Automatic Online Dating Dealbreakers

silvergurl
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:40 am: [report]

wow.  i feel your pain.  i’m sooooooooooooo over the whole online dating thing.  after some deuche called me “fat” yesterday.  first of all, if i was overweight, it’s not his effing business to put me down in the first place.  but i’m a size 6!  and i’m fit.  and so sue me, because i like to EAT, dammit!  *argh*  anyway.  some of these guys can’t type a freaking sentence…and needless to say, after about the bajillionth “lol,” i’m ready to shoot something.

Riley
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:44 am: [report]

What about MagicStick69 for a screen name?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]

@Riley: Hey! I use that one on other sites. Also HotGuy4U, watch out ladies!

LolaGirl
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:52 am: [report]

seriously, it’s all about the dating services where you can actually meet the people first. pure online sucks.

shannac02
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

Oh, Jesus. Thank you for putting it in writing… Fricking Online dating is just NOT doing it for me. After about the 75th message that said “hey pretty lady, what’s up?” I just deleted the account. Seriously, is that how you speak to all women? I mean, we all know what we’re here for, and you think “what’s up?” is going to get me all hot and bothered. NOPE. Ugh. Such is the single life.

delovely
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:58 am: [report]

What about the guy who sends you several messages because he apparently forgot he’s messaged you before? Also, you didn’t respond to any of them. Idiot.

Then there’s the guy I spoke to ONCE on chat, didn’t care for him and he sent me an email two weeks later telling me he met someone and “it wasn’t that you weren’t interesting.” Umm…okay?

tattooed_redhead
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]

Pics of him waving stupid ass gangsta signs or holding a beer.
Names including the words ‘pleasure’ or ‘hot’.
In their profile they specify ‘fit’ or ‘attractive’ women only need apply.

Bonus horror story: today I was supposed to meet a guy that I met online. Yesterday I got an email from him saying there had to be a change of plans - because his GIRLFRIEND was at home sick! (he was going to cook me dinner) Yeah, you read that right. Then he got all fussy when I freaked and said that he told me the first time we were IMing. I told him he must have mixed me up with another chick. Player I can handle, player with a live-in girlfriend is another level altogether. (btw, his profile said single!!)

pinkjellyfish
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:03 am: [report]

I’m loving that picture associated with this article

I Go To 11
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]

How about “sexystudmuffin”? Or anything with the word “crazy”? LMAO at the “fartydogass” name!

I’ve had a few guys advertise on their page that they’re into BDSM. While it’s cool if you’re into that, why do you think that’s a big selling point to strangers? That’s something that should be brought up after a few one-on-one conversations, I feel.

I Go To 11
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]

Oh, here’s an email someone once sent me (even though I specifically stated on my profile that I’m engaged; I keep the profile for taking quizzes) I read this and went, “Seriously???”:

I’m so tired of waiting for love to knock on my door. I want true love in my life, someone that i can talk to all night about anything. someone that if i was a party and there was like 100,000 people there but only one i really do she is my love. I have thought i did find my love but she didn’t loved me back. I was engaged and so happy but after she found out she was preg, it all went down from there. I have tired and tried to work it out but it really over. I could never love her again. she broke my heart and did me wrong so bad. all i ever wanted is to be there for my baby when it gets here but she blows me off like I’m nothing,, so I’m going to be the best father to our child. I know this really sounds cheesey but I want the notebook love, the sleepless in settle love, the lake house love. I know i might never find that kind of love but it would be nice if i did. Well ill tell you a little about myself, I’m 21 and im common guy living a common life, i have 3 dogs, 2 cats and 2 chinchillas. I love to sit under the stars next to a campfire, Love to cuddle when its cold, taking bubble baths. I like taking walks under the moo light, I like to find someone that just want to find the same things as me.

sparklestar
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:33 am: [report]

These are all the criteria I had laid out when I was on the online dating scene! I met and dated a few guys from online dating websites (primarily okcupid.com) and they were ranging from awful to drop dead gorgeous.

Honestly, I have met some good FRIENDS through okcupid which haven’t progressed to more due to various things. A girl always likes to know all of her male friends want to get in her pants. Just me? OK then.

I met one guy who was so busy doing his PhD he didn’t have time for a girlfriend. He was GORGEOUS. He still is GORGEOUS. We met for lunch one time and he had no serious flaws at all… just plain adorable. We’re friends and now he’s training for the army but still… gems like him exist on these websites.

shannac02
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]

@Igoto11:  Walks in the moo light are my fave too! hahahaha

MissMissy
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:35 am: [report]

If I see another photo of a man with his car or motorcycle or making the douchebag face (the pursed lips)... I’m going to scream. I’m newly single (thank gawd) and back in the dating pool again. Wow, these men haven’t changed! I mean that literally. There’s one site that works well for me, and I went back to it. The SAME guys with the SAME pictures are on the site with the SAME text. It’s been a year and a half fellas. UPDATE.

I Go To 11
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]

@shannac02: Haha! That cracked me up too! I also like the “Sleepless in Settle” love.

cvsmith122
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]

WOW.. Good info.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/cvsmith122/

Shoot away i would love to see what you ladies think of my page.

You also have to consider this from a guys perspective. We are tired of seeing photos of you and your cat/dog/nephew Especially the nephew the 1st thing we thing is o god does she have kids.

We understand that you all get close to a million messages a day. All we want is a response of leave me alone or talk to us.

shannac02
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]

I once read a profile that said, and I quote: “Please don’t message me just to tell me I’m gorgeous. Message me something with substance…Oh, and big girls need not apply. Ladies, please go to the gym instead of just hitting the tanning bed, tanned fat is still fat.” And I thought, WOW! I cannot believe this guy is STILL single! What a toolbox. Ah, Oklahoma City Dating!!! YEEHAW!

mschf3
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]

Oh yeah - and another good screen name that it would be wise to pass on…HOTTUBBIN…for cripes’ sake…

Other things that are clues to pass:
1.  All pics are him in a hat or cap. Screams bad hair or bald. Bald is fine, but bald and unhappy about it isn’t.
2.  Pics with kids. Please. Be smart enough to keep your kids’ images off the internet.
3.  ” I love walking in the rain and soft slow kisses”...seriously - this must be cut and pasted by at least 25% of the guys on these sites. STOP.
4.  Snugglers, as in “I love to snuggle”. Really? I like to F**K. I guess we won’t get along.
5.  Combovers.
6.  Pics with clothing that is out of date. Either they have zero fashion sense or the pics are really old - usually the latter.
7. Only face pics, especially when they put “athletic” as their body type. He’s a fatty. No doubt. Just because you played football/basketball in high school 20-30 years ago doesn’t make your build athletic.

I totally agree with shirt off pics, too. It’s creepy.

bumbler
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

I’m sorry things are so tough for you ladies, I’m fortunate enough that I get several emails from Nigerian princes.  Rich Nigerian princes.  Jackpot!

shannac02
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

@bumbler: Your Nigerian princes are totally cheating on you with me!   Sorry to be the one to let you know…

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

@cvsmith122: You just broke the 4th wall.

I Go To 11
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]

How about not just shirtless pics, but the ones where they take a pic of just their “rock-hard” abs in a mirror? Lame!

Riley
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]

@I Go To 11 - What about the pics where I drew my abs on with a sharpie?  Do I get points for those?  I sure have a lot of them.

bumbler
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]

Oh noes! Not my princes!

_jsw_
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]

My main screen name is BigDickPlaya, although I also go by JumboSexyWang (hence the _jsw_*) and iM8kUCum. Unfortunately, I think teh ladiez is afraid to try me out, so I’ll probably go with something less intimidating, even if I must sacrifice some accuracy.

I do feel sorry for those of you using online dating services. Should I need to do so, I’ll share your pain. But thanks for the tips. :o

* No, not really. To any of it. I mean, except that I’m packing heat, if you know what I mean. You do, right? Know what I mean? Because you can always PM me if you don’t and I’ll send pictures to prove it. Srsly. I have glamor shots. My favorite is one where it’s all made up and painted and posed as a tulip in a bouquet of flowers. A big tulip, I mean. And not a wilted one either. It’s a beautiful shot. And then there’s a shot of it without the makeup. You know. Deflowered. Get it? Call me. I’ll show you. Then you’ll get it. Get it? I meant “get it” in the sense of… oh, just call me.

shannac02
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]

@JSW: BAHAHAHAHA Literally just shot water out of my nose!!!! HILARIOUS!

_jsw_
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:49 am: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: Yours is my favorite comment of the day.

juliePS
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]

this is my personal bias, but on sites that let you pick what body type you want your match to have, if a guy only has thin/athletic/average/whatever checked off, I ignore him immediately even though I’m pretty squarely in the ‘average’ category. I dunno, I just think it’s douchey, especially since I’m on the curvier end of ‘average’ myself.

LayD
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]

@I got to 11- that e-mail is hilarious, but also scary.  With people like that out there I think being single isn’t so bad afterall.

I love the pictures that they guys take of themselves in the mirror.  They always have serious faces, are posing, and have the shirt off.  Seriously, you don’t have a friend that can take a picture of you?  You don’t have any photos of you looking like a normal guy, not some self-obssessed, gym addicted, mirror-owning, loner?

_jsw_
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

@shannac02: Thanks. How you doin’?

I do hope, though, that you were drinking water at the time, because otherwise that might indicate a serious medical condition that you should look into.

delovely
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

@cvsmith122: I don’t think pictures with cats/dogs/nephews is something only related to womens’ profiles. Not to mention, it’s just not as bad as a full-front, shirtless iPhone shot in the bathroom. “Oh my god, she might have kids!” v. “Oh my god, he’s a douchebag!”

