Dating Don’ts: How Not To React When You Get Dumped
Posted by: Judy McGuire
Filed in:
relationships
5:30PM, Friday November 14th 2008
Last week, we covered how to avoid being a bad heartbreaker, so this week we’ll tackle the other side of things. Coincidentally, it’s a side of dating I’m far more familiar with: how to accept being dumped with dignity.
Just as there are myriad ways to screw up breaking someone’s heart, the possibilities for botching a “getting-broken-up-with” are limitless. Here are some behaviors to avoid so you won’t compound your heartache with a total loss of self respect.
1. Attempting to argue him out of it. Breakups don’t have to be unanimous decisions, nor are they court battles that you can “win” by presenting your case. Listing your attributes and insisting he’ll never do better than you is just sad. Besides, is that a fight you really want to win? “You know what, honey? I see the light. I’m a big loser and will never meet anyone better than you. Let’s kiss and makeup.” Er, no.
2. Begging. This is what happens after you lose the argument, and he sticks to his guns and shows you to the curb anyway. Begging is really, really bad. Don’t do it. You’re better than that. Even if you actually aren’t better than that, pretend you are. Honestly, if he does take you back after you’ve grabbed onto his ankles and not let go, he’s the kind of sadist you’re better off without.
3. Throwing the loud, dramatic, public scene. The only time pitching a giant public fit is acceptable is if he’s the brand of weasel who drags you out to a restaurant only to ditch you, figuring you won’t screech and cry if you’re surrounded by people. In that case, he definitely deserves a plate of spaghetti carbonara to the face. But if you collapse in heaving sighs and shrieking recriminations upon running into him in the grocery store, make it a point to avoid going anywhere that he might be found until you’re over it. Because along with embarrassing him, you’re making a fool of yourself.
4. Befriending his friends. I’m not talking about mutual friends; I mean the lame attempts to friend-steal his buddies that some of us may have made at one point or another. Attaching yourself to his BFF and prattling on non-stop about how his friend has done you wrong is bad form; attempting to rebound with said BFF is even worse.
5. Exacting revenge. Depending on why you two broke up, this can be extremely tempting. Unfortunately, it will usually come back to bite you on the behind, so try to resist. I mean, just how many times did Glenn Close get killed in “Fatal Attraction”? Nobody likes a bunny boiler.
6. Destructo-Girl. Yes, he did the unthinkable and broke up with you. Not only that, but you’re 99 percent certain he’s been cheating. Even still, that doesn’t give you permission to destroy everything he left at your apartment. I’m sure he’ll be needing that digital camera to take photos of his new girlfriend. Also, she’ll probably like sleeping in his favorite T-shirt, while reading his signed copy of Infinite Jest. So, you should carefully box everything up, trundle down to your local FedEx (you wouldn’t want to entrust important stuff like this to the U.S. Postal Service!), and send his belongings back right away. It would be wrong to deprive his new girlfriend of the things you and he used to enjoy together. Very, very wrong.
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Kiki T
wrote on November 13 2008 @ 10:46 am: [report]
ha ha ha. I so have seen all these in action with either me or friends…like I use to have a psycho friend that keyed a guy’s car after she went to his place to get her stuff—not to justify it, but he was a A-HOLE and major Mind-f’ck….
Me, on #1… I’ve sooo done that, but amend it with a state of denial as in negotiating the, “rethink it for a week,” and prolonging my own demise…and even though there was a getting back together again months after, it was hitting the skids again and that is when my psycho friend suggested I burn his place down!
I obviously didn’t go the Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopez route, but I did appreciate that she wanted to fly across the country that afternoon to come burn his place down for me. If anything, she loved me. hee hee
Rachel Kramer Bussel
wrote on November 14 2008 @ 01:17 pm: [report]
Ha - loved the last one. Can’t say I’ve always been so great about being broken up with, but it’s been a while thankfully. Either way it sucks, not sure which I’d rather be, the dumper or the dumpee. Oh, and Kiki - what is UP with your photo? I love it!
Simosa
wrote on November 14 2008 @ 04:53 pm: [report]
i have some friends on facebook who are are using facebook like a break up weapon. They need to read this. I am posting
MK
wrote on November 16 2008 @ 10:55 pm: [report]
My friend broke up with a guy who she had only been dating for about 2 months only to have him post MySpace surveys for the next 4 months where every question answered in some way a comment about how horrible and immature she was, lol. They had quiet a few mutual friends so he knew it would get back to her even though he never mentioned her name. Talk about immature.
cdu2
wrote on November 18 2008 @ 08:16 pm: [report]
Do these apply to divorce, or just dating breakups? I did the begging as a last ditch after a very rocky 3 mos of lame reconciliation back & forth, but it was genuine after 13 years together. But I did do the arguing early on as well - again, what do you think… applicable to divorces, too?!
jannatu
wrote on November 18 2008 @ 08:53 pm: [report]
I got dumped about 3 weeks ago - I’m a pretty sane person (I think) but number 2 was very very very hard to not do. I tried to keep it to a minimum. Actually, I didn’t really beg at all, mostly because I couldn’t get very many words out past my tears. Which I basically made him sit and watch me cry for 30 minutes….the least the bastard could do for me at that point.
TenderGittles
wrote on November 19 2008 @ 11:07 am: [report]
Oh dear god. Were you spying on me when I broke up with my last serious boyfriend? I have done every single thing on this list. Where were you two years ago? Shame and humilz.
vannyd
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]
i have to agree with tendergittles. i have done every single thing on the list too. and let me be the first to say, it NEVER works. just leaves you feeling stupid
littlejulieee
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]
like most of you, i’m guilty when it comes to this list. and i agree with vannyd when she says it “never works” and only “leaves you feeling stupid”. so true. i found out my boyfriend of 5years had another girlfriend the last 6mths. we were dating. i went through all the emotions and then some…
what kills me though, is that guys get away with cheating ALLLLLL the time and we’re suppose to sit back, accept it, be calm, and move on. and half the time, the guy that cheated on us, turns it around and makes us look like the psycho ex girlfriend so that he looks like the good guy. life is crazy… and us girls have to put up with a lot of #&@$% sometimes.
anywho, i do agree that doing these things on this list doesn’t get you anywhere. just have faith that karma will come back and bite him in his ass. he can’t get away with being an #&@$% forever.