Adventures In Dating Ultra Hairy Guys
Posted by: Justine Fields
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Thursday July 30th 2009
Yesterday, we assaulted your eyes showed you a vomtastic advertisement waxed into a guy’s back hair. For some reason, this ad kind of reminded me of my parents. My dad is super hairy and I have no clue how my mom handles it. Whenever he takes off his shirt, I make fun of him and my mom always defends herself saying that when they got married, my dad wasn’t nearly as hairy. Because my dad’s natural sweater is so icky to me, I remember vowing as a child that I would never date anyone hairy. But since those days, I can’t say that I’ve been faithful to my younger self. I’ve dabbled with the hairless and the cavemen and I can genuinely say that I don’t prefer one to the other. As long as all the hair is tamed, I can deal. Sure, we here at The Frisky kind of dig hairy-chested men. But my friends have some pretty convincing stories as to why I should avoid hairy dudes at all costs.
Here are some of my favorites, many of which seem to involve men from overseas:
“The first person I slept with in college was a hippie named Tim who played the didgeridoo. After we did it, we hung out, talking in the dark. At one point I asked Tim, ‘Oh, what’s your back tattoo of?’ And Tim said, ‘Back Tattoo? What?’ Because it was haaaaaaaair! He was totally a didgeri-don’t.”
“I dated a boy named Luke who was Sicilian. He had hair everywhere. Thick, black, Sicilian hair. Specifically, his ass was so gross that I could get fingers trapped in that business. And he had hobbit feet that were covered in hair, too! Basically, he was really lucky I was completely in love with him before I saw him totally naked.”
“I had a one-night-stand with a British guy who was super cute, but when he lost the clothes, it looked like he was wearing a bear costume that stopped at his hands and neck. The morning after, I spent two hours trying to wash his dark hairs out of my sheets. They had woven themselves in! It was terrifying.”
“There was a guy in college who I wasn’t sure I liked—his personality was great but I wasn’t very sexually attracted to him. I finally got over my picky-ness and was lying next to him in his bed one day, about to make a move. But then I noticed a lotttt of hair peeking out from the back of his jeans and also on his stomach, and it just really grossed me out. He had this really narrow body frame just covered in hair, and for some reason it made me want to gag. I know that sounds horrible…but I’m just being honest! Hairy arms and legs, okay. But fuzz all over your bod? No thanks.”
“I don’t know if I can speak to hairy men, but I can certainly speak about UNHAIRY men which can be equally frightening….I once had a one night stand with a guy who had shaved balls. Ew. Those are things that I’d rather stay covered up…not something I particularly love to look at.”
“I dated this Scottish guy for awhile who had the grossest red pillow of chest hair. We went to Lollapalooza last year and he insisted on opening his shirt to “get some sun” but there’s no way a single ray could penetrate that chest mane. And people were gawking at us! I kept trying to subtly button him back up but it was kinda embarrassing.”
“When I studied abroad in the Czech Republic, I dated an Italian man who practically had fur across his chest. He seemed to think chest hair was something to be proud of and didn’t get why Americans don’t like it so much. It’s a good thing whispering sweet nothings in Italian sounds so sexy.”
“I normally don’t hook up with beastly men, but there was one time I slept with a guy who was really conscious about his offensive body hairs and so he shaved them away. I soon learned that this left an extraordinarily sharp coat of stubble across his pectoral region, of similar resemblance to a porcupine and it may actually be worse than being teen wolf. When I woke up with rug burn in places that I shouldn’t have rug burn (i.e. the entire front side of my body), there was a problem. While it was the thought that counted, please spare me the health hazard next time.”
“I’ve gone down on a guy once or twice and he was so hairy down there that while I was doing my thing it was fine, but then when I paused to take a breath I literally found hair in my mouth. I thoroughly embarrassed him by demanding that he do some trimming. Though I felt bad, I kind of laughed on the inside because I know it just means he hasn’t been getting lucky lately.”