If anyone, I think women should stop posting half-nekkid pictures themselves. Nothing says “promiscious” like a boob picture with a crowded bar in the background. Both sexes are guilty of bad, psycho profiles/behavior.

sadie
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]

@cvsmith122 I am not big on photos with shades, especially if they are shot indoors. Eyes are the window to the soul right? So let the ladies see ‘em.

You’ve gotta proofread! This grammar and spelling is a train wreck! Outgoing is one word, anything is one word. Sentences end in one period. Lists need commas between each item. All these grammar and spelling issues make your profile a chore to read and make you sound uneducated. Did your high school English teacher let you turn in papers that read like this?

Saying “I like to go out and have a good time” is a waste of text. Everyone likes this unless they are a weirdo, agoraphobic hermit. You should specify what you enjoy doing most.

Don’t tell us you like concerts or movies. Tell us what movies you like the most and what movies you like the most. Those are the details that paint a picture about who you really are. As I read on, I see some of these details are included but I have to do too much reading to get to them. If I were single you’d have lost me in the first paragraph.

B1ll
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]

@mschf3 A few questions:
1. I love to F**k but can I really put that in a profile?
2. I also love to cuddle, walk hand-in hand, kiss and be affectionate in public.  I also know myself well enough that I could never have a serious relationship with any woman that wasn’t affectionate and tactile.  Is it really wrong to say what’s important to me?
3. Why psuedo-names?
4. Sometimes you don’t have a large selection of recent pictures.  If it’s not a large affair/party/event, I don’t go around asking people to take pictures of me.  Sometimes face pics are the only ones available (I don’t wear hats).  No pictures then?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

@sadie: Wow, you actually looked at it.

majicksand
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]

Thank you all for making me appreciate my husband just a little bit more today.  I’ve never tried online dating, and now I’m glad I will never be tempted.

resullins
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]

@CV: Take off the sunglasses. Smile for christ’s sake, proofread… that’s a HUGE one. If someone doesn’t know how to use proper grammar, I won’t even get to the first punctuation mark. Take out that being really sarcastic comment… sarcasm is awesome, promoting it as a skill makes you look like a jackass. Did you REALLY list Dumb a nd Dumber as one of your favorite movies? That’s a big read flag. Stick to stuff that’s at least watchable by the opposite sex!

I met Q online… it was simple though. There was a picture, there was a paragraph, and then there was the quick exchanging of phone numbers. We’ve been together about a year now. I don’t like the ones that make you answer 18 questions about crap that doesn’t matter. Then again, I’m easily annoyed (but that was in my paragraph)!

vtgirl1993
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]

@silvergurl - That sucks! I hope you got up and left immediately after he said that. No wonder this idiot is still single!

As for online dating, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve been using it for a long time now and have met some complete jacka$$es as well as some really nice guys. I haven’t met “the one,” but several of my friends have and that’s why I keep going. I think it’s great for people who have outgrown the bar scene and are incredibly busy. (I work a f/t job and am in grad school, so I don’t have a ton of time to stand around in a bar waiting for men to hit on me.)

My problem isn’t so much with the emails or winks…it’s with the guys when we meet. I’ve had guys show up sweating and nasty straight from the gym. Others have spit food on me and not even said, “Excuse me,” or try to wipe it off. Guys have asked me out, then expected me to pay for everything when they show up. I’ve just seen a lot of men with very little or no manners, which makes me wonder what kind of parents raised them.

What I hate the most are the guys who paw at me all evening or clutch at me for a deep, romantic kiss on the first date…even after I’ve repeatedly asked them NOT to grab at me thrown myself backwards when they’ve tried to embrace me. Last week the man I met on a first date kept trying to hold my hand and kept saying he wanted to kiss me because he thought I was “soooooo beautiful!”—I’m ok and, when I scrub up, might qualify as “lovely, but def not “beautiful.” Anyway, I was polite about everything and mainly ignored his comments, but at the end of the evening he lunged at me saying, “I’m going to kiss you even though you said you didn’t want to.” I leaned back, put my hand up, and told him,“Here’s a bit of advice: when a woman says she doesn’t want to be kissed, then she means it. All my friends complain about how handsy men tend to be early on and how off-putting it is, so why don’t you take my advice and let the lady take the lead when it comes to being touchy-feely or kissing. If she wants to kiss you, then she’ll let you know. If she doesn’t want to just now, then, at least, she won’t dislike you for being all grabsy.” He wasn’t happy w/ me, but, honestly, I don’t care. Maybe he’ll put my advice to work and find a nice woman b/c of it.

cattgirl813
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

In my adventures in the online dating world, I’ve met:

1) A guy who asked me out only to try and get me to join a direct marketing service (read: pyramid scheme) he was in.

2) My ex-husband who, as it turned out, was cheating on me with at least two other women he met (wait for it) via online dating.

3) A guy who said he lived in my city but held a dual citizenship in the country where he was born.  When I asked him what neighborhood he stayed in, he gave me an actual address that was completely different from the city he listed in his profile.  Oh yeah, the address was for a doctor’s office on a major thoroughfare with no residences at all and if you looked up his screen name on Google, you got a link to a hacking tools website.  Turns out he was actually phishing for identification data from prospective dates.  He got kicked off the site I was using.

I wish I were making this stuff up, because it reads as pathetic as it actually is.  Needless to say, I don’t use online dating services any more.

IrishErin
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]

My number one pet peeve/ turnoff (not just romantically - it’s a broad, sweeping generalization) is bad grammar or writing. I can’t abide it. Literally. I have an English degree and am a writer/editor by trade. It’s in my blood. I can’t ignore it.

zoogrrl
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

After my 10 year relationship ended and I felt I was ready to re-enter polite society, I joined eharmony thinking it might be a nice way to get a few dates, test the waters, etc. The VERY FIRST guy I was matched with turned out to be the most wonderful guy ever. We kept it non-exclusive at first, and I dated around, but nobody else measured up. We are like each other’s missing half - it’s unreal. We’ve been together for two years now, and we are still as silly in love as when we first met. I’ve never clicked with someone so instantly!

So, don’t get discouraged. The gems are out there. I found one! And so did he…

Nefret
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 04:34 pm: [report]

Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one continually running across the profiles of the zombie-obsessed!!

and @Iwant - I think that email may have been written by ChiChi of Daisy of Love. Cue crib mobile music lol…

jewelsummer118
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 05:05 pm: [report]

I cannot stand it when guys have pictures of themselves with no shirts on! Even worse when they have a little puny chest! Like, who cares?? I also hate it when they can’t spell (‘skool’ etc)! Get a clue, seriously…

theoldman
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]

DeLovely, the best answer for those who don’t remember is to have had the decency to have sent a “no thank you” the first time.  You set yourself up.  The other thing for all you ladies is remember your manners. If you send a no thank you and he bothers you again he can be kicked off the site. SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN silence is STUPID with the creeps out there.

Don’t make it easy for fraudsters to get your personal information.  Don’t use your initials or DOB or any address you have lived at in your profile name.  Carnegie Mellon has just done a paper on ID theft based on how Social Security systematized the issuing of SSN’s makes it easy for ID thieves.  Add to that the fact that the credit bureaus only require an address match and 7 out of 9 numbers in the SSN to get credit data, too many people put too much data in their profiles.

vtgirl I think we need to match our dates. I had one call me a couple of hours later drunk and complaining that I had not hugged and kissed her good night.

TotallyRidiculous
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]

@CVsmith122 Delovely and Resullins are 100% right.  Those shades are bad, and not in a good way.  I can get over a missed comma here and there but the word “I” should be capitalized, and “outgoing” and “anything” are not two words.  It should say “some friends and I,” not “me and some friends,” and there should really be some punctuation before that clause if you aren’t going to start the sentence with it.  Grammar and punctuation are really the first things that turn me off, but only if they’re really bad.  Sorry, but yours is pretty bad.  But easy to fix!
Also, comparing yourself to Kevin Smith isn’t a good idea.  Kevin Smith is really funny, but he is also kind of the king of losers, and he doesn’t exactly evoke thoughts of good dating experiences.

smilegirl
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 10:28 pm: [report]

I loved this article and all the responses! I just signed myself back up for match.com this week because it at least keeps me “out there” and I can relate to nearly all of this! I hope that there are more posts about online dating… this one seemed to be really popular!

mschf3
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 05:20 am: [report]

@B1ll
Hi! No - it’s not that you can put THAT word in there, but that the “I like to cuddle, walk in the rain, etc ” stuff is said by EVERYONE, or almost. It’s nice to read a profile that someone has taken the time to show what differentiates them from the rest. As far as pics - I know how that goes - I’m always the taker of pics, not the subject. However, when I got back online, I made it a point to get a couple recent, realistic pictures of me.
Make the effort - a good woman is worth it.

I also love the guys that won’t pay for the membership - although I’m sure there are women who do this too - and give you “clues” to try and figure out their email address so you can contact them directly. Wow. So finding a great person to go out with isn’t worth the $39 to be online? That says volumes.

I’ve met some great guys online - don’t get me wrong - but the “red flags” are definitely there. Be creative - try to show who you are - don’t fear rejection by playing it safe or by using pictures that don’t show you as you are. Meeting someone who is 10 years older, 40 lbs heavier, or some other discrepancy between reality and a picture is disappointing, and at times, aggravating. It’s not fair to waste someone’s time. If you lie online, why would anyone want to date you?

tattooed_redhead
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 07:44 am: [report]

Wow, I don’t feel so bad now after reading some of your experiences. I’m not the only jerk magnet out there!! Yay!!! And I must add the grammar/spelling thing to my list of dealbreakers. Not just because I’m a teacher. I hate trying to guess what the guy is trying to say! My friend & I were checking out guys’ pages yesterday - 1 had him holding a beer in all 4 pics, another guy said he was an ‘occasional’ smoker but was holding a cigarette in 2 out of 3 pics, another guy was with girls in every pic but had blocked their faces. Like that helps.
@ _jsw_ - I think I love you. You make me laugh all the time. You may possibly keep me from swearing off men forever. Of course, all men seem fine through the computer. Then you meet them in real life….

vtgirl1993
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 08:23 am: [report]

Another pet peeve of mine are men that say they don’t read…ever! Who cannot find time to at least read the news online or pick up a magazine? Personally, I delete these guys because I love to read, and I think reading means you’re curious about the world and other people.

