Plucking, Dyeing & Unclogging: Beauty Rituals You Hide From Your Man
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
relationships
8:00AM, Sunday March 1st 2009
You know how it goes: at first you’re mortified to fart around your man and nine months later you guys are chatting it up while you’re on the toilet and he’s in the shower.
But there’s one area of our lives that most women WON’T share with even their hubbies — and that’s our embarrassing beauty rituals that occur behind a locked bathroom door. Are we afraid our boo wouldn’t think we’re sexy if he knew Mother Nature intended us to have a tiny little Steve Buscemi ‘stache? Or is it not the object-of-the-beauty-ritual we are ashamed of, but rather, the act of intimate-parts primping in front of a lover?
Notice that I said some couples keep their beauty rituals a secret; when I asked friends to dish on which beauty rituals embarrassed them enough to cause some plucking-waxing-dyeing covert ops, more than a few friends insisted they share everything with their S.O.
Thirty-eight-year old Gillian in Massachusetts wrote in an email, “I’m not hiding a thing! I would hate to feel like my significant other didn’t love me as is. Which isn’t to say I don’t engage in beauty routines — I do. But I think it’s important for him to know what’s ‘natural’ and what takes effort!”
And 24-year-old Brynn in Australia wrote me to say, “I don’t hide any beauty treatments from my significant other!”
Trust me, I’m the last person to suggest women are only attractive if we are hairless, taut and not gray. But some of us have a few stray hairs on our nipples that look like whiskers on a catfish which need to be tweezed.
And they need to be tweezed IN PRIVATE.
Here are some other beauty rituals women hide from their partners…
“I use that cream hair removal stuff for my upper lip. I’m too chicken to wax there on a regular basis. I hide the cream in a drawer in our bathroom vanity; I don’t think he really goes digging through there.” — Lola, 35
“I don’t love him to see me get in and out of padded bra. I’ve got small boobs, and obvs he’s seen those, as he has also seen the padded bra version of me in clothes. But I just feel sort of lame to stand before him in the bra.” — Brittany, 32
“I pop zits on my face and back, but not at her place, of course.” — Carly, 24
“Maybe three years ago, I had a huge cold sore on my lip and my doc prescribed me Valtrex (the genital herpes medicine) because it makes cold sores go away faster. I’ve kept the unused pills just in case I ever get one again. When my ex stayed at my apartment a couple of weekends ago to watch my cat while I was out of town, he was looking for shampoo in my cabinet and saw the Valtrex bottle. He called me and was all like, ‘Do you have herpes?’ From now on, these will be a hidden item.” — Jenny, 28
“Right before we went on vaycay to the Caribbean, I got eyelash extensions so I wouldn’t have to deal with yucky waterproof mascara. My boyfriend had no idea though he kept commenting how pretty I looked. He thought it was the tan!” — Josefina, 37
“I wax the hair on my TOES, and that is something my boyfriend will NEVER know. He loves my feet and would no doubt be totally grossed out!” — Nicole, 35
“I am desperate to get Juvaderm to fill my deep laugh lines, but can’t figure out how to do it without my boyfriend finding out. The next time he’s out of town, I am so doing it!. — Debra, 28
“I recently got Botox and didn’t tell my boyfriend. I just wanted to see what it was like, and I know he’d tell me I don’t need it. I don’t know if I’ll do it again, but I DON’T feel bad, I mean, how much does he REALLY need to know?” —Michele, 33
“My cellulite cream! While I love the one from Bliss, who wants a jar that says “Fat Girl Slim” on it out in the open? I hide it and pretend it’s moisturizer I’m rubbing on!” — Holly, 26
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titsmagee
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 10:01 am: [report]
Um…it’s probably a good idea for Jenny to tell her bf she has herpes. I guess if they’re using condoms he’ll probably be fine, but still. Wouldn’t we all hate to have “surprise” herpes?
searchingwithin
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
LOL, there certainly are things we don’t want our men to see. No woman really wants a man to know that we are plagued with some things that are perceived as being less than feminine.
miss game
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
Jenny DOESN’T have herpes… that was the point. Not genital herpes anyway.
ClatieK
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]
titsmagee: She has ORAL herpes, not genital. But it’s still a good idea to be open with her BF. Most people have the oral kind, though.
shelleatualive
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]
I dont necessarily hide beauty routines from the BF but once he came over while I was in the midst of a clear pore strip, teeth whitening combo and he was like, “wow babe you look funny.” we laughed it off and it didn’t have any effect on our relationship, but there are some things you just dont do in front of anyone…..
Jessica Wakeman
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 12:44 pm: [report]
searchingwithin: I don’t see it as being “less than feminine”...not to get too Women’s Studies 101 about it, but what is femininity, anyway?
Alison Wonderland
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]
Many of our beauty routines because are based on our own self-confidence. An SO might say, “Oh, your hair/pores/laugh lines, etc. are barely noticable. You don’t have to do that.” And while it’s nice to know that they don’t really care about our weird imperfections, the point is WE do. So we keep these vices a secret because it’s just easier than explaining why we care so much.
writergirl
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
My husband is oblivious. I could stand there buck naked shaving, plucking, waxing, with a mask on and he would just ask if I moved his keys.
retro chic
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]
I’m with writergirl on that one. Shmear and be free, I always say.
