Dating Amelia: Where Do I Begin ...?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Wednesday April 1st 2009
As many of you who have been reading The Frisky for awhile know, I was engaged for much of the site’s lifespan. I was with my fiance for four years when he proposed on New Year’s Eve 2007. I wrote about being engaged for The Frisky in a regular column, “So I’m Engaged.” When he suddenly left me last September, I was, frankly, devastated to the point where I could not get out of bed. I missed a week of work and lost about 10 pounds. I felt absolutely mortified by the existence of those “So I’m Engaged” columns and couldn’t stand the thought of anyone reading them. They felt like the words of someone in a one-sided relationship, and their existence hurt me and embarrassed me. So, I took them down.
Our breakup wasn’t “official” (and by official I mean I finally changed my Facebook status to “single”) until mid-December, but during those few months between, I wrote a lot about what I was feeling in “The Break-Up Diaries.” I wrote about cutting off my hair, trying (and failing!) to have rebound sex, and questioning whether my ex had cheated on me or not. And then I wrote about the fog lifting, and realizing things truly were better off this way, and that I was OK with—scratch that, relieved to be single and free of someone who couldn’t be the partner I want and need.
Today, I put those “So I’m Engaged” columns back online, not because I particularly want to go back and read them (they still make my stomach hurt), but so you can, to give you a bit of history—as I start writing about dating again in a new column tentatively titled “Dating Amelia.” I have been totally nervous about writing about my personal life again and think I will be a little cautious at first. Going through the breakup of a relationship that you wrote about online is an interesting thing. I felt a little bit like the woman who wrote How Stella Got Her Groove Back and then found out the hot dude who gave her that groove back was totes gay on the side. Anyway, I got so many nice emails from people who I had never met, and the site got tons of comments from women who had been heartbroken and were pissed off about it, too.
But you know what? I’m getting back up on that horse. I’m excited to DATE again, and I’m excited to write about it—with the promise that I will protect the privacy of everyone I go out with. Get ready for some nicknames! Wendy Atterberry wrote a somewhat controversial post the other day about some singles needing to stop whining. I think I’m more of a Happy than a Crappy, but I definitely have my “woe is me” moments, where I feel like I’ll never meet my match. I’m a person who enjoys my solitude and am content being single, but I also want to find love, receive love, and give love—and I’m excited to put myself out there and see what happens.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
Kate Torgovnick
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
Woo hoo, Amelia! Love that you’ve reclaimed the columns and are ready to embark on new ones. I can’t wait to swap horrifying date stories with you. And hopefully, some glorious ones, too.
Arty
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
Ooh, I am looking forward to this! Go Amelia!
PinkRanger
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]
I’m so happy for you! It sounds like things are looking good. I think most women have been there, maybe not on the same scale, but I know I have. Its a relief to hear that people share the same emotions as you do, and even more of a relief to see that others can overcome heartbreak and so can you! You’re doing a great thing here <3
Amelia
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
Thanks guys! Now, do you have any attractive single friends?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]
@Amelia: Attractive? Who is to judge? Shame on you.
May you forever date uggo’s wearing Uggs.
*End April Fools Goofiness*
Really, why attractive? That sounds a bit shallow.
Amelia
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse By attractive I mean not heinous. I certainly don’t need model good looks. And desiring someone attractive isn’t shallow if you mean “attractive to ME personally.”
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]
@Amelia: By no means was I attempting to be judgmental, I was just curious. That is a good explanation.
I am too young for you.
Emily Poster
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]
woohooo! go amelia!
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]
Those are cute glasses in your picture. They make you look a little like Lisa Loeb.
VicVicVictoria
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
Dating can be rough. I was forcing myself to go on a bunch of dates lately and I ended up feeling mostly disappointed. I think probably though I just have a general impatience with wanting to finally meet my match. (But also you can’t force it, you do have to put yourself out there but life will match you up with someone on it’s own, I think…) Anyway dating is fun too and the more people I met the more I learned things about myself and mostly importantly, I’ve gotten more comfortable with meeting new people. That’s so silly about wanting someone attractive being shallow. Being attractive can mean more then a nice face and good body. Like for me if a guy has a certain type of style it makes him hot, cause I can just tell buy the way someone dresses and carries themself if we’d get along. Anyway, good luck!
wawmama
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]
Yay you! (Don’t worry we all have our “wa! I want some special” moments.) Just realize how great you are, and use your head. (Right?)
ohohsailor
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
something i can relate to! very excited to read.
Amelia
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]
@Wendy Atterberry Sadly, they’re not mine! But I think I might get a pair like them. My glasses are old, give me a migraine and don’t make me look like Lisa Loeb.
resullins
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
Hmmm… all I can say is good luck! I look forward to reading this column… through all the ups and downs. And I have LOTS of attractive friends all over the country… where would you like to start?
AgentBeryllium
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
@Amelia the best advice I was ever able to give for relationships that end is: Think of it as a ‘Get out of jail free card.’ As shallow as it was for him to do that to you and probably with out explanation in the long run was the nicest thing because it could have turned out worse. being married to a guy who you thought you knew only to find out he was a closet cross dresser and he stretched out all your favorite leggings and sweaters, then destroyed your favorite MAC eye shadow is just not worth it. Your a beautiful woman and deserve so much better!
shannac02
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]
Welcome to the club, sister! Getting back on that horse is HARD… its hard everyday, every week, and every month of trying to pull it all together. I’m so glad you girls (and John) at the Frisky let us into your lives… For me at least, it makes me feel a little bit less like a single loser, and more like part of an awesome club!
LoVe LOVE LOVE the Glasses btw.
—Shanna
Sara Benincasa
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
ROCK IT, SUGARPANTS!
