Are You One Of These “Not Hot” Women?
Posted by: Nina Carbone
Filed in:
guys
1:30PM, Tuesday July 7th 2009
Today, Glamour‘s know-it-all guy-about-relationships, Jake, thinks us gals put on certain acts to attract men. Now, I’m willing to cop to having tried out a few flirting tactics here and there—but to me, morphing into a girl I’m not, just to snag a dude, was never in the cards. How freaking exhausting. It’s hard enough being me sometimes, why the hell would I try to be “outgoing-dancing-on-the-bar-because-I’m-sooooo-fun” me? Or “that-should-have-been-a-foul-go-Celtics” me? I just don’t think most of us out there are that contrived in our date-me ploys. And if you are pulling this BS, well, you ain’t fooling anyone, most of all the male species (or this Jake character and his bros). What do you think of these five ladies? My two cents are following his “sage” words…
Women who are always dancing on the bar
“This is a metaphor, people. Think of it this way. If a woman dances on the bar once in a while, after three shots of tequila or a break-up or some jackass dares her to—that kind of behavior is hot. But when you’re talking about the kind of woman who always dances on bars, who’d dance on the bar at an airport Chili’s, who will do the equivalent of dancing on a bar whenever possible… well there’s just something look-at-me about that kind of behavior that isn’t that hot.”
I can’t say I’ve ever met a girl who is, at 5 p.m., way before her first shot of woo-whoo-Jager, predicting a bar dance. Call me naive. The exceptions would be: Strippers, those girls who starred in “Coyote Ugly.” Any girl worth her salt in flirting knows dancing on the bar only attracts attention from the guys you…don’t want attention from. And same goes for any of the other look-at-me things to which he’s referring.
Women Who Are Just One of the Guys (Even Though They’re Not)
“You know the woman who always talks about how she just loves steak and loves it bloody and brags (a little too loudly) about how much she knows about slugging percentage and bunting? We can see through that. Genuine love of baseball on the other hand? Awesome.”
OK, this I’ll give to him. What’s the worse (and even more pathetically obvious) act? Football season rolls around and, let’s say, the Giants won last year’s Superbowl. Guys head out in packs to sports bars to watch the game. Who appears but the ladies wearing the kids-M sized jersey and drinking something that is not beer blatantly looking for attention (instead of at the flat-screens). If you’re smart, you know you’ll never get any attention while the actual Giants are on the TV. After the game, it’s a different story. But…seriously?
Drunken Seductresses
“A little tipsy? Kinda cute. So drunk you think taking your shirt off at a party is just this side of subtle? Not cute.”
She doesn’t think she’s a seductress of any kind—in fact, if she’s pulling the no shirt move because she’s not thinking at all. Where are her friends to take her home? (And away from you!)
The Braggart
“Strength? Accomplishment? Confidence? All very estimable and sextimable traits. Trying to prove to us how much more impressive her job/income/car/surfing ability is than ours? Pass.”
That’s because no woman could ever, ever, ever be as great as you at anything, right? God forbid. And don’t worry, we’ve already passed, we’re just informing you of our prowess to make a point to ourselves, we’ll be walking away in about 30 seconds. 30, 29, 28…
Neg Ladies
“Who doesn’t like a little sassy conversation? You know, calling us on our BS, telling us our shoes don’t match our belt or that we don’t know as much about Mideast policy as we appear to. But there’s a thin line between sassy and a female Simon Cowell. Being nice isn’t against the law, you know.”
If you can’t take the heat…
[Glamour]
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Riley
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
The Braggart is definitely annoying. When a man does it he is obviously compensating, but when a woman does it he is obviously intimidated by her success?
I like hearing about your job and accomplishments, but when it gets to the point where I’m asked questions just to be interrupted and told that you are way better at that; it gets a little annoying. If you have to try and talk down to someone about your accomplishments to prove a point to anyone, please pass on me; save me the trouble of feigning a bathroom break.
Neg Ladies are the best, I prefer someone who will poke a little fun at someone they have just met. Witty sarcasm and catty b*tch aren’t synonymous though.
joyy
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
Hey, I love my steak rare to extra rare ... but you’d have to put a gun to my head to make me watch any pro sport game in its entirety. Love of raw meat and love of pro sports have absolutely nothing to do with one another. I mean, sushi isn’t manly, and all a rare steak is is beef soooooooshi.
bumbler
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
I must applaud Jake for seeing through the “one of the guys” girls. Most of my male friends are completely blind to this. *Hint* If she wants to hug after every touchdown or hangs over every guy in the group in front of his girlfriend because “she’s just one of the guys” she’s not interested in your sports. Typical modus operandi seems to be they establish themselves as a friend, ratchet up the physical contact and become the shoulder to cry on (clad in lingerie of course) when the boyfriend in the group goes to his guy friends with a girlfriend problem. Disclaimer: Of course not every girl who enjoys typically male pursuits is like this only those who are fake.
