What Does BMW’s New “Gentleman Function” Do?

tigerstripe
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

No thanks.

avalari
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 10:32 am: [report]

I have a BMW, and honestly I wouldn’t want that function. I couldn’t imagine sitting in the passenger seat and having some guy (or girl) adjust it for me when I can just put my hand down and adjust it for myself. Those things have 8 way seats, imagine how long it would take to tell someone “forward, no, backward…more, ok now up, up, back down…” geesh.

PS
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]

It doesn’t sound like they have something so gentlemanly in mind with that.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]

Can it turn on the massage function too?

powplz
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]

I was about to make a joke about how guys usually buy the biggest engine possible to *ahem* compensate and this was just icing on that cake, then I clicked through and read the comments on the original article, which explains it: the feature is aimed at chauffers, who have a need to move the front passenger seat forward to make room for clients in the backseat.

The name of the function sucks for sure, and it’s the kind of thing that could have been *easily* named something non-gender related (i.e. chauffer function or courtesy function), even if driving rich folks around is a male-dominated field (notice this is just the 7 series, which is more commonly used by car services, not the entire range of bimmers).

I do have to wonder why they’re putting the controls in the door panel and not the console though.  My bf has an older bmw and the window controls are in the console, as are the heat-my-seat buttons.  I guess if they just designed it well to begin with, they wouldn’t be able to advertise it as heavily (wtf bmw? keep it classy!). 

Placing them there makes the controls easily available to either person sitting up front.  This is actually useful (driver side usually gets control buttons for all the windows anyway, why not just centrally locate the buttons?), or when it’s cold my bf will turn on the heated seats for both of us, especially if he’s picking me up somewhere, which is a small yet sweet gesture.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]

@joyy: Pfft, muscle cars are for chumps and guys with mullets. It’s all about high output pet liter, those always make the best noises, think about what a sport bike sounds like.

pragmatryst
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]

I’ll bet this comes in quite handy when your 5’2” trophy wife has previously adjusted the passenger seat to within inches of the dash board and you subsequently pick up your 5’11” mistress/lingerie model from her spa appointment and she can’t fit into the car but doesn’t want to risk messing up her not-quite-dry French manicure.  As for the name of the feature, a true “gentleman” would never take his goomah for a weekend on the Amalfi Coast with a busted mani/pedi, so I think the moniker works.

retro chic
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]

O god, where *my* mind is at: At first I thought “gentleman function” meant some ball-massager, or on-board urinal so 750i/$100K+ “gents” wouldn’t have to pee against walls at 2:15 am. Oops.

It’s a Euro car: “gentleman”-culture is bigger over there. I guess it doesn’t bother me, given the luxury line.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]

Another thing that bugs me is that they use the ‘i’ in the 750 when the damn thing doesn’t have an inline engine! It’s in a v configuration! WTF holy monikers batman!

Lilypie
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]

They should’ve called it the old lady function - my mom can’t find those controls on the side of the passenger seat for all she’s worth.  It would be a lot easier if I could adjust it for her!

retro chic
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]

@pragmatryst: I like your explanation – better. Explains a lot. And the seat-forward function accommodates the club girls’ party in the back, I suppose?

pragmatryst
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]

@retro chic: “And the seat-forward function accommodates the club girls’ party in the back, I suppose?”

Absolutely.  After all, club girls are a highly evolved subset of performance artist who generously spread joy to well-heeled benefactors the world over by performing their mystical wiggle dance in Lycra blend micro-mini cocktail dresses for little more than a bump or two of quality product and a half dozen rounds of vodka gimlets.  The least a true gentleman can do is provide them ample room to ply their craft.

ahw
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]

I think it should be called the chauffeur’s function too—I understand that the 750i is more often driven by men, just because that is the target audience, but BMW is going to get a bunch of women angry at them and unwilling to buy any BMW (or even, *gasp* Mini Cooper) just because of this.  Not the best idea from a publicist’s POV.

From a personal standpoint, I’m not too excited about a car telling me that I’m a gentleman.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]

@ahw: At least you know that BWM owns Mini.

ahw
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse Yes, BWM…:-P

And, no, I don’t think it turns the massage function on.  I read that somewhere but now I forget where.

retro chic
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 07:20 pm: [report]

@pragmatryst: Oh, yes… spreading joy – that’s it. I’m sure BMW is working that into their campaign *right* now! Your screen name is quite revealing of your expertise in this very topic I see…

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 07:29 pm: [report]

@retro chic: Ahem.

“Three bitches in the back of the ride
Suckin dick ‘til they’re satisfied
Fo’ bitches in the back of the ride
Suckin titties ‘til they satisfied
I got, five bitches in the back of the ride
They ass pokin from the back of they thighs
As I say, six bitches in the back of the ride
Eatin pussy ‘til they satisfied, c’mon”

I’m not sure how much is going to get past our glorious censors, but I’ll try anyway.

retro chic
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 09:20 pm: [report]

Oh good lord, Cheese. That’s… quite a knack for spontaneously breaking into ad-jingles about backseat limo indiscretions. Call BMW’s ad reps immediately – they want to hear from *you!*

Trixie Firecracker
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 06:22 pm: [report]

BMW introduced the “Gentleman Function” to compete with the Mercedes-Benz S500’s “Bangkok Ladyboy-Tronic*” function but unfortunately they failed because I think they missed the point. Cars like this are supposed to help guys with insecure egos get laid easily. “Gentleman Function” sounds like something that would dispense contraceptives and pillows in the back seat of the roomy 750i (or roomier 750Li) to make it more conducive to “activities with the ladies.” If it only adjusts the passenger seat, it is not going to help Mr. 750i get laid.

*“Bangkok Ladyboy-Tronic” is what TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson referred to the Mercedes-Benz S500’s massage seats as in Series 8, Episode 4.

ahw
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 06:40 pm: [report]

zomg.  I am so glad somebody else who reads the Frisky watches Top Gear!!  <3

Trixie Firecracker
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]

I live for not-really-legal Youtube uploads of Top Gear episodes the day after the come out!Actually, I forgot to state in my previous comment that it was FROM Top Gear, oops. Speaking of Top Gear, I wonder what Jeremy Clarkson would say about the 750i’s “Gentleman Function”...

“and now let’s do the news. BMW has recently introduced a function on the 75i. It’s called….‘the Gentleman Function’ folks, what do we think it does?” I think Jeremy, James, and Richard would have a field day with that one.