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
emflow
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]
I’m not a guy, so I don’t know how much they care about this - but to me this article just sounds hurtful.
wonder_bread
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]
i’d take a hairy guy over a hairless guy…. im not into girly men or metros thats just to much priss for me… but i do enjoy a guy who knows how to trim and tame the hair he’s got.. he can shave his back and trim and tame his front
avalari
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]
I’ve dated guys like that (specifically one Greek guy who was worse than Robin Williams) and most of them hated it. I have surely helped one or two try to wax, with disasterous results. One guy got lasered. For the most part, I’m indifferent, I wasn’t going to stop loving them for something that shallow. Is it hot? NO way, but it’s not like a guy has control over it.
wonder_bread
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:30 am: [report]
emflow… the article does walk the line of hurtful.. i mean if someone posted an article about women with dense upper lip hairs…afro under arms…and bushes that rival the ones in my yard… most of the people on this site would flip out and counter with something along the line of feminism and it not being the the 19-somethings or something equally over reactive.. it is indeed a sad double standard. but what are you gonna do..the world plays with double standards and eats hypocrisy for dinner
emflow
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]
@ wonder_bread
Well, we could always start by calling people out on their double standards and hypocrisy. I’m not okay with articles like you described about women and I’m not okay with this article either.
wonder_bread
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]
@ emflow i couldn’t agree more.. i like my men the way i like them and so does everyone else.. but putting them on front street for something as shallow as no hair or too much is not always the best way to look for entertainment. i’m an offender of endorsing such shallowness at times but in truth i have more important things to worry about then my guy’s hair..but like i said i agree. for me it wouldn’t be as bad if they gave an equal on the female’s body hair or lack their of in the same way they do males.if your gonna poke fun at one poke fun at all and learn how to laugh about yourself in the process. ya digg?
Trilby
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]
Should hairy guys just off themselves?
My husband is very hairy (except for on his head!) and I have to say it bothered me just a tiny bit the first time I saw it, but being in love and very sexually attracted to him, I got past the hair thing quickly. Even got to the point where I rather like it. It’s soft and smells nice.
I hope he is charitable in his mind about MY physical imperfections!
SunBun
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
My husband is not “ultra” hairy, but hairy enough that we have agreed upon a manscaping schedule. The 1st of every month he has to trim his chest and pubic area. Luckily his back doesn’t have much hair.
I’m from Hollywood and expect my men to be groomed and smell good! If he doesn’t trim, he doesn’t get any action… Works every time
I also shave my areas because he certainly doesn’t want me hairy either. Works both ways.
Chebs
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
I dated a guy once that was really hairy. We slept together, and when I got up to go clean up, I noticed my eye was really itchy. So I kept rubbing it while I was in the shower, thinking I’d put drops in when I got out. When I looked, I had a long body (dear god I hope it was chest and not pubic) hair under my bottom eyelid. I just got so squicked out by it, I couldn’t stand sleeping with him again. To be fair to him, I was only just starting college and a not very mature 18. I’d like to think that should something like that again, I would be able to laugh it off. But oh well, we can’t be perfect all the time.
jackofhearts
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
I don’t think this article is hurtful at all, it’s just honest.
Having physical ‘type’ that we go for is not unusual. Maybe it’s based on genetics, maybe you go for your dad/main male figure during puberty or maybe you form a pattern early on and it never really goes away (‘imprinting’).
This article doesn’t make judgments on the personalities of Esau types, it just points out that some women aren’t into that and invites members to contribute their own experiences.
If you label a balanced and honest exchange of views and ‘hurtful’ (and thus deserving of censorship) you risk losing some of the vibrancy of the debate.
What I find interesting is that many of the anecdotes make clear that although the women claim to have some sort of aversion to hairy men, the majority admit to continuing a relationship after the hirsute revelation: “It’s a good thing whispering sweet nothings in Italian sounds so sexy.” or “he was really lucky I was completely in love with him before I saw him totally naked.”
It seems that most of us, then, do have a type but that isn’t everything when it comes to a relationship.
Oliveira
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
Gosh, I love hairy men. How about you women tell them all off so they have no choice but to become gay?
(KIDDING, KIDDING.)
Anna
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]
My brother happens to be a hairy man, and I make fun of him all the time about his back tattoo. When they told him they would need to shave a patch of his back hair to give him the tat, he should have realized it was going to grow back and no one was going to be able to see it, yet he followed through anyway. No one can even tell what it is.