I have to say either I live in a nest of them or the bar dancing girl is more common than you would think. I see them everywhere, not necessarily dancing on bars but the type desperate for male attention everytime she goes out. My husband and I call them the wounded impalas. They whine constantly that they never attract good guys but desperation attracts the lions not nice male impalas. Lions can always sense the weak ones in the herd.
Christinaval
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:37 pm: [report]
I have a comment about the “one of the guys” girls. I actually am one of those girls to an extent - I love football. That about it. But I know he fake ones you’re talking about, and my question is, would a guy really even care if it was fake? As long as she acted interested and was hot would it really matter to a dude if she was faking it or not? My answer is no, he wouldn’t care…because at the end of the day a hot girl who even acts like she loves sports would probably be good enough for him! haha, men!
bumbler
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]
Actually in my experience (and only in my experience I don’t presume to speak for everyone’s) the fakers tend not to be all that hot. Hot girls don’t generally seem to have to pretend to be anything, not even nice, to get a guy. They also seem to target men in a relationship. I think they see the platonic friend route as a way to get close to men in a seemingly innocuous way and in the end win him away from the girlfriend (or become the girlfriend on the side) thereby boosting their ego.
Am I the only one who has extensive experience with these girls? My husband’s friends and my husband are avid sports fanatics, nice guys and fairly normal for our generation with a minimum of hang ups. They also tend towards having relationships over hookups. Something in this mixture attracted the fakers like flies to honey especially in college. Maybe I live in an alternate dimension peopled with cliches.
Citygirl_smile
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]
I’m so over Jake. I subscribe to Glamour, and remember when their last “single guy” got hitched. Not even a year later, here we are with this guy crying over Claudia and dissing the behaviors of previous girlfriends?
tattooed_redhead
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 03:48 pm: [report]
I am totally one of the guys - I know more about football than most of the guys I know. And 3 tequilas to get drunk? My guy friends & I are up to 9. (not on a regular basis, of course!) I love my steak. If anything, being one of the guys is a curse because they only see you as one of the guys instead of as a girl! So why would anyone fake it?
GreenAura
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 04:01 pm: [report]
There is also another type of girl that we need to touch on, the “guys first girl”. This is not the same as the “one of the guys girl”. The “guys first girl” will always engage ANY guy over a fellow female. She befriends all of the males in a party without ever talking to another female, even if the guys came with someone. She pours all the guys shots without offering anything to the ladies. She pretends to smoke so she can hang with the guys outside. She touches a little on the “one of the guys girl”, but this girl is much worse. We all know that to be friends with a guy, you should probably make friends with his woman first.
bumbler
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]
100% red flag if a girl comes up to you and your guy at a party and doesn’t even acknowledge your existence. I always make it a point to try and befriend guy friend’s girls and greet them first. Agree completely, Green Aura,
moonblossom
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
Attention seeking, bullshitting, drunken, bragging, jackassery…funny…these are all behaviors I have observed in MEN.
shannooonski
wrote on July 8 2009 @ 02:00 am: [report]
i like the first one.. he likes it when women dance on the bar, but only when HE thinks its appropriate or entertaining! HA!
bogart4017
wrote on July 8 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]
One for the “Dancing on the bar” chick. This is never cute. I used to meet one every Friday night after work. These chicks you never have to worry about taking to breakfast or lunch on Saturday. They are way too sick from drinking. A hung-over woman is never cute.
jojo32
wrote on July 8 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
There is a bar near me where if you get up on the bar to dance they give you a free shot. So, yeah, I’ve done it once or twice. LOL But I’m usually wearing jeans and t-shirt, so it’s not like I’m trying to be all sexy. Oh, as a matter of fact, the last time it happened I was married and my husband was out with me. So trying to pick up a man, no? Trying to get a free shot, hellz yeah.
On the other hand, dancing atop the bar is not the only way to be very obviously attention-seeking. Girls who come to the bar (like, kinda dive-y bar) dressed in those super short dresses and no drawers underneath. Gotta agree w/ Bumbler on that one…they get what they are asking for. Guys who only want *that*.
I dont like a braggart, no matter the sex. It’s annoying for anyone to go on and on about their greatness.
I would love to be dubbed the female Simon Cowell. Hahaha. That would kick @ss!
99girl
wrote on July 9 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
Green Aura hit it on the head. I was just at a party with a girl exactly like that. A ‘guys first girl.’ She blew me off completely, but was nice to every man there, including my husband. She’d strut around me with an obvious “i’m ignoring you” face. I thought it was hilarious. My husband thought I was nuts when I mentioned her behavior ... but at the end of the night, his friend confirmed said behavior without me even mentioning it. Sometimes guys are oblivious to women and their mental games.
Why can’t some women just be normal?
Frederica Bimble
wrote on July 13 2009 @ 06:13 am: [report]
99girl: I’m with you. I’ve seen this behaviour before. It comes from a well of insecurity. Why do I acknowledge the woman first? Because I need to make friends and just about every man I become friends with ends up blurting out that they want more from me or some other tedious statement proving they weren’t really my friend but just “hoping” for something. A friend is a friend.