Click & Tell: Your Breakup Options
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Sure, more than 20 million people visit an online dating site every month, but how many do you actually want to meet? And then after you do come face to face with the few you deem worthy, how many of those do you want to keep seeing? If your experience is anything like mine, you know that the second number is small—heck, it might even be zero. So, after you’ve gone out with someone you’d rather not have to feign interest in, you have a couple choices.

Some people just aren’t meant to be together, but they make wonderful friends; however, it takes a special guy to be interested in only friendship, and has yet to happen to me, in large part because I am a wimp and stick to breakup option number one.
- Ignore Him
As immature and passive as it is, ignoring a guy is the easiest way to tell him that you don’t want to see him again. Haven’t you given your number to someone and never heard from him after? You definitely got the point, and he didn’t even have to say a word. In fact, this is the only method guys have used to reject me in the last year. Now, there comes a point when you can no longer use ignoring a person as the way to break the news that you don’t want to see them again, basically because you’ve gone out several times, had the “define the relationship” talk, or shared a bed on more than one occasion. After you hit this point, you have to verbalize your reasoning. - Let Him Down Nicely
If you’re too big a person to give someone the brush-off, write him an email or text him saying you enjoyed meeting him but don’t think things are going to pan out romantically. This can have two effects: It can make him feel really crappy about himself but make you feel better, or it can pave the way for a beautiful friendship. Some people just aren’t meant to be together, but they make wonderful friends; however, it takes a special guy to be interested in only friendship, and has yet to happen to me, in large part because I am a wimp and
stick to breakup option number one. - Let Him Down Not-So-Nicely
Some guys just don’t get it. Take, for instance, a gentleman we’ll call Greg. Greg and I went on a handful of dates and had a decent time together. Our final dinner was disastrous, with him trying to psychoanalyze my behavior and referencing Freud. I thought it was pretty clear to both of us it just wasn’t going to happen, but then a week later I got a text from him saying, “Am I going to see you again?” My response: “Probably not.” He would have thought I was playing hard-to-get if I had said anything more gentle – believe me. - Keep Seeing Him
If you’re that nice a person and just can’t bear to hurt anyone’s feelings, then you can always finish what you started and ride out a relationship until he dumps you. I don’t recommend this, though, as your personal happiness should be more important than anyone’s feelings. He’ll recover from your let-down after a few days or a week, but you can never get back months of faking interest.
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theothergyllenhaal
[report]wrote on August 12 2008 @ 02:12 pm:
Re: #4: If a woman did that to me, I’d have to be impressed by her dedication to non-confrontation.
Catherine
[report]wrote on August 12 2008 @ 02:23 pm:
I did it once, I should have mentioned that. But then I came to my senses.
Diana V.
[report]wrote on August 13 2008 @ 09:28 am:
I dated a Greg--except he badgered me to psychoanalyze HIM when I told him I was studying psychology. I felt like I was taking a midterm over dinner.
Rob
[report]wrote on August 14 2008 @ 11:36 pm:
Most of the time, I get the immediate ‘click’ where it lasts a while, usually a couple years. A woman described it to me like hearing bells (for women).
I never saw any need to delay the inevitable. Saves a lot of heartache, before deep feelings develop. Once in a while you meet someone on the same part of relationship understanding, and for a while have therapeutic sex. Nothing wrong with that IMHO.
If what you do works, and everyone understands, then no harm is done. Stringing someone along is cruel.
As a matter of fact, it took me almost a year to breakup with my last long-time girlfriend. I really loved her and understood her, and she would go to bat for me no matter what. Her not having a job and me being slowly driven into bankruptcy put a crimp on things. When I finally told her it was over - in person, not wimpy like some people - I felt like s**t but also relieved.
No, I wasn’t cruel. She had many jobs but there was always something wrong with the employer. In my experience, very few employers are ideal. Most of us work with what we have.
Britteja
[report]wrote on November 19 2008 @ 02:36 am:
I can never seen to do anything but #4… even when I really do wish I could bring myself to do it another (less dragging) way.
What if you just can’t be with that person for more than a week per couple of months… and won’t be for 5-6 years. But he’s so sweet and perfect for where you want to end up; you think you just about love him- but you don’t want to be pressured like that and waste $ on plane tix like that for that long.... Or maybe you want to check out what else is there…
....before deciding on such a commitment especially…