LostInStars
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
The only hair on a dude that I’m turned off by is back hair. Yech.
wonder_bread
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
@ jackofhearts i was just saying that i noticed this site doesn’t pick on women as much or the same as they do men..
wonder_bread
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]
i’ve seen some women with some serious back hair it was strange o.o and they were all female from birth.
becktasm
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
Hairy is sexy. It’s masculine. I love it. Also, more hair = more testosterone = bigger penis, generally.
sweetsdjc
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]
I’m confused. People are up in arms about this being hurtful? What about all the things that women go through to be pretty for their man? Before I see my Long distance love, I paint my nails, wax…in more places than I’d like to admit, do my hair all pretty and wear cute panties. Sure, I do a lot of these things for ME and he could probably care less, but when you are in the dating world…that first impression really matters! We do all these things for men, all I ask is that if I’m going on a date with a guy with a lot of hair, take care of it…like I would for him. It’s not about being mean or having double standards (if anything I think we’re letting the men off EASY!) but it’s about being cognizant of the first impression you’re leaving (in bed).
*sam*
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]
@becktasm: is that clinically substantiated? I’m honestly just curious, b/c as the article points out, a lot of it has to do with genetics/culture… my bf is 1/2 Cuban, and therefore is on the hairy-er side, but I *certainly* would not attribute him to having more testosterone than other males… he’s actually a little on the feminine/androgynous side (which I prefer)... note, I’m not saying *anything* a/b his penis size
but to be honest, I *hate* his back hair.. it’s not that it’s overly thick, but, it’s getting thicker, and what I hate most, is that it doesn’t grow in *any* pattern whatsoever!! there’s like, a patch here, then one over there, and another there… and oh so many just long, dark, random hairs that aren’t in a patch at all!! they’re just, there, hanging out, by themselves. it’s weird!! and I do tease him all the time a/b it, but we have a mutual respect for each others oddities and he makes fun of my odd body shape (I’m *very* disproportionate)—he calls me an “amoeba” lol, so it’s all fair in love & war
but there is something to be said a/b hairy men that don’t at *LEAST* keep their pubic hair in check!!! I once dated a guy that just for the fun of it, decided he wanted to see how long he could grow them, and when I came up after going down on him, with a long dark strand stuck in my teeth, I promptly made him trim and *refused* to go down on him again before I inspected the maintenance—at that point, it’s really just a matter of hygiene and consideration, sheesh!!!
tweakerbell
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]
if i wanted to make my (otherwise relentlessly alpha) boyfriend cry, making fun of his hairiness would be the easiest way to do it. He is a man with EXTREMELY healthy self esteem (too healthy, sometimes), but call him “Chewbacca” and he will sulk for hours.
i have learned to be very sensitive about it, even though its not really a big deal for me. i even help him shave his back and shoulders twice a week, at his request. that said, i REALLY wish he would let me shave his balls.
tweakerbell
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]
@ *sam*:
about the testosterone thing? well, anecdotal evidence hardly makes the case for clinical substantiation… but lets just say that my favorite “Yeti” fits the profile.
callmehats
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]
My boyfriend is damn near hairless on his back and chest. I love it. I even talked him into shaving his pits. (It’s a good idea, guys! Get into it!) I have friends though that think his hairlessness is gross. It’s all a matter of personal preference.
ThatChick
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
From what I can tell, the only place my husband can really grow hair is his lip, back, ass, and crotch. Everything else is kinda patchy and non-existant. I like the no-chesthair thing (well, he’s got about 7 nipple hairs between 2 nipples!) and I don’t mind the receding hairline, but if I thought I could sneak up on him and wax his back, I would.