Yellow
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
Yay Amelia! I’m so excited for your upcoming column! I’m in the same boat (not with the broken engagement, but with starting to date again) so this will be extremely relevant! Go team FriskyDaters!
Bertram
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
I went through the same thing a few years ago (except the sexes were reversed) and know, from a guys point of view, the struggle it is to get back out there. Best advice I can give is get comfortable in your own skin again and dating scene will come back to you.
bogart4017
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
Good luck with this—-i wouldnt want to be the one dating in this day and age.
sportzriter13
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]
I was engaged at the age of 16, had no idea what I was doing,(I think my “no sex before marriage” rule had something to do with Romeo’s haste to get engaged), and as summer dragged on, he pretty much abandoned me. Busy as a guy can be, would an occasional call or e-mail hurt?
He’s asked me back a couple of times, but, alas, I’m older and wiser…
I spent a lot of time (as friends) with someone I met at the museum I worked at. He was more of a boyfriend then my fiance ever was. So, a few days before he left for home, I smartened up, and left the fiance. Things didn’t work out with me and Mr. Florida but it was a lot better. I cried over him longer, but I’m much stronger now.
I’d warned the fiancee to change his ways-he didn’t listened and so I packed up my dreams of wedded bliss and left…along with MY RING which he’d used to propose with.
Go Amelia!
lalaland
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
As someone who has gone through a pretty nasty break up and is a bit scared of the dating world (despite having been attempting to date for almost a year now…) it definitely helps to hear the stories and adventures of someone else going through this! Thank you for your bravery and sharing this with us!
kr4444
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]
Amelia, that is great! I can’t wait to hear about you “getting back on that horse” because there is definitely someone better for you out there. You deserve to find him, and live out (and write about) the crazy stories in between now and finding him!
Humble Bee
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]
Amelia!
I’m so jealous, i would love that wine right now. :D
retro chic
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
Amelia, I had no idea you were so despondent previously :( . But better for it now! My friends used to love living vicariously thru my dating stories, now I get to hear your’s and others.’ Look forward to many laughs (shared, not at)! “Dress up and bottoms down,” or is it the other way around?! Anyway, Cheers!
hiyahails
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 03:18 pm: [report]
i love that liberating feeling of the fog lifting and you can finally say to yourself “yes! i’m ready to be me again!” no more hiding in your duvet, morphing into a matress
good luck amelia!
xox
One Big Voice
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 03:45 pm: [report]
Best wishes, Amelia.
You’re intelligent, pretty, and young - I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding some attractive dates.
Kati-Anne
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
I will introduce you to my attractive male friends if you introduce me to the owner of those glasses.
Pamela
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]
Its great you’re starting that column!! can’t wait to read it!
i’m right now writing stories (i’m afraid to call it a book =P) about my dating experiences in the past three years. and from reading what you have uploaded and kind of knowing your sense of humor i know i would be able to relate in some way with you!
its so great your coming up again the horse! welcome aboard!
ps I love your new display pic!! you look so fresh and happy =)!!
writergirl
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 07:28 pm: [report]
Good luck! I look forward to reading about your adventures.
Although….I have to agree with bogart….I am SO glad it’s not me.
amanda lynn
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 08:46 pm: [report]
best of luck sweet thang!! if i knew a guy in NYC for you i’d throw a # your way… but i don’t… sorry…
SaraAnne
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 11:11 pm: [report]
Thank you for your honesty. Having been a member of the “I WAS engaged club” (“was” is not used to indicate the fact that I ended up getting married and was no longer engaged) I can appreciate the feelings of embarrassment, shame, bewilderment, and pain. Two years after my ex-fiancee abruptly high-tailed it out of the US for South Korea, I have finally realized that it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Try telling a depressed, sleep-deprived, heart-broken, devastated woman that such a tragedy will turn out to be the best thing in her life. I hated that bitter truth that time really does take time to heal from this crap.
hereshestands
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 02:27 am: [report]
Yay for Amelia!! Best of luck to you. =)
joyy
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 08:50 am: [report]
Word, woman. Btw I really like that picture of you - it reminds me of one of my college roommates (the sweetest girl ever roommate, not the girl who was a total #&@$%).
And dear god nothing will bring your dating life to a halt like persistent migraines. It’s bad enough women get the bad rap of the “I have a headache thing” - it’s only worse to have to live that. Go get yourself new glasses!!!
Also, I think you should have a party for yourself a la SATC: the “I didn’t marry the wrong guy!” party. Even if it’s just a small, girls-only affair, I hope you formally celebrate that.
Reagan
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 09:06 am: [report]
Amelia, your columns are my favorite in the whole wide world…even in admitting your fears, you are fearless…I can’t wait to read about your future adventures in the dating world!
lilo
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]
Amelia, you rock. I’m excited to see what nicknames you dish up.
jadeycakes
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
Good luck! Can’t wait to read about it!
Brucef
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
The dating horse again. Good luck it’s definitely ummmm interesting!
Simosa
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]
yay! I can’t wait to read Dating Amelia. You’re one of the most courageous women I’ve ever met. go for it! Sounds like there’s some stuff I need to catch up on.
Bravery lead the way!
Susan
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]
Well I for one hope that you will give Brooding Law School Student another look. Idk, I detect a certain sexual tension (certainly on his part!) in your Guys on our IM series. I LIVE for those!
Amelia
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 10:08 pm: [report]
@Susan Haha, that sexual tension is probably the result of us having hooked up in the past, about seven or so years ago. We almost hooked up again a few months ago, but the timing was off. We make much better friends.
Austin Artist
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 12:36 am: [report]
Amelia stirs both my mind and my body with her words and her adorable photo, but alas I live too far away to do anything about it : (