Dating Don’ts: Making Over A Badly Dressed Boy
Posted by: Judy McGuire
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Thursday September 3rd 2009
I once dated a guy who clothed himself almost exclusively in band t-shirts, pleated trousers, and an ever-present fanny pack. (And no, he wasn’t a German tourist.) I remember thinking when we met that I’d finally cast eyes upon the archetypal rock critic. That he actually was a rock critic made the experience all the richer. Because he was smart, funny and cute-ish, I chose to overlook his sartorial missteps and we quickly fell in love. But despite my best efforts—including renaming the fanny pack his “colostomy bag”—I never could convince him to spiff up.
LA-based stylist and personal shopper Eleanor Estes says there are two types of men: “They either have a well-thought-out style or they’re clueless and malleable.” Though his look was hideous, my long-ago ex was the former. “Men collect free t-shirts, no matter how hideous they are!” Estes says, sympathetically.
“Wait, how did you know they were free?” I ask. Estes laughs. “Men think free t-shirts are the most amazing thing ever only because they’re free—there’s no other criteria!” Her advice for getting rid of the hole-peppered Residents shirt: Don’t. “The specific items that I don’t like, I keep at the bottom of the laundry hamper—I get it out of the mix, without throwing it out.”
She also suggests buying replacement items so you can rotate the offensive pieces out. “Respond positively when they’re wearing something you like and just don’t say anything at all when they’re wearing something you hate.”
Cindy Wheeler, owner of Brooklyn’s hipster clothing mecca, Beacon’s Closet, sees loads of couples shopping together and agrees with Estes. “Men take their choices so personally; it’s very delicate. A better idea than saying ‘that shirt is awful’ is replacing it with something that looks good. And then when they put that on, accentuate the positive.”
So basically, calling his fanny pack a colostomy bag was a bad idea.
My friend Becky successfully made over a long-term boyfriend by using positive reinforcement. “He was a great guy—I loved his heart and soul but not his style,” she tells me. “He had a cheesy perm and used to wear cardigans tied over his shoulders with pink polo shirts.” While the two were in Spain, Becky convinced him to spring for a custom pair of black leather jeans.
Soon, instead of wearing preppy pink polos, her man was stomping around in motorcycle boots and close-cropped hair. While he looked about a thousand times better, Becky’s story does not have a happy ending. “I made him too cool and attractive to other women,” she laments. “So when we moved to his home city of Tokyo, all the women in his office hit on him and he wound up having an affair with the receptionist.” Ladies, be careful what you wish for.
As for my boy and his fanny pack? While my mockery fell on deaf ears, a flamboyant coworker of his did the trick with just one skeptical up-and-down look and the words, “Honey, the last thing you need is more hips.”
I never saw that colostomy bag again.
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Riley
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
Free t-shirts are the best.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:37 am: [report]
Damn, if I could wear one style for the rest of my life it would be short sleeve golf shirts (In bright colors), baggy cargo shorts, and flip flops (leather).
Bring the hate ladies.
Riley
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]
Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since ‘nam!
joyy
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]
@cheese - I’ll bring the hate when you pop the collar.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:43 am: [report]
@joyy: No thanks. I actually know a guy who un-pops peoples collars in bars. But he actually antagonizes people into fighting him.
@Riley: Eh, big whoop.
joyy
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]
@cheese - lol. Please don’t give me that idea. I live in a little college town that gets a super obnoxious influx of Phx kids every year and if I start down that road, there is NO telling where it would stop, if it ever would.
Riley
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:46 am: [report]
I’m surprised Cheese. I took you for a movie buff. Even if some people think it is a super bad movie.
n75nva
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
um I’m a woman and my style is rock shirts and jeans.
And I agree, free t-shirts are great! of course depending on the t-shirt. Most of them end up as night dresses.
My BF has a sweater that is HORRID! It’s so bad that even a 75 year old man would think it was awful. So it’s now in the goodwill pile. He hasn’t even noticed.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
@Riley: Yeah, I’ve seen it, but it was lost on me till the “super bad” sentence.
joyy
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
my bf has a closet filled with bad hawaiian shirts and polyester soccer jerseys, in addition to a decade+ old t-shirt collection that is dominated by software, videogames, and other nerdiness. I don’t mind the t-shirts since he usually just wears jeans, especially the supercheesy Zipdrive shirt that says “I am easy.” on the front.