Oh…what’s up with the guys who post 10 pictures of themselves with their dog or cat? Great—you love animals, but if every picture includes your dog/cat, then does that mean you can never be separated from your pet? I have run into men who are like this. I dated one guy who was so attached to his German Shepherd that our dates could only be three hours because that’s how long the dog could be on her own without needing to go outside to pee. (He also told me how the dog tried to bite his ex-wife several times when it was in the room while he and the wife were having sex. He got pissed that the wife wanted the dog banned from the bedroom. Can we say CRAZY!?!)

BlueVibe
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]

1) Two words: “Wanna chat?”  Um, no—I don’t know about you, but I have other things to do with my day than sit in front of a computer typing monosyllables.  Email me something interesting and well-considered if you’re actually interested.

2) Guys who start out by telling me how beautiful I am.  Okay, to be fair: I’ve got some self-confidence issues with my appearance, but even at that, my profile pics were not “hot”, and starting out by gushing about my appearance sounds really desperate and creepy.

3) Sci-Fi and Fantasy.  It seems that the only men out there who read are Lord of the Rings devotees.  My profile clearly stated “Classics and nonfiction.”  History of Middle Earth does not count.  Sorry—I’m sure there’s good stuff out there in those genres but I just am not interested, and since I do read a lot, and my reading is so connected to other things that interest me, this is going to be a serious roadblock.

JennaS
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

Yah there a lot of dorks on these sites. Luckily, I found lots of cute, cool guys on PassionSearch.com who don’t play up the macho game or devote their lives to Harry Potter and Star Trek.

sarahprotzman
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]

Far away photos when they’re wearing sunglasses = No.

_jsw_
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]

@tattooed_redhead: I think I e-love you too. I enjoy your comments a lot.  I’m also glad you find some of what I write to be entertaining; I really and truly enjoy the break (from what’s going on in my real life) that is The Frisky, and I often wish there was a forum associated with it so the members here - many of whom seem to be really fantastic people - could chat in ways other than replies to articles. I do think there’s a potentially excellent community of members, and I think a forum could bond us more as well as provide revenue to the site (hint hint, Amelia).

And yes, while not everyone is how they appear online, there are quite a few decent guys out there. The key is figuring out how to sort through the chaff, which I guess is what this discussion is all about. From what I’ve seen, which is admittedly pretty little, there are so many people out there who can’t seem to compose a paragraph that is even somewhat grammatically correct and vaguely original that, if a guy can manage to manage that seemingly trivial task, he’s probably worth a shot. I think most people on those sites put less time into their profiles than we do on an average comment here.

Hmmm. Might be a business opportunity… writing online profiles for the language-challenged. But then I’d feel bad for whomever fell for it, so I guess not. But… if you do find some guys near the northeast (I’m in Massachusetts), I’d be willing to vet them for you.

landesign
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]

Yes, I just joined Match. I’ve never seem so many women who like to sail, travel the globe, go out to eat every night and get tickets to all broadway shows.

alphabete
wrote on July 18 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]

I have a profile at OkCupid and probably on my first day really spending any time on my profile whatsoever, I got an IM from this man.

He was a good deal older than I (I’m in my early-mid 30’s [ha!] and he’s in, I believe, his 50’s.) but he seemed to respond to some of the things in my profile so I thought at the least he might be nice to befriend and talk to now and again.

What really happened, however, was a different story.  In the middle of a completely normal talk about life and pets and books and movies, he said to me “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure” I replied, stupidly.

“If we were ever to date and have sex, and you asked me to ejaculate (not the word he used!) inside you and you got pregnant, would you stay with me and raise our baby together?”

*Stunned silence, hasty logging off*

Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t a universe and situation somewhere where that question is completely appropriate to lay on someone you’ve spoken to for perhaps half an hour, but this is not that universe nor was it that situation.  My profile includes *only* looking for new friends and mentions that I am not interested in a relationship or in sex.  This experience and others like it with the site are what make me wonder if guys even READ the profiles before messaging.  I’ve met some interesting conversational partners there but I mostly drop in every month or so for a quiz or fifteen and would be very content to be able to take those without actually having to interact with the other users at all.

landesign
wrote on July 18 2009 @ 06:39 am: [report]

@alphabete. I’m a bit older. But when on Match, which I’ve only been on for a handful of days, I fly by the young lady
winks and emails. Rather someone my own age whose witty and takes care of herself. Sorry you had to experience that
nitwit. But I do appreciate women’s opinions more than most men,I think. Being brought up by a single mom had something to do with it. That’s why I get on this site and converse with all, young and not so young.

_jsw_
wrote on July 18 2009 @ 08:36 am: [report]

@alphabetenoir: I’m a bit appalled by your actions. The poor guy probably spent years isolated by his shyness, and finally, with the advent of the internet and the fortunate occurrence of online access at the movie theater where he is Senior Projectionist, he worked up the courage to not only look at profiles of women but to actually reach out and IM one. Then, after far more conversation that he’d had, overall, ever before with any woman except his mother, he asked a very delicate question, one which not only posited that you were the one to ask him for the gift of his essence but which showed his interest in devoting himself to you and to the child which he would have selflessly given you. He probably already has an icosagon-shaped cradle modeled after his beloved D&D 20-sided die, which he has lovingly crafted out of pizza box cardboard in the event you’d have answered yes.

Instead, you logged off, leaving him alone, rejected, and weeping in the back as Transformers 2 blared in the theater outside, the sounds of battling robots drowning out his rasping sobs. Shame on you! Shame!

On a more serious note - assuming, of course, that one does not consider the poor man’s likely catatonic state to be serious - I’d have to agree that many men likely just spam attention on the off chance that they’ll snag someone. Still, though, I’d have to assume that there are numerous decent men online anyway, such as <b>landdesign<.b> above.

_jsw_
wrote on July 18 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]

*”than he’d had”
** “such as landdesign”

*curses lack of editing capabilities*
*curses lack of proofreading even more*
*realizes he’ll never make it in the rough world of online dating*

tigerstripe
wrote on July 19 2009 @ 05:58 pm: [report]

The worst profile I’ve ever seen was for a young guy, I think his username was “lonelyinPA.”  At one point he wrote, “I’m still a virgin, but maybe one of you ladies will come along soon and change that!”  He was kind of cute in a heartbreaking way, like the abused pets you see on animal cops.  But still, dating dealbreaker.

Online dating can be awesome if you take the time to sort through the dealbreakers, and you have to do that with any method of dating.  I met my current boyfriend on Okcupid, and several of our friends have met their S.O.s there as well.

landesign
wrote on July 19 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]

@jsw. WTF? Have another bag of chips.

landesign
wrote on July 19 2009 @ 06:59 pm: [report]

@jsw.  My bad. I should learn to read everything
thoroughly. Put the chips away.

_jsw_
wrote on July 19 2009 @ 07:02 pm: [report]

@landesign: I was kidding. :o I simply tried to present an alternate possibility, one which I consider to be about as likely as it is that Britney Spears will win a Nobel in Physics.

And I referred to you as an actual potential good guy, not as part of the kidding around. And now that I’m commenting again, another word I messed up was “icosagon”; I meant “icosahedron”. So, really, it was a bit of an awkward comment all around, and now I feel as pathetic as that poor guy in the projectionist’s booth.

_jsw_
wrote on July 19 2009 @ 07:03 pm: [report]

@landesign: No worries. I should learn to refresh before committing a comment.

lushj123
wrote on July 20 2009 @ 06:41 pm: [report]

Here’s one that happened to me last week:

So we had gone on a few dates and he seemed normal but I wasn’t really feeling it but I kept wanting to give him another chance. So I agreed to go to a movie when he called and asked me out. We go for drinks first and as we are leaving the restaurant to drive over to the theater, he sees a girl walking on the sidewalk out my passenger side window and says out loud, “oh, is that a hot girl….oh no its not”. I kid you not! And so I said, “did you really just ask if that girl was hot??” and he responds, “what? its not like i did anything, i’m just looking, arent i allowed to look, jeez. and i told you that im kind of an a$$hole, so you know what you are getting yourself into”. I was 100% over it at this point, but we are still on the way to watch the movie. So we are walking up to the ticket window and he says, “Do you have any money?” I am so bewildered as to why he is asking me this and I tell him I have my card, but thats it. He just says ok. SOO, we walk up to the ticket window and he says “two for the hangover” and the woman tells him the price and he just awkwardly stands there and waits for me to pay!!!!! AHHHH!! The whole date was just a disaster and im never online dating again!

_jsw_
wrote on July 20 2009 @ 07:00 pm: [report]

@lushj123: I don’t think it’s the online aspect that failed you.

DancingGeek
wrote on July 21 2009 @ 06:15 pm: [report]

Hello all- new to the Frisky (well new to commenting anyway) I’m newly single and, quite frankly, terrified of the whole online thing.

@ I go to 11 great screen name!! Did that guy have a va jay jay??  Hell I’m a girly girl and I have more testosterone than that.

@Tigerstripe- I think I saw that listing on the craigslist personals!! (I was really bored and it was really entertaining!)

