Abstinence-Only Sex Ed Is Rebranding Its Message

dolita
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]

It’s all well and good to teach teens to wait until their ready and that abstinence is a good choice until then, but what about when they ARE ready? Magical knowledge about condoms and birth control and STIs doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It has to be taught, and teens that have had no education about sex are going to grow up to be adults who have had no sex education.

Infamous
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]

So the moral of the story is that parents need to step up and actually teach their children these things rather than depending on a broken system to raise their children.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 07:35 am: [report]

“Unfortunately, the abstinence preachers ideas to discourage teens from having sex of still don’t make any sense. “

“But it’s hard to figure out what, exactly, the well-meaning adults who preach are “no sex until marriage” movement to teeangers are thinking,”

PLEASE proofread your articles before you post them, and always have another set of eyes on ANYTHING before it gets published.  This is not the first time I’ve had to re-read things you (and others on this site) have written because no one took the time to fix the writing.  I assume ya’ll at the Frisky are constantly writing things on tight deadlines and things just slip by - but if you write for a living, you should really take the time to make sure your pieces are actually readable.

I Go To 11
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]

When will people learn that just telling kids “don’t do it” simply won’t cut it? I know abstinence is the ideal, but I felt so much better that my school informed us of all the risks involved so we could better make a decision. And-ta da-no getting pregnant or disease in high school for me and just about everyone I was friends with! Have things changed that much in the past decade to where this is no longer the norm?

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]

@joyy Thanks for the copyedit, I’ve fixed.

sadie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]

We have really ineffective, idiotic abstinence ads all over our city billboards. Most of them do not even make sense, like you can’t even tell they are about abstinence. Some of them are just so obviously ridiculous that no one could take them seriously. We have one with astronauts and doctors on it and it says “sex can wait, your future can’t”. So having a future and having sex are mutually exclusive? Kids aren’t stupid enough to believe that. It’s like telling them one puff on a joint and you’ll wind up in the gutter. When you’re dishonest with kids about this sort of thing all your messages lose credibility. People who believe this abstinence only education works are just people who want more unintended pregnancies and STDs.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]

well im going to wait till im married to have sex of any kind… yes even if that means it won’t be until im forty o.o i do think the abstinence-only does need to be revise though… i think its irresponsible to just give one side of the story and not the other… i still believe teens need the whole truth from STDs to learning how to put on a condom and where to get birth control from and testing clinics in their area.

for my waiting to get married before i share myself like that is a standard that most people don’t up hold. whatever its their life. i think the problem comes in at is half society wants their kids to live at a higher standard while the other half just wants them to be safe doing whatever they feel ready to do…

i will let my kids know that i would like them to wait until they have that ultimate commitment in marriage to have sex but i will also let them know that if they find themselves falling into the typical lifestyle how to protect themselves with condoms and birth control… to me virginity isn’t just about the female its about the guy as well. we as a society have to stop focusing on just one side of the issue.. males need to be held just as accountable for their chasity as females are.

virginity for both male and female had its place in society at one point and it wasnt meant to oppress any one. but their came a time when people didnt want to wait and be help accountible anymore… which is fine but as we all can see it has turned into this great debate of today..

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]

and Sadie one puff from a joint can change ur life… one night of sex can change ur life.. in life it only takes one thing to knock u off from ur goal.. i’ve seen both happen to close friends and family of mine.. it only took one time. so yes for them i would say sex/weed can wait ur future can’t becuz now they have to take care of their kid and stop the bad habit of lighting up everytime something doesn’t go their way… thats not to say that they can’t make it but that is to say that had they not made those decision they wouldn’t be dealing with those consequnces in particular..

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:07 am: [report]

@wonder_bread: Get off your high horse, just because it happened to someone you know doesn’t mean it will for someone you don’t.

develange
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:10 am: [report]

There needs to be more of an “emotional” aspect to sex education or “abstinence focused” education or whatever the hell people are going to call it. There is all this talk about pregnancy and STIs/STDs, but no one talks about the mental and emotional aspects of having sex for the first time, or even having sex in general.

Even if you’re “ready” for sex, even if you wait til you’re an adult or married to have sex, it can still be disappointing and #&@$%.

I don’t know exactly what is going on in these “abstinence focused” classrooms, but telling a teenager (or anyone for that matter) to not do something will likely make him/her very curious and want to find out what’s so bad about this forbidden act. Give them a CHOICE. People are still going to wait to have sex, and others are not going to wait.

Plus, how can you tell a teenager sex is “wrong” if they get boners all the time and want to jump on every hot person they see?

I think Dan Savage mentioned something about a significant rise in “abstinent” teens getting into anal sex, because they were taught that only vag sex was bad. An example of bad education, though I have no idea how that information was collected.

As Infamous said, where the hell are the parents? Clearly sex/abstinence education isn’t producing desired results. I’d rather my parents tell me about safe sex than some dude who looks like Quasimodo and puts condoms on cucumbers while smiling creepily.

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]

@Sadie: I agree! I hate that they’re trying to tell these kids that if they’re not walking the perfectly straight line, they’re going to end up as street-walkers and drug-dealers.

@Wonder: I don’t believe any one is arguing (and correct me Sadie if I’m worng here) that one bad experience CAN change (or ruin, if you prefer) your life. I think what we’re saying is that it’s not typical. I lost my virginity at 14, I snuck out of my mom’s house as a teenager and did stupid sh*t, I did a few drugs here and there, got a few tattoos… but now I’m 26, in an awsesome and stable relationship that’s going towards marriage, have a career as a Senior Design Engineer that pays well, and am basically a fine young adult.

I also agree with Infamous up there… that parents need to take it into their own hands and teach their children not WHAT to think and HOW to act, but how to make the decisions that will lead them down the path they want to be on… and that doesn’t always exclude doing the things that teach you the lessons about what not to do.