As for the hawaiian stuff and soccer jerseys, well, these are the things we do for love. Otherwise, it’s pretty easy to convince him to take them off
Really, I’ll just be happy if I can replace his holey socks with decent ones. Oh, and when it comes to him actually going to a client site for work, he’s a surprisingly snappy dresser.
*sam*
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]
My bf just flat out asks me what I want him to wear if we’re going out. I’ve always thought he would look good in plaid shorts, and when I finally bought him a pair and begged him to wear them out to a family dinner for me, he got so many compliments that he has pretty much just started asking me to pick his clothes out since. He’s a smart guy, and after a month or so, started realizing what works best for him as well what I prefer and dresses accordingly. And the only time I’ve *ever* criticized him for his clothing choice was when he tried to wear an outfit he found when he cleaned out his old storage unit from when he was about 100lbs heavier.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]
Thank God my husband has good taste. He’s kind of regretting it though. I make him shop for clothes with me.
There is the one t-shirt that bugs me. It’s one of mine actually. It’s over 20 years old and badly faded. I don’t even know where he found it. He grabbed it one night on the way to pool league and kicked a$$. Now he swears it’s lucky and wants to wear it every week!
bogart4017
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]
These guys are lucky. Many of my female co-workers agree that if you havent stepped up your “vines” game that don’t have time to do it for you.
Coral
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:17 pm: [report]
My boyfriend likes fashion and enjoys shopping—he’s definitely straight, and I do like shopping and clothes even more than him. He likes to wear Polos and nice jeans a lot. But he also buys a lot of clothes at Armani and Gucci and various other places—but my one demand is that he doesn’t spend too much money because that stuff is pricey.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]
@Coral: Sounds in denial.
Coral
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
@cheese: Haha. He’s definitely not though. He used to be a total player. And apparently he was a total dork in high school so I think clothing definitely helped him. What’s wrong with a guy who likes fashion anyways?
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
@cheese: That’s not nice. How hypocritical would it be to expect good fashion sense out of a man then assume he gay when we get what we’ve asked for? I promise you my husband isn’t even a little gay, but he does have a well-developed sense of style for both fashion and home decor. Unfortunately, he ultra-modern minimalist and I’m contemporary comfort. Decorating is tough in our house.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
@crumblycoral and misspelledmagic: 1 through 6 on Kinsey scale….what are they?
I seriously think that all men are being feminized in general. They may not be be homosexuals, but they are a bit gay.
*sam*
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]
@cheese: you should know as well as anyone that hardly anyone is 1 or 6 on the Kinsey scale. Therefore calling someone “gay” based upon said scale is little ridiculous, especially if they don’t identify as such.
Coral
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
@cheese: Probably a 1 or 2.
Of course all men are being feminized in a way, without being gay, and the same goes for women too.
*sam*
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
oh, and I forgot to mention that comparing someone’s personal fashion sense with the Kinsey scale is ludicrous in itself. If you want to make an argument considering one’s gender identity and fashion sense, then perhaps we can talk. But sexual orientation and fashion are not analogous.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]
@sammyIammmy: 1 through 6. I think I’m a 2. I buck convention missy.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]
First of all, cheeeeEEEEse, you’re one to talk about misspelling words in screen-names. Mine is actually the Old-English spelling. Where’d you get yours?
Second, the Kinsey scale is 0-6. Google it.
Third, your blatant, unfounded, and in this case insulting accusations regarding my husband are offensive. Knock it off.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]
@majicksand: I liked my interpretation better :( “Miss”“spelled”“Magic”
And you are right, and I am wrong, it is 0 to 6. Whoops.
Eh, on the third point. You should know best, but if you get that defensive, something may be up.
Riley
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
Interwebz fight!!!! I ARE TEH ANGRY!!!
Coral
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
Cheese does kind of have a point. If you get that defensive on the subject, something could be up. I could care less if someone thinks my boyfriend is gay, ‘cause I know he isn’t.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
It’s not defensiveness regarding his sexual orientation. I don’t believe a person’s orientation is shameful. I found the comment offensive because it was intended as an insult.
GreenAura
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
@majick: Curious as to what that 20 year old shirt of yours has on it that would make him want it / bug you? A kitschy 80’s saying perhaps?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:02 pm: [report]
@GreenAura: Rock the Casbah!
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]
@GreenAura: The shirt was fine when it was new. It is mine after all; I can’t hate it but so much. It’s a Gotcha shirt with a real cool design. The problem is it used to be black but has faded to a horrible gray. It just looks like something you should reserve for yard work, not go out in. He swears it’s ‘lucky’ though, so whatever.
