Cutesy Names And Secret Phrases Bond Couples
Posted by: Annika Harris
Filed in:
relationships
11:00AM, Monday April 6th 2009
We get really annoyed when we hear couples speaking lovey-dovey language and dropping inside jokes. But these annoying couple-isms could be signs of a strong, satisfying relationship. According to one study, couples who use pet names and code phrases experienced more satisfaction in their relationship.
Speaking a coded language or baby talking signifies that you and your man are close and care enough to create a private, mini world. And even if folks don’t want to hear it, using pet names for each other also let’s everyone around you know that the two of you are exclusive and committed to each other. The inside lingo can also serve as a fast-forward button. There’s no need to rehash your day with your crazy boss because your partner knows what “the usual” means, and should know how to remedy your foul mood.
Studies have shown that couples who have a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative communication have a higher chance of remaining happy. “Using nicknames and made-up language is an easy way to inject positive communication into everyday life,” says Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., a relationship therapist in New York City. Also, an inside joke can relieve the tension of an argument.
It’s no coincidence new couples nickname each other after sweet foods because sweets are seen as a treat, something to look forward to. As the relationship progresses, the inside language and nicknames will reflect more shared experiences. The jokes and pet names will earmark meaningful memories—kind of like tracking your relationship through your special language. Of course, the pet name has to be one you and your guy agree is favorable. So calling your man “Chunks” because he got sick on a roller coaster probably won’t bring you any closer. But even if saccharin sweet nicknames aren’t your thing, saying “I love you” and coming up with as many catchphrases as possible will help strengthen the connection you feel with your partner. But beware if he stops using his pet name for you because it signals a lack of interest and intimacy. [MSNBC]
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Kiki T
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]
so true, the relationships that I had pet names were the sweeter ones and the odder they were, the cuter the relationship
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 11:32 am: [report]
I lub u allz.
WinkyFace
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]
Agreed. My boyfriend and I seem to have a contest over who can come up with the most ridiculous pet names by combining a crazy adjective with an obscure animal and a random body part. We also apparently have a voice that we use every once in a while as well making weird noises for certain moods. It’s not something that was contrived, it just kind of happened, and it’s nice to have a secret language that only one other person in the world can understand.
Lynn
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]
My current BF is the only person I’ve ever had a pet name with. And it suits us - there’s nothing cutesy about it, and I can call him that in public without anyone really even noticing. And no I won’t tell you, because it’s our secret
And I love it. I usually call him by his name in public, but it’s sometimes weird to say his name, or hear my name, at home because we use the “pet names” almost exclusively.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
@Lynn: So it’s not Boo Boo Kitty #&@$%?
PinkRanger
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
I just melt when my guy calls me something ridiculously cheesy. I’ve never dated another guy that did that, and it makes me feel so adored. This study doesn’t surprise me a bit!
theothergyllenhaal
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
“Studies have shown that couples who have a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative communication have a higher chance of remaining happy.”
Studies have also shown that bacon tastes good, and that Amelia kind of likes Ryan Gosling.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
Studies show that 75% of all studies have made up numbers.
Lynn
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]
@ CheeeeEEEEse - close!!
Tamara
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 01:11 am: [report]
In my first relationship we never called eachother anything but our names. The last relationship I was in we called eachother baby and had little nicknames (he was Panda bear and I was koala bear). I can say for me the relationship where we had cutesy names and such was much better. Call it what you will, I can say that I felt a hell of a lot more vulnerable and comfortable with someone who could let me call them Panda for christ sakes then the guy I thought I knew everything about.
And Lynn, I love the avatar.
ohohoh
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
Silly names are so much nicer than the generic “baby” or “sweetie” or “honey.” It actually really irks me when I here a guy call his girlfriend “babe.”
The code language applies to friendships, too. The closest relationships I’ve had always use a secret language of sorts. It makes it that much more fun to hang out when you’ve got something that sets you two apart from your other friends.
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 09:32 pm: [report]
My boyfriend and I call each other babe, and he calls me honey and sweetheard. LOL at ohohoh because those are the exact names you said are generic. Yes, they’re generic, but they’re still sweet. We don’t really have our own secret personalized nicknames for each other. Sometimes i’ll call him babycakes just for fun. But we call each other “babe” pretty much all the time, and at home we NEVER use each other’s name! It’s really weird to use our real names in public!
Mitleid
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
My bf and I have been together for so long that we’ve progressed beyond nicknames and code phrases. We can have an entire conversation consisting of nothing more than body language, facial expressions and nonsensical sounds. We make sure we don’t act like this in public or when we are around our friends. Remember the episode of Seinfeld where he and his girlfriend keep calling each other “schmoopie” and making everyone gag? We don’t want to be that!
StealMyKissesFromU
wrote on April 29 2009 @ 12:20 am: [report]
my current bf and i have pet names that very few people understand, a language made of acronyms, but i’ve never done this before. I’d have to agree… it DOES feel better, more exclusive, much closer… even when we’re far apart
tdumpling
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:47 am: [report]
i feel like i’ve read this story many times before in many different places—it’s a little old news, but nice to have it affirmed again.
MichelleS1017
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
i love this! this isnt really something that i have realized about realtionship, but something that my boyf and i do share, the first time for me.