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]

its not sex or weed- its the person who is doing it or smoking it.
If only you knew all the people who smoked it and led “normal lives” it would blow your mind.  Besides, alcohol has proven to be more dangerous and that’s legal…

anywho- misconceptions + weak personal integrity = a life of “dealing with bad consequences”.  Sex, drugs (rock n roll) just a vehicle.

thesirensong
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]

The whole thing is kind of ironic to me, because I look at the fifty-somethings who are trying to tell us to wait and I think “You were a teenager in the seventies.”  It’s like the world forgets that this ISN’T the first generation having sex before they were married - in fact, I don’t think there ever WAS a generation that didn’t give in to their “urges”. You know how you see those stupid warning labels on products and you think “What idiot made this necessary?” - well the same sort of logic applies: the fact that it’s an explicit “rule” in the bible or religious doctrine means that it wasn’t just NORMAL, they had to FORCE it on people.

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]

Oh yeah, and what happens to the couple that gets married as virgins, and the guy finds out that the girl os TERRIBLE in bed (you know, the dead-fish syndrome) and decides to go find his good sex elsewhere?

My mom always told me to live with someone for at least a year before you marry them… make sure you’re ready for everything that’s going to come your way after the I DO’s… that includes the peen!

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]

I agree wit wonder_brad. I wish that i had waited until i was married to finally have sex. I wish i would have had a better understanding of what being abstinent meant. Most people believe that if there is no penetration than everything is fine. That oral sex doesn’t count. Well, the truth is it does. We need more education on this topic, we not only need it in the schools we need it outside of them as well. WE do need parents stepping up and letting their children know that it would be wiser to wait until they were in a committed relationship wit someone who is going to love them. When the relationship is based upon something more than sex than the relationship can thrive more (ideally)
When we get these urges to have sex or to feel that pleasure of any kind we have to be strong enough to fit them. Its going against the body but its a choice we make. And no not everyone is goin to make that choice. I will let my kids kno my desire for them in this area and also give them the proper advice if they so choose to lose it before marriage.
It is the responsibility of the man just as much as the woman. As a male my virginity wasn’t stressed as much as i see it in females. I made the choice to wait until marriage but found myself in a weak spot and got caught up. I waited twenty years before actually having sex and that was something, i mean i thought i was going to marry the girl but she wasnt meant for me. The sad thing is after her i eventually found someone for me, who was/is a virgin and it gets hard sometime, but i kno that together we can get through it. It just sucks because i wish we were both virgins that way we could develop an even better relationship and the desires and impulses wouldnt be as intense as they are. We have to let kids kno about abstinence.

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

we dont see the facts. I think that it only takes once, if it didnt people wouldnt express it that way, it only take one sperm to make a female pregnant and to take that chance makes u look some type stupid especially if u not gonna wear protection. people get hooked on stuff just by tryin it once, and to sit here and act like that aint true is ridiculous

Shotputter
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

I am an HIV/AIDS educator and I go into public schools and speak. A lot of the schools require that we do abstinence only, which is very painful when you have 12 year-olds asking questions about condoms. We push what we call abstinence based education, which we say that the only abstinence is best but if you are going to go out there and have sex you need to be armed with this information. We talk about all forms of protection and if the schools allow do demonstrations so kids know ho to properly put on a condom or use a dental dam.
All abstinence only education does is possibly stop kids from having vaginal intercourse. There are a lot of occurrences of oral and anal sex in schools and they don’t considerate it sex. STDs are passed that way. Also they look at mutual masturbation (fingering, handjobs, etc) as not a big deal either.
The kids that still go on to have sex after being told they have to wait for marriage normally have issues from having to hide it or feelings of shame.
We as humans are sexually maturing earlier and earlier and we need to realize what is going on and take steps to make kids safer, not scare them.

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]

i dont think that abstinence only education is good, has anyone ever seen that family guy episode when they were tryin to teach that and all the kids started having “ear-Sex” i mean its meant for humor but it spoke to the real issue. If we dont give both sides of the story kids will find other means to get that release they want….EAR SEX anyone? lol!

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:32 am: [report]

come on Cheeessee its always the people who think it could never happen to them that it ends up happening to.. and please believe there is no high horse to get off from so stop being so defensive.

Resullins i get what ur saying.. and like i said im not saying that u can’t do those things and not have a great life in the end what i was saying is that its not like that for everyone. from what i’ve seen its a fifty-fifty toss up.my own sister did almost exactly what u urself did and she is living a decent happy life according to herself.which is great but she can’t say the same for the people she ran with during that time in her life.

Develange i agree with u about the emotional and physicological part as well.thats rarely talked about.

I never said young people havin sex was wrong. i merely stated that abstince is a standard most people don’t value.. i do..and i’d give it as an option to my kids. Now if they choose to have sex then fine its their life but they will not be able to say that thier parents didn’t educate them on both sides of the coin… give them protection and support either way.

sam04
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]

When I had to do sex-ed it was in health class in high school.  Like Grade 11.  When pretty well everyone in our class had already been having sex.  How useful.  I don’t really remember much about it.  I’m sure it was pretty much the bare minimum of information.

I agree that parents should be the ones responsible for giving this education to their kids.  I’m sure it can be awkward, but if you raised your kids to not be ashamed about their bodies/sex then they’ll be comfortable coming to you and asking questions about that kind of stuff.  Or give them books about it to read on their own.  I would never preach abstinence because I know it so rarely happens.  I’d say have as much sex as you want, as long as you’re smart about it.

And yeah, sometimes people have sex once and get knocked up.  But there are also people who buy a lottery ticket for the first time in their life and win millions of dollars while some schmuck who has been buying them weekly for twenty years hasn’t won a dime.  That’s how life works.  Just because it happened to one person doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to most people.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]

@wonder_bread: I am a realist, I also understand risk better than an insurance adjuster too. Speaking about risk, you could get hit by a car on your way home too. Who’s to say there isn’t a chance of that happening, so why not live it up a little now….what happens if you die before marriage? Well, shucks, that would suck, correct?

