All Aboard Oprah’s “Love Boat!”

If you are as big of an Oprah fan as I am—(I have been watching since I was 8, have written multiple letters trying to get on the show, and own the exhaustive Oprah Anniversary DVD collection. Moral of story, I heart Oprah.)—then you are also feeling bitter that you weren’t able to force yourself aboard Oprah’s debaucherous 10-day cruise with her 2,000 most valued employees and, err…gal pal…Gayle. Steadman couldn’t make it, AGAIN. No comment. While I was at home sweating in my humid apartment and taking cold showers while imagining that I was in a swimming pool, Oprah’s crew was tearing it up on the open seas. After the jump, the top 5 reasons I really missed out.

1. The big O paid to fly her employees plus their guests (2,000 peeps in all!) to Barcelona, Spain, where they boarded the luxury liner Norwegian Gem for a 10-day romp through Spain, Italy, Greece, and Malta. [National Enquirer] — Hint to all bosses past, present, and future—eff my Christmas bonus! This is the gift I want!
2. $9.2 million was a drop in the bucket for Oprah who PAID ALL EXPENSES for the cruise. Only bad part … this could be a tax issue. Some accountant party-poopers are saying that the cruise doesn’t fit the bill of a “gift,” so employees may have to pay taxes on the vacation. [New York Post] — But I bet Oprah will figure something out.
3. Two couples were allegedly caught f**king or something like it on deck. [National Enquirer] — I know Oprah’s giving spirit can induce a wild, bacchanalian frenzy, but please retreat to your private cabin for sexy time. Talk about a Big O.
4. We hear that one passenger got so messed up, that he was unable to make it back to the ship and they left without him. [Prettyboring.com] — I can already see the headline on national news, “I Was Oprah’s Castaway.”
5. This is my favorite. A naked man who just happened to be one of O’s passengers was found passed out on a couch in front of a popular nightclub. [Prettyboring.com] — How? Why?