Have you ever heard the joke about the guy whispering his gf’s sister’s name during sex and then seeing how long he could hold on while she tried to buck him off? I picture myself doing this to my hubby, only with wax strips in hand.
raqueleza
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 02:42 pm: [report]
Generally, I totally dig chest hair—guys who shave it off completely make me nervous (and the stubble is ten times worse than any sort of rug he would have been sporting before). I’m not a big fan a insane, outta control back hair. Though at one point, I was seeing this guy who had the weirdest patch of hair randomly across his lower back—it was friggin adorable.
allisnotlost
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
hahaha, this article is a riot! Personally, I know that I don’t like men who shave their chest. I dated a tennis player once who really had no need to do it but he would shave his chest and legs. I don’t think tennis players travel fast enough to be hindered by their hair, LOL. I do like hairy men actually but I just have to say that even my hairless guys deserve someone great. yeah, it just goes to show, there is someone for everyone!!
rbrent
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]
As a 20 year old, I know a lot of my girl friends are really turned off by hairy guys our age. I think it is sexy! While my friends are dating guys I confuse with prepubescent boys, I feel like I’m interested in guys who look like real men!
retro chic
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 06:40 pm: [report]
On the upside, it felt deliciously just when Steve Carell hollered and swore in his real-life chest hair-waxing scene in “40 year old virgin.” He said he had new respect for what we go thru as women (minus the hairy chest part).
I have never been with “the bear” – in size or fur quotient, but, my family’s Italian (maternal side), and they’re smooth – not any body hair – it fell off in youth. So, I don’t know if they were exceptions, or these are generalizations. I’ve *been* to Italy, and didn’t notice any more body hair than I do here. There *is* a lot more “backside hospitality”... *that* myth I can say is true.
Asta
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 10:42 pm: [report]
I don’t particularly like back or butt hair… but I LOVE LOVE LOVE chest hair, beards, etc. I guess when ya’ll are done the hairy guys you should send them my way!
spinal11
wrote on July 30 2009 @ 11:45 pm: [report]
“I thoroughly embarrassed him by demanding that he do some trimming. Though I felt bad, I kind of laughed on the inside because I know it just means he hasn’t been getting lucky lately.”
You are a bad person.
I agree this article is kind of mean. Women also have hairy, lumpy, cellulite-ridden areas they don’t want men to notice, let alone write ridiculing articles about. Nobody’s perfect and we all look kind of weird naked, making our goofy faces and noises. Plus a little back hair never got in the way of a good time!
dandrean
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 01:24 am: [report]
you just have to find that medium between BEAST and GIRLISH.
i’m all down for some hair. i find it relatively sexy. but um… stuff like back hair and horrible butt hair is HORRIBLE. and please, if you want me to trim up, you should do the same.
I Go To 11
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 12:39 pm: [report]
It’s all a matter of personal preference. I’m turned off by very hairy guys; it does nothing for me. I like the fact that my fiance’s naturally not very hairy. My dad, however, is very hairy, and I never understood why my mom appreciated that…but again, to each his/her own. If you like it, great; if you don’t, that’s great, too.
Yossarian
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]
I am hairy but I do trim things up.
Just a tip, the porcupine thing happens when a guy freshly shaves after not trimming for a while. It eventually goes away or diminishes over time.
For a lot of guys it’s constant fight against the hairiness. I mean not only do you get hair on your back but on your ears, the stray hair on your nose. It’s terrible.
George Costanza was right,“Puberty never ends, it just moves to different parts of your body.”
traveltothesky
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]
This is actually really timely—I just had my first experience with a chest-shaver last night, and I’ve been so perplexed by it all day. It just seems like the worst idea ever, it was so scratchy and horrible, why would anyone do that? Is this a common thing that I just didn’t know about?
Yossarian
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]
It kind of sucks at the outset but your hair gets trained and softens up. You just have to keep up on it.
moonblossom
wrote on July 31 2009 @ 04:58 pm: [report]
I just want to know how many men (in america) would ask a woman out if she had a big bear belt peeking out from under her arms? or out of her bikini bottom?
Us chicks trim it up….the guys can too. Manscaping is a good thing!
Iammina
wrote on August 1 2009 @ 11:42 pm: [report]
Too much of anything is bad but I like manly looking men and chest hair is sexy. I am blond and therefore, practly hairless except for my head I have very little body hair but most men seem to like that.
