Beauty Tips Straight From Mom
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
style
8:30AM, Friday May 8th 2009
No one is more surprised than my family that I write for a beauty and style blog because I was the dirtiest little tomboy in my youth. Dresses? Prissy. Makeup? Prissy. Nail polish? So prissy.
But, try as I might, I couldn’t escape everything grooming-related. I remember how, after a bath, I’d sit on the stool in our old kitchen while Mom would brush detangler through my locks and then blow dry it. I used to complain that the heat from that devil machine was hurting—burning!—my ears and scalp, and Mom would tell me, “It hurts to be beautiful.” I’d say, “But Mooooom, I don’t want to be beautiful!” But I was going to be beautiful, dammit.
So, while my mom’s twisted style advice was that looking attractive might be liable to cause me pain and discomfort— she’s right about stilettos— read on to hear crazy tricks other mommies have taught us over the years. Remember: It doesn’t have to hurt to be beautiful.
“Always wear mascara to the grocery store. You never know who you are going to meet.” —Teresa
(From a Canadian) “When crossing the border to get my first visa, my mom actually suggested that I undo the top button of my shirt. I got the visa!”—Stacia
“My mom always taught me a lady wears pantyhose. As a kid, I just thought she was fussy, especially for Florida. But now that baby is all grown up with thighs that touch, I realize she was just trying to save me from the pain of chafe-age and exposed cellulite. She clearly knows best.”—Sally
- “Never wear cleavage to lunch. It’s tacky.”
- “Put on some lipstick—you’ll look less deathly.”
- “You should always wear a bra. It isn’t healthy not to.”—Taylor
“Hands are the first thing you extend to someone. You don’t want to be shoving a gnarly nubbin at them. So, every week you have to push back your cuticles, even up the edges with a file, and brush on some paint. Now that’s how you look polished!”—Margie
“When I was a teenager, I had really bad acne, and I was really bummed about it. My mom told me to put on a honey mask because I was sweet, and it was good for my skin. I always thought that she was just trying to make me feel better, but I recently read that honey is a natural antiseptic and good for breakouts—that lady was on to something!—Yvette
“It doesn’t matter how good you look if you don’t show up on time.”—Ashley
“My mom always taught me to take off my makeup with a cotton ball and cold cream, not with soap and water. I do this now but with Cetaphil and cotton pads, and I think it helps keeps my skin nice and dewy.”—Rachel
“My mother has always told me ‘Try everything once.’ But when she saw I got a tattoo, she was shocked and said, ‘I didn’t mean that!’”—Kelly
“Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen. And a hat, too. Sure, I look like a freak on the beach next to the Brazilian bikini wearers of the world, but at least my skin won’t burn off my body.”—Rachel
“Go light on the make-up!”—Kim
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writergirl
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
Did anyone else’s mom tell them that the foam rollers don’t hurt and you were making it up?
The poor little girl in the picture reminded me of that. I hated those tings. Torture devices…pure torture.
retro chic
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]
Aww. Jessica, I balked like you. It made sense later.
The lipstick and mascara: forget the grocery store––that’s just mom getting the newspaper at the end of the driveway.
“But, brush it only on the tips for a natural look!”
“Don’t sleep in your panties… you need to breathe!”
“Smile and look neat… boys notice that first.”
“Cleanse and moisturize at night… you don’t want clogged pores.”
“Decide it’s a beautiful day when you open the blinds in the morning”... The best beauty tip of all. Her sunshine brightens my day from wherever she is now.
Thanks, Mama!
becktasm
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
“It’s not the motion of the ocean, it’s the size of the ship, and any woman who tells you otherwise has a husband with a small penis.”
I know it’s not beauty advice, but it’s the only advice she ever gave me that stuck. And she gave it to me when I was 12. My mom should be canonized.
vegdumpling
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
getting married is like buying a car. if you don’t take it for a test drive, how will you know if you like how it handles.
yes, this is advice on why to have premarital sex not beauty but i think it was the best advice she gave me.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
@vegdumpling: Pfft, haha!
Anniekins
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
My mom’s best advice: Makeup is for highlighting your best features and camouflaging your flaws. It is NOT face paint and it shouldn’t be the first thing someone notices about you.
MsLiberal
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
Little nuggets of wisdom drilled into my head over 24 years:
-First impressions are important, so look nice.
-Whether in a relationship or not, try to stay at “fighting weight.” (i.e. skinny, so as to compete with the other bitches out there)
-Having a messy and disgusting apartment is equivalent to birth control…as in you won’t get laid.
-Don’t be a bitch to him at first. Wait 20 years.
-Flirt their pants off.
-Be polite but firm.
-Know how to cook, but use it wisely.
-Stay busy.
-If he won’t treat you with respect, there are always others out there who WILL.
GrandGreen
wrote on May 8 2009 @ 08:56 pm: [report]
makeup:
“keep it light and take it off before you go to bed allways”
Boys:
“Always trust you instincts, always. No matter what, if you looked and thought ‘ew how creepy’ avoid like the plague. Or if you think ‘he’s is so sweet’ then you are most likely right”.
I have fallowed both and plan to fallow the later better.
wolfjinx25
wrote on May 9 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
“fix your face” as in make up otherwise I look like death.
The same thing with the lipstick thing.
Men: “Don’t trust men”