When To Dump A Boyfriend

Dating Don’ts: How To Know When It’s Time To Dump Him

Posted by: Judy McGuire Filed in: relationships
9:00AM, Thursday August 7th 2008

Remember back when the mere mention of his name would give you a white-hot jolt to the heart? The sound of his voice was like an exquisite punch to the gut? His hand brushed against yours, and you’d get a warm swelling in the heart region? Yeah, well these days all you feel is sick to your stomach.

Though it seems most of us spend an inordinate time trying to get one, the truth is, once you land that boyfriend you’ve always wanted, you discover the truth— relationships can be a giant pain in the rear.

Sure it’s great to have a date for your cousin Edna’s wedding, but having a boyfriend means you’re also stuck having to constantly take someone else’s feelings into consideration.

Sure it’s great to have a date for your cousin Edna’s wedding, but having a boyfriend means you’re also stuck having to constantly take someone else’s feelings into consideration. For example, unless you’ve worked out “an agreement” in advance, making out with the foxy third cousin you meet at Edna’s wedding is almost inevitably frowned upon. Plus there’s the whole upkeep aspect—an intimate relationship means vigilant grooming, if you catch my drift. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

While it’s true that no partnership can sustain itself without a certain amount of dreary maintenance work, sometimes a girl just has to perform a cost/benefit analysis and cut her losses. So how do you know when it’s time to kick him to the curbside and go back to complaining about being single? Here are a few signs:

Sometimes when he’s talking, you hear the Charlie Brown teacher voice instead of his.
Other times when he’s talking, you imagine jamming your index finger into his eye socket.
Your web history shows a lot of activity around the Craigslist “casual encounters” section (regardless which of you is doing the browsing).
You’ve never been the jealous type, but suddenly feel compelled to start snooping (unless you’re paranoid by nature, your gut is trying to tell you something).
The thought of spending the rest of your life —or even the rest of the week—with him makes you gag a little.
He tells you that you’re just like his mom—and doesn’t mean it as an insult.
You don’t take it as an insult.
When friends ask when the two of you are going to tie the knot, you either laugh hysterically or burst into tears.
You’d rather stay home alone than go on your dream vacation with him.
He comes home with a hickey.
You come home with a hickey.
You cry more often than you have sex.
You’d rather have a good cry than have sex.

Next week—how to deliver the dumping.

comments

Mike
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 09:38 am: [report]

God forbid that you should consider the feelings of someone other than yourself. You complain that no man will commit then dump him when he does. Do us men a favor and stay out of relationships.

(I followed your link from CNN.)

Jimmy
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 10:22 am: [report]

This was linked from CNN? It must be a slow news day; this is tripe. The author is a self-proclaimed member of the Nerve dating network. That’s enough reason to gouge out your eyes.

lilo
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 10:59 am: [report]

I don’t really understand the pushback from guys on this. Let’s get real. We’ve all reached that point, regardless of our gender.

maxfun
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 11:23 am: [report]

How about something more along the lines of this:

You notice a picture of his ex on his dresser. When you ask why he still has it, he throws a fit, talking about lack of trust on your part and saying something like, “Fine! I just won’t have any momentos of my own!”

Or…

An emergency occurs in your life that requires a lot of physical and emotional attention from you RIGHT NOW. When you tell him about it, he expresses concern, then says, “I’d be there for you, but I have to ________(insert excuse here).” He then pretty much disappears for a week or so, leaving you to deal with your situation on your own or with the help of friends.

Of course, you can reverse the genders in either situation, as suits your personal situation. This kind of thing is a clear sign that you need to RUN and find a better match. All too often, however, excuses are made, benefits of the doubt are given, and people stay in relationships that become more and more unhealthy.

jimmy
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 11:32 am: [report]

@ wilma : not at all. Maybe if you tried harder you could come up with some other logical fallacy or thinly veiled aphorism. Small penis joke? Maybe compare me to Hitler: that’s my favorite. Character assassination on the Internets is easy and fun for you and me.

As for the article, it isn’t “sage” advice; it’s common sense. In that regard, Judy should add: “If his penis smells strange after a long night out with the guys” and “He has a growing panty collection that you don’t recognize” or “She recently appeared on Maury Pauvich,” etc., etc.

Croutons
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 11:46 am: [report]

OMG - Jimmy, you are making me HOT. And for the record - I would never dump you - even if your penis smelled like Hitler.

iHEARTcats
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 11:54 am: [report]

U FORGOT ABOUT HOW ITS EAZY TO TELL ITS TIME TO KICK BOY-BOY TO TEH TRASH IF HE DOESNT LIKE CATS!!!! IF UR CAT IS ALL PURRING + SHOWING HIM LOVE AND HES ALL NOT INTO IT OR MOVING AWAY ON THE COUCH THEN U KNOW THAT HE IZ A FREAKR W/ NO HEART WHO CANNOT LOVE - LIKE A STATUE!!! MAJOR RED FLAG OK??? U SHOULD ADD THAT PART!!

dwayne
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 06:29 pm: [report]

this actually made me chuckle.

Amelia
wrote on August 7 2008 @ 06:32 pm: [report]

@dwayne. That’s cause you’re a real man, Dwayne!

Tom
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 12:15 am: [report]

So, uh, Judy. Having trouble finding a man are we? It’d be a lot easier if your vagina didn’t have teeth.

lilo
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 04:12 am: [report]

Tom, perhaps her next column should be dating a guy who doesn’t have a sense of humor or respect women? Your comment is repulsive on so many levels.

Tamara98
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 05:40 am: [report]

@Tom Wow! A vagina dentata joke.

Seriously, buddy, get a sense of humor. I know it’s hard after your wife has left you for a younger, hotter man, who’s actually, you know, good at oral sex, but at least try. After all, women LOVE a guy who knows how to laugh.

Just Another Person
wrote on August 12 2008 @ 12:07 pm: [report]

I thought this post was pretty amusing. But, I think that it applies to both sexes, as most of us have probably been in a situation requiring us to evaluate the value of a relationship, or breakup.

Sylvie
wrote on September 3 2008 @ 06:25 am: [report]

I wish I had noticed the signs earlier I got a punch in the face realization instead, quite literally last night. Its been an upsetting 24 hours

FreeSpirit
wrote on June 18 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]

Consider his family of origin. Do they like you, do you like them? Do they treat you with respect or consider you an interloper? How does his father treat his mother? That is the role model he grew up with. If his family doesn’t like you before the wedding, they will not like you afterward, and vice versa. Trust me on this.