Dating Don’ts: How Not To Handle Gifting Situations
Posted by: Judy McGuire
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Thursday November 27th 2008
Have you ever gotten a gift so ugly, so utterly not you, that you can’t even fake a kind response? That’s how I felt opening a box that contained the silver-plated, faux-turquoise-encrusted bracelet my then boyfriend gifted me one Christmas.
“Santa Fe fake?” I asked, slipping it over my hand, and removing it before it could turn my wrist green. I could tell that he was a little hurt, but c’mon. I had fire engine red hair and a pierced nose. He may as well have given me a beige mu-mu and a hairnet.
How does that old adage go? ‘Tis better to give than to receive? Generally, I disagree with this sentiment (after all, who doesn’t like presents?), but in that particular case it rang true. Gift giving and receiving introduces a whole new element of tension in even the most established relationships. Will it fit her? Do you think it’ll cover his bald spot? So I’m here to help you negotiate this treacherous terrain by making sure you don’t do the wrong thing.
1. Don’t buy something for the boyfriend you think you should be dating. Buy a present for the guy you are dating. Your favorite cookie is the Madeline, and you named your cat Marcel. Your man likes Wii and domestic beer, and while you suspect he thinks Tucker Max is hilarious, he’s too clever to admit it. Do not, under any circumstances, get him Remembrances of Things Past or any other “great” book for that matter. This is the equivalent of him buying you a Tila Tequila calendar and having the audacity to protest when you whip it at his head.
2. Unless his name is Kreskin, don’t expect him to know what you want. Men never know what to buy women. Cluelessness is not an indicator of his feelings about you one way or the other. The only boyfriend of mine who ever came through 100 percent on the gift front turned out to be gay. You can use the holidays as a test of his devotion, or you can smarten up and give him some suggestions. And I don’t mean hints, ladies. I’m talking a list, with photos, URLs, and/or store locations, sizes, and prices. Give him a bunch of ideas from which to choose (at different price points) so it’s not like you’re sending him shopping (although you kind of are). If that offends your delicate sensibilities, give the list to a close mutual friend and have her clue him in to what you want. That way he thinks he’s smart, and you don’t end up with a fleece sweatshirt and a switchblade.
3. At some point during this festive holiday season, chances are you’re going to be dining with his parents, friends, or coworkers. Being a well-mannered young lady, looking to impress, you’re not going to arrive empty-handed. It’s imperative that you do your homework on this gift because you don’t want to bring wine to dinner with a recovering alcoholic or cheesecake to a diabetic.
4. When you’re given a gift that falls short, don’t scoff in disgust and ask him what he might have been thinking, even if you’re truly curious. The only acceptable way to accept a gift is with a sincere smile and a hearty: “Thank you!” This can be a bit difficult when what you’ve just opened is a stuffed smiley face and a stapler, but do your best and remember, there’s always your birthday. Maybe by then you’ll listen and give him a list.
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nicefrenchgurl
wrote on November 27 2008 @ 03:02 pm: [report]
worst present ever: for my bf’s friends’ wedding anniversary, we had bought them those very expensive frames with willow and dry roses, very nice.
for christmas, the same couple offered me, wrapped in stappled wallpaper, inside an empty qtips box, a used salt/pepper box, and a half empty bottle of perfume…
Crimsonmoon
wrote on November 27 2008 @ 04:03 pm: [report]
I haven’t had any HORRIBLE relationship gifts, but I do have to agree with a couple of the topics covered in this. After all this doesn’t just relate to the guy.
[Unless his name is Kreskin, don’t expect him to know what you want.]
~Nevermind HIM, Both my girlfriend and I have to give HUGE hints to each other to figure out what the hell to get the other for Christmas
[At some point during this festive holiday season, chances are you’re going to be dining with his parents, friends, or coworkers.]
~This is directed specifically TO my girlfriend. YES, get used to it babe….She is socially awkward and most of the time refuses to go out for dinner or meet with anyone that doesn’t include our mutual circle of friends…She’s shy and I get that, so I try not to push her too hard on that subject…thats why I found this article so amusing.
Humble Bee
wrote on November 28 2008 @ 10:40 am: [report]
why?? why?!? Do i need a life sized teddy bear???? Or some shoes that look like they belong to the wicked witch of the west?? My boyfriend is the worst gift giver… When I clearly tell him what I like, I’m going to have to give him a list, or he’ll just show up with flowers and a stupid teddy bear. Why can’t guys understand that NOT every girl likes teddy bears. I am not a 9 year old!!! I know I sound unappreciative but I always get him great gifts, I think this christmas it’s time to give him a taste of his own medicine and buy him a knitted sweater and make him wear it!!!
Rachel Kramer Bussel
wrote on November 28 2008 @ 11:51 am: [report]
Love this! I wish gift giving were a little less…fraught, I guess. I like buying gifts but when it’s kindof spontaneous, like when I find the perfect gift that I really want to give someone. I just hate the pressure of bringing the “right” gift at the right time, which is usually when everyone else is shopping for gifts. It’s also hard to buy gifts for people you don’t really know very well.
Simcha
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
Humble Bee, OMG! I used to have an entire shelf of “I Love You” Teddy Bears from ex-bf’s. First of all, none of them loved me like the bears claimed. And 2, although my hipster sensibility made me think displaying them in a row was funny….ultimately it just got depressing when people would then buy me more to add to my collection. But rest assured Humble Bee, I’m in on the joke! Why can’t these men buy us jewelry damn it?!
joyy
wrote on December 5 2008 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
Just tell each other what you want! My bf’s christmas gift pick is only about $30, so I’m going to surprise him with some other stuff he needs, but why go through the stress of guessing and getting/giving something useless when you could give someone exactly what they want? If he hasn’t told me what he wants and I have an idea already, I’ve taken to telling him what it is so that he has a chance for input - it has saved my ass more than once. We don’t do this for every single gift, but it sure does take the pain out of shopping.
It does take out the little element of surprise/romance, but if you shop with them then you end up learning more about the things they like, and that is always a good thing as well.