Heather
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]

@jsw, you are cracking me up! I was almost in tears with the description of the Senior Projectionist. I think I might have went out on a date with that guy. And, oh yeah, I met him online.

@alphabete, I had a similar experience. IM’d with an older guy who obviously didn’t read my profile ... The IM box popped up and he said “Hi.” I responded with “Hello” and he just jumped right in with the creepy ... had I ever been with another woman? Did I want to be? What about two men? ... and it kept going until I said I was probably not the woman for him.

Then HE blocked ME. Apparently, I seem like the stalker type. Who knew?

As for the online thing, I think there’s really very little difference between meeting someone online and meeting someone in a bar ... you have to invest the time to get to know who people really are. And you have to weed through a lot of crap to find the flower (or some other appropriately cheesy metaphor about finding the right person).

Netty
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 05:58 pm: [report]

I think it’s sort of silly to join a dating website and only expect people to be interested in you as a friend. It is a dating site for christ sakes and a meat market. That’s like me going on craigslist and looking for a non-sexual erotic massage.

babiface63
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 06:15 pm: [report]

I found this article, and honestly some of the comments to be very critical and judgemental. What ever happened to loving the quirkiness of someone?

SemperFi
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 07:07 pm: [report]

Since this is about male bashing, I’m not sure I should be posting or not.  I think I will anyway.  I agree with babiface63 that this is very critical and judgmental towards the guys.  Maybe there should be a site for the prim and proper ladies out there (out there is two words.  Am I doing alright?) (alright - one word.  I think I got it). 

I would like to point out that if you are paging someone on one of these sites they do not allow alot of characters to get a proper thought down.  Often times What’s up? How’s it going? Or just Hi, is all you have to start out with.  Your hope is someone responds so you can then respond back with something a tad more substantial. 

I like to read.  I will read just about anything in a pinch.  The thing is nobody cares about that.  I like long walks, holding hands, kissing, telling the one I’m with how special she is, but again nobody really cares about that. 

The on-line dating sites is first visual, then physical, and then maybe, just maybe, the ability to put down a thought into words comes into play.

SemperFi
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 07:34 pm: [report]

My apologies - it should be ‘The on-line dating sites are (not is) first visual, then physical, ...

So tell me what is the first thing you notice?  The picture?  Are you physically attracted?  Or is it the guy looks like a dork, but wtf he can sure write a good email?

I’m wiiling to bet it’s not the good email.

_jsw_
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 08:59 pm: [report]

@babiface63 and @SemperFi:I don’t really see the bashing that the two of you see here. I see it less as “male bashing” and more as “please put forth some effort”, “please avoid cliches and show some of who you are instead”, and “please read what I’ve written to see if there’s at least a chance you’re right for me.” What I see getting bashed are guys who don’t put forth the effort, don’t differentiate themselves, or ignore the interests of the women with whom they try to communicate - or are rude to the women themselves.

It’s not like these are resumes trying to score a job interview, and not like the IMs and emails are like pre-screenings for interviews… except that it’s a lot like that, and people need to be able to represent themselves well.

thahuntr
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]

A few points from one of the guys.. 1) It’s really hard to tell much about a person from an online profile. Most profiles I’ve seen are from one extreme or the other. Either they over promote themselves or they leave too much to the imagination. Give a guy/girl a break and try to look into what they meant, not for the period they put. here.

2)It’s really tough to say “this is who I am” in those stupid profiles. What kind of music do I like?...let see, I have 25,000 songs on my laptop, which one style do I choose?. I like to rock climb, I’m a runner and I play basketball…I’m also 6’0” tall and 150lb soooo am I athletic or slim or skinny? All of the above? Sometimes the correct answer isn’t available.

Finally, I think we are all missing out on some really nice dorks, dweebs and geeks when we immediately dismiss them based on a picture or a love for Klingons. My sister married a geek and he has turned out to be a great guy, wonderful father and good provider. Kinda opened my eyes. Made me think there may be a whole new pond of fish out there. Maybe I haven’t been using the right bait. Maybe….I’d like the other bait if I just gave it a chance.

cutebutnotcocky
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 12:44 am: [report]

I’ve been dating on-line for 9 years, and just gave it up tonight. My subscriptions to the sites have not been renewed. I found it (at first) to be a quick way of connecting with alot women, in lieu of meeting them at bars (I’m 35). I got engaged to a woman I met on-line who was beautiful and classy, and she ended up being bi-polar so I ended the engagement, rather than cheat or go through a divorce that would have been inevitable. I’ve met over 200 women on-line in my 9 years, and I am an expert on the matter. Here is what I have learned in my experiences, not my assumptions. 98% of the women on-line fall into two categories: 1. They fit the stereotype someone would have of a person who would be on-line dating, they are physically undesireable. 2. They seem attractive, and seem to be a catch, but they end up being crazy, completely unavailable, or a serial on-liner, meaning one who just trades e-mails, doesn’t follow up, and you never met them in person, yet they still remain on-line. I won’t be biased here, yes guys can be crazy too, but the percentage of crazy women out in the real world, rises 1,000% when you go on-line. Any man or woman looking for advice, I’d be glad to advise with regards to this.

resullins
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 07:40 am: [report]

@jsw: Holy crap… that’s the first comment I’ve ever seen you make without a little tongue-in-cheek hidden in there somewhere. I like it though, and you’re right on!!! That’s exactly what it is. I like having conversations with people. Real, meaningful, intelligent conversations. And frankly, if you’re not even willing to break out the dictionary to write your online “resume” then how do I know you’re going to be able to carry on your half of the dialogue on a date? It shows laziness and carelessness in general, to me.

And frankly, is has NOTHING to do with gender. There are women on here that right like that, and I skip over their comments. I don’t like making my brain hurt trying to pick out what you’re saying. If you can’t put forth the effort to write properly, then why the hell should I put forth the effort to read it? It’s just common courtesy to me.

@SemperFi: Actually, it’s ‘all right,’ though there are some people that will argue that ‘alright’ is acceptable! No male bashing, just don’t want you to put that on your online dating profile and miss out on Miss Right cause she’s a grammar Nazi… like me.

majicksand
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]

@resullins:  Tecnically, the difference between “alright” and “all right” is the formality of the document.  “Alright” IS perfectly acceptable for informal writing.  My nickname in college among students, professors, and administrators (I was employed by the school as an English tutor while I attended) was grammar princess.  No disrespect, but I am more obsessed with proper grammar than most, and even I consider the “all right” versus “alright” debate ludicrous.

resullins
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:43 am: [report]

@majick: I am of the school of thought that “all right” is always correct, no matter what the document. Though I don’t really care what any one chooses to use. I was just giving him a little crap cause he said we were man-bashing! But you and I will not get into semantics arguments anymore!

majicksand
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

@resullins: All right is always acceptable.  Alright is only acceptable in informal writing.

I just had to needle you a little for ruining semperfi’s spot-on sarcasm.  I promise I was NOT attempting to spark another debate!

Davidseattle
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]

I don’t think you can really dismiss all women or men that you meet online because you say they are crazy/weird. I’ve met just as many people in person that are weirdos as I’ve met online.  Men complain all the women are crazy, well they all are, offline or online.  Women complain all the guys are jerks/dbags, well we all are, offline or not!

I am also a firm believer that the only thing everyone is looking at is the photo.  You can have the worlds most interesting profile, but if you look like Cyrano it’s just not going to happen (That’s life!).  This is true for both guys and girls.  If Brad Pit messaged you and violated every rule above you would still go out with him.

resullins
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]

@David: I have to say from personal experience that the last point you made is completely false! I’ve had some extraordinarily good-looking guys message me online, but the very second they use the words ‘ur,’ ‘cum’ (instead of come), or ‘y’ I delete the hell out of them! And frankly, I find it offensive that you think all people are that shallow! I met my fiance online, and it took me a lot of sleazes, a few bars, and a lot of the guys I described above before I found Q. But I waited, and found one that’s both good-looking AND intelligent!

Davidseattle
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

@resullins: It’s not shallow to want to be with someone who is good looking, and that’s what you did anyway (note how you mentioned he was “good looking”).  If your boyfriend looked like Gilbert Godfried you would have never talked to him.

I should clarify that I’m not saying that you will find “the one” just based off looks, but your looks are the first deal breaker everyone will look for.

resullins
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 01:04 pm: [report]

If Brad Pit messaged you and violated every rule above you would still go out with him.

That’s the part that I’m saying is shallow. I wouldn’t. I said that someone has to have both intelligence and looks. That’s not shallow… but operating SOLELY on looks is. And I don’t agree that looks are the FIRST deal breaker. The FIRST deal breaker are the things that have already been mentioned here.

blueeyedbaby
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]

Her expertise in online dating is cuz she is socially inept and wierd. She is no dating expert but for online!!!!!!!!!!

_jsw_
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]

@blueeyedbaby: Er, what?

@Phil In Reno:Thank you for that comment. I try to keep my agreeing-with-you percentage down to the single digits, and I was starting to worry after agreeing with the kiddie-porn comments.

_jsw_
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:52 pm: [report]

@Phil In Reno: I don’t see any irony. One topic deals with the exploitation of children vs. overly prudish legal actions against non-exploitative behavior. The other topic is one where I consider women to be individuals who together encompass the entire spectrum of traits for any given subject, whereas you seem to paint them all with the same shallow, gold-digging, easily-fooled-with-the-right-bag-of-tricks brush.

_jsw_
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:53 pm: [report]

@Phil In Reno: I was wrong; you don’t paint them all with the same brush. Some are hot, and some are fat and fugly. But apparently all are shallow bitches.

resullins
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 08:42 am: [report]

@jsw: Thank you. I’m so incredibly glad that there’s a man that reads this blog NOT for the purpose of gathering information to use against the women he hits on against their wills in bars. I am so tired of men that think that all women are out for nothing but a hot sugar-daddy that will buy them whatever they want. I am an intelligent person that requires intellectual, emotional, and physical attraction. This is why people like Phil up there only end up with the bitches… if he treat them all like whores, then the only women that are going to stay around long enough for him to judge are the ones that are too stupid not to care. He digs his own grave and then blames everyone else he can find!

