Are You A Procrasturbater?
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
sex
9:20AM, Thursday October 15th 2009
In this week’s Savage Love column, a guy (for convenience, I’m assuming it was a dude, but it could have been a woman) wrote in saying he’d coined the clever term “procrasturbation” and wanted help getting it into dictionaries. Procrasturbation, he explained, means “to waste time by pleasuring yourself.” He said he wrote Merriam-Webster back in 2004 about having the word included in their dictionary, but was told:
“Your coinage is clever, but I’m afraid that cleverness is not the criterion on which a word is entered into our dictionaries … For ‘procrasturbate’ to be entered, it will need to appear in a number of well-read print sources for a good number of years. When we’ve collected enough citations for the word, we will enter it into our dictionary.”
I happen to like the word, so in an effort to help get it into Merriam-Webster, I’m printing it here. So, what have you, readers? Are you procrasturbators? Do you regularly “waste time by pleasuring yourself”?
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tigerstripe
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 08:26 am: [report]
For sure.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 08:31 am: [report]
I’ve been using this for years. I also practice what I preach.
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:09 am: [report]
Sorry I reacted so late, I was too busy procasturbating under my desk…
retro chic
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:11 am: [report]
Dude, procrastinate means to put off doing something, not to waste time doing it. So nix on the procrastubater dictionary entry.
And Cheese, I doubt anyone would accuse you of putting off that.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
@retro chic: Almost at a terabyte of porn too (More like 800 gigabytes). Squeeee!
SCRMOM
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]
@retro chic: My interpretation of this is that you’re procrastinating getting stuff done by choosing to masturbate instead.
spatula
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]
No I am not. But I just attended my first ‘Slumber Party’ so I think I may start
retro chic
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]
Looovely, Cheese. I’m sure there’s a new dictionary entry in the making for that too.
bethlynn00
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]
@SCRMOM: Yeah I would go with your definition, not that you waste time. He’s never going to get it in the dictionary if it doesn’t make sense. Maybe something like lingerabater, or slackabater, maybe dalliabater, ooh what about lazibonerabater? Something like those might work better.
retro chic
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]
@scrmom: haha, yes, yes, we all know what they want it to say… but doesn’t… really. I want to see more creative and accurate faux-words make Merriam’s. Anyone?
However, for the devil’s advocate that just can’t quit, I always look to the old tried-and-true: masterdebater
majicksand
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]
I prefer to think of everything else as wasting time until I can have sex again. (Alone or otherwise)
Jill
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]
Hell yeah I do. It’s a great way to kill time if you’re bored!
lehcar
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 05:04 pm: [report]
since when is pleasuring yourself a waste of time?
equnsuocha
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 05:12 pm: [report]
Does putting off getting out of bed until your BF and his friend will leave for work so you can pull out the egg vibe count?
troisheures
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 10:26 pm: [report]
In a word, oui.
SamL
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 03:18 am: [report]
There is already a word for this; master-waster!
retro chic
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 03:26 am: [report]
Thank you, SamL! Fianlly. Makes far more sense! Is that in the Oxford?
one tough kitty
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]
absofuckinglutely.
FireballXL5
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]
X2 - I don’t consider pleasuring yourself a waste at all. I like me, personally.
coljack
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 03:51 pm: [report]
Dumbest…phrase…ever…coined. It’s sad that Savage published it. No one masturbates just to kill time.
A more useful phrase to coin, IMO, would be the female equivalent of “Bros before hos” to cover those cases where someone starts dating and ignores her girlfriends, ditches her friends in a bar for some dude, or snakes someone else’s guy. I came up with three:
Chicks before dicks.
Sisters before misters.
Broads before rods.
One of these could actually be used. Procasturbate will die a quick and geeky death. I hope.
DancingGeek
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
ha really it’s not wasting time, it’s very important business!
@FireballXL5- Is your avatar Captain Scarlett???????
snap
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 08:36 pm: [report]
people do too masturbate to waste time and procrastinate!
bittermelon
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]
Yes, yes, yes…all the time. “Procrasturbator” describes it perfectly.
alpikann
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 05:43 pm: [report]
let me tell you a little story about someone who didn’t feel like doing her laundry. first she thought, oh i’ll just watch the scifi channel all day and do laundry on the commercial breaks. then it occurred to her that she actually had to go outside into the rain to get into the laundry room at her apt complex. third thought, i bet there is something more fun i can do that will both give me a fun excuse not to be doing laundry or watching commercials. the mute button was used and i set a world record. laundry was done the next week.
of course people procrastinate by masturbation! they use lots of things to do it but most aren’t as fun.
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:57 pm: [report]
Personally, I’m a promasticator. Often, instead of doing things, I’ll snack.
revivedlady
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:28 pm: [report]
lol waste? I don’t think so.
Sweet Cheeks
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love pleasure and nobody knows what you enjoy more than yourself so as One Tough Kitty said “absofuckinglutely”!
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]
i do it when theres nothing good on tv.
spatula
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]
@coljack: Dolls before balls.
fosjoh
wrote on October 24 2009 @ 10:38 pm: [report]
Anybody who says that have not partaken of this is probably procrasterbating right now!
sophiafaith
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
all this talk is making me think about how to waste my day…DEFINITELY feeding the hole, LOL!
drlesmoore
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]
Procrasterbating is masterbating without a climax. If you reach a climax, it is not wasting time. It is having a good time.
dsedwards12
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]
is it still “procrasterbating” if you consider it a hobby?