Cheating: Is The Cover Up Worse Than The Crime?
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
relationships
12:00PM, Thursday June 25th 2009
Along with the rest of America, I’m rubbernecking at South Carolinian Gov. Mark Sanford’s affair with an Argentinian lass, Maria Belen Chapur (and I’m quietly cheering for Sanford’s wife, Jenny, for leaving him).
Cheating doesn’t speak well for a conservative Republican politician who preached “family values.” Sanford’s hypocrisy alone is gross. But married politicians dropping their drawers for women who aren’t their wives isn’t as interesting to me as the fact that Gov. Sanford told everyone he would be hiking on the Appalachian Trail when he was actually south of the border with his mistress.
The New York Times spoke with local press in South Carolina, who said they thought little of his absence because Sanford “has a pattern of quirky behavior” and is “kind of odd.” But when a local paper received a tip from an airline passenger that Sanford had been sighted on an airplane back from Argentina—not the Appalachian Trail—one thing became clear:
Sneaking around behind someone’s back is bad, but lying about it is infinitely worse.
In the Sanfords’ case, they separated two weeks prior and Jenny Sanford insists that she had no idea that Mark was in with Argentina with his mistress while everyone fretted he was missing. But Sanford most definitely lied to his staff, who in turn inadvertently lied to the media and South Carolinian citizens, about his whereabouts.
It would be funny…if it weren’t so sad.
The Washington Post watched Sanford’s teary press conference admitting to his affair and bungled cover up and offered this analysis:
The cover up is ALWAYS worse than the crime. It’s a cliche for a reason; note to future politicians: if you make a mistake, you need to own up to it immediately and totally. Do not obfuscate, do not try misdirection. In the modern media environment where private is public, the truth will come out.
But why stop at politicians, WaPo? Mere mortals try to obfuscate and misdirect when they’re cheating, too, ya know. A few months ago I was embroiled in a sex scandale of my own and witnessed this dynamic firsthand.
No marriage vows were harmed in the making of my mess, but I got in the middle of another couple’s four-year-long relationship: Girl meets boy, boy turns out to have girlfriend, boy says he wants to break up with girlfriend for girl, boy lies and said he broke up with girlfriend for girl, girl finds out boy lied, drama ensues. And when it all went down the tubes, my #1 concern (after getting my head out of my own ass) was making sure this cheating bastard did NOT get a chance to cover up his crime.
I’m not especially proud of what I did—I emailed the girlfriend and told her, in detail, how her guy had been cheating on her with me—but insofar as it did make me feel good was the sense that “justice had been served.” The jerk had been lying to her for months, and he’d just lied to me, so why wouldn’t he downplay just how long and just how much he had been cheating? It would be all too easy for him to just say I was a flirty girl with a crush on him. But I was angry and there was no way in hell that I was going to let him get away with it.
What do you think is worse—the cheating or the cover up? Or are they both equally as bad?
- Quote Of The Day: Fergie Talks Cheating In Therapy
- Cornell Cheaters Remind Everyone To Be Careful Sending Sexy Emails!
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- Sneak Peak at Brad & Angelina on Date Night (PopEater)
- A History: Sex Tapes We Weren't Suppossed to See (Maxim)
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CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
Definitely the cover-up is worse. The only way to work on the trust issues that come up from cheating is to come clean. This is true of both the private life of the marriage and the public life of the politician.
I don’t care what politicians do on their own time or their own dime, but when you try to cover anything up it says I can’t trust you with anything else.
greggy
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
The cover up is way worse. I mean, cheating’s bad and all, but it’s extra offensive to then make up some lame excuse. I’ve caught my bf cheating, and what made me more angry was the way he lied to cover it up. Your friend stole the condoms from your room and that’s why they’re missing…? You were helping your friend pick up condom wrappers from the floor after he had a wild night, which is why there’s an empty condom wrapper in your pocket…? Come on. He actually had his friend get on the phone and try to convince me it was true (I broke his story real quick to the point his friend was like, “Look, I don’t know, but he really loves you, don’t leave him.” lol) What made him crack was when I told him that on top of him cheating, now he’s trying to play me like I’m that stupid.
Man up and be real. And as for politicians, it’s none of my business what they do on the side, they just shouldn’t be using tax dollars (besides their actual salary) to do it. Nor should they be creating public “worry”... there’s a surefire way to get caught.
bbpickles
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
David Letterman rarely makes a non-comedic comment on his show(which is why I love him) but last night, he went on about Mark Sanford’s abandonment! He not only vowed to be faithful to his wife, but he also has children to consider and an entire state that voted him into office! Yes, other politicians have cheated and owned up to it, but they didn’t disappear without a trace. This man used taxpayer dollars to runaway, he should have stayed there
landesign
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]
Yeah, Sanford is a dirt bag. He even put his girlfriend first in his speech when he mentioned people he hurt.
