Are Marriage Proposals Dead?
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
12:30PM, Tuesday October 6th 2009
On the season finale of “Entourage” this week, one of the characters, Eric, proposes to his girlfriend, Sloan, only it wasn’t a romantic get-down-on-one-knee proposal, so much as it was a seemingly spur-of-the-moment declaration of his commitment to her. “You’re never going to be able to commit — not to anyone,” Sloan accuses during a heated argument. “I’ll get in that car right now, drive to Vegas, and commit to you for the rest of my life,” Eric shoots back before pulling an engagement ring out of his pocket. It’s not exactly the kind of grand proposal women dream of, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s more than most of us get these days ... and if maybe that’s OK.
Marriage is such a huge, life-altering decision, it’s only natural that it be a choice two people make together, after much discussion and personal soul-searching. And if the decision is made mutually, is there really any need for a proposal to be made — a question to be asked — for which both parties already know the answer? For a lot of people, the answer is “no.” They make the decision, perhaps they go ring-shopping together (that way, the woman’s sure to get something she likes), they make the announcement to their friends and family, and then they change their relationship status on Facebook. Done and done.
For the rest of us, an official proposal — even if we’ve already decided with our partners to get hitched — is the act that seals the deal. For the record, I fall into this camp. My now-husband and I first started seriously talking marriage a little over a year ago. We’d been together 2 1/2 years, had lived together almost a year, felt committed to each other, and knew we wanted to start a family in the not-so-distant future. At some point, I think I made some comment about getting married in the summer when my parents, who live in Europe, would be in the States. My boyfriend nodded and said that that sounded fine and I said, “This coming summer,” making sure to drive home the point. “But I want a proposal!” I told him, adding: “And I want it to be romantic. You don’t get off the hook that easily.” He laughed and said he’d do what he could.
When I was home for Christmas a few weeks later, my mother gave me the engagement ring she inherited from my great-grandmother who got married in 1928. I brought it home after the holidays, gave it to my boyfriend and said, “Here’s my engagement ring. I wear a size 5. Get it sized and give it back to me when you’re ready.” In retrospect it sounds a little bossy, but remember, we’d already decided to get married, we both knew I wanted to wear my great-grandmother’s engagement ring, and I figured Drew, being the romantic guy that he is, would want a chance at taking some ownership in the process. For my part, I’m not a traditionalist, but there was something about forgoing an official proposal that seemed incomplete to me. I never doubted my boyfriend’s love and commitment to me, nor his desire to be my husband, but knowing he had to put some thought into the “where, when and how” of asking for my hand in marriage made things more special for me.
Drew ended up proposing on a bridge in Central Park, a week after I gave him my great-grandmother’s ring. He lured me on a walk one cold February afternoon with a promise of a drink at my favorite fancy hotel bar afterward. As we crossed the bridge, Drew said, “Oh, what’s that?” as he pointed to the ground below. I peered over the edge and saw “Wendy, Will you marry me?” written in big sidewalk chalk. I turned back around and Drew was on his knee, holding my ring. Time stood still (Drew would say it stood still for a very long time) and I said, “Yes! Yes!” We hugged and kissed and then went for that now-celebratory drink at the fancy hotel bar (Drew even surprised me with a room there for the night). It’s a memory I’ll always cherish and one I’m sure we’ll share with our kids and grandkids some day.
Would I feel any less married now if Drew hadn’t proposed? Of course not. But it was something that was important and meaningful to us. For others, I imagine, a proposal is an unnecessary formality that’s easy to forgo. So, tell me, readers, what camp do you fall into? Is an official proposal something you feel you need? Do you want your man to ask for your father’s permission or blessing? Does he have to get down on one knee?
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joyy
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
thanks for the spoiler alert.
tabby
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]
My guy and I have decided to get married, I have told him what ring I want and bought him one of his own, we are actively planning on getting married this coming summer/fall, and yet I still told him that he has to propose to me first before I will officially say yes. Is that weird? Maybe, but I want the proposal because then I know that it was his decision to ask and my decision to say yes, and not that we just got caught up in the laziness of living together in a committed relationship. I want it to be something we formally choose to do. Although, I will admit that I am also entertaining the idea of proposing to him
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
If I end up popping the question it will go thusly:
u wnt 2 gt mried? k thx bai.