I also agree with @blueeyedbaby: Er, what?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 08:51 am: [report]

@Phil: And that animated .gif is flipping annoying.

_jsw_
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]

@resullins: Thanks, and you’re right in that I’d never use this site to gain leverage over women. I have Men’s Health for that.

@CheeeeEEEEse: And therefore appropriate, no?

resullins
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]

@jsw: Try AskMen.com, same thing, less pictures of guys without their shirts on. (Unless of course you’re into that sort of thing, in which case disregard my suggestion )

And yes… tres appropriate!

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]

@jsw: If he’s going for that “annoying jerk” sense of purpose, otherwise it distracts me from reading.

Get Real
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]

So princess Epstein and clones, how highly do you value your delusionally desirable derriere, oh you on high?  Nothing less that a 2 or 3 pound princess cut no doubt!  Get over yourselves!!
I too found a wonderful woman on eHarmony!  She’s an angel in my life and none of the would be sophisticated/discriminating superficiality so reeking from your deal breaker mentality.  My wife’s down to earth, honest, sweet, sexy, intelligent, and is everything, even more, that I’d always wanted in my life partner.
Attitude, attitude, attitude…keep being dismissive and superior…look where it’s gotten you!
HELLOOO!

delovely
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 03:17 pm: [report]

@theoldman: So every guy that messages me, that I’m not into, deserves a reply of “No, thank you”?

No, the rules are pretty simple. Respond if you’re interested. Ignore if you aren’t. I don’t expect “No, thank you” replies if I send a message, I just assume no answer = not interested. It’s not that difficult to figure out.

_jsw_
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 03:55 pm: [report]

@Get Real: Nice job of detailing which items in the list you find to be excessively picky.

Get Real
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 05:15 pm: [report]

P.S.  ...no unwritten rules that jerks are guys.

resullins
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 08:21 am: [report]

@Get Real: no one has dictated that this list is solely talking about men. I specifically noted that these deal breakers (at least the ones that I agree with) don’t just apply to online dating. They apply to ALL levels of online communication, no matter who it’s from.

I too met the man of my dreams online. And you know how I did it? I didn’t waste my time talking and making nice with every moron that told me I should “cum out n git wit” him because he was “inteligint, karing, n always listenen to my femails.” (Not joking, found that one online).

I think the point of this whole article is that you SHOULD absolutely look for the things that are important to you. If intelligence is important to you, press ‘ignore’ every time you get someone that writes like the above. If it’s looks, press ‘ignore’ on the brilliant-but-bug-eyed Steve Buscemis of the world. If it’s having the frat boy that never grew up, then all those group photos are probably fine.

And you’re the one being judgemental now… “Attitude, attitude, attitude…keep being dismissive and superior…look where it’s gotten you!” So don’t tell us not to be… that makes you a hypocrite, which is far worse than being judgemental. Because as you’ve just proven, everyone is judgemental to some degree… at least I’m not a hypocrite. And you know where it got me, it got me an intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful man that wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me. So I guess my way isn’t so bad.

Wizzleteats
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]

resullins, sorry but I have to disagree with you.  I admit you’re definitely in the majority when it comes to how people handle online interactions, but I don’t think that makes it “right”. What you’re saying is, in a nutshell, “If you don’t meet my requirements, it’s Ok for me to be rude to you.”  Do I think you’re wrong to ignore the “Yo’ baby..‘sup” insipid one-line emails? Of course not, those guys are tools and nobody is going to say that tools deserve anything more than to be ignored.  However, the “brilliant-but-bug-eyed Steve Buscemis” of the world aren’t sending you those emails - they’re looking carefully at your nominal criteria, seeing that you’re a “match”, and writing thoughtful emails to you about why they thought you’re appealing and why they think you might be interested in them.  If someone is putting a noticeable amount of effort and sincerity into telling you how great they think you are, then the 10 seconds it takes to write a one-line “thanks but no thanks” email is time well spent in my opinion; and it is always well-received in my experience…as I am far enough from a Steve Buscemi that I do get a decent number of women contacting me.

resullins
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]

@Wizzle: I see what you’re saying. But I never said that I would ignore a thoughtful, well written emailf rom someone that genuinely wanted to talk to me. I said that I would ignore people that don’t even want to put the time in to write properly. Intelligence is possibly the most important thing to me… so yes, people that write like they’re texting their high school girlfirends are ignored. if ur gonna tel me that i shood cum out n meet u bcause ur a smart guy that just wunts a shorty that he can treet like a princess…. I’m going to ignore you.

If Steve Buscemi emailed me and told me that he would love to talk, and get to know me… I would never be so callous as to ignore someone that truly disregard someone that put in an effort. You’re misunderstanding.

Wizzleteats
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]

Fair enough - the impression I got was that you pretty much had a blanket policy of non-response.  Chastising comments are hereby retracted . 

Oh, and I’d quit Match a while ago because I’d reached complete burnout (after reading this I started to write a list of deal breakers from a male perspective but it turned into a 10-page vitriol-filled editorial so I didn’t post anything).  Anyway, I’d never heard of OkCupid before stumbling across this article & comments so I decided to give it a shot since it was free.  Anyone with too much time on their hands should feel free to check out my profile and provide constructive criticism.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DevoutBokononist/

resullins
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

@Wizzle: Not a bad profile! You sound intelligent, amusing, and your picture isn’t bad! You sound slightly conceited at times (I am man, I am myth, I am legend), but I certainly would chat with you for a little while, and probably figure out that you weren’t. All-in-all, I don’t see any glaring deal-breakers… so bravo.

Wizzleteats
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]

Thanks - it did occur to me that my intro statement might be misconstrued…honestly I was just trying to come up with a witty catch phrase using their Madlibs constraints.  I’ll think of something else to use there as that’s probably a bad foot on which to start off.  The “guns baby” was hopefully intentionally cheezy enough to be clearly a joke…but that was the other comment I thought might be taken the wrong way.  Riding the line between being self-assured and coming across as full of yourself (which I’m not…as I think the various instances of self-deprecation show) is always kind of challenging.

Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to look at it…and respond

Just_a_Gal
wrote on July 29 2009 @ 12:11 am: [report]

@wizzle

I’m recently single, just got back into the online dating scene, and if I was in Philly I’d definitely contact you. Your profile was a pleasure to read and hands down one of the best I’ve ever read at giving a real insight into what makes you, you.

I’m over at plentyoffish.com (criminy I know its free but would somebody fix the technical issues !) and just received, from cowboy1959, “well hey lil’ lady, you sure have pretty blue eyes and an a heckuva figure, howsabout we chat for a bit ?”  Geeeeeeeeeeeesh, do cowpokes (he’s wearing his cowboy hat ON the jetski) like that really exist outside of ol’ westerns ?!

Wizzleteats
wrote on July 29 2009 @ 09:10 pm: [report]

@Just_a_Gal - thanks a lot, I appreciate that.

I’ll see your Cowboy and raise you a Wiccan (quote: “I’m practicing “the Craft”) with a couple of kids.

Also, Resullins I’m eating my words now as in the 2 days I’ve been a member I’ve not had time to even search for anyone in whom I’d be interested because as soon as I log in I get pummeled with long thoughtful emails from obese 49 year old women which I feel obliged to answer.  On the other end of the age range, I have had both a 23-year old AND a 24-year old with zombie fetishes (one with a pic as a zombie, one just mentioned zombies 10 times) email me, so that was uh…interesting?  I guess my dates will all be either early bird specials or at Chuck-E-Cheese.

resullins
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 07:24 am: [report]

@Wizzle: Hee hee… yeah, politeness can only go so far. You’d be blown away at the number of 50 year-old, balding, living-with-their-mothers, Star-Wars-freak, truck-driving a**holes think it’s ok to hit on a 24 yo and then get pissed when I don’t respond with an open invitation.

Oh well, those aren’t terrible words to eat. It could have been worse! Good luck with that!

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 09:04 pm: [report]

This is such a great discussion!  I hope my comments do it justice..No one wants to give anyone a chance if he or she doesn’t look like someone they’d want to get to know better, no matter how nice or smart that person may be.  Why bother? Weezleteats, I hope you won’t hate me for this, but I would not be doing cartwheels for someone who has more hair on their face than they do on their head.  Shallow?  Maybe, but I would just think you were overcompensating. You do have a great smile, so you don’t need the excess fuzz.  Also, I would lose the t’s and maybe put on a nice shirt.  I know what’s the big deal, right?  But trust me, women want a man who can look sharp from time to time.  (Unless, of course, you want to date women who also wear t’s all the time, but that’s up to you.)

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:05 pm: [report]

“ I would not be doing cartwheels for someone who has more hair on their face than they do on their head.”

*crosses self off list of potential suitors for muffintoast*

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:15 pm: [report]

Not so fast, jsw, there is always an exception to be had for men of great wit, such as yourself!

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:21 pm: [report]

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:31 pm: [report]

@muffintoast: Thank you, although your standards for wit need some calibrating.

You’d probably be better off with Wizzleteats, as you’re practically the same age and he’s a pretty good looking guy with a sense of humor and the ability to put words together coherently.

However, you should probably know that he got his nickname because his pec implants were poorly done and make odd sounds when pressed, somewhat like dog squeaky toys. Also, I own a clown car and would let you drive it - once you’d done cartwheels for me, of course.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:34 pm: [report]

@jsw: Yeah, no-go on me. I’m a hideous troll.