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: Ha ha… I agree! If one were to live their life not making the choices they wanted because there was a risk, no one would ever leave the house, drink a beer, drive a car, play a sport… the list is crazy! We can’t ALL live in a bubble. Your kids are more likely to become a parapalegic from playing football than to get pregnant if they are informed and responsible.

Educate them, tell them your beliefs, but education is really the key. And apparently it needs to come from the parents…

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]

im a realist to which is why i wouldn’t be shocked or disappointed if my kids did the deed. no one else in my family has made it to marriage most to all ended up with a kid before they got marriage. and no not all.. im living my life by my own standards.. if i got hit by a car then so be it everything happens for a reason. Sex never has been and never will be as important as say strong relationships and a career i love. so not doin the deed before i get married or die doesnt seem like sucha loss to me..

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]

@ Sultrylover09: “I think that it only takes once, if it didnt people wouldnt express it that way…”

um- people express all kinds of things that aren’t true, so your premise a false.

It takes a couple hundred sperm or so to fertilize the egg because they have to break down several layers of the egg (the corona radiata and zona pellucida) and then an event called the acrosome reaction has to occur…involving more steps that I really want to type about… and then a single sperm can fertilize the egg, that isn’t mature till the very end of all this.

And lots of people “try things once” and don’t get hooked.  So its not just the substance/act it’s the person doing it. Various things are particularly addictive like methamphetamine and nicotine, but not sex or pot.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]

Actually, it can take as little as 5 cigarettes to get someone hooked on nicotene, depending on their body chemistry.  I smoked for years and never had a problem going without a cigarette (unlike a lot of people who experience nic-fits).  All drugs are different and all people are different.

But one cigarette won’t do it, at least not as far as chemical dependency and physical addiction go.  One hit of meth can do it though.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]

i just want to know is it safe to assume that i am defending my point of few in a room full of non-virgins???

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]

@wonderbread - you do what is right for you.  Just don’t be surprised if you get a bit of flack for running around crying the ‘one puff can ruin your life’ bs.  One lay can get you pregnant, that’s true, and abstinence is the only way to not get pregnant for sure.  But none of that means that abstinence-only education of any kind is effective.

onewriter
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]

@joyy…um…I had to read YOUR posting several times to try and understand it.  Slow down.  Even if you’re pissed at “the system” or wherever you were aiming your ire, proofread your own stuff too.  It makes it much more pleasurable (and legible) to read. It’s very hard to agree with someone when you can’t understand what they wrote.

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]

@duckie:well, because no male can only release 1 sperm, of course it takes a couple million, but it still only takes one to reach the egg. which u said ya self. Suppose she pick the wrong day have sex the sperm waits and attacks…oops! someones gonna b prego!...but not to worry becasue she probably gonna get an abortion, recommended by her parents, (o the shame on our family) PA—LEASE! they probably aint speak to her about sex or anything…and i aint sayin they arent automatically gonna get hooked but their chances of are alot greater than them not!

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]

@joyy- I can think of lots of things other than abstinence that can keep you from getting pregnant… oral sex, mutual masturbation and other “manual stimulation”, gay sex… now you don’t have a 100% chance of being STI free, but you won’t get pregnant- or get someone pregnant.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

@onewriter - uh, what was so difficult to understand?  And what “ire” are you talking about?  Also, there’s a difference between someone who is paid to write/publish things and someone commenting in their spare time who has no edit button available.  And really, of all the comments here, I’m hardly the worst offender for poor writing/spelling/grammar.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@duckie - that’s what I meant: abstinence from vaginal intercourse=no pregnancy, not all sex acts in general.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@onewriter: I think you better focus on SultyLover instead of joyy….

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@Sultry: Re-read Duckie’s post. She said very clearly that it takes HUNDREDS to get to the egg, to break it down so that one can fertilize it. One sperm that “waits and attacks” will do nothing.

Also, since we’re on the subject of proofreading, “PA-LEASE” grab a dictionary. Your posts are impossible to read. And you actually contradicted yourself in your very first post (something about wishing that you had waited to have sex, and later saying that you had).

Also, no one is going to take you that seriously when your name is SULTRYLOVER, and your picture is a naked man, and your preaching AGAINST sex.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

THis article is about Abstinence-Only Sex Ed needing to rebrand its message which we obviously agree with… currently that method sucks it does nothing for body or sexuality accptence and it cause more problems them fixes them by implying that sex in some way is wrong and losing ur virginty is bad.

im pretty sure we can most agree on that. things start to get a little fuzzy wen one wants to expose their child to abstinence and safe sex as opposed to just teaching them how to have safe sex.to me being abstinent doens’t make u better or worse off.. its a personal decision cuz in the end no one’s gonna be around to stop u wen its time to make ur decision. i want to allow my kid the CHOICE of not having to be like everyone else or allow them to know its okay if they want to have sex when they are ready. whats wrong with showing them both sides of the coin.

sam04
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@wonder_bread:  Yeah.  I would think that no matter what room you’re in, it’s going to be full of mostly non-virgins.

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@sultrylover09: it takes only one sperm to fertalize BUT IT TAKES SEVERAL HUNDRED TO MAKE THE EGG SO IT CAN BE FERTALIZED

“.and i aint sayin they arent automatically gonna get hooked but their chances of are alot greater than them not!”

I don’t even know what to say to that sentence, or if it qualifies as a sentence

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]

@Wonder, I think you’re right there… we all agree they need a new message.

I also believe that abstinence IS a part of sex-ed. It is, after all, an option. The problem comes when people push ONLY abstinence, or tell children that sex is wrong. Sex is not wrong, even if you’re not in the middle of a forever relationship.

As soon as you make something taboo, kids are gonna want it more! That’s just a fact of life. So don’t make it taboo… simple as that.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]

@wonderbread - abstinence only education doesn’t teach safe sex, it teaches no sex until marriage.  Comprehensive sex ed teaches the full spectrum of options for safe sex, *including* no sex.  Abstience-only doesn’t need a new message, it needs to go away since it has been proven to be ineffective.