JenniferRly
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
My husband and I were engaged (I thought) when he proposed. We were talking marriage and had started planning, but apparently he had to wait til we were in our hometown for Christmas. He took me to a bridge we walked home from school on when we were younger and got down on one knee. Pretty adorable.
As for the great ring-choice debate, he was a clever one. He proposed with his great-grandmother’s engagement ring (thanks mommy-in-law) on a solid band, and then took me to get it set however I wanted. A good middle ground, I think.
WMassSoprano
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
I definitely want a proposal! How strange it would be to not have that tradition. I’m a bit more traditional than a lot of girls I think though, because I also want my BF to ask my parents for their permission first. I also can’t imagine shopping for a ring together. He’s asked some little leading questions about what I might want (color of setting etc.) and I’ve dropped some hints here and there about what I think might look pretty (i.e. “I can’t imagine something huge looking good on my hand since my fingers are so little” after seeing a friend’s ring) But the long and the short of it is, I want him to pick out the ring, I want him to has my Mom and Dad and then I want a surprise engagement. I will of course say “YES!” but he needs to ask.
Karmatir
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
I’m not sure how to approach this with the bf. We have talked about it from time to time but since we haven’t been together long enough (in his mind) he’s not ready for that step beyond talking about it.
My ex-husband did not propose. We just decided and he never did the formal proposal. I know now that I do want that after we talk about doing it for sure. For some reason it makes a big difference.
I Go To 11
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
Oh, my fiance and I went the unconventional route…
We were joking around on the couch one night when somehow I compared him to Al Bundy, to which he said, “I can’t be like him, he hates his wife! And I don’t even have a wife!” He was silent for a moment, then nonchalantly said, “Do you want to be my wife?” I told him that yeah, I thought that was the plan eventually…then stopped for a second and said, “Wait a minute, did you just propose to me?!?” We started cracking up, and he didn’t realize he had when he said it. So for about a month, I wasn’t sure if we were officially engaged or not. We then set the date and made it more official at that point.
The story doesn’t end there, though. We went ring shopping, and after finding the one I wanted, we had to wait for it to be sized. So the day to pick it up comes, and he emails me and says there was some sort of issue with the sizing and the jeweler needed to send it back, so it’d be another week before getting it. This was on a day that was already going awful for me, so I was extremely upset (Friday the 13th, no less.) That evening, we had plans to go to a gathering at a friend’s house. As we were leaving, I told him not to forget the muffins I’d baked for the party. He said there’s something else he didn’t want to forget, and that’s when he got down on one knee with my ring. I was so mad that he contributed to my already horrible day that I actually hit him! Devious, yet sweet.
heythere
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
I NEED an official proposal. It’s something special to me. I dream about how it could be, would be, will be. I want to know that he went out of his way to make me feel special, and that he wants to marry me.
Raugiel
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]
If a guy was as pushy with me about getting married as you were with your husband, I’d dump him just for that.
sammyisadog
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]
I was engaged once (although the marriage didn’t happen), and there was no proposal. We talked about getting engaged for months and months, and future plans and happiness and babies and stuff. On Valentine’s Day, he handed me a ring at dinner. Yes, we were at a dimly-lit, cozy dinner, on International Be-A-Smug-Couple Day, but he didn’t even say anything. Just handed me the ring.
I guess that was his version of romance? Maybe that’s why we didn’t get married. He had talked a big game about the proposal being creative and fun and a good story for our grandchildren… not so much.
bogart4017
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:28 pm: [report]
It may not be commonplace anymore but secrectly most chicks want it.
Riley
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]
@Cheese - No? GTFO. Lern2ply.
BTW do u liek mudkipz//?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
@Riley: I wanted to post this in the “Rage” thread:
Go f*ck yourself!
Keep f*cking that chicken.
