Are Men Intimidated By Independent Women?

effing hickster
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]

Great post. I myself am not afraid of independent women at all, but rather quite drawn to them.

One also has to know the difference between independent and controlling. Just because someone has more money or responsibility outside the relationship doesn’t mean they’re allowed to be the boss, whether they are male or female. A good relationship is a two-way street.

newmakcity
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]

Not the good ones, period. That’s all they had to say.

_jsw_
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]

Having spent far too much time with very dependent women, I have to say that independent women very much appeal to me and do not intimidate me at all. Or rather, the fact that they’re independent doesn’t intimidate me. They might be intimidating in other ways.

Goldfinch86
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 08:10 pm: [report]

@effing hickster, you have it right about controling v. independent. There is the big difference, all I can think of is Jan on the Office yeah she’s independent but more so she is controlling, also very crazy. You can be independent but in no way does that mean being pushy or controlling of your partner which no one, man or woman, likes. Partners should be equal, but for some they would rather have another be in charge or be in charge themselves, as long as you strike a comfortable balance in the relationship you have to do what works for you.

Alexa
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 09:26 pm: [report]

Only the insecure men are intimidated by independent women.  The cool, mature, secure guys aren’t.

Iammina
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 09:36 pm: [report]

Men who like control are usually not attracted to independent women. Controlling men prefer woman who are dependent on them for everything. These men are usually more outgoing and like to be the center of attention. If this type male is also insecure about his relationship with the woman that he is in love with his behavior can become obsessive and even abusive. He sees her independence as a threat and will go to any length to dominate her. Some women are attracted to a strong masculine type of guy who seems protective and caring. This is fine as long as the guy does not become aggressive and loses his cool easily. This personality type goes into rages, verbally abuses or physically abuses his love interest. They never change and will do this through life with various woman unless he murders one and goes to jail. This isn’t love its possession and about meeting their needs. Just remember most men don’t want to hurt the women they love. Love doesn’t hurt while obsession does. (Think OJ Simpson.)

Don’t confuse an independent woman with a controlling woman. Controlling women have all of the above traits as the controlling man.
I think opposites attract. I think that two passive personalities bore each other to death. Two independent personalities are unable to connect because they are out doing their own thing- independently. It is hard to find a healthy balance and I think it is usually the woman who gives more up to try and make it work. Women feel that it is their job to try and make everyone happy and feel guilty when they can’t.

effing hickster
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 09:47 pm: [report]

@Goldfinch86: I’m 42, and still unmarried, but even at this age I’d never trade places with Michael Scott during his Jan phase.

As an artist, I’m not exactly a huge breadwinner, but I make do. I’ve been lucky to have had a couple of fair and even relationships with independent women in the past, and was never made to feel that I wasn’t good enough for lack of money. I’d never stand for that, and wouldn’t do it to another, either.

Unreal
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]

This is an interesting subject.  The men in my life claimed to like independent women, however, when push came to shove, they became annoyed that I had other interests and other friends etc.  They enjoyed the part of not having to cater to me, however, they did not like it that I wasn’t totally dependent upon them for survival.  For example, they would brag to friends and relatives about my accomplishments and then later tell me that I didn’t do enough!  Both were no win situations!  I find that living on my own, doing my own thing is better for me!

soulshine
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 05:41 am: [report]

i say.. don’t hate us cause we know what we want.

writergirl
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 06:49 am: [report]

Wouldn’t it stand to reason though that if a woman was independent, the easier life was, in general for a man?  She’s not clingy, she’s not demanding (in theory) and she can usually make do in any situation.  That doesn’t mean she doesn’t “need” you for things (not talking sex) but as someone to bounce ideas off of, ask advice from.  There’s more of a “partnership” than codependency in a relationship with independent women.  Most of the men I know find that appealing rather than off-putting.

skywalk
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 07:13 am: [report]

It would drive my husband crazy and he would likely get bored in this relationship if I was dependant.  He likes his independants and I like mine, it makes for a great relationship.  But I have friends that don’t quite get my independance, not that I care, but I can tell they are like WTF.  My husband knows I’m easy to get along with (for the most part) but I just like my independance.  He works way harder than I do, but has always made less money.  But he works hard, owns his own business why do I care if I make more money.  And it doesn’t really bother him, but like anyone he wants to make more money.  But the construction business in kinda slow, but it’s going to pick up and some day he may make more then me.  Not that thats a big deal.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]

Ugh, I am so tired of reading idiotic articles about what men want, or don’t want, or what women want, or don’t want.  Each of us is a pretty complex mess of personal and familial history, sexual kinks, insecurities, vanities, and psychological quirks.  What would be the upside of knowing if men are intimidated by independent women, even if that were possible to know?  So that I could act more, or less, independent (read: less like myself?)  YourTango can bite me.

effing hickster
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]

They should lose that annoying pop-up at every page turn, too.

majicksand
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 08:00 am: [report]

As a rule, I skip the articles from outside links.  Did anyone else feel that the video was a bit condescending?  Seriously, if they are speaking to independent women, shouldn’t they give us a little credit for intelligence?

effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 04:06 am: [report]

I think it’s the way with all media today. They keep it at an 8th grade reading comprehension level like on the Today show, so they can reach the broadest demographic possible.

majicksand
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]

@hickster:  So we’re independently stupid?