Everyone’s Talking About Dick These Days

Rumor has it, Jesus Luz, Madonna’s current Brazilian boy toy, is rocking an uncut member, Shia LaBeouf confessed to Playboy that he isn’t well-endowed, and Jared Leto reportedly has the biggest (living) dong in Hollywood. After the jump, celebs dish on the packages they were given or were happy/unhappy to receive.

“I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie. It put her at a weird angle, where I couldn’t get in correctly. I’m not extremely well-endowed … and clearly this wasn’t the move.” —Shia LaBeouf in Playboy

“I said I had a small penis as a joke. And they took it literally when it is not the truth. So when people find out it’s not the case they are pleasantly surprised.” —Enrique Iglesias

“I’m proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It’s great. It’s huge. It’s enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I’d walk down the street in my panties too.”—Victoria Beckham on David Beckham‘s penis

“I had a penis implant!” —Robert Pattinson on his nude scenes for “Little Ashes”

“I know the reason that it was cut out was that it just wasn’t right. If anything, it’s a beautiful, gentle moment and a f**king large c**k with huge balls, is just f**king jarring.” —Colin Farrell on why his nude scene was cut out of “Alexander”

“I love Ewan McGregor. He’s got a beautiful penis! I’m like: ‘Yeah, man, uncircumcised!’ That’s nice.” —Rosario Dawson

““I’m not worried about how small my penis is — I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.” —John Mayer

“I’m not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don’t find anything attractive about it. I can’t believe girls are into it. It blows my mind a little bit.” —Pete Wentz

“He’s not very well-endowed. If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work.” —Kim Mathers on her ex, Eminem

“I’ve been a porn actress for three years and Jared was the most I ever had to work with. There’s definitely a second career available for him if he ever runs out of mainstream work.” —Corina Taylor on having sex with Jared Leto

“I helped raise him and I can assure you there is nothing wrong with him physically.” —Sadie Bomar on grandson Justin TImberlake‘s penis after Britney Spears insinuated he had a small member.

“It looks like an egg in a nest. This girl once said to me, ‘Who are you going to satisfy with that little thing?’ I said, ‘Me!’” —Johnny Knoxville

“Nick’s small package was a problem sometimes, like the first time we had sex, to tell you the truth, I didn’t really feel much, I faked the whole thing, I really felt sorry for him, I still loved him though.” —Jessica Simpson on her ex-husband, Nick Lachey

“You tighten up like a hamster. The first time it happened, I turned around and went, ‘You know, there’s a thousand people here and I don’t think even one of them would expect you to look your best in this situation.’ I am terribly self-conscious.” —Daniel Radcliffe on appearing nude onstage