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]

thanks to whoever also helped explain what I was saying.. but sultrylover09- I’m amazed that you can be in nursing school and think that “a sperm” “attacks” an oocyte.  Did you even pass A&P;?

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]

WE are completely off topic…u see we get stuck on believing that if we dont do anything than we are living a sheltered life. That if a person chooses not to have sex than they could possibly end up wit a bad lover, my question to that is, how does a person who neva had sex know what a bad lay is? We talkin about fertilizing an egg, if the man doesnt wear protection and releases ALL his sperm into her what are the chances she will get pregnant? whether it takes one sperm or a couple hundred doesnt matter she puts herself at risk, especially if she doesnt wear or recommend protection usage. I think that we need to talk about abstinence and the benefits of it, as well as talkin about what to do if your choice is to have sex. Its your life do what u want, but dont criticize others for the choices they make…... i had sex but i wish i hadnt, thats what i said!!
I kno all to well that someone takin a puff or two on some weed or drinkin some alcohol or anything like that, just once, wont make them a pothead or alcholic but i think someone wrote on here that u dont know ya body makeup, in the sense of, that one hit or that one drink can cause some kind of damage and u may not even know the effects that it has/had on you. You right we cant live our lives in fear but just because a person makes a choice to not do something we cant assume they are living in fear. When u see people around u go through things and the way their life is we shouldnt say o that would neva happen to me, we should say something more along the lines, i dont wanna take a chance on that happening to me!

kmatter
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

So… i’m going to comment about the article now >_> not other people’s posts XD
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that they would try to form an *abstinence only* ciriculum based on trying to scare teens out of having sex. haha, my mom tried to scare me out of having sex before marriage… and that didn’t work out so well. not saying that everyone is like me, but if someone tells a teen ager “don’t do this” most of the time, they’ll do it just in spite.
On the other hand, if teens were basically just given the facts and told to do what ever they wanted, things might turn out better. i’m not talking about exaggerated and/or biased facts either. i’m talking about the real ones :-p becasue then, teens would feel like the authority figure/parent/whatever was trusting them and thought they were old enough to make a good decision. of course… maybe this would have just worked with me? who knows. but that’s all i have to say.

kmatter
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]

oops, *because

PinkRanger
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]

why does everyone keep bringing up pot on here? do you really equate sex with drugs? I don’t have a problem with pot at all, but you can’t really compare the same pros and cons of having sex and hitting a joint.
Two totally different things….......

I for one don’t believe in abstinence. I don’t feel like practicing abstinence means you have “higher standards” as wonder_bread so eloquently put it, and I feel like virginity is an old-fashioned idea.
but to each his own. Nothing wrong with waiting till marriage if thats what you want, but its ridiculous for schools to think thats a good way to go about things. Abstinence only education DOES promote the ideas that sex is wrong and dirty. Any time you tell someone not to do something thats what you imply. completely unhealthy.

sultrylover09
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]

i kno that it takes more than one sperm to get to the egg but it only takes one sperm to meet with a zygote and impregnate a woman, yes i did pass A&P;thanx for asking. sultry is sexy,  and by sexy i mean pleasing to the eye, its like the sunset, when the sky starts turning pink and shades of purple, thats sexy. we get so caught up on the idea of sexual pleasure and sex but understand that i approach everything differently, not that typical stuff like some of u!

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]

@pinkranger- somebody somewhere in the comments said that you can ruin your life but having sex once or smoking one puff of a join or something along those lines

Riley
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

@PinkRanger - because smoking pot leads to sex and sex leads to more hardcore things like holding hands and kissing; pretty soon you’ll be shooting up and giving handjobs.  It all started with that one toke.  Your life is now over!!!

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]

@Sultry: Did you pass 1st grade grammar? Sorry, off topic, I’m just not going to respond to you anymore because reading your posts is lowering my IQ. Don’t want you to mistakenly think you’re right.

@PinkRanger: Someone mentioned a billboard that basically said if you have premarital sex, you won’t have a future. Someone then compared that to the same people telling teens that one puff from a joint will make you into a junkie on the streets. Not comparing sex to drugs, just comparing the scare tactics used in the different arenas.

PinkRanger
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

@Riley: Oh no!!!!  lmao

subpar
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

I’ve smoked pot and had sex a million times and I’m perfectly fine! No worries.

sadie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:16 pm: [report]

Sorry that was me, and I was just comparing this idiotic line of thinking (have sex once and your life is over), to the same idiotic thinking that tells kids “one puff and your life is over”. That was the only comparison I meant to draw. I just think being dishonest with kids is a bad idea and that is what this new brand of abstinence only education is proposing. I can’t even get into the rest of some of these comments because they are too ridiculous.

mlyway
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]

I agree that parents need to take the responsibility to teach their children about sex. But it is also important for them to teach their children, especially daughters, that sex and relationships are not about needing or depending on a man/woman. Too many teenagers do not fully understand responsibilities of relationships, especially when they begin to have sex. And if parents teach their children about sex early on and they teach them that it is a natural part of life—and in fact pleasurable, then teenagers will be more willing to protect themselves from diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

PinkRanger
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]

@sadie:  Sorry, I didnt’ feel like reading everything in this thread haha. but yeah, schools do tell ridiculous lies about both pot and sex, so good point!

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]

@Sadie: Sorry, I was trying to say up there that I agreed with you… I even think the comparison is valid… trying to explain the history of an entire line of conversation, however, tends to lose something inn translation!