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:36 pm: [report]

@jsw: You mustn’t play hard-to-get by passing me off.  That only makes you that much more attractive!

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:38 pm: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: Oh, please. retro chic is all over your comments. So, you know, one of the alpha chics likes you. You’re in, buddy. I’m just trying to make a good impression before I mistakenly post a link to somewhere with pics of me.

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:47 pm: [report]

@muffintoast: It was a false hand-off. I threw in the bit about the squeaky-toy noises [which is completely true unless that turns you on, in which case it’s utterly false but I live near a pet store and have a dog anyway and so could make squeaky noises if that’s what you like] just to make him look bad.

But if it makes me more attractive to suggest other men, then I think you should go for CheeeeEEEEse. He’s a strapping youngster who has more comments here than anyone else - almost a third more than the next highest - so he’s able to commit (at least to a site). Also, the other chicks are hot for him.

But he doesn’t own a clown car.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:56 pm: [report]

@muffintoast: I don’t get offended by someone saying that I don’t appeal to them for whatever reason.  I’ve never heard of a beard as “overcompensating”, and I have it because I think I look better with it although I do have at least one pic up where I’d shaved it.  Having said that- if you’re saying you wouldn’t be interested in me because I’m bald, then that’s one thing.  If you’re saying you wouldn’t be interested in me because you find beards physically unappealing, well, that’s ridiculous. I could walk 20 feet from where I’m sitting, pick up the clippers, and be beard free in 10 seconds.  Willingness to bypass someone who you otherwise found appealing because of something as ephemeral as facial hair is as short-sighted as me bypassing someone I otherwise find appealing because she has on a red shirt.

Also, I’m of two minds about your suggestion that I put up a pic of me looking less slovenly.  As it happens, I do have a pic of me in a suit just prior to going to a wedding (shaved, because I didn’t want to look like a bouncer) but I opted not to put it up because I’m not a guy who dresses up regularly, so why fake the funk?  On the other hand, I can see how it might be worth showing that I *can* clean up when the occasion requires.  I think I’ll take your advice and test it out.

@jsw:  Actually it’s my penis implant that’s problematic - it makes that cartoon-slide-whistle noise every time I get an erection.  In the event that you weren’t already aware:  Wizzleteats is actually a Ren & Stimpy character, famous for “Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!”

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:56 pm: [report]

Thanks, jsw, I was worried.  I usually don’t get handed off that easily.  I see that you’re in already in a relationship which makes you all the more appealing, since that means you’re much less likely to stalk me.  And I do love clown cars.

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:06 pm: [report]

Hey, WizzelTeats, I am so glad I did not offend you, as I hope you would be equally honest with me.  I think smooth skin is sexier.  Just a personal preference.  Would I not date someone because of it?  Probably not if I got to know them first, but here we are talking about having the right bait to draw in the fish to take a closer look, we’re not talking about how to get them into net.  There may be many women who find goatees, beards, etc, sexy.  I am not one of them.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:13 pm: [report]

Ah…I see what you’re saying.  You’d never even get to the point of viewing my profile b/c on the shopping list page you’d be turned off by my hirsute chin. That makes more sense.

It does hide the herpes sores, for what it’s worth.

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]

@Wizzleteats: I agree with the suggestion to have at least one “spiffy pic”. The fact that many of the pics don’t show you dressed up gives the correct impression that you typically don’t go that far, but it’s good to show that you can pull it off. And yes, I know the R&S reference, but I couldn’t very well use that as an insult, so I had to make something up. And I’m sorry about the implant - I understand what that’s like. Ever since my botched penis reduction surgery, it can literally be blown like a clarinet. Woodwind, indeed.

@muffintoast: I’ve averaged 13 comments per day over the 51 days I’ve been commenting here. Even the prolific CheeeeEEEEse averages just 8 per day. So draw your own conclusions on my relationship status. Actually, we can talk about it as we slowly weave down the street while we wave at strangers and toss out candy.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:21 pm: [report]

Online dating dealbreaker: Doing math to artificially enhance the size of your e-peen.

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:24 pm: [report]

@Wizzleteats: You don’t need the beard to hide the herpes sores. Due to a genetic anomaly, my wisdom teeth grow out of my chin (which is actually a bit advantageous in a bar fight). However, instead of a beard, I just strategically hold up a puppy, kitten, or bush baby when I take pics.

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:25 pm: [report]

Oh, WizzleTeats!  You miss my point by a mile..You’re on a website, right?  You and say, 5 million others?  And OK, you have a goatee.  Now I don’t like goatees.  So, let’s pretend I have no idea how charming, sweet, sensitive you are.  Guess what?  The guy on the next page does not have a goatee, so maybe I start there instead.  Yes, I have passed on you for no good reason, for some facial hair.  But what does that tell me?  You are the type of guy who likes facial hair.  I am the type of girl who does not.  Already we do not agree on something.  And what would I look for in a complete stranger?  Having something in common.  Even if it’s only a dislike of facial hair…

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:29 pm: [report]

jsw, cruising with you in your clown car, handing out candy to underpriviledged children and waving at homeless people sounds so romantic…

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:30 pm: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: I should stop. You’re right. So many times, on so many different forums, I’ve dated women after discussing how many posts or comments I had, and they always told me, before we went that far, that I surely had to have an enormous penis because I’d shown off my ability to do division with integers. Obviously, though, my enormous penis has nothing to do with that. But I can see how they’d get the wrong impression.

_jsw_
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:35 pm: [report]

@muffintoast: You’d think so, but those little cars don’t go very fast, and it can get a little scary when you’re hauling ass away from a bunch of hungry homeless people chasing after your candy, especially because the damned cars can’t drive straight. That’s why I’ve started handing out stocks from last year. The kids like drawing on the certificates, and the homeless know they’re worthless.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:38 pm: [report]

@jsw: Nicely done on the Woodwind, I lol’d.

@muffintoast: Erm, I think you’re agreeing with what I said. 

My points:
1.  If the facial hair makes me physically unappealing and you are not clicking on my profile to even find out more, then so be it.

2.  If you’re *looking* at my profile and find me appealing in all other respects except facial hair, but say “No…there’s that dealbreaking facial hair. Guess I need to go back to that clean-shaven polyamorous guy.”, then I think your priorities are off.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:48 pm: [report]

On a procedural note, I put up the suit pic. Well, actually it’s one of those t-shirts with a tuxedo printed on it, but same thing.

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:52 pm: [report]

I hear what you’re saying Wizzleteats, and you have a very valid point.  I would not use me as a prototype, though, because I am merely a browser, not a buyer.  Generally, though, I do not like the clean-cut type or goatee type.  I like a little bit of both, which is probably why I preferred the 5 o’clock shadow look the best.  I really just like the average-Joe kind of guy.  I think you lean to being the goatee type, so I would probably pass on you for that reason alone.  Not being my type isn’t really about facial hair, but more or less what I “think” your type is.  I know it is unfair to stereotype about facial hair, but that’s what people are prone to do to strangers.

muffintoast
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 11:59 pm: [report]

@jsw, That’s OK about the car, just tell me you don’t have a goatee and we’re good to go..

muffintoast
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:08 am: [report]

BTW, hooped earrings and tatoos on your neck are a no-go, too.  Sorry.  Just not happening for me.  I do have to maintain my standards somewhat.  Everyone has their limits..Even Wizzleteats must draw the line somewhere, right?  Wizzleteats, can I call you Teats for short?  I’m getting tired of typing..Speaking of which, I must go to bed.  Work in the AM.  Seaking of which..Teats, you know mentioning that you are unemployed is surely not going to make women knock your door down.  Of course, we all know the economy is bad, but you will not be attractive to those who are seeking a man with a secure future.  You may attract some desperate losers.  Not that it should take away from who you are, but there are just some things you may not want to put out there straight away..you know what I mean?  Just think of it as putting your finest bait in the water..

_jsw_
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:08 am: [report]

@Wizzleteats: The tuxedo tee is perfect. Formal yet not. Comfortable and cool. Appropriate for weddings and pool parties alike. It’s the male equivalent of the LBD. Just make sure the pic isn’t hi-res enough to show off the track marks… I’ll never make that mistake again.

@muffintoast: I don’t have a goatee.

_jsw_
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:18 am: [report]

@muffintoast:I know the “unemployed” bit isn’t a fantastic thing to put in, but it’s honest. I just looked at his profile (you’re the first guy whose online profile I’ve looked at, Wiz… wink, wink). I think it’s exceptional. Again, I’m comparing it against a grand total of zero other such profiles, but I think he comes across as someone who does have a secure future, simply because of how well he has responded to the adversity of the previous year. Someone who bounces back from all of that surely will do well in the years ahead.

muffintoast
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:19 am: [report]

Teats, the pic with the suit may not work.  You don’t look very comfortable in it.  It sort of says, “Yeah, my mom made me wear this to go to a funeral.”  It may not help the cause.  I may have to post some pictures of myself, just so you have equal opportunity to rag on me.  It is only fair! Maybe next week. 

jsw, I will be dreaming of stroking your smooth chin.  Good night!

_jsw_
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:27 am: [report]

@muffintoast: I’ll be dreaming and stroking as well. Good night!

muffintoast
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 12:32 am: [report]

I don’t know, jsw, too much honesty up front, without even an introduction..You should save the boucing back from adversity stories for the first date, I think.  At least at that point you have her staring into your eyes and feeling sorry for your plight.  Then you tell her that you emerged victorious in a better place, and she will admire you for it. That seems to play well on a date, not as well on a message board, I wouldn’t think.  Maybe I am wrong, though…I am being a bit hard on him.  It is very good, overall.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 7 2009 @ 10:56 am: [report]

@jsw: Thanks for the compliments - clearly you’re a man of discerning tastes and were it not for your immense instrument we might have a future together.

