive to you). That’s racist.

Picturemann
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 04:54 pm: [report]

After I read the article, I wondered why the article was couched as yet another “Black women as the world’s worst victim” piece.  Clearly, according to OKCupid’s own numbers, it is black men who come off as being in the worst dating situation, not black women.  But then, they couldn’t grab headlines and the attention of black women if they were to say that could they?  Or maybe the owners of the OKCupid website (and the editors and managers of American media) simply don’t give a sh*t enough about black men to even notice or care.

Let’s go back and do the numbers again, this time comparing OKCupid’s figures for the response rates black men and women achieve when sending messages to potential mates of various racial and ethnic groups:

BLACK WOMEN                     BLACK MEN
Native American - 41%    /    Black - 28%
Other - 41%              /    Native American - 27%
Middle Eastern - 40%    /    Pacific Islanders - 25%
Black - 37%              /    Other - 24%
Indian - 37%            /      Indian - 21%
Hispanic - 36%          /      Middle Eastern - 21%
Pacific Islanders - 32%  /      White - 21%
White - 32%            /      Hispanic - 19%
Asian - 31%            /      Asian - 17%

In other words, even the LOWEST response rate received by black women from various racial and ethnic groups (31% from Asian men) was STILL higher than the HIGHEST response rate received by black men (28% from black women). But apparently the dating plight of black men is of no interest to OKCupid.  Or, even worse, they assumed that the dating plight of black men would be of no interest to their readers- white, black or whatever.  AND THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE RIGHT IN THAT UNFORTUNATE ASSUMPTION.  After all, what is the value of black men in American society? Our value is close to ZERO (except, of course, when it comes to sports and entertainment).  We can’t even claim “worst position” even in situations that clearly demonstrate that we are in the “worst position.” 

OKCupid engaged in what the magicians call “misdirection.”  They suckered the public into looking in one direction when they should have been looking in another direction.  American media does this all the time when it comes to the plight of black men as compared to that of black women.  For example, based on the media stories to come out in past years about rates of HIV/AIDS you would be right to assume that black women suffer from higher rates of HIV/AIDS than black men—and you would be wrong.  In fact, the rate for black women is 60.6 (cases per 100,000), while that of black men is 136.8 (see the CDC website and this page in particular: http://twurl.nl/b6qxvp).

Moreover, the folks at OKCupid even decided to point out that black women were not even valued by black men, when it comes to the responses they received from potential mates (“Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.”)  Yet a perusal of OKCupid’s own numbers would show that when it comes to responding to potential mates, black men respond LEAST to black women AND black women respond LEAST to black men.  The rate of response from black women to black men is higher than vice-versa, but black men and women are BOTH LAST on each other’s agendas.  See for yourself:

BLACK WOMEN                       BLACK MEN
Pacific Islanders - 39%      /        Pacific Islander - 57%
White - 38%                  /        Asian - 55%
Middle Eastern - 37%      /        Middle Eastern - 55%
Native American - 34%    /        Other - 52%
Asian - 34%                  /          Indian - 51%
Indian - 34%                /          White - 51%
Other - 32%                  /          Native American - 50%
Hispanic - 31%              /          Hispanic - 46%
Black - 28%                /          Black - 37%

That the folks at OKCupid could write an entire blog on the subject of race and dating and single out the plight of black women while ignoring that of black men is despicable.  Sadly, it is also typical.  Or perhaps the across-the-board stereotype of the “no good black man” is so profoundly and thoroughly ingrained that their pathetic response rate from potential mates is to be expected and is, therefore, of no consequence.

And that SUCKS.

halo34
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 11:50 pm: [report]

I am a white woman and I prefer White men. does that make me racist? I think not! I don’t care if others date other races, it’s just me.

collins61
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 12:27 am: [report]

Too much about too little

high heels
wrote on November 11 2009 @ 11:45 pm: [report]

I’m a White woman who is mostly attracted to Black men.  I’ve tried a few interracial dating sites, but have pretty much given up on them because my experience was that, for many of the guys contacting me on the sites, dating a White woman was almost a fetish: it was less about ME as a person, and more about me being White.  (And I’m only speaking about guys who contacted me.  Clearly I don’t know how the other men on the site approached interracial dating.)  Everyone has his/her physical preferences and I’m not judging a guy who might be attracted to pale skin, especially since I’m attracted to dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes, etc.  I just began to feel on those sites it was ALL about ethnicity.  Yes, I generally prefer a fine looking brother to a White guy… but, I’m mostly attracted to a guy because he’s smart-as-hell, funny, playful, etc.  Physical/mental attraction is one thing, but an ethnic dating fetish is another, and I’m just not interested.