Riley
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
@Cheese - /suicide
Lynn
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
I don’t want him to ask my parents - this is between me and him. My parents don’t expect it, either. I do expect a proposal though before I will say I’m engaged to someone. I would probably rather he didn’t kneel down. I think I’d like it to happen in bed - not “in bed” like while we’re doing it, but while we’re being lazy on a Sunday morning or when we’re hanging out in bed before going to sleep.
modern-bride
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
I’m a fan of the official proposal and I’m not even that traditional. I know it works for a lot of people but I’m also not into the idea of picking out my own engagement ring either. I suppose I just prefer the drama of a good, heartfelt, surprise.
angiecakes
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
My SO and I know we’re IT for each other. He refers to me as his wife, he took me into a jewelry store to know what I like, and we’ve talked about what we want our wedding to be like. There definitely doesn’t need to be any official question posed to my parents or to me.
...But the little girl in me still wants him down on one knee…heeheehee. It’s just a sweet thing to do. He knows the answer, but it’s touching that he’ll still be all old-fashioned and cute about it.
Humble Bee
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
gag me with a spork! marriage, proposals, on one knee????? call me a bitter young hag, but I don’t dream of a big wedding, white dress, an engagement ring, all or any of that bull. Sometimes I feel my brain is wired differently because I don’t want to get married and I don’t have recurring dreams of saying I DO. To me, those are nightmares. I know i love you, and you love me, lets just be together dammnit. Let me know you love me instead of taking me “ring shopping” or lets plan a trip instead of pleasing guests. If you think about it weddings are more for the family than for you! But I do get that most women are all about ‘THEIR BIG DAY” so if it makes you happy, then thats all that matters!
scb197
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]
my fiancee asked my father, proposed on top of the empire state building
guess i’m just lucky!
Anniekins
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]
My husband and I were driving one night, and we were talking about some things; he said something that was interpreted by me to mean “I don’t want to get married to you”. I was pissed. He didn’t know why. He asked, and when I repeated what he said, he replied that that was not what he meant. He told me he’d been thinking about how to ask me, and how to ask my dad, etc. I told him that I didn’t need my dad’s permission, and I sure as hell did not want some elaborate proposal; I just wanted him.
He asked me then and there. I said yes. We picked out a ring shortly after, and it’s the most beautiful thing I own.
writergirl
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]
WE had been talking about getting married, then a few weeks later he asked me to go to California with him for a vacation and I said, “Well, you said you wanted to get married by the end of this year.” He nodded and I said, “I can’t take a vacation and a honeymoon—I don’t have enough vacation time—I only get a week!”
So we scrapped the California vacation and we got engaged I think about a month later after that conversation. Though him actually proposing was a total surprise.
Knitter79
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
I would need a proposal just to be 100% sure we were both on the same page. Years ago an ex and I were talking about getting married which I thought meant imminently, but in his mind it was a ‘someday’ kind of thing.
It doesn’t have to be ultra sappy romantic, not sure I even want him down on one knee, but I need something that makes it official.
dizzy
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:51 pm: [report]
Honestly, I couldn’t be more different. We were cuddling in bed and I said to him - “Let’s get married” and he said “Hey! I was going to say that”. Got a license, went to the courthouse a week later. Done done done.
You might say - why bother getting married in that case? No pomp, no splendor. No family, even. 3 1/2 years later I still don’t wear a ring, although sometimes I think about getting one.
To me, marriage is a commitment between two people. I don’t wear a ring because I don’t need to broadcast it to people I don’t know. However, when I meet new people, I tell them that I’m married. The word gives them a more complete view of my relationship status than boyfriend does.
tttongue_tied
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 06:02 pm: [report]
Proposal, for sure. Hell, I’ve been practically planning my own very, very distant proposal for as long as I knew about those things. And I just pulled a hangnail, missed, and it sucked.
tigerstripe
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
It sounds sad to say that proposals are dead. They’re not dead, just different! I’d love cozy in-bed proposal like dizzy and Lynn talked about. My favorite proposal I’ve ever seen was in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
vaiaster
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]
no, marriage proposals aren’t dead! yes, men need to (and should) want to come with unique ways to pop the question.
in march 2008, my husband got down on his knee (possibly the “old-fashioned way” now) and went into a minute long speech before asking me marry him. it was very romantic and sweet.