Isista
wrote on August 2 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]
I love my hairy man. He doesn’t expect me to do any grooming that I don’t want to do just for him, so I am NOT asking him to shave or wax his back or ass hair. They don’t bother me at all, and since he conditions a lot, his body hair is actually really soft. There’s a difference between manscaping down “there” and being asked to painfully wax or shave every inch of your body (for some really hairy men).
stormygirl
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
my man has hair on his arms, legs, chest, which is just fine with me. One time though, I was at the grocery store waiting in the checkout line, and the guy ahead of me had on a tank top, and it was very clear that he had back hair. the hair on his back was so dark and thick that it looked like a gigantic bear skin rug! (vomit). Horrible. Just. Horrible.
Dr Awkward
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]
I registered just to comment on this. The earlier thread about this article being hurtful was right on. Somehow, my people (the hairy male) are today the most maligned when it comes to body type. Imagine if on another site (say Ask Men) there was an article inviting “disgusting” anecdotes about dating fat chix or girls with not enough makeup. We would dismiss it as insipid, shallow, and tremendously mean-spirited journalism. Somehow writing in the same vein about hairy men does not cause similar alarm.
Yes, all hairy men who want to remain sexually active should perform at least some grooming (eyebrows, ears, nose) but insisting that a man shave/wax his back is analogous to those wishing women would retreat in a cave one week a month. No wonder most hairy men I encounter tend to have a poor body image (especially the back/chest waxers). I’ve actually resigned an office job because I was asked to groom the (not too freakish) hair on my hands. Please hug a hairy man today. :(
Dr Awkward
wrote on August 4 2009 @ 03:02 pm: [report]
Oh, and yes, my people - like all males - should also be expected to groom our crotches and armpits.
Loves2Spooge
wrote on August 5 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]
Won’t you all be jealous when the next ice age is ushered in and I am able to survive based solely on the warmth generated from my rug o love.
In other news, I definitely shave my back and ensure that my chest is at a manageable length. My name is a Brian, and I am a manscapaholic.
Natalia
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
Holy sh*t, I love chest hair (beards and ‘staches too). I have definitely run into the pube-in-the-mouth scenario on many an occasion and I wouldn’t mind if guys trimmed south of the border more often, however.
Anon2009
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
I had to create an account to comment on this. As a very hairy guy, I do find many this article insensitive. I have personally come to the point where I am not completely self-conscious about it, after many years of worrying about it. In the end I realized that I just have to find a woman who is okay with or actually likes a hairy guy.
I can understand that different people are attracted to different things, but don’t put forth your preferences as objective truth.
Dr Awkward
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
Thanks, Anon, my very hairy brother. We need to start a hair-pride movement, and maybe one day we can be celebrated within the heterosexual community (see Oliveira above). Sadly, the Geico cavemen (and worse, the TV spin-off) have set our people back 15 years.
msperla
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
This is not a hurtful article. I personally am turned off by hairy guys, just like many men are turned off by hairy women. I can deal with a little hair on the chest but not on the back! I was once with a hairy guy and when I stroked his back it just didn’t feel right. I like soft, smooth backs. That’s just me, oh and a lot of other people too. Ever wonder why the majority of male models wax? Yeah there is a reason. Men need to get over it, they expect women to be shave all over, so what’s the difference?
Yossarian
wrote on September 6 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]
Ms. Perla, I have to take issue with your analogy. A hairy woman is not the same as a hairy man. Women shave to be more feminine. In my opinion that’s also why some women like men without a hairy chest or facial hair. They want their man to be more feminine, whether they realize it or not. Male models these days emphasize femininity not masculinity. A hairy chest, mustache, & beard are very masculine things. Some women are drawn to a more effeminate look and others to a more masculine look. I’m not judging, that’s just the way it is.
So if you dig someone it sounds like that if they had a hairy chest that would be a dealbreaker? A lot of us have our list of likes/dislikes but when it comes down to it that list goes out the window when the lovebug bites.
snap
wrote on September 6 2009 @ 05:05 pm: [report]
i like hair. i like my men to look like men.
MirandaMay
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]
The love of my life is the first furry guy I’ve ever been with, but I personally cannot see going back to the guys with 7 scraggly hairs around their nipples and 10 under their bellybutton. Beastly furry is soft and welcoming when I slip into bed at night