Dating Don’ts: Dealbreaker Or Dealmaker?
Posted by: Judy McGuire
Filed in:
relationships
8:00AM, Thursday April 9th 2009
I have said and/or done the wrong thing so many times that it’s truly the eighth wonder of the world that I ever managed to trick anyone into dating me more than once. There was the time I fell off my chair and farted (loudly) just as my butt hit the ground. Or the guy I leapt away from as he tried to kiss me, gesturing frantically at the giant oozing cold sore on my lip. (I still don’t know how he missed that thing—I’m pretty sure it was visible on Google Earth.)
There are plenty other gems in my arsenal of embarrassment, but who hasn’t had a red-faced moment or ten? I used to beat myself up over these transgressions, but despite my occasionally questionable behavior, most of the men I’ve been out with have forgiven me quite cheerfully. In turn, I’ve turned a blind eye to their missteps and gaffes. What I’ve found is that it comes down to levels and limits. Here are some guidelines.
Barely A Blush
Diane Mapes, author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World, thought she’d done everything right with one particular paramour. She’d waited the obligatory three dates and had all the fixins’ for a good breakfast the morning after their first all-nighter. “I made toast and was frying bacon, but I let the bacon cook too long and it started smoking,” she laughed. “The fire alarm went off.”
Yeah, big deal, I thought—my smoke detector goes off every time I attempt stir-fry. But no.
“I lived in an old building and the fire alarms were directly linked to the fire department.” So there’s Diane, in her flirty, barely-there pajamas and suddenly, “I have six muscular fireman, grinning at the door.” All Diane could yelp was, “I just burned my bacon!”
She was mortified, but her date (who became her boyfriend despite her profound lack of cooking skills) and the firemen found it hilarious.
Foot In Mouth Disease
Yoga teacher Chintamani knows her way around a gym and so she thought she was on safe ground when she began talking shop with her date. “I started spouting off about how personal trainers are all a bunch of ignorant dilettantes,” she told me. “I paused to take a breath and my date informed me that his mother was a personal trainer.” Oops. Even though Chin apologized profusely, and the date went on from there, the two never saw each other again. Which is fine because she’s now dating a personal trainer. “Who is not an ignorant dilettante,” she is quick to add.
While Chintamani’s faux pas proved unforgivable, it’s good to remember you can always use this tactic to get yourself out of an uncomfortable situation on purpose. When Dan R. found himself bored to tears by a rock-critic date and his collection of obscure references, Dan informed the dude that his favorite musician was Karen Carpenter and music had died for him the moment she passed on. The rock-critic was out like a shot and Dan could finish his meal in peace.
Against All Odds
You’d think that vomiting would be an immediate dealbreaker on any first date, but in the case of Seattle-based radio-show host/comedian Monti Carlo, you’d be wrong. “I whispered that he looked like a water color painting and commenced burping out massive amounts of vomit,” she told me.
Though Monti eventually married someone else, the two continued dating for quite some time after their initial outing. Ann, another woman I spoke with, told a similar story about an ill-timed regurgitation. Not only did her date clean up after her, “He still wanted to make out the next day!” After she brushed her teeth, naturally. That guy? He stuck around for two years!
So the next time you say or do something you feel is utterly unforgivable, just remember that it could’ve been a whole lot worse.
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Erin G
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 08:40 am: [report]
I was recently on a second first date (a “first” date with someone I dated two years ago and split ways with) with this guy who had been everywhere and done everything.
I found myself pathologically lying to him, I guess to sound like I was as cool as he was (even though he wasn’t trying to impress me or out-do me, he has some honestly awesome stories). I even told one lie that was so damn absurd, I’m surprised he didn’t call me out on my BS.
I still think back and cringe at it, and hope that if I forget I’d ever said it, than maybe he did too.
retro chic
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
Haha… Judy, I did something on par with Dan R’s pulling the “Karen Carpenter” trapdoor lever. Just be sure you hurry and clear things up with mutual acquaintances “for the record,” unless, of course it’s all true. Call this one a dealmaker (for your own sanity.)
Involuntarily falling asleep sitting straight up in front of the yammering offender works, too, with the same desired results and no messy followup.
Neo
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 08:56 pm: [report]
Sex after 3 dates isn’t “dating” - it’s sleeping around. And vomiting after drinking isn’t a funny story in retrospect - it’s alcohol abuse.
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 09:09 pm: [report]
Get off your high horse Neo. I’m pretty sure sex after 3 dates is the unspoken rule of dating. It most certainly isn’t sleeping around. And maybe drinking so much it causes you to vomit IS alcohol abuse, but everyone has done that at some point in their lives. I pulled the old “food-in-my-teeth” embarrassment on my first date with my current boyfriend, who I’ve been with for almost 2 years.
LaGiulia
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]
There is nothing wrong with sleeping around, as long as you do it safely. Double standards and bigotry are so boring.
Thepastorsson
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 11:01 pm: [report]
Neo seems very uptight loosin up the tie please
anyways just like LaGiulia said as long as you do it safely. How about this , I was chatting with this girl on this new dating site called 71flavors.com you can say things got pretty hot after a couple hours. She told me that she was feeling a bit funny on the other side of the comp. At first I felt like a blonde “please no offense” but I didn’t know what she really meant about feeling funny. I didn’t want to ask her but myself I was u know, steamed up lol. The conversations her and I were having were just out of control. Have u girls ever felt u know funny before!!!
Yesdnyl99
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 05:35 pm: [report]
LOL There is nothing wrong with sleeping around? Wow. Basically, we should all not think highly of ourselves and just use each other. Men will always say they find a woman more attractive when she has respect for herself and she doesn’t put out so fast or at all. Same way when I dated men. Slutty men were always unattractive unless I was suffering from sexual frustration but only needed the slutty ones for one night of messing around, never for long-term. Statistically you live longer when you focus on getting to know each other on levels other than sex and then work on the next steps afterwards aka, falling in love. And I have to say, being in love feels a lot better than just sleeping around or sleeping with someone I hardly have known after 3 dates. Anyone will say that. Why do you think women go crazy over a guy after falling in love, marrying/dating him and then he cheats on her with someone else. Because they’ve built a strong connection.
bizzy
wrote on April 17 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]
I puked on a guy’s rug on our second date. He cleaned up after me and was so sweet about it. He even let me have a new, unopened toothbrush and some toothpaste so that I wouldn’t have puke-breath for the rest of the night.
Surprisingly, we later had really hot makeouts and dated for several weeks after that.