Are You Single Because Of Where You Live?

canadiancutie
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

I used to think I was cursed to singledom because I live in Toronto, a city where the ratio of impossibly beautiful girls of every ethnicity under the sun to just plain old guys is far, far too high for any girl to be comfortable with. I befriended a girl who moved here from Miami and her first week here she could be heard bemoaning into the phone to her friend back home that there were far too many gorgeous girls here and the guys were just average, nothing special, which makes competition for even the ugly guys pretty damn high. But y’know what? Location has nothing to do with it. When you prioritize finding someone and you really put yourself out there, you WILL, although you’ll have to go through way too many toads first. But I think this is the case for women living ANYWHERE, am I right? You just have to try every avenue there is and don’t turn down an opportunity to go somewhere where you could potentially meet someone compatible.

canadiancutie
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 05:50 pm: [report]

Oh, okay. The article is a city-vs.-suburb thing. Well yes, having so much choice as many young singles in cities do can be paralyzing. But at the end of the day, wouldn’t you rather have options?

jimnist10
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 05:57 pm: [report]

There’s difficutly dating and then there’s New York dating.  Trying to find a guy in this town who is interested in more than a few dates is IMPOSSIBLE.  When I was single, I did Match.com, met guys randomly, dated guys from work, and the reality is that all they either weren’t “long-term” material OR they dumped me after a few dates because they wanted to “see what else was out there”. No kidding.  Even the guys I “dated” for longer than a few weeks were extremely explicit about not wanting to “settle down” and didn’t like the idea of “commitment”. Or they’d just tell me I wasn’t “good enough”. I consider myself lucky becuase I met my current bf through a friend, but how sad is the state of dating affairs in NYC that I’d rather have a long-distance relationship with someone in Germany with little hope of us ever living in the same country unless one of us gives up their job than try my hand again at dating in New York?  It’s this city, sad but true.  My bff from college lived here for a year with me after college and went on exactly ZERO dates.  She moves home to Virginia and meets her now-husband within six months of moving home.  Another friend was also living at home on Long Island and went on ZERO dates. Then she moved to DC and met a guy she dated for 2 years. After they broke up, she met ANOTHER guy who she’s been dating for the last 2 years and will probably marry.  In contrast, I have a friend who’s been living in Brooklyn since we graduated college 6 and half years ago, and it’s been nothing but a string of crappy guys for her, some who are only dating her for sex or others who “don’t want to commit”. I don’t think she’s dated any one longer than 3 months. Ugh, the closer we get to 30, the less easy it is because we see men our own age wanting to date 22 year olds.  It’s so discouraging and depressing.

freepeople1986
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 09:05 pm: [report]

New York is it’s own universe and cannot possible be grouped in with other places.

New York is about having it all, whereas in places like Miami and LA, you can get away with being beautiful but dumb as rocks.  In Boston, you can get away with being incredibly intelligent but not a 10. In New York, you truly need to be everything.

apple_pie
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 09:34 pm: [report]

RE: canadiancutie
I agreed! I went into University in Toronto this year thinking I will find a better guy than I would have in high school only to realize there were too many boring guys.

Worst of all, I’m on the average looking scale (even being Asian) and can’t compete with taller girls who have brighter eyes or other Asian girls that can afford to wear more make up and better clothes. =(

P.S I’ve been talking to a cute guy in class…but he might be gay…he showed a few signs. *sigh*

=(

Lilypie
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 11:01 pm: [report]

It’s certainly not the only reason to blame for my singledom, but living deep in the ‘burbs doesn’t help my cause.

C.Munro
wrote on October 25 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]

Where I live is certainly the largest reason I’m single right now, but not the only one.  Words cannot describe the intensity of my hatred for Dallas.  Even if the dating scene here weren’t comprised entirely of people for whom I’ve little but disdain, I still wouldn’t date here because I don’t want to take even the slightest chance of meeting someone who might convince me to stay in this culturally vacuous wasteland.  I shall remain single as long as I live here, as I refuse to even consider being anything else in this rotten place. 