QTKT
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
We talked about getting married for several months. We moved in together and a few months later went to look at rings. 3 months later he took me on a weekend getaway and popped the question at dinner. I totally agree that a proposal is not required, but a BIG plus! I didn’t even know it, but he had also asked for my parents’ blessing when he came with us to the beach earlier in the summer.
MarieMacCee
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]
so if back in the day engagement rings were designed to illustrate a man’s legit committment, and the traditional expectation is that he buys a honking big one and gets down on one knee while a choir of angels and Barry Manilow sing in the back ground, what would the modern converse be?
Do I have to propose and forgo my engagement ring for the gift courtside Lakers tix? I’m pretty independent and all for the 50/50 relationship split, but the idea of trading something sparkly for a close-up of Ron Artest’s sweaty man bits makes me die a little bit.
Can I invoke the double standard on this one?
MarieMacCee
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]
*for the giving of Lakers….*
whoops
krys
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 05:02 pm: [report]
Oddly I dont know what to think. I love the thought of an actual proposal however I highly doubt that I will get one. And I am fine with that, as he has given me a promise ring fo r our 4th anniversary. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 1/2 years, met in high school and decided to wait until I finished college. Now that Im done , we set a date - December of 2012 and know what we want in terms of a wedding but to no avail, no engagement ring.
Hypatia
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 09:58 am: [report]
OMG @ cheese and Riley
fellow b/tards, I lol’d.
-Hyp
majicksand
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
My husband never proposed; neither did I. We got married in June. We had discussed marriage and knew we would get married at some point, and I had a timeline, so last spring I started planning the wedding. I told him to let his family know we would be having a simple outdoor ceremony followed by a cookout on June 21 (Summer Solstice). He said, “ok, Honey. Should we pick out rings?” I replied with, “yeah, let’s go shopping this weekend.”
I would have liked a proposal, even though it wasn’t necessary (obviously), and he actually wanted to propose. He refused to do it without an engagement ring, though. We didn’t end up getting that until a month after the wedding, at which point a proposal seemed sort of silly.
I’ve mentioned to him that he never actually proposed and how weird that is, so knowing him, he’ll do something amazing on our first anniversary.
develange
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 06:31 pm: [report]
Apparently proposals are not dead—my mere 22-year-old friends are getting engaged left and right :(
draymond
wrote on October 8 2009 @ 11:59 pm: [report]
If anything proposals are becoming more and more elaborate. It seems that anything not at a minimum involving a jumbotron screen and a cheering crowd is unacceptable.
The world would be better if proposals, and thus by extension weddings (and thus by extension marriages), were more about being simple and heartfelt rather than big productions.
Asphyxia
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 01:12 am: [report]
WEll, every woman dreams of being married someday.. But an incredilous marriage proposal strengthens the excitement a woman feels for her dream wedding.. We, women appreciate it most if guys will put enough efffort and surprises to this so-called “marriage proposal”.Queen Frostine
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 09:46 am: [report]
To me it’s always been a bit sexist for me to wait around for a man to propose to me. It’s a gender-based role for men and women to act out and to me it feels awkward. Tradition for traditions sake always feels so generic.
My husband and I discussed marriage at great length before deciding it was time. We both wanted to make sure all of our ducks were in a row, career wise, financial wise, goal wise, etc. When our lives gained a sense of stability, we sat down and talked about getting married. We both felt the time was finally right in our lives, that financially we could afford to have a wedding (a whole different concept from a marriage) and make sure that our goals / values / principles agreed with each other. Discussing our marriage (instead of a one-sided cinematic proposal) paved the way for future discussions and gave us both a sense of equality in our relationship. Whenever big important life altering decisions happen, we make them together.
Lynn
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]
@ Asphyxia - what? every woman dreams of being married? Wow. I DO dream of being married and I’m shocked that you said that.
