Diana
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 10:51 am:

Well put! I actually emailed Julia Allison’s commentary to my boyfriend, asking “WHY is this woman a dating columnist?!”

The way I see it, it’s a little ridiculous to hold out just for the sake of holding out, to pretend that you don’t want to sleep with the person when you do. If I’ve been dating someone for 4-5 weeks, you better believe I want to sleep with them! So if you both want to bone, why pretend you don’t?

And if the guy runs in the opposite direction because we slept together “too soon”...well, it takes two, and if he’s the type of guy that thinks I should hold out on purpose, we’ll probably be incompatible in a lot more ways, so it’s better that it ends sooner rather than later!

Reena
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:03 am:

I agree. Terrible advice! I slept with my boyfriend, as you said, two hours after meeting him. It’s been 10 months and I’m still happily sleeping with him whenever I can.

Christiana
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:05 am:

Some of my friends have told me that I should hold out on the sex and even hold out on the kissing, and that somehow that will signal to a guy that I’m relationship material. They’ve blamed my bad luck on my decision to have fun whenever I wanted it. But if a guy likes me, it doesn’t matter when I kiss or sleep with them. Whether we hook up one week or four weeks into it won’t matter. My last real relationship proved this.

Wendy
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:06 am:

Yep, I slept with my boyfriend the night I met him and we’ve been happily together for 2 1/2 years and plan to have a family and spend the rest of our lives together. Julia’s the kind of woman who probably never farts in front of her boyfriend either.

Amelia
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:11 am:

I waited three weeks and many dates (a long time, basically, in Amelia Land) to pork the ex-fiance—look where that got me!

Lynn
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:13 am:

@ Wendy - uh, I don’t fart in front of my boyfriend, in fact I try not to fart in front of anyone because that’s pretty much bad manners.

Kiki T
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:13 am:

Totally! Sex is not a weapon and once the games begin, it sets up a bad foundation. If you sleep with a douche right away, you find out right away. If you really connect, you really connect.

I think of Julia Allison like the NYC version of Phoebe Price, aka Chicken Cutlets.

Amelia
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:16 am:

@Lynn Oh man, I highly recommend you try it. Breaking the fart barrier is a great moment in a relationship, seriously. I mean, it doesn’t have to be farting, but something that really shows your complete comfort around the person.

Amelia
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:16 am:

@Kiki T Whoa, harsh. HAHAHAHA!

Lynn
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:24 am:

@Amelia - haha I get it, I just mean that I am not a fan of farting in front of anyone, even my one true love or my dog, but it has nothing to do with how much I like sex or how early I’ll give it up

Kiki T
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:29 am:

@Amelia don’t ya think?

both are shameless self-promoters that leave people wondering what their qualifications are? In LA, it’s all about movie stars, in NYC, it’s all about media darlings/artists/intellectual-types. They are mirrors of each other. However, PP is much more endearing.

Liz
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:38 am:

I slept with my current boyfriend three hours after meeting him. We’ve now been together for 1 year and 3 months.
Julia Allison is pretty much the last person I’d turn to for dating advice.

Wendy
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 11:50 am:

I live with my boyfriend and I eat a lot of broccoli, so yeah, there are farts. Also, scented candles.

Chris
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 01:10 pm:

@Amelia - sound reasoning here. Also, I applaud your use of the verb ‘pork’ in the comments.

Amelia
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 01:13 pm:

@Chris Work on a sex and relationships long enough and you have to get create with the sexy talk.

HyperSexualGirl
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 01:31 pm:

I agree that this is idiotic advice. I want to know up-front if a guy is a great lover. If not, then I don’t want to waste my time sitting through six or seven dates to be disappointed.

Andrea
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 03:27 pm:

Amen, sister!  The practice of withholding sex is the exact same kind of postfeminist garbage that gives Sarah Palin the idea that her detractors should go to hell.

gillybeans
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 03:47 pm:

I slept with a guy on the first date and we went out for 3 years...but when I accidentally squeaked a toot out (on the street, not even in bed!) in front of him he was grossed out for days. Guys are weird.

abbylyn
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 05:12 pm:

I wholeheartedly agree with sleeping with someone when YOU are comfortable, not when some stupid game or some advice columnist who doesn’t know beans about your life tells you you should.  Sex should always be when you are comfortable - I mean, maybe not position wise, but comfortable with having sex itself.

