Barbie Was A Naughty Bitch
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
news
11:30AM, Monday March 9th 2009
Today is Barbie’s OFFICIAL 50th Birthday, after many weeks worth of pre-celebration (she always seemed like a party girl…). There’s always going to be debate over the positive and negative effects that Barbie has on little girls, but I think most women would agree that there is one universal truth when it comes to the doll—Barbie was not nearly as wholesome as Mattel intended for her to be. Sarah Haskins writes about objectifying Barbie in The Washington Post, while Hortense over at Jezebel talks about the decapitation phase she went through with her Barbie, Ken, and Skipper dolls. Personally, I used to strip Barbie, Ken, and friends of their clothes and make them hump in various sexual positions, all the while feeling highly sneaky and naughty. With that in mind, I asked some of our Frisky gals what they did with their Barbies besides dressing them up and playing house…
“Actually my favorite was Skipper, and I always felt when playing Skipper that I wanted Ken’s attention. So that would probably explain my tendency to date older men…” —Leonora
“I made Barbie have sex for money and I kept 90% of her pay.” —Wendy
“I stuffed Barbie’s clothes so she looked pregnant, I gave Skipper a boob job with Playdoh. Barbie and Ken were always having sex, but I made her get on top because I thought he’d crush her. My Mrs. Heart grandma was kind of a foxy lady, so I had this story that she had sex with Grandpa Heart and got pregnant even though everyone thought she was too old. Her family wanted her to terminate the baby for health reasons, but she decided to have it anyway. Obviously I saw ‘Father of the Bride 2.’” —Annika
“My cool older cousin, a punk, and I would chop Barbie and Skipper’s hair into mohawks, color it black with markers, give them tattoos and hang them by the necks in little nooses. Kinda dark I guess.” —Erin
“I used to dress Ken up in Barbie’s clothes and then make naked Barbie fight Ken to get them back. ‘Hey, that’s my ballgown, sucker!’ It was very Blacksploitation meets Lucky Chengs.” —Simcha
So tell us—what sordid fantasies did you have while playing with Barbie?
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sunrise
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
My barbies had crazy orgies… lot’s of switching partners halfway through, and all sorts of gymnastic positions (for the barbies with bendable arms and legs). I think there was also some bondage stuff… I’d make weird outfits for them out of masking tape, and sometime the barbies would be bound and gagged and had to come be “rescued” by the ken dolls… my mom told me once that she saw that barbies all taped up and stuff, and was just like, “oh dear…”. Haha but I have absolutely no interest in BDSM now. Guess I got it all out when I was younger?
tabby
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
My Barbie was a one woman USO. She got it on with all of my brother’s big size G.I. Joe dolls and then kicked them out of bed after the sex was done. Barbie did not do sleepovers.
Naneenya
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
My Barbies had sex all the time too - and Ken was a dirty, dirty man.. having sex with Barbie and then her sister, Skipper.
I mean, how could you not make your Barbies have sex? Ken’s hands were formed perfectly to fondle Barbie’s boobs! I don’t think that was a coincidence…
But then again, maybe they were only “second base” Barbies - I mean, Ken always kept his underwear on!
Chelle
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
I was a little more innocent with it. I made Ken and Barbie rub together and *poof* the little Barbie baby would drop out from between them. My cousin and I thought it was hilarious. The Barbies would also beat each other up for various reasons.
Annika Harris
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
@ Naneenya I noticed that about Ken’s hands too and I don’t think it was a coincidence. I remember when the Ken dolls didn’t have permanent underwear and there was this castrated mound of a dick there. I was actually relieved when Mattel put some underwear on that man.
My Brandon Walsh doll was the hot stud in my Barbie world.
LadieBug
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
My cousins and I would have Ken rape Barbie… And we also made them have orgies.
We always had to be careful and be quiet because we didn’t want my uber-religious grandparents to hear us playing… We usually only saw each other at the cottage in the summer time.
lilo
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]
I cut Skipper’s hair off to make her into a boy. She then dated Barbie and her pals.
Arty
wrote on March 9 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]
Kens have underwear now? Mine didn’t. Or, my one Ken didn’t. He was such a pimp.
Also, what happened to the threesome photo?
iamsamkeller
wrote on March 10 2009 @ 07:48 am: [report]
My Barbies were always quite adventurous, whether they wanted to go bungee jumping out the window (with a shoelace for a bungee cord, of course) or they wanted to take a swim in the ocean. Once, one of them got caught in a whirlpool (otherwise known as the pool filter) and all of her hair was cut off trying to save her.
I also remember when we got a videocamera, making our own version of The Real World - Dreamworld. I hope we still have those tapes somewhere.
LaGiulia
wrote on March 14 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]
My sister and I had one Ken, one Todd, twenty-three girls. You may guess the inevitable “Big Love”-style set-ups. We basically took turns having Ken date each of our respective dolls. We also had a piece of paper with all the dolls’ names on it, because we had too many to remember.
I have no idea where our Barbies are now, but I sure hope my sister has a girl at some point in the future. Just to see how she and her friends will work it out :D
bizzy
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 01:18 am: [report]
I made my Barbies get all sexual on each other, meanwhile Ken was washing the minivan so that they could all go camping after sexytime was over.