But I gotta say, I’m sick of Letterman, or singers and actors who push their political beliefs through their jokes or songs or acceptance speeches at the awards shows. Just shut the f*&k;up and do your thing in the entertainment industry without shoving your political or religious beliefs down our throats.
Sonic
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 09:13 pm: [report]
Cheating is like getting kicked in your left nard (figuratively for gals) and then the lying is getting kicked in the right one afterward. Same amount of pain, both understandable and horrible, but different sources.
retro chic
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 12:57 am: [report]
Wayback Machine: Watergate. The archetype for all things cover-up—public and private. WG put into focus the damaging dynamics of the cover-up following cheating front-and-center in our psyches, and why we attach “-gate” to even personal scandals. The “CRIME” of cheating is one thing—but the premeditated setting of lies in motion to construct a cover-up is thee cardinal “BETRAYAL” of trust and is far worse. The first is forgivable, the latter, not.
Now, back to the article. WhatsHisName is such a moron he does not even minimally meet the standard for Watergate. You have to possess cognitive skills for that. He is a credit to the current insanity, hypocrisy and disarray of his party, tho, I’ll give him that. I couldn’t be happier—except for his poor family, of course. It’s always the families that supported these a-holes that get hurt.
landesign
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 05:50 am: [report]
Let us not forget the statement, and I know I’ll get corrected if I do not remember it word for word, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!”
The biggest case of workplace sexual harassment in history.
I felt bad not for Clinton’s family, because it was reported that he had done the same many times and his wife knew about it, but for his staff, who all had to hire lawyers at great expense because he tried to cover it up,
and they(his staff) were involved through no fault of theirs.
metricula
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]
Yep, the cover up is way worse. I mean, cheating sucks and is bad, but there are worse things. Whether or not you can get past it and move on with the relationship definitely depends on the existing dynamic.
But lying to cover up and indiscretion shows not only that you knew it was wrong, but that you value your own shame (or desire to keep it going) more than your partner. That’s what stings.
Adventurous1
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 09:29 am: [report]
I think both actions are reprehensible. The affair begets the cover-up, furthering the deceit. If you want someone else, have the decency to end one relationship before having another.
@landesign Just a thought but it seems slightly hypocritical to tell other people to keep their opinions to themselves when we are here doing the exact same thing. We do, after all, have free speech in this country, do we not? Believing in free speech when the person next to you is shouting as loudly as you are against something you would die to defend is the downside of having free speech.
maroon
wrote on June 26 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]
I think that maybe the worst part of a coverup is trying to make the wounded party feel even worse, that it is their fault the cheating happened. It makes you feel less than human, not worthy of a loving trusting relationship and it takes a long time to trust anyone again even in a new relationship, depending on the level of damage done.
landesign
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 09:00 am: [report]
@ Adventurous1. Your right. Free speech is something I cherish. The thing that irks me is that these entertainers are usually ‘on the job’ when they spout off. I talk all the time to clients about their landscapes, and if I went into a diatribe about a person or group of people who don’t happen to have the same opinions as me, it would not be good for business. We pay for tickets to see entertainers or endure commercials to see them on different shows expecting to hear them talking about their latest project, not to be preached to or insulted because of our beliefs.
blondie55
wrote on June 27 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
Well, I agree with Adventurous, both are apprehensible! Bad enough that the cheating went on, and the cheater lived a double life of charades & hypocrisy during the while he/she was cheating.
But to add flames to the fire, and continue with the lies, once their spouse/significant other finds out, only makes it that much worse. No wonder the divorce rate is so high!! No one has the integrity or values anymore to really uphold those wedding vows!!
There are so many of these types of sites, and one in specific, DS or Daily Strength, has over 2346 different posts by different individuals daily, and some supercede that, whereas a married person (mostly married, some engaged, some living together) posts under separation & divorce. What a sad documentary that is!!
Loves2Spooge
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]
I’ll give you all the other viewpoint. About three years ago I cheated on my then girlfriend with a mutual friend of ours and then continued with the relationship as if it never happened. The girlfriend would never become aware of my actions until long after our relationship had ended.
I am neither proud nor pleased with the lying or cheating and there is really no good reason for it. I was seeing a girl I had lost a connection with and probably should have broken up with many months before. The cheating only made me feel worse, thus I stuck around for another 4 months if only to undo the damage in mind. Twisted huh?
Moral of the story: the cheating and the lying don’t feel good on the cheater’s end either, but still pale in comparison to those of the cheatee
TallMike
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 07:20 am: [report]
Absolutely the cover up is worse. My wife and I are going through this now. She cheated, then lied and did everything in her power to cover it up. Now I’m at a point where I am ok with moving beyond the cheating, but since the trust has been destroyed, I continue to question her actions. She now has new guy friends that I’ve never met and we are currently separated. Before this situation I would have been fine with it, but now, it just seems reckless on her part to be texting all the time and forcing me to question things. I’m ready to end the relationship simply because of the trust thing, and the fact that it seems like she isn’t serious about fixing it because she continues to create suspicion.