Can The Sex Be Hotter If You’re About To Break Up?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
8:50AM, Wednesday October 28th 2009
New York magazine’s “Sex Diaries” issue is on stands now and it’s a fairly entertaining read. The feature spotlights a number of different New Yorkers who have shared the details of their sex life over a period of days. The one that interested me the most was written by a 29-year-old expat living in Cabo San Lucas with her boyfriend, or, rather, her “future ex-boyfriend” (FEB) whom she’s about to dump in favor of moving back to the states. Her sex diary is an up-and-down tale of being angry and then sad and then horny, as she and her FEB fight and then f**k. “It’s the first time I’ve ever cried during sex,” she writes, “And the first I’ve also had such a strong orgasm come with it.” Color me crazy, but when I’m angry or sad with a boyfriend, the last thing I want to do is screw. But maybe I’m alone! A commenter on her sex diary wrote, “I totally get the whole knowing-you’re-about-breakup-makes-hooking-up-awesome-thing.” Do you get it? Have you had amazing sex with someone, knowing the relationship was about to end? [NYMag.com]
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riensept
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]
Break up sex trumps make up sex by far. Once I was trying to end an affair, I know that’s so wrong, and I told the guy after this, this is the last time. It was by far the best sex ever!!! But it was just that one time. It’s something about knowing this is the last time that makes it so much more passionate and exhilarating and tender.
unbounded
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
I’ve had both - the most amazing sex of my life was with a bf who I KNEW wasn’t the one for me (and vice versa) but the sex was so good we couldn’t stay away. It got even better after we “officially” broke up because it seemed forbidden or something like that.
Generally, though, when I know the relationship is over, I pretty much become disinterested in sex - it just seems…sad…like I’m lying to myself and him. I chalk this up in part to growing up a little and having relationships based on more than sex, but who knows.
Perceptible
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 08:37 am: [report]
I could never. Sex is too personal, to emotional, for me to do it without being totally and completely head-over-heals in love. I am probably in the minority.
sweetsdjc
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 08:42 am: [report]
I have been there. I think it was explored best in the OC (blame Olivia’s post from yesterday for the reference!) when Marissa and Ryan were about to breakup (for the final time) : there’s something about becoming emotionally colder towards each other that makes you hotter sexually.
majicksand
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
I had hot sex with an almost ex once, but we were breaking up because I was moving. If we’re breaking up because we’re not compatible, I can’t get into sex mode.
lehcar
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]
yes because you do it like you are never going to do it again. its amazing.
C.Munro
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
You’re not alone. If I know a breakup is eminent or if there has been a lot of arguing, I don’t want sex at all.
Oliveira
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
Once I had a fight with my boyfriend that ended up with me declaring what he said is unforgivable and it’s all over. It was, though, way past midnight, we were both inebriated, so he told me “just stay the night, you can leave in the morning”. I did go to bed with him and spent the first ten minutes lying completely stiff, making sure I don’t accidentally touch him. Then we jumped at each other as if sex was about to be made illegal. Neither of us said a word. It wasn’t very tender (understatement) and there was nothing romantic about it, but it was AMAZING. We still didn’t talk when we finished, but we did the morning after.
(We’re still together half a year later, by the way.)
bogart4017
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
It is THE best sex ever. Everything they were not as a lover they become, knowing that this will be the last time.
Xfadeld
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
Yes. break up sex is sooooooo much better. Its soo intense compared to make up or everyday sex.