Are Social Media Sites Like Twitter And Facebook Making Us Rude?
Posted by: Catherine Strawn
Filed in:
style
1:20PM, Tuesday October 27th 2009
Last week, I had the pleasure of sipping Earl Grey at the Russian Tea Room while listening to Anna Post (Emily’s great-great-granddaughter) and anthropologist Genevieve Bell discuss etiquette as it pertains to technology. The event was hosted by Intel, which just completed a study on tech etiquette that shows that people believe there are unspoken rules when it comes to technology use, but we haven’t been able to agree on what those are.
Anna and Genevieve spoke to these differences in opinion, agreeing that we’re in a transitional period. There’s no clear-cut answer to the question, “Can I use my phone in the bathroom? just yet. Mobile devices and programs, like Facebook and Twitter, are still relatively new, and society needs a little more time to figure out how to be polite about using them. But Anna did share some advice. ...
“Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects one another, you have etiquette,” Anna said. I thought this was an interesting new way to think about things, because it means, for example, that when you’re on your cell phone, you’re interacting with both the person at the other end of the line and those around you. Anna said that since there is so much confusion about the rules of interaction, whenever you’re unsure of how to act, ask yourself, “Is it appropriate right here? Who is around me? Who might be affected by it?”
This brought up a question on the appropriateness of certain Twitter updates and Facebook status updates. Is it appropriate to tweet about a wedding you’re attending? “No!” Anna said. “Who are you tweeting to, the people who aren’t at the wedding.” Oops.
This, to me, was more shocking than the fact that 75 percent feel it’s OK to use a laptop or cell phone in the bathroom. I guess I’ve gotten so used to hearing every single detail about my friends’ lives that it hadn’t occurred to me that by sharing something on Twitter, I might be offending a few of the people who follow me. But it made feelings I’ve had seem justified. While Twitter and Facebook status updates are great for keeping in touch with friends without having to do any work, they also mean everyone knows you’re at a party they weren’t invited to. And a photo album on Facebook that lets you easily share photos from a wedding alerts other college classmates to the fact that they never got an invitation.
Without social networking sites, it would have been possible to avoid offending friends by highlighting how they were left out. If Megan wasn’t at Lucy’s party, you wouldn’t talk about Lucy’s party in front of her. That was common courtesy. Now, everything is everyone’s business.
Anna’s way of thinking has definitely changed how I operate on Twitter. Since the tech etiquette tea, I’ve been more mindful of what I write about, trying not to talk about exclusive events so people don’t read them the wrong way. However, if I try not to exclude or offend anyone, I won’t be able to share anything about my life anymore. But maybe I shouldn’t have told you about the tea since you weren’t invited.
Do you think social media outlets are making us rude? Do you think about who’s going to read a message or see photos when you post them to your blog, Twitter, or Facebook page?
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Humble Bee
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]
I thought that was the whole point, to show off!
I know thats why most of my friends post crap, they put similar to Kim’s Twitters. “Today was the best night ever! party at Cindy’s!” I just laugh it off, because when I see them instead of gushing about how great the party was they start nagging about how fat Cindy looked and the party sucked. I stay thinking, “then why did you put that it was the best night ever?” They just want to make their lives seem exciting. I’m not gonna post every accomplishment or every party I attend, I have more ettiqutte, and I dont care if my life is glamorous. I like to think of myself as a simple person. I enjoy simple things.
cattgirl813
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
“There’s no clear-cut answer to the question, ‘Can I use my phone in the bathroom?’ just yet.” Let me be the first to provide that answer: Don’t. It makes the people in the other stalls feel uncomfortable, the person on the other line can hear you (no matter how hard you try to disguise the sounds), and you’re running the risk of having to fish your phone or Blackberry out of a place a phone or Blackberry was never supposed to go. Tell your caller you’ll need to call back shortly (but spare the caller why you have to go - that’s TMI), and take care of your personal business. Resume your call after you go - but not before you wash your hands. The only call that should take place in the bathroom is the call of nature.
lea322
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
I mostly just can’t stand people having loud phone conversations in public. I’m glad to hear your rash wasn’t an STD, but uhh…could you not talk about it so loud in the middle of Starbucks?
Also, tweeners: Your phone is not a boombox.
conspicuous
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
IMO it really depends on what you choose to say, and how often you update.
I was recently a bridesmaid in a good friend’s wedding. It was a special day for her and I, so of course I posted up tons of pictures. The fact is, even if someone wasn’t invited to the wedding, they already know about it anyway.
What I find to be much more rude about Facebook/Twitter/etc is when people feel the need to post all the time complain about EVERYTHING.
Blah, blah, blah–
Get over yourselves! Your life isn’t all that bad. Try the ‘glass half-full’ mentality for a while. Sheesh!
Riley
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
Maybe I’m just being sour, but who cares? There is 1 out of every 100 status updates that I think “good for them” or something like that. The rest fall under the, “Couldn’t possibly care any less than I already do” category.
I don’t think anyone cares that you partied too hard and work SUCKXXXX or that Jr. dropped a steamy loaf in his diaper.
I liked people better when I knew substantially less about their daily lives.
I Go To 11
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
@ conspicuous: With you on the depressing updates. I’ll see people post stuff like, “FML, when will it be my turn to find love?” or “OMG my life suxx sooo bad.” Why are you trying to invite people to your pity party? It’s even worse if they use song lyrics to announce how much their life bites; this one girl I went to high school with is always bitching about her life and posting random songs (lately she’s been fond of Alicia Keys) to “express her feelings” or whatever. Sometimes I’ll post stuff that’s annoying me, but never make it sound like it’s the worst thing in the entire world, like “The waitress at Chili’s was so rude. People are ALWAYS so mean to me. I’m a nice person, so why, God, why? FML!!!!!” @@ (For the record, I really hate the term “FML”.)
luke15chick
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
I do agree with the idea that if there was an exclusive event, maybe pictures and status’ about it should not be posted. Especially if you know friend x will be upset. It is ok to keep a few things private in your life. If you went to the exclusive event and are lacking in material to post about, write about something you appreciate in life. I do agree there are too many negative complaining posts out there.
dmackie08
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
i agree with humblebee. but this event seemed so interesting…i am jealous i couldn’t come
tabby
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
I do not want to hear you in the public bathroom. Ever. I don’t care if someone is dying, either wait to answer your phone or wait to use the toilet.
This was brought home to me by the following incident. One day while at work I needed to use the ladies room. I work at a community college and a student was on her cell phone while in the bathroom. Myself and several others got stuck in stalls because we were all either too curious or too mortified to interrupt her rant when she starting saying the following into her phone: “Well, I’m pregnant. It’s yours. It’s yours. I said, IT’S YOURS! Who else’s would it be?! It’s yours. It’s yours. It’s yours.” And so on until she walked out still insisting that “it’s yours.” I did not need to know that much about a random student. Shouldn’t that be a private conversation? And she knew there were three other people in the bathroom because she wasn’t even in a stall!
lintilla
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]
Twitter and Facebook haven’t *made* us rude—but they thrive partially because Americans have an existing unused rudeness capacity that social networking allows us to employ to a considerable extent.
Additionally, with the ease of communication granted by these universally-accessible modern technologies, dissemination of rudeness has become more efficient than ever before. Truly, we live in a golden age!