Dating Don’ts: Dating Advice NOT To Follow
Posted by: Judy McGuire
Filed in:
relationships
8:00AM, Thursday October 16th 2008
If you were to follow every rule (and not just The Rules) that have been written about dating, you’d be too confused to actually ever go out on any dates. So-called sexperts and relationship gurus are constantly contradicting both themselves and each other— Should you call him? How long do you wait to engage in frisky relations? Is a “MOM” tattoo a valid dealbreaker? Ask a dozen experts, get a dozen different answers.
However, there are one or two rules that everyone seems to agree on. Generally acknowledged as common knowledge, these are things that pretty much all the experts agree that you should follow like the law. Except, they’re wrong.
At the risk of causing further confusion, I’m here to tell you that common knowledge isn’t always all its cracked up to be. There is, indeed, an exception to every rule. Here goes:
Snooping: Hacking into his email. Thumbing through his journal. Surreptitiously listening his voicemail. These are not activities that someone in a healthy partnership should be taking part in. If detective work is part of your relationship main objective, it might be time to get thee to the therapist. However, if you’re normally normal, but have a big, fat, sick, twisting feeling in your gut and he’s not giving you the answers you need, you might want to check up on your man. Just make sure you’re prepared for what you might find.
Going to bed angry: Unless you’re some kind of non-sleep-needing superwoman, this one’s just impractical. While yes, it would be nice if we could all settle our differences before saying night-night, some of us (ahem) can hold a grudge like it’s got a handle. And which would you rather—spend all night crying, rehashing your silly argument and beginning your new day with gruesome circles under your eyes? Or pass out pissed off, have a cathartic dream where you beat him up and make him cry, and subsequently wake up ready to make up?
Don’t mix business with pleasure: I don’t know who wrote the rule discouraging workplace romances, but I have to disagree wholeheartedly. Obviously makin’ whoopee with those above or below you on the totem pole can be problematic legally speaking, but c’mon. We spend half our lives at work—are we not human? And sure, inter-office breakups can be messy, but they’re also big time entertainment for your coworkers. Instead of doing actual work (shudder!) or discussing Chuck Bass’s latest crimes against fashion, your misery allows them to fill their days dissecting the demise of your relationship. Way more fun than filing! Think of it as a public service.
Talking politics on the first date: In an election year, this is not only pretty much impossible, it’s just plain ridiculous. I’m not saying which side’s right, but some facts are better revealed before say, an unplanned pregnancy occurs and you discover your now-boyfriend doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose and you do. Or vice versa!
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Lance
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 08:45 am: [report]
Agree with ya on 3 and 4, no so sure about 2, and I disagree on 1. Snooping is a major low value activity and I’d never do it. My time is way more valuable than to spend it poking around someone’s laptop or journal.
On #2, I think in theory it’s best to resolve issues before the next day, but that’s sometimes impractical. I always try to address the problem same day, and I usually get to it.
James
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 08:49 am: [report]
Rules to break.
1) Women, take the initiative and ask the guy out. A guy will always say yes unless he’s brain dead or an insecure idiot; in which case you can cross him off the list early. “Rejection?” hey you think we like it?
2) Don’t wait 2-3 days to call after a good date. If it was good why waste time. This is stupid rule for game players anyway.
3) Women, when a stranger compliments you on the street he may actually be a sane intelligent man, don’t give him the brush off.
You never know when that kind cute guy wearing jeans and a T-shirt is in fact very cool and financially stable guy.
4) Real men DO NOT like skinny girls. Men want women that have real womanly bodies. The skinny model waif type only look good on the arms of the very insecure.
Seriously, no man is going to marry a women that looks like a young boy.
5) Quit smoking!! PLEASE I and 60 of my friends would give our left nut to meet a nice woman that doesn’t smoke.
Annika Harris
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 08:56 am: [report]
If a woman snoops through her bf’s things just cause, then she has real trust issues. But if she has cause to be worried, I agree that she should be prepared for whatever she finds. I never sleep well when I’m mad at the bf because we try not to touch each other and I never feel rested.
Lynn
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 01:19 pm: [report]
Totally agree about breaking the workplace romance rule - if I didn’t break it, I wouldn’t be with my BF!
Reena
wrote on October 17 2008 @ 09:47 am: [report]
I read in some magazine a couple months ago that something like 60% of marriages happen out of work-places romances. Yes, it can get messy.. but it can also be good!
The Virgin
wrote on October 18 2008 @ 06:23 pm: [report]
Disagree with the workplace thing, but that’s just me. I don’t know how anyone would completely risk their situation just for a little ass. There are tons of people to date outside the workplace and a job enables a person to have access to resources to assist in that endeavor.
Not to mention that you can’t disappear from the other person in the workplace if things don’t go well.
Lynn
wrote on October 19 2008 @ 12:03 pm: [report]
What do you mean, completely risk your situation? It might be awkward to work together after you’ve broken up, but you don’t have to leave your job for it. All you’re really risking is a few uncomfortable weeks at work until the two of you get used to working together and not being in a couple.
Texas24
wrote on October 21 2008 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
I dunno. If the information is not locked behind passwords or closed doors and I have reason to question his sincerity, I will snoop. Call me twisted, mentally ill or whatever, if I think I’m being lied to and it’s driving me crazy, I will find a way to figure it out so I lay it to rest or move on.