Also, did you mean “incredible”?
onelegatatime
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
I agree with Queen Frostine. All these quaint traditions came from ancient, incredibly sexist customs. Ladies, we are not fragile Cinderellas that need to wait for their Prince Charming to make them feel special. We are, or at least are supposed to be, strong people who can take care of themselves and are responsible for their own happiness. I’ve been with my now husband for 15 years, married for five and I’ve never needed him to do any of that cheesy, knight-in-shining armor crap to feel special on certain occasions. I feel appreciated and special every day, because he, like, you know, loves and respects me as a person, all the time. Novel concept, I know.
modern-bride
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
I also agree. I don’t think women should wait for their Prince Charming or anyone else to feel special. However, I also think certain things in life deserve a celebration or some pomp so why not expect your SO propose? At least they can still be responsible for something! lol
radpanda
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 06:38 pm: [report]
I can’t imagine anything ruder than spoiling this kind of moment on Entourage with no Spoiler Alert. Clearly the person writing this article needs to study up herself on common courtesies.
niftynymph
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
I’d like a proposal. It doesn’t have to be anything grand like a jumbotron message or “Will you marry me?” spelled out in fireworks. Just me and him and that little question is all that I need.
Jenn27549
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
We didn’t go that route, and we both kind of regret it. Not in a really bad way, just in a sad we missed out on it way.
SunflowerEyes
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]
My fiance got down on one knee…twice. He proposed twice, once when he couldn’t wait for the ring to be shipped and two days later when he had the ring. Both times were amazing!
SouthOC
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]
It’s my experience that a lot of women start fantasizing about a dream proposal and wedding when they are little girls. (some of you want the sweeping romance and others have no such expectations.
The important thing to do is… Talk to your guy about it.
Most guys would move heaven and earth to make you happy. Just let us know what your fantasy is, and we’ll do it.
I think most guys would agree that letting you down in this area would hurt us too. This isn’t permission to give us a list of demands on a ransom note, but if we love you, most of us can figure out a cool way to be romantic.
miss_j_bean
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:04 pm: [report]
I had to register for this because the timing is too coincidental. I became officially engaged this weekend. My beloved boyfriend of four years handed me a ring over dinner and said “here.” I said “you could at least ask the question.”
I guess now he can say I “made” him propose.
It is sweet, I’m so happy to have it and the promise it represents, but I really wish he’d done something romantic and loving.
He had the ring for almost two weeks (I know when it came in) and I was so excited thinking he was planning something sweet (the anticipation was killing me). I didn’t expect the plan to be just pulling it out of his pocket and handing it to me across the dinner table. That part was sort of a let down.
cooldad
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
Choosing a ring by yourself without input from the person who’s your best friend & who’s going to wear it 4ever seems weird. Then it’s weird to take the ring you’ve bought together, squirrel it away for a few weeks/months and make a romantic proposal. The commitment to each other is the key and nothing else. The marriage is simply to conform to society, although the wedding is a great excuse for a killer party including all your friends who are now scattered all over the country.
truckinggirl
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 02:15 pm: [report]
I think marriage is out & booty calls are in. I do not see any men committing these days. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and no proposal yet. I have told him that I want to get married and start a family so you think he would get the hint.
gcdc
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]
@truckinggirl I was so where you were a few months ago. My bf of nearly five years wouldn’t really talk about marriage, even though I had dropped lots of hints, and I was probably getting snarkier about it the longer we didn’t talk about it. Honey, it’s time to take a step back and make sure this guy is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and not just a convenient person to marry since you feel like you’re ready for marriage. If you can’t really talk about it at this point, you might not be ready for that step. On the other hand, a real two-way conversation about marriage could move you closer to what you want.
I had an “accidental-almost-proposal” at one point from my now-ex, as well; he asked “Do you want to marry me?” at a sporting event, which seemed like a proposal, but apparently wasn’t meant that way. Talk about messed up!
When I’m finally with the right person, and we’ve had open conversations about it, I still want a “traditional” yet creative/romantic proposal with a (non-blood diamond, non-dirty-gold) ring.
LOCI
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 07:25 am: [report]
I think this sort of thing is a lot like sex. There is no right or wrong, just important that you’re both on the same page about what’s necessary. I know plenty of marriages where there was no actual proposal, just more of a “well we both knew that is where it was heading so we just kind of started planning” and others on super traditional end of the spectrum involving asking the woman’s parents. This can really be a Mars/Venus thing where the man thinks “well the important thing is us getting married” and the woman interpets the casual “oh here’s your ring” as a lack of planning and lack of working to make her feel special.
cho-cho
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
I think marriage proposals are not dead because marriage should still be a voluntary commitment made between two people, and the effort of making a proposal is a way for a man to unequivocally say “Hey! I want to marry you!” and it gives you the choice to consciously say yes or no.