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

@sadie- I think it was wonder_bread’s response to you that got me on the topic, and maybe other people too.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]

Pink Ranger i never said being abstinent means u have higher standards i said one’s neither better or worse off.its each and everyone’s personal decision becuz in the end no one’s going to be there to make that decision for them.

i do agree with Kmatter though. if we just give our kids the total truth with unbiased facts they would probably be better off than the ones with only one side of the truth over-flowing with bias. I got both teaching and picked what worked best for me. I can only hope that as the next generation grows into their understanding they will be allowed the same opportunity to learn both sides without bias.its their live,body, and future in the end and they will make their decision for what they think is best for them in the end.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

and Joyy i said that Abstinence_only should be throw out… i think a combo of both safe sex and abstinence is whats best… giving the kids an option. letting them kno that not everyone is doing it but if u are here’s how to protect ur self… reread my comments over if ur going to debate me please. it seems like everytime i write something up here no one takes wat i say in its entirety just pieces and then i have to correct them… not good for a discussion if u aren’t even gonna hear me out..especailly if we are all relativly agreeing with the same thing

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

@wonder_bread- “i think the problem comes in at is half society wants their kids to live at a higher standard while the other half just wants them to be safe doing whatever they feel ready to do…”

this is a quote from you- so you did say that abstinence is a higher standard.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

oh wow look who knows how to qoute now that would have been helpful a few unneccssary comment and misunderstanding ago.. but thank you for correcting

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

@Wonder: you could just remember what it was YOU were talking about, and what you said, rather than calling other posters liars by stating: “i never said being abstinent means u have higher standards i said one’s neither better or worse off.”

If you’re going to enter a debate, then state clearly your objective, and stick to it. It’s incredibly hard to have a conversation with someone when they can’t remember what they actually said! If this were a face-to-face, we wouldn’t be able to quote. Or perhaps, justa thought, when there are multiple people claiming you said something, go back andread your posts before entering so gung-ho.

joyy
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]

@wonder: “THis article is about Abstinence-Only Sex Ed needing to rebrand its message which we obviously agree with”  No one can discuss anything you say “in its entirety” because you are inconsistent in your comments ... that and they’re difficult to read because you use the lazy text message spelling/language/whatever instead of real words.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]

does this all matter in the end i mean really. everyone in this post has made their decision. instead of picking apart what each other said.we need to be actually doin something about whats not right about sex Ed instead of acting like we all have the right answers on each other’s lives…. let me stop myself from gettin caught up in the immaturity of these types of bickering that is so off topic. im done with it.

Abstinent_Only sex ed should go. A mixture of abtinence and sex safe teaching should replace it. all the details in the middle don’t matter as long as the next generation gets an unbias factual chance to make a well informed decision for themselves.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]

feel free to fix my grammar if thats all u can seem to process from my opinion in ur spare time. thankx

Antiquity
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]

I think the government would get its money worth if it taught a class where everything was covered. A class that said, “Hey kids! Heres the info. on: sex, stds, condoms, dental dams, emotional security and absitnence. We highly recommend ‘xyz’ but don’t feel guilty if thats not what you choose. Go be the best beings you can be!”

I just graduated fairly recently from high school and can tell you most of the abstinence classes were a joke. The only thing I learned was, nothing… I spent most of my time rolling my eyes and laughing because it was a little too late for most of us.

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

@Antiquity: First off, have to say, for being straight out of high school, your posts are quite insightful… even if I have to back them up to some less open-mminded people sometimes! That said, I agree with you. Just present the options. But then you’ll always have the same argument as the Jesus vs. Darwin teaching debate. Some people in power will never want all the options presented. Pity really.

@Wonder: Even if you’re by far the best IT guy in the world, if you walk into the job interview in tattered jeans and a wife-beater, you’re NEVER going to get hired. You’re entering into an educated conversation and trying to pass off an unintelligent and not well put together argument. That’s just never going to work, those are the facts, whether you like them or not. You can get pissed at us for calling you out all you want, but you’re the one walking in in the preverbial wife-beater.

It also doesn’t help your opinion’s status as being valid when you can’t even remember (or bother to look up) what you’ve already said.

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

Wonder- I think your series of posts actually exemplifies the core issue that this article talks about.  You say now that both abstinence and safe sex methods should be taught, which I agree on, but you also infer that abstinence is the only “right way” and outright say that abstinence is “living with higher standards” and everyone else just does what they feel like, as if every other decision didn’t take any responsibility or moral contemplation to come to that decision. You also give validation to scare tactics about sex (and pot).
So, you say that there should be both, but only give credibility to abstinence. You can reread the article if you can’t see the parallels.

wonder_bread
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:32 pm: [report]

Resullin i am by no means pissed.. this is isn’t worth me being pissed. i am just done with discussing non sense with you and anyone else who chooses to focus on grammar and such. even sultry got attacked and some others through out this thread. what does it matter?  its off topic. i see the era of my imperfect grammar and i suggest that if i am not up to ur standards that u stop addressing me. i won’t be offened. more so appreciative becuz that now makes one less person microscoping my writing skill or lack their of.

Duckie. to some practicing abstinence it is a higher standard to others not so much. i was just simply pointing out both sides. whether its the right way or not doesnt matter. im going to do whats right for me just like u are going to do whats right for you. I just want my kids and the one’s that follow to have both sides of the story and make their own decisions. as far as the pot comment. i was also stating that there are two sides of things again. u can’t tell me life isn’t a fifty-fifty toss up. situations happens to one person and not the other. i am not saying we should live our lives in fear of the “coin” toss but to just be Aware of the possibilities.

Antiquity
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]

@Resullins: Thanks. I’ve always been told I’m more mature than those of my age group. haha. I’m surprised EG hasn’t commented on this actually seeing how opinionated she is on EVERYTHING.

Public school is just that /Public/. -shrugs- I don’t see what people get their panties in a twist about when it comes everything being on the table for their children to learn. Maybe it’s the fact their children will have to make their own decisions with the information that they are being presented with that’s the real issue- not so much the curriculum.

duckie
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:45 pm: [report]

I remember our sex ed being mostly in grade 5 or 6, and then it was about changes during puberty and a rudimentary concept of conception, and then we had STI info in grade 10 health class, but in either case, the parent was allowed to take their child out of that portion of the class.

resullins
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 03:48 pm: [report]

@Antiquity: I was actually waitinf for Majicksand to get on here and tell everyone that Wonder is right and those of us that didn’t wait for marriage are a lower standard of people! Oh, and that we should be pitied for not saving ourselves… He he.

