Daddy Issues: Can Women Who Have Great Dads Date Older Men?
Posted by: Lily Q
Filed in:
relationships
1:30PM, Monday June 15th 2009
I love my dad. Dorky though it may be, he’s one of my favorite people and I can’t imagine my life would be as good with any other one. I do, however, have one complaint: really liking my dad has totally screwed me in the dating department.
Aside from the standard complaint that most of the morons I’ve gone out with just aren’t as likable as my dad, I’m also borderline incapable of dating much older men. I can’t help but make skeevy involuntary associations.
We all know that having a useless or absent father will often result in a mean set of daddy issues. But I’m also convinced that most women who’ve had great relationships with their dads have a difficult time dating much older men, even when said men are bizarrely compatible in spite of the age difference.
While some—like my mom—might say that this isn’t such a bad thing, I’m thoroughly convinced that every girl needs to have an Old Man stage. But every time I try to get mine started, I fail miserably, slinking away from those thirty to forty-year-olds right quick. Even when the guy is in his early thirties and thus not really old enough to be my dad unless he was particularly mature and super trashy, I can’t stop making the requisite comparisons between the guy and my actual dad.
And you know what? My dad’s got better hair.
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Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
I thought the stereotype was that women who DON’T have good relationships with their pops have weird relationships with older men?
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
My current BF is 18 years older than me and I have a great relationship with my dad. I have never had any “daddy issues” I just have always liked older men.
kinkeh
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s saying. She’s got a good deal with her dad and can’t bring herself to date an older man.
assilem
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 02:08 pm: [report]
Yeah, sorry, not buying into this…or at least it isn’t true for me. I have always dated older men, and when I have tried dating younger, it doesn’t work out pretty quickly. My relationship with my father is wonderful though. I get along with him better than anyone else in my family; we are practically the same person. All of the men I date are very different from my father as well. While it is a little disappointing at times because my father is a wonderful man, with my mother for more than 35 years, I wouldn’t want to date someone so much like me. Age really means nothing anyway to me; it is about maturity.
DancerNinja
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]
I doubt it has anything to do with your relationship to your dad. I don’t like the idea of dating a guy any more than about 6 years older than me. I just don’t want to feel like a young-un next to someone I’m supposed to be in an equal relationship with.
MichelleS1017
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
maybe youre the problem?
joyy
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 03:29 pm: [report]
Every girl needs to have an old man stage? Please. Maybe the barely-to-somewhat older men you try to date are just wrong for you. Either way, trying to date someone just because they are a certain age/you feel you need to hit an arbitrary phase is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
voxpulchrax
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]
Maybe the reason your attempted relationships with older men haven’t worked out is because they realize that you’re only trying to fulfill a self-imposed quota with almost no solid basis. Ever consider that?
Naneenya
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 04:49 pm: [report]
Whoa! Talk about stepping in front of the firing squad!
I get it. I have a great relationship with my dad - and it weirds me out to be with guys that are closer to his age than they are to mine. Which kinda sucks, because I seem to have a gravitational pull that attracts the 30-40 crowd. Humph.
Dave The Rave
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
Is this woman dating an older guy because it feels right? If so, then what about all the guys who date older women? It’s funny - a woman can date an older guy and that’s “okay”, but if a guy dates an older woman, WE are ‘nutso’. Think of it this way: A woman dating an older man means he is dating a younger girl. Both must have that same ‘urge’ for it to work. I was in a long-term relationship with a woman (several) years older than me. We hit it off and were ‘soulmates’ for years until her jealousy reared its ugly head. I was outside talking to a neighbor - a woman slightly younger than me, when she showed up. I got grilled about it, she “assumed” things and when I told her otherwise, like they say - “Stick a knife in it! It’s DONE!” Age is only relative, but that’s just how it goes.
showbiiiz
wrote on June 15 2009 @ 10:23 pm: [report]
I agree with “I thought the stereotype was that women who DON’T have good relationships with their pops have weird relationships with older men?”
I guess I would fit that sterotype, but I definitely wouldn’t say that that’s the reason I like to date older guys.
I just don’t like dating younger guys, because anyone I’ve ever met within 6-7 years of my age was a royal douchebag. The last few guys I have talked to were 12-14 years older than myself.
I have always just gotten along with people closer to my ma’s age than my own… Though I must say that that would be my rule for dating - they can’t be closer to her age than mine if I’m going to talk to them.
joyy
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 08:08 am: [report]
@Ms.You - your rule sounds like mine: can’t date someone old enough to (reasonably) be one’s parent or child. I’m 23 so the latter isn’t really relevant, especially since I’ve never been attracted to anyone younger than me. My bf is 8 years older than me, and I’m with an older guy because as you pointed out, most of the guys my age are either d-bags, drunks, or morons (ok not all of them, I know that, but when I was single it sure seemed like it), and I like a man who doesn’t need help doing his own laundry or balancing his checkbook.
And really, I’d rather have “daddy issues” than compare each bf to my dad and get all pissy when he wasn’t just like him. Gross. Actually, that sounds like it’s own daddy issue, just not the kind created by absent or terrible fathers.
I Go To 11
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]
I used to be all about the older guys; it started with no more than 5 years’ difference, then eventually I dated a couple guys that were 10 years older. The last straw for me was when I was dating someone who was 13 years older; it kinda grossed me out when I realized he graduated from high school with my uncle (and in fact they were buddies back in the day). I used to be anti-younger guys for a long time. However, my fiance is 6 months younger than I am, and even though it’s not much of a difference, it’s still the only time I’ve EVER been with a younger man, and lo and behold it’s actually worked out. To each his/her own, though.
Humble Bee
wrote on June 16 2009 @ 03:33 pm: [report]
I somehow always end up with guys younger guys. I do get hit on by a lot of older men, but I just don’t take up their offers to date. Maybe I want to feel in control, when dating an older man I feel like he’s in control, he earns more income, owns a home, etc. While I’m just some college student with huge aspirations. BUT when I’m dating a younger guy, i feel like the damn boss. I always seem to earn more than them, I always seem to have the answers to everything, I feel more in control. IDK what it is about older men that make me feel like a little kid. My dad doesn’t make me feel like a kid, I get along the best with him than any other person. Maybe I just haven’t given older men the chance… actually, its been a while since I’ve given anyone a chance. I need to start dating again…
Humble Bee
wrote on June 17 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]
*I didnt even read what I posted,lol. I meant, *I always end up with younger guys*
bethylane
wrote on June 17 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
My father is my best friend, granted I am 21 and he will be 67 next month—he’s an oldie for having a daughter my age. The guy I’m seeing is 13 years older than me. Ironically, this is the same age difference between my mom and dad. This doesn’t mean diddley-squat to me, however. I don’t think about Freud or anything when it comes to dating—my dad may be my best friend, but when it came to the OTHER ladies in his life, he couldn’t hold down a relationship to save his life (4 failed marriages).
Whatever. If a guy and I click, we click.