The Proper Protocol For Dissing An Ex
Posted by: Nikki Dowling
Filed in:
relationships, video
3:40PM, Thursday August 27th 2009
“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’”
After a few minutes of this tirade, Anne started to look pretty vengeful. I mean, really, trash-talking your ex on national TV is just ... sad and kind of pathetic. Right? If you must vent some anger over an ex, please keep in mind these 10 rules.
1. Only take potshots at your ex in one-on-one and small group situations. Divulging the deets of your dating life to a large group of people leaves a bad impression and makes you look like the loser.
2. Name-calling is juvenile. Instead, give a specific anecdote about your ex that illustrates your larger point.
3. Keep all ex dissing to under two minutes of conversation. More than that is exhausting. Even for your BFF or family members.
4. Bedroom trash-talking is an absolute no-no. Don’t talk about penis size (that means you, Jessica Simpson), stamina, or that weird thing he did right before he ... well, you know.
5. Never, I repeat never, talk about STDs. Chances are if your ex has ‘em, so do you.
6. Beware of whom you’re trash-talking to. In other words: no mutual friends or family members.
7. Always go for complaints that are funny, not mean. Angry rants only make things awkward. Notice how in many parts of this Anne Heche interview no one is laughing? Pin. Drop.
8. For added impact, use the phrase “I’ve never told anyone this ... ” before launching into your beef. I mean, of course you have, but let them think their ear is special.
9. As tempting as it is, don’t make blanket statements about “all marriages” or “all men.” It’s your relationship that didn’t work, not all of them.
10. Don’t exaggerate. It’ll only dilute your point.
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adri
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]
Loved it. It’s hard not to point out how unreasonable your ex was, but lets face it,it usually takes two. Don’t diminish yourself.
scubagrl
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]
As a woman who paid alimony for several years after our divorce, I can totally relate to the “Oh, I got a check from Anne” comment. Perhaps it is a sign of my immaturity, but I laughed out loud at that comment. The rest, not so much.
GreenAura
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 03:24 pm: [report]
@author: since when do men have vag hair??... “Don’t talk about penis size (that means you, Jessica Simpson), vag hair or that weird thing he did right before he ... well, you know” LMAO!!!
Humble Bee
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 03:47 pm: [report]
I’m guilty of sh*t talking. I do apologize if I rant about him too much on the Frisky, its just that I don’t like telling people I know, my personal problems, so telling them to you guys is refhreshing, hehe. Let’s me get it out my system for once. I do blame myself a lot for putting up with everything, but you only learn.
theoldman
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 08:16 pm: [report]
If you trash talk an ex then you demean yourself. I am at an age where “eligible” women out number “eligible” men by 3 to 2. At this stage the widows have a BIG advantage over divorcees in that they don’t trash talk about their former spouse. That makes a big difference in getting a second date. When you eliminate the parties with excess baggage the odds look like 2 to 1. Men don’t want to hear about your ex. What do you think about a guy you date who trashes his ex because of child support issues or visitation issues. This is a direct quote from a profile of a very educated woman (PHD) who contacted me. “You love the package and can’t understand why their dad, my ex-husband, was such an ungrateful fool.” I don’t need to suffer collateral damage from her anger at him. You make fun of him #7 and you kill any future hope of getting another date.
Living well is the best revenge. If you are truly better off without him, live like it; don’t descend to his level.
majicksand
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 07:54 am: [report]
For a while after my ex-husband and I split, I was bitter and angry at the entire world. I needed to vent, to rage against all the injustices and indignities I had suffered in the name of security for my children. I was a mess.
As hard as it might have been for them to listen to unrelenting bile for months on end, a few of my friends stuck around. They knew I just needed to get it out. Thankfully, I did manage to come through the other side eventually.
I’m grateful to the people who were there for me in my time of need. I haven’t forgotten their sacrifice of time and sanity. Since then I’ve returned the favor for a few. In fact, I’m devoting tonight to frozen drinks and facials with a friend who is mid-crisis. She says I’m the only friend she has who is willing to listen.
I don’t suggest Letterman as a great outlet for petty thoughts, but close friends should be willing to “take one for the team”. You never know when you might be the one whose life goes to hell and needs a shoulder to cry on, yell at, plot revenge fantasies with…
Keeper
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 08:43 am: [report]
Wow, I can’t even imagine how much she regrets that whole tangent. To ridicule him for coaching 7 year olds and the awkward silence that followed was priceless.
Lynn
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
She sounds like a freakin bitch.
bogart4017
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]
Consider this: There is no classy way to diss you ex. All anyone will ever think of after awhile is “you picked him”. As far as bedroom references, vag hair and penis sizes it takes a sleazy guy or backalley broad to even go there.
brandyalexander
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
I think its ok with your very best friends immediately after the break up… it’ll make you feel better, especially if he was a huge jerk. But months or years later, and on national tv? Just awful. The worst part is, she must have thought about saying this in advance, and said to herself, “Anne, that is a great idea. People will love that.”
SouthOC
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]
@brandyalexander You’re sooo right about this. People who are outside of your circle of trust just look at you like you’re a nut ball. I guess therapists won’t be going out of business anytime soon.
Capriccio72
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]
Personally, I thought the whole clip was either funny or I could sympathize. I didn’t laugh when she talked about not wanting to “hang” with her ex, but I did smile because I could relate (regardless of if he is coaching soccer for 5 year olds or just watching tv). When it’s truly over, it should be over and apparently with her alimony situation and his obliviousness to her dislike for the continuance of their “relationship” there is leftover hostility. Now the whole world (or, just David Letterman’s audience and us) know she REALLY wishes it were truly over. In all fairness, men probably have to deal with this type of situation more often, but, I don’t consider her less “ladylike” for doing so. Just HONEST. Maybe not polite, but honest. I don’t think any less of her, at all, in fact, she seems more like a real person to me for doing so.
lovlor
wrote on October 3 2009 @ 08:02 pm: [report]
i think dissing over an ex right after a bad break up is healthy; coz once it all comes out of your mouth, you’ll feel loads better.
and i agree that dissing to CLOSE friends and families is okay since they know you best, and will take it since they love you…but there are times when you feel more comfortable telling these things to strangers.
anyway whether to diss on close people or strangers, or whether to diss or not to diss…the point is, you’re so not over it. if you were, why waste time dissing the ex?
someone commented that “living well is the best revenge.”
and i believe that’s right! life’s got sooo much more to offer
Iammina
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 06:00 pm: [report]
I guess we are all somewhat guilty of a little verbal bashing of an ex now and then but I think that too much bashing is a sign of insecurity. The bash-er has probably been jilted and is bitter. Perhaps they got screwed in the divorce settlement and want revenge.
I would never describe any of my ex’s manly bits to my girlfriends, even after a break up, simply because I wouldn’t want them to hop in his bed just to find out.
B
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]
@ theoldman: Your last two sentences are dead on. “Living well is the best revenge. If you are truly better off without him, live like it.” Amen.