But, if one MUST hide rituals or evidence, stash with tampons and such, men never want to go there.
Sidebar: Peeve o’ mine—Most men don’t realize (or care) there’s a big price tag for primping… then they whine about the dinner bill.
eden
wrote on March 1 2009 @ 10:41 pm: [report]
My boyfriend sees me doing most things, including pulling out ingrown hairs and shaving the ol’ fanoir. Its all good… I will always draw the line at pooing, though. 1 person per room when pooing, thanks.
lilo
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 05:31 am: [report]
i think it’s really more about privacy, carving out your own space, than it is about “illusions.” Our bfs know we aren’t perfect, nor are they. But sometimes a girl (or guy) just needs their private time.
allib
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 10:00 am: [report]
My husband has literally seen my insides, and yet I still hide certain beauty rituals from him. I really need to get over that.
Blonde Bomber
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
Hmmm of all the rituals I hide from my BF I wonder what rituals of his own he could be hiding from me?
Humble Bee
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
I always have to run to the bathroom and remove my girdle so I won’t have a Bridgette Jones moment. Now I just don’t wear one if I know I’m going to his place… but its so embarassing to have someone watch you struggle to take that tight thing off. My younger sisters always laugh at me, but they’ll understand one day and I will be the one laughing. :D
LoveTea
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 05:34 am: [report]
Humble Bee, I’m with you on the girdles. Hell, even my corset, as gorgeous as it is with lace and all, it’s awkward when you undo the hooks and out pop the boobs and you have lovely cris-crosses on your back.
I really don’t hide much of my beauty routines from my boyfriend. It’s mostly him coming in the bathroom looking at me and saying ‘why are you doing that? You look fine the way you are.’ I love him for that, but I’ve got say, I relish the chance to scare the roommates with my green face masques.
MissThang
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 06:03 pm: [report]
hate to tell you Jenny, but you do indeed have herpes - it’s the same virus - it’s not the “good kind” vs “the bad kind” - my ex had cold sores but insisted that “it’s not like genital herpes!”
yeah well, after some afternoon delighting, a few days later, I found out the hard way that cold sores can indeed cause herpes in the genital region…
we were both shocked about this when the doctor informed us that yes indeed, YOUR cold sores caused HER genital herpes…
denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, I’m just sayin’...
lawngnome
wrote on March 14 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]
Jenny, miss game and ClatieK - FYI: you CAN get genital herpes from oral herpes. Ask your doctor if you don’t believe me. You are in denial. There are different strains of herpes but they are ALL transferable to the genitals. If she ever went down on him, he probably has it. Check out the CDC’s stats on it - it’s scary as hell… AND I QUOTE: “HSV-1 can cause genital herpes, but it more commonly causes infections of the mouth and lips, so-called “fever blisters.” HSV-1 infection of the genitals can be caused by oral-genital or genital-genital contact with a person who has HSV-1 infection. Genital HSV-1 outbreaks recur less regularly than genital HSV-2 outbreaks.” We CLEARLY need better sex education in school.
Elfette
wrote on March 15 2009 @ 12:24 am: [report]
I think the overarching thing to notice in this discussion of primping (aside from the herpes discussion) is that women are still primping in many ways they did before womens’ liberation. Although it’s understandable to be removing facial hair - even most men shave theirs - what’s up with the girdles and corsets? In addition to short-term effects such as the discomfort of being squeezed, and having compromised oxygen intake, tight corsets and girdles worn to “re-shape” the figure can squeeze the rib cage, lungs and other organs, and can possibly cause health problems involving internal organs after long-term use. For many years, solid evidence has been building that tight, constrictive clothing is a contributing risk factor for some cancers, with the cancer type dependent on which body part was constricted. For example, see the following article on tight undergarments as a contributing factor toward breast cancer: http://www.articlesbase.com/diseases-and-conditions-articles/breast-cancer-clothing-786719.html
I say, “stop oppressing yourselves when dressing yourselves”.
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 10:59 pm: [report]
I’ve let my boyfriend see me taking off/putting on my makeup, wearing a mask, shaving my legs, dying my hair, but I would never let him see me shaving *down there* or going to the bathroom.
emflow
wrote on May 12 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]
No need to jump all over Jenny about oral herpes or tell her she’s in denial. Yes it’s vital to be informed, and yes the virus can transmit from mouth to genitals. But we don’t know what her sexual practices are and frankly that’s none of our business.
Also, I’d argue there’s a big social difference between saying “I have herpes” and “I have cold sores.” The word herpes has a stigma. And part of being informed about herpes is recognizing that stigma and not making the virus into something scarier than it really is.
babychels09
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 06:50 pm: [report]
I don’t let anyone see me when going to the bathroom even though I’ve worked as a Certified Nursing Assistant. Nor do I let anyone see me when I’m putting tampons in or taking them out.
fifi
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 09:28 pm: [report]
Beauty rituals are private moments for me in the sense that they’re like bonding with myself. Having my boyfriend around would be a distraction. I could tell him about it though. What I would keep from him are hygienic rituals, like when I have my period and I have to change pads or clean up! Let’s keep that part a mystery for him…
Arsenic
wrote on June 18 2009 @ 12:39 am: [report]
@eden
Me too! It’s kind of weird, really. Everything else I have no problem with, but pooing with him in the room just squicks me out.