I really think that all education is going to be lacking somewhere. I’m lucky I had a mother that supplemented my education. She taught me everything I need to know about life… as long as I read between the lines! I think the parents have to take the reins and fill in the holes. Unfortunately, all school are inherently bureaucracies, and bureaucracies are inherently imperfect.

Like you said /Shrug/.

stormygirl
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 08:10 pm: [report]

I made sure that my daughter was taught evervything about sex, not only the physical aspects but the emotional aspects of it. I made sure that she knew everything about sex from STIs, contraception, to homosexuality. She is grown and she was able to make informative decisions about her life. The parents that don’t teach their kids about sex at all are the kids that wind up getting in trouble, getting pregnant, etc.

mlyway
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 09:06 pm: [report]

@stormygirl I completely agree. Although there are exceptions. And I am hoping that the new generation of parents (who themselves are more comfortable with sex than their parents) will teach their children the importance of both the physical and emotional aspects of sex and relationships.

retro chic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 12:59 pm: [report]

To the article: “Abstinence-Only Sex Ed Is Rebranding Its Message:”

Sex sells. So, to rebrand they must rename and reimage. IRL, what amounts to anti-sex ads have to be “sexy” in their way, too, ie, sex sells even no-sex messages. How could selling something named for the exclusive “absence” of anything be appealing… to anyone? So, the name “Abstinence-Only” has to go. Maybe renaming it something exotic and Tantric-sounding?...

Even the lowly Squid was rehabilitated by PR consultants renaming it Calamari. Culinary tastes aside here, they need a better image than the daughter of a controversial conservative Republican in a grad cap-and-gown holding a baby to have any hope of delivering their message. But then again, maybe we won’t tell them…

In fact, I think they should just do what they’re doing and nothing will happen anyway and just backfire—much like the rest of the party’s rebranding attempts.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

@retro chic: Ahh, you’re back! Refreshing. Yup, they have to make it exciting to make it relevant.

retro chic
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: yes, a return from vacay—still getting the land legs back (aaah and whoa). “Exciting” and “relevant,” so true, but two concepts we may never see together from their camp. On second thought, not even separately.

Adventurous1
wrote on June 24 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

I believe that it depends on the school.  Public schools should be mandated to provide all the options that are available but parochial schools simply cannot because it violates the fundamental beliefs by the church.  In either case, the parents should be following up and supplementing as needed.

However, let’s face it.  You can teach and teach and teach about condoms all you like.  Young people won’t like using them for the same reason adults don’t like using them.  Not all teen pregnancies are caused by a lack of information just like not all adult pregnancies.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

I don’t know if anyone on here saw the Primetime special on teen pregnancy this week, but I found the most interesting part of it was when they showed a sex-ed class in Massachusetts and then immediately cut to an abstinence-only style class in Texas.  I have never laughed so hard in my life!  The kids in Massachusetts were practicing putting condoms on fingers, even having races to see who could do it the most quickly and effectively.  They even played a game about the order of putting one on properly.  It was pretty cool and seemed rather effective compared to the boring lectures I sat through on the subject in the late ‘80s and early 90’s.  Then there was the abstinence-only class:  They also were playing a game, but this one included winning cards that said things like, “Congratulations!  You had sex for the first time and got herpes, and now you are suffering from [insert the many nasty symptoms here]!”  It was pure scare tactic.  They also showed a pregnant teen who has now taken a virginity pledge that is fully accepted and admired by her friends.  WTF?!  The girl has a BABY!

We need good sex ed in all schools, regardless of belief system (I got a far better sex ed experience in Catholic school than the kids in Texas are getting in public).  No matter what, not all kids are going to get that from parents, and even in the best of parent-child relationships the desires for sex come about at the moment you are trying to push your parents away and think they know nothing about what YOU are going through.  I mean, parents can ask a million questions and be super-involved and still have not a clue as to what their kids are up to.  It goes much deeper than family, the decision to have sex is influenced by education, parents, adult role models, peers, and even the tabloid at the checkout counter.  The more informed a kid is, the better equipped they are.

The drug comparison is a good one, not the actual acts of having sex or doing drugs, but the educational factor.  I remember our drug ed classes being so distorted that many of my peers decided to try drugs purely because we were lied to about so many of the effects that everyone figured, well, maybe they’re lying about the actual facts, too.  Maybe there’s NOTHING wrong with cocaine because if they lied about one detriment there might be none?  Kids that age don’t trust adults easily and teachers in all of these areas need to cut the b.s. so they have a shot at gaining student trust and can really get through.

I also LOVE the comment about the double standard between boys and girls.  Sex ed is probably even more important for girls because pregnancy outside a mature relationship generally means the girl is on her own with a baby while the boy can get off scot-free, but we really need to hammer it into boys’ heads that they have just as much responsibility as the girls.  Girls are taught to abstain, boys get a wink and a nod, it feels like.  Sad that little has changed there.

Anyone who thinks that there were times where few teens were having sex just doesn’t know about those times.  For example, the ‘50s were a time of back-room abortions and sending the girl, “To stay with family out of town for the year.”  The only difference between then and now is that we TALK about these issues rather than hide them, which is progress.

One more set of statistics from Primtime and I’ll get off this long-winded comment:  I don’t remember the exact numbers, but pregnant teens choose to put up the kid for adoption something like 3% of the time, choose abortion less than 25%, and the vast majority keep their kids.  Abortion is not the easy out or the most common choice and adoption screws up everyone’s lives (I’m adopted, I know).  Very few pregnant or mother-teens finish high school, let alone go to college, even if they were star students before.  Scary, scary stuff!  How could a little more truthful education be a bad thing when this is the way things are?  Teen pregnancies have risen since abstinence-only became a term.  It’s really that simple.