@muffintoast: Your comments are amusing in that you’re clearly making wildly inaccurate assumptions about me. Consider this: before our office closed I went on two personal shopper trips with coworkers who were trying to take their interviews to the “next level”, and knew I was knowledgeable on quality suits, shoes, ties, etc. The suit in which you say I look uncomfortable is a Donna Karan Couture suit. I guess I’d probably look equally as uncomfortable in my Armani suit, my Paul Smith suit or my Dolce & Gabbana suit. Admittedly, it’s tough for a guy with a 12” drop to wear a suit well - ideally you have that heroin chic build. I realize the above paragraph makes me sound like an arrogant ass if taken out of context; but my point is I probably know more about dressing well than the Dockers Dude for whom you’re swooning, who’s probably never even heard of a seven-fold tie or a shoe last - it’s just that in normal circumstances I’m more concerned with relaxing and being comfortable than I am with impressing anyone.

Regarding the other comments: I’m going to be blunt, and say that I’m neither unsophisticated nor unaware of what my profile says; and part of the reason that my profile has things such as my employment situation (which you describe somewhat inaccurately) listed is because I’m intentionally trying to passively filter out women such as yourself, who clearly are looking for a list of attributes and a situation rather than a person. You’ll note that jsw is commenting on me as a person, whereas you’re commenting on my current situation. Here’s the thing: situations change, the qualities of the person don’t. Personally, if I see two profiles, one belonging to an obviously intelligent woman who got into hairdressing because she really enjoys it; and one belonging to an obviously less intelligent [currently] successful corporate-ladder climber, I’m taking the former. Why? Because I’m not spending time with her job day-in and day-out, I’m spending time with her, and stupid is stupid. Also, the fact that the ladder-climber has been “successful” to this point doesn’t mean the trend continues.  I’m pretty willing to bet you’d go the other direction in the above example. If that’s what you prefer, then great for you, but I’m looking for someone who is looking for substance in the person, so I actually prefer that you pass me by. I could *easily* spin myself (with complete honesty) in a very positive light if I wanted to do so (e.g. I have a standing offer from my old boss for a job in Manhattan at that same investment bank for a rather whopping salary). Now, maybe I’m being overly harsh and weeding out women who are just cautious, if they knew my full story, would actually find me appealing…but while I am very open-ended in most ways as far as who I’m looking for, I’d prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to weeding out the predatory checkbox queens. Besides, I can’t even imagine how awkward that first date conversation would be.

muffintoast
wrote on August 9 2009 @ 06:25 pm: [report]

Wow, Teats, I don’t even know where to begin!  I agree wholeheartedly that I made several assumptions which may be incorrect.  That’s the nature of personal ads, I suppose.  It’s very difficult to know someone based on reading a one-page website.  Personally, I’ve never responded to one in earnst, so I may be a much harsher critic than someone who actually believes they work. 

That being said, let me say that you are quite wrong in your assumptions about me, as well.  I would not be looking for a guy who spends more money on his clothes than I do.  While Italian suits may appeal to some, they don’t appeal to me.  And I especially dislike loafers, for some reason.  Most of the guys I date are most comfortable in jeans and t’s, as am I, although I try not to judge anyone by what they wear.  However, I would not be thrilled by any guy obsessed with his looks or his clothes.  Hence, I don’t go for guys who look like they spend a lot of time in a gym.  Obviously, there are plenty of women who dig that, so I’m sure that works in your favor in general, as do the suits.  I just thought if you were putting a lot of pictures out there, having some different shots in different styles of clothing would be good, as you can be seen in different situations.  Let’s face it, people can look completely different when they chnage their clothes.

Anyway, I don’t blame you for eliminating check box queens, but, in my opinion, you want to give people reasons to respond, not an excuse to not respond.  Let’s face it, it’s so much easier to just click “next”, than it is to respond to these things.  That’s only my opnion, and it may not count for much, since, like I said, I’m not a believer in personal ads, so take it for what it’s worth!

I hope it goes well for you. I wish you much luck!!

kad
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 06:04 am: [report]

On the off chance that this thread isn’t dead, let me drop this little story on you.

First things first.  I met someone playing a game online.  Her best friend said I was a geek (not that there is anything wrong with that   )  but really she didn’t mean it in a bad way.  An educated man with sometimes awkward social graces, I hated the race to sex.  Please understand that for many years, I didn’t have to try to pick up women.  They picked me up.  Yes, they did.  Maybe I lost out on the whole experience of learning the art (and disappointment) of ‘picking up’ a woman.  The simple truth is that I never had to learn it, and even now I don’t know why.

It was over two and a half years ago that I met Christina, and for some reason we got along well.  We always understood each other with far less words than one would think are needed between strangers.

I stopped playing the game, but kept her contact information. Oddly, she did the same.  We didn’t talk a lot.  It was generally emails every few weeks.  When we first met she was in a relationship with someone who also played the game.

On my end, two computers, a couple of hard crashes (out of which I still salvaged those few bits of data that were important to me), and then one day we started chatting on Yahoo.

I had just been laid off, and Christina was starting a new job and temporarily living with her dad while she looked for a place in Houston.  Talk about a mutual crossroads.

During one conversation, we exchanged numbers.  I called her and fell in love.

It’s odd really, how she keeps stealing the thoughts from my head before I can say them.  She accuses me of the same thing.  She was first to mention it.

In 9 days I will be picking her up at the airport.  To meet in person for the first time.  We have shared pics of course, and I helped her Dad do a dryer repair long distance (thank god nobody was electrocuted).  His first comment to Christina was:  “Is he a Yankee?”  I laughed my ass off but she calmly said: “No Daddy, he’s from further north.”

I had to find my love 1200 miles away, and everything she wants is something I want.  What we want is pretty straightforward: A home with a porch, a little land, a garden, to argue about history (she has a History Degree and I have a Poli-Sci with History minor), to camp for days on end, walk in the woods, watch the sun set.  Maybe, even, have a child, god willing.  Time is limited since I am 40 and she is 38.  I don’t want to be a senior citizen with a kid in high school, and neither does Christina.

We are going to get married.  For the first time in my life, having experienced serial monogamy and sometimes for years living with the same woman - including two marriage opportunities - I am comfortable knowing that no matter what happens, I have a woman who knows me, who fights with me, who loves me.  We understand each other.  The woman I want is one who is strong, who won’t let me steamroll by accident her wishes or thoughts.

It’s a good feeling.  Men and women here, don’t give up.  Not every boring boob is an ass, but neither every ladder-climber is an insensitive idiot.  Finding a person is more than about just looks.  Sometimes I think people who worry too much about how they look are really in love with themselves.

That said, I love how she looks, how she talks (I’m a sucker for a lady with an accent), how she thinks.

People get caught up in the little details when we look for Mrs. or Mr. Perfect.  I am not perfect.  With imperfections, hers and mine, I am still taking my Texan home.

Wish us luck.  Christina was happy that Okra grows here.  And we may still, just for old time sake, play World of Warcraft again.  A couple of educated country geeks in love.

Imagine that.

majicksand
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]

@Kad: Great story.  I hope it works out for you both.  BTW, I am quite happily married to a self-described “geek” and former WoW addict.  As I am all but computer illiterate, having someone around to fix the “blue screen of death” is fantastic.  Everyone should have a geek.

tk_2009
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

Well, for what it’s worth, I met my wife on Match.com. She was the one who found me, actually I was - sadly - about to give up and cancel my account when she sent me a message. Online dating sites can seem barren, but that’s only because the percentage of morons online is roughly equivalent to the percentage of morons in real life. Believe me when I say that women are no less guilty than men (the girl with only pictures of her horse and no pictures of herself, the girl who listed her jobs as birdwatching and food tasting and was looking for moral and financial support, lolz and high-angle, sad looking facebook profile shots). Of course, my wife had plenty of stories as well (the UPS driver who mentioned his love of steak and red meat every third word and wanted a woman he could treat like his mother - oh and he’s not “into” hitting women, or the guy who claimed to be the director of a myriad of highly successful animated movies, lived in California, was 40 and loved loved loved my wife’s profile (my wife is 26)).

So it’s a crap shoot, but it can work.

Wizzleteats
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

@Kad: That was a good story…well, up to the WoW part.  I was always a DAoC/Warhammer guy myself .

It sounds like you have a nice partnership and balance of power in your relationship, which is (in my opinion) the single most important aspect to success. Lack of respect on either side is a recipe for failure.  It also sounds like you certainly have the right priorities in determining what goes into a successful relationship.

Indeed, I’m not at all saying that I am steering clear of professionals; my point was simply that we don’t live in a meritocracy by any stretch of the imagination and so while I may take a person’s situation into account before getting involved for logistical reasons (and have no issue with women doing the same in my case); I’m not about to judge a person’s intrinsic worth based on their life situation…an attitude which is probably in the minority.  Here is a topical snippet from an email conversation I had with a woman from OKC (very nice - we went on a “date” (tea!) but she is very prim and p.c. and I’m not…so we both realized it wasn’t going to go anywhere romantically since self-editing your personality isn’t a basis for a sound relationship):
——————————————-
(Me)>>..while it is an interview of sorts, it’s not an interview for a job. I’m extremely leery of people who are looking for potentially ephemeral situations or achievement levels rather than an inherent attribute of a person. <<

(Her)Fair enough, although sometimes I think people are just floundering around trying to find a good proxy for the things they care about. It took me a while to figure out that it’s important to me to be with someone with a good work ethic. That’s *generally* (although not always) correlated with paid work and with a good salary. So in some cases I’m sympathetic to what people are trying to do when they shorthand with an achievement or whatnot that they think is “required.”