GreenAura
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]
@ Cheese: I was hoping it was “I know you are but what am I?” or anything to do with Tetris. If either is the case then I get first dibs on that shirt when she can finally get it away from him.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:06 pm: [report]
Their orientation isn’t shameful and I never did say that. But who decides what is “badly dressed” vs “well dressed”...if women can do that I can judge what is “kinda gay”.
tk_2009
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]
@cheese: an appreciation for aesthetics is not limited to women. If you mean that men appreciating style is the same as heading towards gayville, I think you are off base. There is definitely a social stereotype being pushed that men who are really in to fashion are almost always gay, and I think it is nothing more than a ploy to get people to pay attention, and I think it tends to also push many men away from showing their own appreciation because they don’t want some cheesy type
in a forum calling them gay.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]
@cheese: I can judge whether or not my own husband is badly dressed. You, however, cannot judge whether or not he is gay.
Humble Bee
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]
How DARE you??!
I’m bringing fanny packs back! I’ve given up on purses, the only ones I like are the over the shoulder messenger bags. I used to have an ex who would think he dressed SO well, it was hilarious. He’d match his Jersey, to his shoes, to his socks. He offended me once when he asked me, if I could pretty please dress up. For what, to go eat at Chilis? ppffffttt. I don’t dress that great, I’m more laid back and whatever feels comfortable, so unless you dress REALLY horrible, I don’t care much.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 05:07 pm: [report]
“ppffffttt. I don’t dress that great, I’m more laid back and whatever feels comfortable”
And that is me, and that is what I like.
River
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:04 pm: [report]
From Majicksand> “[My username] is actually the Old-English spelling. Where’d you get yours?”
I don’t want to get into an argument, but this is one of those things that really irks me.
The etymology of the word “magic” never involves a ‘j’. Majick=> from Aleister Crowley, Magick-> modern English, Magic-> 14th c. French, Magique -> from Latin, Magicus/Magus-> from Greek magikos (μαγικός).
I was raised in a Wiccan household and fed all of the new age literature in my own personal quest for religion. Unfortunately, most the the ‘history’ of pagan religions presented in those books are absolute bollocks (I would say the same about ‘history’ revolving around any religion, really). But to say that the word ‘majick’ is an ancient spelling of the concept of ‘magic’ is not historically accurate. I think you’ll find that the new spelling was devised in the beginning of the neo-pagan/goddess worship movement of the twentieth century (heralded especially by Mr. Aleister Crowley, who spelled his version as ‘Magick’) in order to differentiate between religious acts and magicians’ tricks (of which magikos and magicus/magus refer).
As an archaeologist and historian, if you are interested in religions heavy in mythology, please do outside research. While faith is good, the facts may not be, and honestly misled, intelligent people are tricked into saying things that aren’t so bright.
River
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:22 pm: [report]
Besides, I think it’s much more awesome to assert Pagan/occultist pride then to depend on boring history.
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 07:38 am: [report]
@River: Damn. I knew somebody would call me on that before I even hit ‘submit’. I was just irritated at cheese. Pardon the faux pas.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 07:54 am: [report]
@majicksand: Grated Cheese?
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]
@cheese: Is it really you? Have you returned from the darkside? I sure hope so. Welcome back, buddy.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 08:25 am: [report]
@majicksand: What you talkin’ ‘bout? There is no darkside, only power.
Riley
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 08:44 am: [report]
The power to irritate via internet.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]
@Riley: Hence the “Grated Cheese” statement. Durrrr.
Riley
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 08:55 am: [report]
I forgot it was mentioned earlier. Either way, there is something to be said for being able to incite that kind of reaction without really saying much. Amusing for me to watch, keep dancing clowns.
For the record, I dress up pretty well. I owe some of that to the sexually questionable mail-room guy correcting me on shirt/tie matchups. I do well enough on my own though.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]
@Riley: I prefer kitty cats playing the piano.
Also, I can dress up well, but if I had the choice I’d sit around in my boxers all day, and that is an irritating thought.
Humble Bee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
@CheeeEEEEse
Boxer’s all day eh?? That doesn’t sound irritating at all!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:03 pm: [report]
@Humble Bee: All the live long day.
Humble Bee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
dammit, I can’t think of anything witty to say back, MUST drink more coffee…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]
@Humble Bee: As soon as I get home there won’t be a party in my pants because I won’t be wearing them. Unless you’re British and call underwear pants, if so “I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
Humble Bee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:33 pm: [report]
your so silly, it’s endearing.