Queen Frostine
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]

I think schools should lay it out straight and honest. When you speak to a teenager in a honest way they tend to listen because it puts you on the same level with them. They feel respected as a person. When you use scare tactics, fear and threats, they feel like they’re being abused and oppressed by an authority who doesn’t “get them”. Here’s what I would propose for sex ed:

1. Sex is a natural, instinctive, healthy and integral part of life.

2. Sex comes with huge responsibilities, both physical, mental and emotional.

3. Sex comes with many risks, some of which are life threatening, some of which are life changing.

4. The safest method is to abstain from having sex until you are prepared to handle all of the above.

5. If you do choose to have sex, here are a wide variety of options that you, as a maturing young adult, can take to be safe and responsible.

6. If, for any reason, you find that you’ve acted irresponsibly, here’s where to go for help and advice.

Then, let the kids go home. If their parents want to instill certain religious or faith based principles (such as virginity until marriage), let that be done in the home. Sex ed should be a two part process, at school and at home. One should not rely entirely upon the other to educate a young adult. They should work together.

mlyway
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]

@craftlass: I just graduated from one of the best public high schools in Massachusetts and I can guarantee you that sex-ed is not taught that way at all. I have friends from all over Massachustts and sex-ed does not teach about how to put on a condom, etc. In fact, the last time I had a sex-ed class was freshman year (1 day a week) and it was called Wellness because the other day a week was gym class, and the classroom part was about a healthy lifestyle, with a very small unit on sex. Unfortunately, many schools in Massachusetts take the abstinence approach to teaching sex in schools. Some schools (including mine) will teach you to abstain from sex, but if you choose not to, then they teach you that there are consequences and methods to control unwanted pregnancies and diseases. They simply teach that there is the condom and the basic birth control pill (no other forms of contraception) and we have to learn about the consequences of all STDs. But it kind of sends a mixed message to students to be saying to abstain but then if you don’t listen, there are ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies and diseases (even though the class barely delves into the subject).

resullins
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]

@Queen: Well said! You wanna become a sex-ed teacher?

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]

Hi:

I’m Childfree by Choice and of legal age to consent so this stuff is none of my concern.

However, it is my belief that sexuality is natural, that it is abnormal to expect teens to not have sexual intercourse, and that ALL of them should, at age 13, be given Free Contraceptives and 100% Confidential Counseling.

Of course, I would also be telling the gals that they have the absolute right to say no at any time, for no reason, that the word “No” is a complete sentence that must never be negotiated.

And I’d wish them a long and happy life of being sexually indepedent creatures.

Gingee

retro chic
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]

My 12 yo daughter got her 5th grade “film” and nothing in 6th grade/middle school—during the first flush of puberty—body changes and first periods! In 7th, she will get a small unit of sex ed in her health class. Whoop.

While Queen Frostine’s is the ideal model, and should still be strived for—but the reality is, it’s truly up to the parents to keep an open, consistent dialog of info and the feelings and experiences around that input. Like CraftLass said, kids won’t trust info that appears misrepresented—once duped (with frag’d info), twice cynical (and shut down). Solid parenting partnered with schools/school boards might help.

Also, my daughter had her first encounter with peer sexual harassment. The principal/director said that issue is unaddressed in their curriculum, only at assemblies, etc. That should be added to sex ed as well.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]

@mlway

I’m sorry if that made it sound like all Massachussets schools were that way, as I have friends there who had experiences more like what you said.  For all I know, the class they showed was staged for the special, after all, hard to trust network news.  However, this one class was pretty cool.

I agree that mixed messages are terrible for teens, I was certainly subjected to many at that age and they taught me to trust adults even less than I was naturally inclined to.  Sex ed doesn’t need to be a mixed message, though, you can lay out all the facts without creating confusion, and have open discussions that allow kids to work through their own decisions.  I mean, just giving them the percentages would encourage abstinence without trying to convince them it’s the only right answer.  100% effective is better than 99.99%, even that .01% is significant in a world with 6 billion people.

My BF’s niece (18 years old) is a product of abstinence-only education and some of the questions she asks me are seriously frightening.  What she’s learned in school and what she’s learned from smart women like her mother (a RN) are completely different and she gets confused, which is understandable.  Still, a little bit of confusion is far better than complete ignorance.

CraftLass
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

@Gingee

Hear, hear!!  You are so dead-on.

One exception, though: I’m also CFBC but am passionate about this issue because it does affect us all even if we don’t have our own children, because it affects the world we live in.  Not to mention that we pay taxes that pay for public school, so our opinion matters, even if we won’t be joining the PTA.  So, I’m glad you commented!

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Thankee much.

One thing I would do, if given the chance, is teach teenagers that it is absolutely all right to prepared to get naked.

After hearing that some gals prefer to not be on contraception, so as to not be judged a slut by the guy, but to be “carried away by the moment,” I wanted to rinse my eyes out with bleach.

Smart people control their lives, and any gal raised by this Childfeee By Choice sort would also be taught that she is the one who judges herself, and if some guy tried to manipulate her into having sexual intercourse, she would get rehearsals in kicking him to the curb.

For those who missed what Gavin De Becker says: The word No is a complete sentence.

Gingee

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]

Peer Sexual Harassment is, or used to be, one of my pet peeves.  Becoming an assertive gal helped a lot with that. 

I used to loathe walking by construction sites, because the pigs would make their noises, and for reasons I never understood, THEIR unwanted comnents made me feel dirty.  Even though they were the ones saying things that they probably would not another man saying to them, their running commentary was enough that I’d walk an extra mile just to avoid them.