Without the proposal, it would be hard for me to believe that the guy really wanted it and wasn’t just slipping into being married because it was easier than breaking up/moving out. Marriage is scary and it’s a long-time commitment, so the guy should be really sure he wants to do it. Taking away the proposal sort of takes away the guy’s power to make a choice in the matter. I think it’s fair to tell him you want to get married, and a general idea of when, but not to tell him how and what and even give him the ring. That sounds more like you’re asking yourself to get married than a mutual decision/agreement thing.
Mr. Moo
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 08:32 am: [report]
The proposal wasn’t any great secret ... so I had to do something different. We picked the ring together (1.1 karat round solitaire (From Canada, not Africa so it’s not a blood diamond) on a six point classic white gold band). She drove me crazy with that ring. After we picked it up she even changed her mind and wanted to look more (that was after looking every day for a month and going over 120 miles in all directions to look at many many rings and stores.) [We ended up with the original ring I picked out for her after going a comparing it side by side]
And the date was October 3rd was sort of set - (she is superstitious and Chinese and this was an auspicious date - mid autumn festival). As the date approached I was telling her I was rethinking things, and wasn’t sure I could do the whole marriage thing. We don’t live together - she is traditional and I respect her. And I was saying I don’t know if I can live with her or anybody.
So the day arrived. We had a small party for the festival and everyone was expecting a ring. So at dinner I pulled out this other ring I got at a joke shop. And said “I know everyone is expecting this, but I didn’t like the ring she picked out ... so I got her this one instead” - it was plastic, about 1” high and lit up (that went with the party theme with all the lanterns and such) - a very ugly plastic ring. Everyone was confused. But no one said anything. She very confused and not all that happy - but didn’t show it much (all that saving face).
...
A few hours later as the party was winding down (but everyone was still at the party) I took her outside and when we were alone under the moon light got down on one knee took off the joke ring and said ... “[her name] my Tiger Girl, I can’t see living life without you. I want to be with you now and forever, You are my life. I love you more than you can possibly know because there are no words to tell you how much I love you. Will you please agree to be my wife?” And slipped the real ring on her finger. She of course said yes - and was actually very happy because my stunt made it a surprise in a way. I also came up with something. We wrote our engagement wishes on helium balloons (in English and Han[Chinese] and put mini LEDs inside and sent them up to the sky G-ds. She thought that was very romantic.
... If I had to do it again. I would not take her shopping or give her ANY idea about the proposal. But all in all things went well and our love was/is much greater after the proposal.
apsutter
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 01:57 am: [report]
I know that I have different attitudes when it comes to marriage but I think that most everything involved in the marriage process is passe and bland and cliche. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and know that we want to get married someday but not right now. I’ve never been in a hurry and could never understand the rush that women my age(24) are in. We’ve lived together since I was 20 so when people at work bug us about it it annoys me to no end because its usually the girls/guys that are single and just nosy. We’re both not into the traditional marriage gig and are probably going to forgo even having a traditional ceremony with lots of people. I’d rather have a destination wedding and a long ass honeymoon and just throw a party for our friend/relatives after the fact. So, when it comes to proposals I hope he doesnt go the cheesy down-on-one knee route and we can think of something a little more creative than that
justme234
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 06:08 pm: [report]
We had been dating for 3 1/2 years. I knew 6 weeks into the relationship I was serious about her. But I had been burned by a prior relationship and was not moving too rapidly. We lived in different cities at the time, although together every weekend.
Woke up one Saturday morning squeezed into her single size bed. Deep snow outside, somewhere around -5F and she looks at me and initiates the conversation with “Are you wasting my time or what?” So, do I give the “right” answer or do I get out of the nice warm bed, try to start the car and drive through the snow back to my apartment. I might be slow, but I’m not stupid. 30 years, 4 kids and 5 cities later, I know it was the right answer. It’s not the proposal that’s important, it’s the marriage. I know plenty of folks who had romantic proposals and weddings that were followed by divorce within 5 years.
