Did You Cheat On Your Boyfriend While On Vacation?

Posted by: Alina Berd Filed in: relationships
10:00AM, Friday January 23rd 2009

Comments (14)

Before I start, I want to tell my current boyfriend something. Babe, I did not cheat on you while I was in Chicago.

Now that that’s out in the open, let’s begin. You went on vacation, you met some hot guy, you [insert excuse here] that you had a boyfriend, and you [insert what you did with hot dude]. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to tell you what you should do—and what I did – afterward. Confess.

Why? Honesty really does matter, even after drinking way too many no-salt margaritas.

Not fessing up is a sure sign that you’re relationship isn’t based on being open with each other. As any good psychiatrist will tell you, openness is important by any standard. Sure, he’ll never know what you did on that beach without him, but you will. And you’ll probably remember your dishonest behavior for a lot longer than you’ll have that post-vacation glow.

One caveat: If he’s not important to you (i.e., he has no job and plays video games all day), and you planned on breaking up with him a few weeks after your return, go ahead and break up with him without telling him.

But if you like him, come clean. If you truly care about someone, staying in an honest relationship is key. Telling him the truth means you’re giving up some of your control and taking a risk. Before you proceed, be ready for him to freak out. Calmly explain the situation and try hard to avoid any details, without sounding too cryptic, even if he asks. Using purposely-vague language prevents him from replaying the entire ordeal in his mind—a plus if you want him to forgive and forget. But this isn’t the time for more lying. Then, wait. Be sure to give him a couple of hours, a few days, several weeks, or as long as he needs. That’s it. There’s no trick.

After all this is over, there’s a good chance you may be done forever, but sometimes, especially if you’ve only been unofficially seeing each other, people are inclined to give second chances. Or maybe there’s another excuse that he can convince himself of in order to keep dating you. But there’s also the chance that trust will always be an issue.

If he tells you to remove your toothbrush from his medicine cabinet, don’t stress too much. Start dating again, and be proud that in the end you had the guts to do the right thing.

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Tags: cheating, wanderlust

Comments (14)

comments

Chelle
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

I cheated on my boyfriend in high school while he was grounded. I had to tell him. I have a guilty conscious and a big mouth. There’s no way I can keep something like that a secret. It was good that I did though because I’ll never forget the look on his face (and watching him punch big trees-ouch!) and I will never cheat on anyone again. We did stay together for a couple months after that, but I didn’t feel right being with him after what I’d done (there were also the reasons behind the cheating, of course). He actually begged me not to break up with him. So it doesn’t always lead to a break-up. I can’t personally stay with someone who has cheated or if I cheated. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to cheating. Otherwise it’ll eat you up inside. You may even end up resenting your partner as a result of your guilt.

benglish320
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]

I’ve had two girls cheat on me out of all my relationships, one was in high school and the other was a serious recent relationship. The high school stuff was stupid and we stayed together. But the recent serious relationship, I was really conflicted. On one hand, I thought I was falling in love with this women. On the other hand, she cheated on me while her and her family were in Hawaii. In the end, I sent her packing, it was simply unforgivable. All the trust was gone from our relationship, and I could not be with a women who would toss away my feelings and our relationship after a few drinks. I’ve never cheated, and don’t understand people who do.

sophie19
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

I’m conflicted over this. I think some people tell to assuage their own guilt, and that’s not the right reason to hurt someone you care about. What’s more important is to look at yourself and question what the real reason is that you cheated. I think it usually comes down to being unhappy in the relationship.

thegr8brownie
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]

I have a big problem with the “breakup without telling him/her” tactic. I think that is incredibly wrong, and still ahuge betrayal of trust. I’m not trying to say that if you are with someone they own you, but that person probably trusts you, and probably has a lot more invested in it that you do. I think you owe it to that person to break it off befor anything happens with anyone else.
Dating is almost a social contract, and you should both be there to tear it up.

Chelle
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]

@sophie19-The guilt doesn’t go away after telling the truth for everyone. I still feel guilty when I think about it and it happened 10 years ago. I still haven’t completely forgiven myself even though he forgave me.
@benglish320-I don’t remember exactly why I did it myself. The guy was kind of mean but that’s no excuse.

Humble Bee
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]

Iv’e Kissed and never told and i’m still with my bf. I don’t know why I even kissed that guy, it was really random, I know its not sex but it’s still pretty bad. I wouldnt want him randomly kissing other girls. Ever since then, i made a promise to myself to never even remotely think about cheating. It’s so pointless and it just ends up hurting everyone. I wouldn’t want him to do that to me, I’m a big Karma believer. It’s funny, because almost everyone never knows why they did it.. boredom? curiosity? revenge? attraction? liquor? In the end, we just don’t know why??? All I know, is that cheating is really stupid and to me, only the weak cheat. I’m stronger than that, at least I’d like to think so.

Provocative Girl
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]

If the relationship is special, you won’t cheat. If you do cheat, then the relationship is not meant to be. My boyfriend I had only been dating for 6 months when he went away for South America for 4 more months (we’ve almost been together for 2 years now). We jumped into our relationship pretty fast and neither of us knew how it was going to go. We decided that we would stay together while he was gone and I made up my mind all along that if I found someone else, I would tell him. But we talked on the phone ever day and even though I didn’t get to see him, we still made it work and I never wanted to go out and find another guy. On another note, I was dating another guy when my boyfriend and I first met. That was a relationship that I was trying to get out of but I didn’t want to be alone. So, bad idea that I started dating my current BF while I was dating another guy, but I knew that the other relationship was never going anywhere. So, like I said you just know if a relationship is meant to be. So, if you’re having second thoughts about a guy then it’s probably not a good idea to continue with the relationship.

slip
wrote on January 23 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]

You can be vague at first, but your partner needs honesty to heal after you betray him this way. Answer questions honestly and fully. My ex didn’t do that after she cheated on me.

That’s why she’s my ex.

ChoJinn
wrote on January 25 2009 @ 09:35 pm: [report]

Telling your partner that you’ve cheated is pointless under any circumstances. Feeling guilty is the price you pay when you care about someone; pretending a confession is essential to an “honest” relationship is really just b.s.—> you just want to get the monkey off your back. And even if you want out of the relationship, why bring it up? Just end it, and be socially responsible by ensuring there is one less jaded, damaged-goods “ex” make everyone else’s dating life worse off.

sophie19
wrote on January 26 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]

Once, right after I had given the “it’s just not working out anymore” talk to a rather short-term bf, he said to me, “I don’t feel so guilty about cheating on you anymore,” and to that I replied, “Well, now I don’t feel so guilty about breaking up with you.” Conversation over.

jen157
wrote on January 15 2010 @ 10:45 pm: [report]

You are right about honesty. That’s definatly what a relationship should be based on. I’ve had both happen to me. Where I cheated and said something and where he did. It’s ugly but it’s life.

C.Munro
wrote on January 15 2010 @ 11:12 pm: [report]

You can’t break up with someone without telling him/her.

And yes, one should be honest in such a situation. But all the same, once I’ve been cheated on, there is no relationship left. Not even friendship. There is a complete absence of contact with that person, and a void in my mind where memories of her once lived.