But then again, living in Austin, a city I loved, I was single most of the time too.  For different reasons, but single nonetheless.  There were far more women who were my type in Austin, so dating options were plentiful and just going out for a beer didn’t fill me with raging contempt for my fellow man as it does here.  But dating was also pretty shallow there, more a series of fun sexual encounters and a lot of hanging out.  A good time, sure, but had I been looking for “the one” down there I’m fairly sure I’d have been disappointed. 

Ultimately, though, I’d probably be single anywhere.  I like being single.  I’m good at it.  The real question for me is what city will I be happiest to live in while single.

Asta
wrote on October 25 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]

I live in College Station- here for grad school- its a place where being a single girl over the age of 21 and having my #&@$% together is like a 4-letter word for guys.

@C.Munro: I’m from Dallas, and went to undergrad in Austin. I always found Austin fun but most people I met had the attitude of not wanting to settle down. You should give Dallas another try! There are so many neighborhoods and places to meet people- just go outside your comfort zone.

C.Munro
wrote on October 25 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]

@Asta:  Actually, I’ve spent close to 20 years of my life in the Plano-Addison-Carrollton area.  With that came several years worth of playing in Deep Ellum clubs and hanging out in Greenville and Lakewood bars.  Frankly, I despise the entire area, and don’t want to spend a single minute longer here. 

Austin and its casual nature worked well for me.  It’s not that I’m completely opposed to settling down, but I am opposed to meeting women who are dead-set on settling down.  I can’t help but notice the word “settle” in the phrase “settling down,” because it seems what most people do.  So that whole “have to be married by age XX” mentality is a huge turn-off.  I don’t want to be an item to be crossed off on the contrived checklist that passes for someone else’s life. 

I will be in love or I will be alone.  No compromises.  Either one is OK with me.

tattooed_redhead
wrote on October 25 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]

I live in an area of Ontario known as ‘cottage country’, and meeting men here is impossible! There are basically 3 types of men: the ones who moved up here (like me), but brought their wives with them, and the ones who grew up here but married their high school sweethearts. The ones who are my age (late 30s) and are still single? There’s a reason for it! It’s totally stereotypical, but the single guys in their 30s and 40s up here are uneducated, snaggle-toothed, mullet wearing, beer swilling hicks.
But I love it up here, so I stay. I don’t need a man in my life that desperately that I’d leave just to get one.

Perceptible
wrote on October 25 2009 @ 07:08 pm: [report]

Are they counting everyone who’s not married as single? I think more people are staying in long term relationships that are as good as married, but without the paper. I wonder where they fall in this study…

mokti
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]

Not being a New Yorker, I cannot comment there… I live in the southwest where we have 100k people in an area the size of New York STATE.

The only think I can comment on HERE is that it seems… note: SEEMS… like all the nifty single folk move away and anyone interesting who remains is married with kids because they chose the area to settle down.

Personally, I think the state of being single and sensible (as opposed to say club hopping GURNers), leads all of us to find some aspect of our location unappealing when it comes to attracting a mate. Else we’d be with someone and not single, no?

thierry3
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]

God yes…why do I keep picking places where their is either a high concentration of gay men OR transient singles…I have lived in San Francisco, NYC, Paris and now DC (I don’t even want to date here)...

canadiancutie
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 11:32 pm: [report]

@ apple_pie, yeah, going clubbing here for example can be a nightmare. The girls are all leggy 10s and the guys are mostly ugly. You REALLY have to stand out to get any attention. lol

_jsw_
wrote on October 26 2009 @ 11:52 pm: [report]

*plans trip to canadiancutie‘s neighborhood*

Kati-Anne
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:02 am: [report]

Forgive me for a moment but: What what, Ontario represent!
I’m going to school in northish Ontario where there are no men I am remotely interested in. I have seen many a mullet and not enough teeth here, and there are a lot of dudes my age writing child support cheques, not that I’m judging, I’m just not ready to deal with that in my life. My home town is a much bigger city with a better selection, however, I’m still single. I just have to have my fun whenever I’m back home, so it’s not so bad

tattooed_redhead
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 10:57 pm: [report]

LOL @ Kati-Anne - where are you? You could be in my back yard!