DJ Reality
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 07:10 pm: [report]
You’ve been married HOW long? This makes you an expert?
CatsLaffN
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
My X-husband actually asked my father if it was “OK” to marry me. My father practically thanked him for taking me off their hands! HA ha. I have now been separated from him for 7 years, and due to finances can’t seem to make paying for the last transaction of the divorce a priority. The man I am now with would make me the happiest woman on the planet if he were to ask me to marry him. The last time this subject was brought up we were in the company of friends and his response was, “A certain someone really shouldn’t be hinting around at becoming engaged when she still hasn’t gotton her divorce papers.” Which was meant in a teasing way. BTW he has already told me if I finish my divorce and renew my passport we will be on a flight to Las Vegas. So is that a proposal, a promise or a tease????
William Jefferson Clinton
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
Its easy to get men to propose to you. All you have to do is not hand it out like candy. Men want what they don’t have.
QueenOfDiamonds
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 04:40 pm: [report]
I’m not the picky type or blissfully romantic type (my bf cried during Hope Floats and I didn’t) but I would say that an official proposal would be like putting the cherry on top of the whole relationship cake. My bf and I have talked about committed to each other in a life long setting and since we’re both in school he’s already made a “timeline” of when he wants to get me a ring, then the wedding and what not. I used to think that regardless if chivalry & fidelity were dead then can us women still be granted that official proposal as a consolation prize?? At least give us something to still believe in!
WretchedMonkey
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 10:47 pm: [report]
My boyfriend of seven years just proposed last week. Like some posters, we’d discussed marriage but were just waiting for the right time financially. It was never a rush, we’ve been fully committed to each other from the beginning. We actually debated skipping the whole tradition and running away to see Elvis in Vegas.
After all this time together he knows my taste (and extreme pickiness in jewelry) very well and ended up picking the perfect ring out by himself. He proposed after work in our bathroom (of all places) while I was washing up for bed. No bended knee but it was perfect for us - simple, straight forward, and heart felt. And a complete surprise. He was so excited he was trembling. I was in complete shock.
We’ll have a small wedding sometime next year, family and close friends only. Sometimes I’d rather skip the ceremony and put all of our money towards a great trip, but it really is for those close to you. They want to come celebrate and be a part of this occasion. And why wouldn’t we want them there? These are the people we love the most.
kad
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 09:16 pm: [report]
The marriage proposal. Hmm. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that the last couple of weeks.
My GF wants a custom ring (specs already known) and it will be some time before I can afford to have it made.
She is otherwise not a high maintenance woman, and is ok with the fact that I can’t give her everything I want right now. She flies up here to visit me every two weeks for a few days. 25 days out of the last 60. It’s weird, living like a bachelor, then like a married couple for a few days.
But back to the proposal. We have assumed for some time that we are going to get married. I want to put something on her finger, even if it just creates a tan line. Something with gold and a diamond.
And officially ask her to marry me.
It will be rather modest, given that I haven’t worked for several months (starting work again tomorrow actually), but I want her to know that I don’t assume anything.
As far as the Las Vegas thing goes…..would you believe that because she was married for one year 15 years ago it complicates things tremendously as far as getting a marriage license in Ontario? We sadly concluded that LV was the best way to get a legal marriage with the least effort.
At least her best friend and my brother are willing to fly there when we get the opportunity.
I want to ask her officially though. Somehow, it seems important to me, even if everything else is unconventional. I have to ask for her hand.
Call me old-fashioned, but it is still important. I want her to know I think about her even when she is not around.
kad
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 09:22 pm: [report]
Double-post, sorry.
Yes she is moving here. There is no other way.
Moving to Houston is not an option. We both like cold weather, and I have been informed that since I sweat in 65F heat, I would probably die there. She is right. I visited Cuba during ‘winter’ and found it tolerable to too warm. It’s not that I’m a Canuck, it’s just that I have my own internal heat.
Moving here is the only option if we are to stay together.
And plus, she wants chickens. She wants me to get a gun license too. I’m not too sure about that, so we’ll probably have to think about it over sex.