As far as farting in front of the boyfriend… I have only farted in front of one, and we were together for almost two years before I finally did.  For me, I think the hang-up was actually more emotional - I don’t fart in front of anyone but my family, so to fart in front of him was to admit that I considered him “family” so to speak and kinda took the relationship to a whole new level for me.  Sounds kinda crazy, I know, but in my head, it makes sense.

Lindsay Goldenberg
wrote on October 07 2008 @ 05:48 pm:

I totally agree with you, Amelia.

Playing a game by waiting to sleep with a dude for fear he’ll freak out and think you’re a whore is a stupid 1950’s fantasy.

There are plenty of women who wait MONTHS before sleeping with a guy, only to get dumped by them a week after doing the deed.

There are plenty of women who get married to the dude they thought was a one-night stand.

If a guy is falling for you, it doesn’t matter WHEN you spread you legs for him. if it does, he’s probably not worth your time, anyhow.

There is no steadfast rule: It’s whenever you feel comfortable.

And in regards to the farting...we’ve got an open a-hole policy ‘round my house. There are actually points in the day where I describe my dump to my boyfriend.

I wanna see Julia Allison write about that! beeyatch.

Sayaka
wrote on October 08 2008 @ 04:22 pm:

I love this article, Amelia!  I also love the ladies’ comments!  Go girls!

I do work in a sexuality and intimacy field myself, and I am constantly breaking this kind of stupid game playing both in men and women.  When you like the guy, and you actually want to sleep with him, do it!  If you don’t feel comfortable, or your gut is telling you not to, don’t.  It’s as simple as that, but so many of us fall pray to our fear and mind…

Just as a personal note:  I slept with my first husband on the same day I met him.  Stayed with him for 7.5 years and we are still best friends.
My current husband/ business partner and I slept together in a week, which as really long for both of us.  But, it took that long (seeing each other every single day from breakfast to post dinner) in order to feel totally open and hot with each other. 

In my experience, the more games a girl plays, the more screwed up the relationship is, and will be.  When you begin your relationship from deception and manipulation, where does that take you?? 

Re: farts… This topic is one of my favorites!  I don’t do it in front of anyone except my family, including my husbands.  My first husband taught me to fart (as it is healthy, he said) and created a monster!  My current love and I consider farting and discussion about other bodily functions to be sweet and intimate.  Screwed up?? Maybe… But, it makes us feel great

Sylvie
wrote on October 09 2008 @ 09:17 pm:

yea… I slept with my boyfriend of 3 years on the first night of drunking debaucery.  We had a good time and no regrets.  Its oddly been one of the most healthy relationships that ive ever been in.  We’ve been shackin up for the last 2 years so poo on this julia girl.

Tim
wrote on October 10 2008 @ 01:12 pm:

Hey you kooky broads,

If you really truly like a guy and want to enter into a committed relationship with him, wait one date.  other than that you should feel free to bone on the first date.  I’m really not interested in waiting,

A regular guy that likes girls that like to bone within hours of meeting someone

Belladonna
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 10:27 am:

Are you people serious?! I waited two months before I had sex with my boyfriend because I didn’t want to rush into something. What’s the point of just sleeping with somebody as soon as you meet them? I’ve talked to many guys about this, and they all say the same thing: women who sleep with them too soon lose their interest because if she’s having sex with you on the first date, then most likely, she’s having sex with everybody else.

Waiting solidifies the relationship. I’m glad to hear it all worked out for you, but to tell women to just sleep with guys right when they first meet them is BAD ADVICE.

abbylyn
wrote on October 16 2008 @ 12:32 pm:

@belladonna:  I think people’s issue (at least mine) is that in the article, Allison seems to advocate holding out for the sake of holding out, which really seems like game playing, instead of holding out until you are ready.  If you’re not ready for two months, then great, that works for you.  If you’re ready on the first date and that works for you, great then too.  Sex should be about what the two (or more, I guess) consenting adults participating want, not what norms society has placed on them and certainly not the norms that someone who happens to write for a newspaper places on them.

I have noticed about myself, the longer I wait to sleep with a guy the more likely it is I’m considering him as a boyfriend.  If I just want to get laid, then I just want to get laid and I don’t see the point in making pretense about it.  If I’m considering him as a boyfriend, I’m more likely to probe a little deeper first.  Not always the case, but just a trend I’ve noticed with myself.

Will R
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 04:13 am:

A good rule of thumb is to withhold sex until you’ve got the cash in hand.  That’s how the pros do it.

However, a lot of people might say, “He’s wearing a suit, so clearly he’s not going to run out without paying.”

But you don’t know where he got that suit, it could be stolen.