Dating Drama: My New Year’s Sex And Dating Resolutions

Generally, I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions. All too often, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. The minute I say I want X, I find myself doing Y. At the same time, I’m not crazy about the idea that dating is a random act over which I have no control. In hopes of better love in 2009, my sex and dating resolutions are after the jump.

1. Go on More Dates
Most of my relationships evolve from friendships, moving from hanging out to hooking up pretty quickly. What that lacks is the dating ritual. Recently, I’ve realized that while the idea of dating can make me want to hide out in my apartment with Netflix, going out on dates can be fun. Dating doesn’t have to be fraught with drama. Figuring out what to wear, getting dressed up, and flirting are the fun parts. This year, I want to be more open to meeting new people. When I do date, I want to be in the moment and not worry about what’s going to happen next. I don’t care if a date involves going to a party, an art gallery, ice skating, or eating burgers and fries, as long as we’re both having a good time.

2. Go on the Pill
I’m not on the Pill. Why? Well, it’s one part laziness and one part fear of doctors. I want to go back on the Pill for peace of mind, and so I’ll know when to expect my period. I wound up taking a pregnancy test last year, and the stress wasn’t fun. I don’t want birth control issues to get in the way of my enjoying myself in bed.

3. Make Peace With My Sexual Past
Over the holidays, I heard from several exes. Every time, I found myself thinking, “What if it had worked out with us?” There are some exes I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over, but spending too much time reminiscing—or, really, romanticizing—the past isn’t helping me focus on the future. I wind up subtly comparing the people I meet to my exes, which isn’t fair to them or me. In the new year, I want to look forward more.

4. Be More Confident
This may not seem directly related to sex and dating, but it’s actually central to them. When you lack confidence, it comes across to other people. The other day, I found myself thinking, “Why would __ want to go out with me?” I don’t think I can entirely exorcise those thoughts from my head, but I know I need to nip them in the bud if I’m going to find someone. Ultimately, I’m looking for someone I can share all of me with—the good, the bad, and the uncertain.

5. Try Something New Sexually
Since I’ve been sexually active since age 17, there are a lot of positions and activities I’ve done already, but there are still plenty I’m curious about and have yet to explore (like using a vibrator during intercourse or having sex via Skype, for example). I tried something new with my last boyfriend that arose spontaneously, and it was hot in large part because I felt like it was our special thing. It made me feel if not exactly “like a virgin,” like he had brought out something in me that had been waiting to be unleashed. When it comes to sex and dating, I know there’s always something new to learn.