Thanks to Manuel J. Smith, author of “How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty”, who taught me how to be assertive,
any guy who tried that verbal assault today would be the one with the beet red face.

mlyway
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]

I also think it is really important that young girls (and boys) understand that although sex requires two people, one should never depend on a man (or woman) to have a happy and healthy sexual life. Too many girls just give themselves away to anyone all the time in order to get sex because well, it’s natural to want to act out on the hormonal desires. But I do wish that schools and parents would teach their daughters about masturbation and vibrators (as boys already are happy to engage in masturbation at a young age). Because teaching girls that they can pleasure themselves will encourage girls to understand that their body is not something to give away to just anyone. And it can actually prevent girls from having sex at an earlier age, and girls will engage in healthier relationships that are free of physical and emotional abuse. Sex still seems like it is a taboo subject for women to desire and want just as men. And this will shift the focus so that girls can take charge of their own sexual life, and they will be more responsible. And with the correct teaching on pregnancy, contraception, and diseases, I think that unwanted pregnancies and diseases would decrease significantly.

mlyway
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]

@Gingee: Having been sexually abused in my childhood and early teenage years, I constantly had this battle of feeling dirty whenever I engaged in sexual acts with my boyfriends in high school. And it took me awhile to find that healthy balance of pleasure without the guilt. And now I have finally learned to take a stance and say no when necessary.

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]

Masturbation is great, but:  It is so lonely.  C’mon, we are females, many of us have that Inner Lion and when that side of us emergs we can give ourselves a hundred orgasms in one session, but there is something so sweet about having That Special Person next to you.

Orgasms are cheap, a good guy to share your life with, not so free.

Yes, you are so spot on, that “Sex still seems like it is a taboo subject for women to desire and want just as men.”

There is also the other side of the story: Any frank discussion about our Sexuality can and does attract the freaks, the sexual perverts, who are just looking for an excuse to inject themselves into our private parts.

Another thing that offends me is that men have stopped policing each other.  It used to be that guys monitored the sexual behavior of the group, and they protected us from the wrong ones.

Gingee

Gingee
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

Dear mlyway:  That is so sad.  :(

I was never sexually abused, but there was so much that my father and mother failed to teach me:  That those men were in the wrong.

For the longest time, I hated most males, and wished them a most unpleasant death.  That is somewhat abated, but alas, some of those creeps are still breathing.

The gals who were babysitters as teens, and who got unwanted sexual advances from the fathers of the children get it:  Some of them are nothing but wastes of skin.

Gingee

mlyway
wrote on June 25 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]

@gingee: I really don’t feel sad or ashamed about it anymore. In fact I am almost glad I experienced what I did because now I feel like I am more ready for relationships and how to truly be loved by someone and to love someone back and mean it. Now I won’t waste more of my life being in volatile relationships and not understanding who I am.

Risky_Endeavor
wrote on June 28 2009 @ 09:39 am: [report]

We live in a society that follows a do as I say not as I do philosophy. This is a day and age where low self-esteem and narcissism run wild.  Educate the kids and the adults, but more importantly, parents need to start being role models for their kids, not just the highest command of the houshold, and kids need to be taught a little thing called social price.  Take some pride in yourself, in your ideals, dont sell yourself short.  Anytime people find they need something, and in reality they don’t, it should raise a giant red flag to other issues.  “Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.”

Jayne
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]

Speaking from the point of view of a 17 year old virgin here…
There’s so much media #&@$% flying around and it’s really starting to get on my nerves. I am surrounded by a LOT of peer pressure to have sex, especially since I am an Australian girl living in a South American country, and daaamn, these Latin guys are horny! However, the opposite extreme is equally stupid - no sex until marriage? WTF? What if I don’t want to get married?

#&@$% 1#: Media pressure. I can tell you, I’m hearing about 13 and 14 year olds doing ALL THE TIME. Apparently, everyone looses their virginity at that age now (which I personally think is horse-#&@$%, but moving on) but how do you think that makes me feel? To be constantly bombarded by the media that ‘everyone is doing it?’... except me?

And now we have #&@$% 2#: In some sort of desperate effort to keep us in the 1800s and, more commonly, to stop us hot-blooded young teenagers from fornicating, we’re being told that sex is evil and that we should “wait ‘til marriage”. So, basically, if we never do it we won’t end up with babies, STDs, and… pleasure.

MY OPINION: You don’t have to wait for marriage. But don’t start screwing at the ripe old age of 11 and then publishing it it magazines so I have to read about your big-friggin’-acomplishment. Can’t someone give us some decent advice, like:

Wait until you emotionally and mentally mature enough? Wait until you’re with someone you trust? Always trust your instincts? Sex ISN’T bad - but you DO need a level of maturity to handle it, to know how it changes and effects a relationship and when not/when to do it? Here’s a condom, son, and this is how you put it on? Now make sure, when it’s time to use this condom (and don’t be naive, parents, that time will come)-make sure you’re happy with your decision, and you understand what’s going on. And hey, why not wait ‘til you’re 17 or 18?

I haven’t gotten any good advice from friends, the church or the media. They all twist virginity and sex WAY out of proportion. I’m a virgin because I’m waiting for a decent guy to come along. Someone I can trust, have a bit of a conversation with, and share a few nice moments with him.

Coral
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 05:40 pm: [report]

@Jayne: I agree with you. I’m 18 years old and I’m not a virgin, but the media definitely dramatizes how many teens are really having sex. I first had oral sex when I was 15 and the relationship was short-lived at 4 months. But then I found a guy who I truly loved and I lost my virginity to him—and we are still together 3 years later. I think it’s important to wait for someone who you can feel appreciated by and loved. I happened to find a guy who I felt this way about when I was 15, but if I hadn’t, I would have waited longer. I don’t regret my decision at all because I have had this 3 year relationship work out so far, but I am much more mature and emotionally ready now. But that’s not to say that I was stupid at age 15—I’m just wiser now and have learned valuable things. And I know my maturity will only continue to grow. If I ever have kids, I want them to know about sex—know all the emotional and physical aspects that go into making these decisions because I don’t want to pretend that my kids are those angelic kids who will never have sex.