And in other cases, the ones who are very clear that they are fixated on name-brand colleges or whatever are doing me a big favor, because they’re warning me right away that we’re not a fit!
——————————————-
That’s an attitude I understand and fully endorse.

@tonykuehn:  I swear the long rant I’d initially written but never posted included a mention of that same photo phenomenon you describe, although in my case I said “Sorry ladies, but the ‘B&W head-on-pillow-while-laying-on-bed, with a forlorn expression and a pet/stuffed animal in your arms’ doesn’t make me want to contact you; it makes me think you’re clinically depressed.” 

I also know what you mean about the pics of everything but the person themself - I find a good number of profiles where it’s pics of exotic locales with the woman either not in it at all, or so far away as to be useless.  I mean, it’s nice as a supplement if the site you’re on gives a generous photo allowance, but if I wanted nice scenery shots I’d go to NationalGeographic.com or whatever.  On a related note:  The “I love to travel” statement is ubiquitous and pretty much useless…I mean, how many people *don’t* like to travel if their means permits them to do so?

The top down cell phone pic into mighty cleavage is another common one that sets off a couple of different warning flags for me, although of course I still stare at them a few seconds before moving on .

stanley
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 04:50 pm: [report]

I love on line dating,

I read on the comments here that you ladies don’t believe guys when they put on their profile that they like to cuddle and take long walks by the beach holding hands with their girl, I know that there are guys out there that really mean it; however that guy is not me, I like to #&@$%,  no long walks (who has the time for walks anyway?) no cuddling… may be a little foreplay to get the ladies nice and wet down there is always a good idea, save a little money on the ky jelly if you know what I mean.

One word of advice for you girls, LOSE SOME WEIGHT! Us guys need to have visual stimuli, the expensive perfume is all good, the fine jewelry and clothes is fine, but lose the weight girls, after all you have to take your clothes off sometime, trust me us guy need visual stimuli, there is nothing sexy watching a sperm whale spread eagle in bed, after all that’s all you girls need to do, spread your legs wide open and that’s it, it isn’t that simple for us, we need visual stimuli, otherwise is a no go ladies, it won’t work, trust me I have a big imagination but there is nothing worst than feeling rolls of fat when you are doing it, it just turns a man off, huh, huh not me; that is why I am very specific on my profile, no fuglies, no old ladies, no wrinkles, no fatties, only slim, trim, sexy girls need apply, all the rest please don’t even…

A word of advice for the fellas out there; forget the flowers, loose the chocolate, that’s so nineteen hundreds, step into the new millennium, girls like to be treated like #&@$%, all they want is to be pounded to the pavement, I know many of you think I’m wrong but trust me I tell the girls the way it is from the beginning, it’s all about #&@$%, if they want to cuddle wait until they get home to their husbands or boyfriends or whomever is paying their bills and then cuddle, they want to walk by the beach, forget that #&@$%.  I treat girls like #&@$% and they love me for it, there is a little hoe in every girl it takes the right type of guy to bring it out…and that would be me.
…if there are any girls interested and qualify to get #&@$% by a real man please visit macth.com I’ll be there waiting for you, don’t worry I’ll be easy to spot, I am the real McCoy.
Oh well it seems that we come to the end of this comment, ‘til next time.

love alaways Stan.

kad
wrote on August 29 2009 @ 09:30 am: [report]

Thank you for your voices of support.

Christina and I had an ‘argument’ last night.  It wasn’t our first, and likely will not be our last.

Some of our disputes arise from cultural differences, usually in the way we use words and what they actually mean.

In one way or another, we manage the disputes very well.  I call my lady every morning when she has to go to work.  She has become a permanent thought in my head, and although I know it will not be easy, she is the reason I try.

Without a doubt, I have met the fire that gets me to jump, that gets me to run, and that chases me down the road.

In no uncertain terms, I am in love with my fireball.  She keeps me honest.  8 days until we meet.

I made a joke about our first meeting.  I told Christina that I would find a homeless man and stick a sign in his hands “Loud Texan” (man can she yell).  She told me I would know who she was by watching the only person walking the wrong way.

I told her we could have a Kodak moment then as I chased her.  Christina seemed to like that part of the conversation.  She got really cuddly-sounding actually.

I’ve done the long distance thing before (3 years with a Quebecois) and know what I’m getting in to.  This time, she wants to move here.  Public Health Care is a good plus, among others (hopefully me).  LOL.

resullins
wrote on August 29 2009 @ 10:06 pm: [report]

Hmmm… perhaps Phil has returned to us?

kad
wrote on August 30 2009 @ 06:55 am: [report]

Does Phil live in London, Ontario?

resullins
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 08:02 am: [report]

No no… I was talking about Stanly up there. Phil in Reno was his handle… so I’m assuming he’s in Reno. I hope for your sake he lives as far from you as possible! I’m pretty sure he got kicked off the site… but I’m always on the look-out for him as a new handle!

steventa
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:25 am: [report]

Another dealbreaker while sending a first message is using ALL CAPS. Nothing says on an online dating site like ALL CAPS that I don’t know how to use good netiquetes.

kad
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:36 am: [report]

Meeting someone online can actually work.  I met Christina for the first time in person last Monday.  A day late, but she stayed a day later too.  I took her back to the airport in Toronto yesterday.  It was lonely on the way home and my bed suddenly seemed way too big.

Originally she was just going to come up about once a month, but will fly up here again in two weeks for 5 days, and then 2 weeks after that for Canadian Thanksgiving.  We are very, very compatible, and although I’m not used to someone femininizing my place, I kinda like it.  You know what I mean.  Bath care products, random items of, ah, clothing she left behind (although she has a naughty streak and may have done it on purpose to tease me).

We met 2 and a half years ago, and have had plenty of time to get to know each other, at least via email and telephone and photos, so a lot of the awkwardness wasn’t there when we met at the airport, as well as at home.  The only question both of us had was whether our verbal compatibility would translate into the physical kind.  Yes.  Yes it did.  Yes.

Looks like we’re going forward with our plan to get married in the spring after all….. Christina wants to move up here as soon as possible.

I just wanted to post a happy story to prove to the cynics that it can work.

Now, for the naysayers (who I am not putting down) who think cliches like long walks and sleeping late to cuddle and, um, do other stuff are boring.  It’s good if you are honest that you find that stuff boring.  It’s not for everyone.  Maybe I hope sometimes just because you don’t like it you appreciate sometimes that other people do like that stuff.  I introduced Christina to some of my family and friends, took long walks (showed her some of my favourite country trails), spent time in the kitchen cooking for each other - had fried okra for the first time and even had a chance to pick it fresh with her - and, well, very simple life stuff.

She’s been to a bar, been to lots of other cities.  So what exactly am I going to show her that she hasn’t seen before?

We didn’t meet on a dating site, and maybe that’s the difference.  Maybe it’s because we sort of courted and learned about each other off and on for over two years and it wasn’t forced, but the realization that we could be compatible arrived naturally.  I’m not sure.  Of course, the fact of our ages may have something to do with it.  I am 40, and she is 38.  No kids or other baggage for either of us.  Not even ex’s.

I have come to appreciate Christina’s ability to cut through the #&@$% I tend to use as a defense mechanism and demand a simple answer, while she has come to rely on my ability to think through things quietly and make a decision with some tough choices, even if it means we will be apart longer than either of us would like.  Such as my decision to go back and get a course in a quick and dirty way so I can completely change my career options and afford to bring Christina here and be completely sure I can support her through the process of sponsoring her to emmigrate to Canada.  She could be here today.  But we are adults and have a measure of seasoning that nobody does when they are young.  It could be 6-8 months for her to get the right to work, unless she gets a job offer and can get a work visa.

She likes colder temperatures than I do, which is very odd.  I am always the ‘hot water bottle’ in bed, but she has her own heat.  She likes that without private health care it costs me nothing to visit a doctor.  That her Pomeranian can chase geese, which is hilarious since they are not afraid of him and simply hiss and spread their wings.  He is 5 pounds, they are 20-30 pounds.  He wouldn’t know what to do if he got one.  That my family is just as crazy but loveable as hers.  That I tend to do things for her without having to be asked.  Her fingers were covered in batter the other night, and I just reached over and turned the tap on so she could wash them.  Simple things, really.

She ‘made’ me steal some wildflowers from a conservation area.  Up to my waist in bees and hornets (forget the stream I almost fell into), I got her some flowers.  And then a proper $5 bouquet the next day for our southern-fried dinner.  <chuckles>  She picked which $5 bouquet she wanted herself.  It was the same one I would have picked for her.  We steal each others thoughts all the time.

I do know one thing.  It is possible to meet someone online.  And I love my Texan.  All 5’3” and 110 pounds of her.  The green smiling eyes, slightly narrowed, looking up at me…..

Sorry about the rambling.  I haven’t had a lot of sleep the last few days.

Cheers all.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

@Kad: I’m so glad your first “in-person” with Christina went so well.  Yay for happy endings! (and new beginnings) Good luck to you.

kad
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]

Thank you majick.  And Good luck to us too   I, we, are in love.  It came on slowly, but when it arrived, landed hard.

I love my Texan so much. I feel like I’m going to get all mushy, and apparently real men don’t do that…

This real man fell hard though.  Christina and I said it before, and the truth is now that I have met her, I can no longer imagine my life without her in it.  I’ve loved before, but not like this.  I have had one long distance relationship before that lasted 5 years.  That Christina wants to move here to cooler climes means we have a lifetime for me to learn how to snowboard.  Irony is a Texan teaching a Canuck how to snowboard.

If I don’t talk to her regularly, I feel like I am missing something important.  Morning, noon, and night.  We talk.

At the end of the day, it seems that is what is important.